Her Family (2)

At that moment, the hazy veil that had obscured his vision all this time was lifted, and he began to see clearly. What was revealed before him was despair.

I couldn’t do anything.

It felt as empty as the day Mother died.

I don’t know what to do.

Breathing suddenly became difficult as if someone were strangling him. But more than that, his heart ached terribly because she seemed so pitiful and helpless. He had never known.

He never thought it would end like this… He truly never thought it would end so hopelessly.

He collapsed to the ground as if someone had abruptly let go of the taut string that had been holding him. Why did he have to hurt like this? No, why did he have to be the only one trying so hard?

‘Why did those people…!’

He tightly closed his eyes. As he did, the tears that had been welling up between his closed eyelids spilled out and trickled down his cheeks, falling to the floor.

He deeply regretted it, trusting his family.

Why did he choose to seek out his father when he knew she was about to die? He thought that if he had gone to save her himself or even talked to her before she died, he wouldn’t be suffering like this.

In the first place, he shouldn’t have trusted them. He shouldn’t have had any expectations.

They were cruel people, or rather, they were only cruel to Kilianerisa.

They weren’t cruel to her without reason. It all started with her birth. The day she was born, they lost the person they loved.

Their sadness turned into anger, and their unrelenting resentment naturally turned towards Kilianerisa. Everyone despised her, and Severus was no exception.

It was so ironic that he was mourning her death to the point of absurdity because he had despised her more than anyone else. As the youngest, Severus liked his mother more than anyone else. Because of this, he had been intentionally cruel to Kilianerisa and made her suffer more.

But Severus’s feelings changed in a single moment.

One very late night, Severus, unable to sleep, was wandering down the hallway when he suddenly heard a pitiful crying. On that day, without realizing why, he unintentionally followed the sound and found Kilianerisa crying with her mouth tightly shut. She was six years old at the time.

Perhaps it was because the sight of her, as she tightly shut her mouth for fear the sound of her crying would leak out, looked so sad and heartbreaking. Severus instinctively reached out his hand to comfort her. However, he quickly withdrew his hand, realizing that she was the one responsible for their mother’s death.

The uneasiness he felt at that time was thought to be just a momentary feeling, but after that, every time he tormented her, that scene from that day kept coming back to him. Gradually, it became natural for him to torment her less.

With this change in himself, the young Severus always harbored doubts, and one day, as he grew older, he realized that he had done terrible things to Kilianerisa. But it was too late to ask for forgiveness.

He always begged for her forgiveness, but her heart remained firmly closed. Perhaps each time he did so, he hoped for the next time, believing that they still had plenty of time and that if he continued to make efforts, one day she would open her heart to him, even if it was far in the future.

It was a big delusion.

Their time together was running out. No, it had already passed.

In the end, he was never forgiven. Kilianerisa never forgave him.

He felt deeply sorry for not receiving her forgiveness. At least… at least if Kilianerisa had forgiven him, he wouldn’t be in so much pain right now.

He resented her to the point where his heart felt like it was being torn apart. Despite knowing that it was a childish thought, he hated her for leaving so tragically, and he hated her for never forgiving him until the end.

He hated her for hating him.

No, he hated himself for hating her.

The object of his resentment became a tangled mess. Strange contradictions churned within him, confusing him.

His resentment was directed at his brother and father. They were undoubtedly good people. So why did they only show their goodness to him and not to Kilianerisa?

Was it really because his mother died because of her? Just because of that? But was it Kilianerisa’s fault? Severus was genuinely curious. Did they really think that way? Was that why they hated her so much that they just let her die? Wasn’t she part of their family?

Severus wanted to confront them right away, but in the end, he didn’t. He realized that he was not so different from them after all. Moreover, he knew that confronting them wouldn’t change the past or his own sadness.

The emotions that had already overwhelmed him were something he had to endure.

It was anger and sadness, and it was pain and despair.

***

Euclid hated Kilianerisa.

The reason was both complex and simple: she was responsible for his mother’s death.

However, unlike Severus, Euclid didn’t openly express his feelings. It was true that he hated her, but he didn’t want to use it as an excuse to hold resentment against her. It was both childish and pointless, and he knew that his resentment wouldn’t resolve anything.

In the first place, there was no significant interaction between him and Kilianerisa. Occasionally, they would cross paths, but there was hardly any conversation between them. At first, they would exchange brief glances when he met her, but even that didn’t last long.

Kilianerisa and Euclid had a significant age difference, so when she was young, Euclid, who had become a member of the Imperial Knights, took up residence at the imperial palace and rarely visited home. This was true even after she became the Empress and lived in the palace, so there wasn’t much difference.

For this reason, he didn’t have any particular regrets at the moment. There were no fond memories to recall.

Her death was no different.

While working in the palace, he heard countless rumors about her. Therefore, when he heard stories that she had attempted to poison the Queen, he wasn’t particularly surprised, almost as if he had foreseen it.

His concern was that the consequences might affect him and his family. She had killed an imperial heir, after all. Since the moment these rumors began to circulate, she could no longer avoid the extreme punishment. Euclid was concerned about this, but it was concluded that the poisoning incident was an arbitrary act on her part, as if there had been some kind of deal between his father and the Emperor.

Looking back now, it seemed somewhat strange that the Emperor, who had lost his child, didn’t touch his family. Of course, the diamond mine, which was a great pride of the territory, became the property of the palace. However, the House of Hameln didn’t suffer much damage, as there were many other sources of income aside from that.

The fact that someone he had known for half his life had died was undoubtedly a bit uncomfortable, but it didn’t go beyond that. Euclid couldn’t understand why Severus was so worked up over her death. In his memory, Severus hated her even more than he did.

However, it wasn’t that Euclid couldn’t understand him at all; Severus had always been an emotional person. He didn’t know what kind of wind blew him that made Severus grieve her death so much, but it was bound to be short-lived.

“Tsk, going crazy over something like that. I must have spoiled him too much.”

Fabius, who had been looking at the spot where Severus had left, sat down with an unhappy face. Euclid stared at his father for a moment.

Objectively speaking, he was definitely a cruel father.

When she became Empress, he seemed genuinely happy, treating her as his daughter for the first time, but it turned out that he was not sincere after all. In the end, his indifference to her death wasn’t much different from his own, so there was no regret. Regardless, he was a pretty good father to Euclid.

The dining room was quiet after Severus left. Euclid was not much of a talker by nature, and his father was also not one to engage in unnecessary conversation. As he was quietly focused on eating, the mealtime ended sooner than he expected.

As Euclid got up from his seat, Fabius quietly grabbed his arm.

“You aren’t concerned about that child like Severus, are you?”

Euclid gazed quietly at Fabius for a moment before responding in a monotone voice, “You don’t need to worry. Well, then, I’ll be going.”

Euclid bowed his head slightly, then turned and began to walk away. His footsteps echoed through the quiet corridor. However, he suddenly stopped in his tracks in front of a portrait. It was a portrait of a woman. Her radiant golden hair and beautiful features closely resembled Kilianerisa, but her eyes were different. They were reminiscent of a lush forest with their deep green color, unlike the vibrant red of Kilianerisa’s eyes.

Euclid gazed at the portrait for a moment. A woman who was about the same age as him. Well, she had passed away when she was even younger than he is now, so it was only natural. Her time had stopped since that day.

‘It’s been a while.’

But strangely, it didn’t feel unfamiliar at all, perhaps because it was similar to the face he had met several times before.

Now, however, he knew he would never see that face again, and he would no longer feel this strange feeling. With that in mind, Euclid unknowingly had a bitter smile on his lips, a bit surprised at himself. He thought he didn’t have any regrets for her. So why did he feel this way now?

Shaking his head slightly, Euclid turned away from the portrait.

He had never thought of her as family. She had always been a woman who could only cause trouble and inconvenience. So now, he didn’t have to frown at home and feel any unnecessary exhaustion. In a way, it was a good thing. He could now live quietly.

Putting aside the uncomfortable feeling that clung to him, Euclid continued walking. Soon, he found himself standing in front of a door. It wasn’t his room, and it wasn’t a place he frequented.

No, this was his first time coming here.

Euclid, who was staring blankly at the door, put his hand on the doorknob and turned it. The door creaked open.

Although the room had not been used for several years, there wasn’t a speck of dust. Euclid slowly walked in, looking around the room. If it weren’t for her death, it would have been a room he would never have seen in his lifetime. No, in the first place, even his decision to see this place was because of a small whim.

The room was spacious and luxurious. From that alone, one could guess how extravagant the owner of this room had been. It was indeed a room reminiscent of the person he had in mind. However, this room, which had lost its owner, would soon be gone. It was also the only luxurious room in the house, and it would be gone.

In any case, it wasn’t something to worry about since she hadn’t been home for several years. Euclid casually wandered around the room for a moment before deciding to leave. But as he was about to step out of the room, he stopped. On a nearly empty bookshelf, a rather familiar object caught his eye.

As if drawn to it, he strode forward and reached out to pull it from the shelf. It was a very old diary.

It was something he had seen a few times, even though he didn’t spend much time at home. It was a prenatal diary that his mother had written while she was alive. It was also one of his mother’s few keepsakes. He wondered where it had gone, and here it was, in a place like this. He stared at it for a moment, and before he knew it, he began flipping through the diary.

「Imperial Year 948, April 26th.

To my beloved baby,

This mother is eagerly waiting for the day she meets you.

Will you like chiffon cake too? Perhaps you will if you take after me, right?

I hope you’ll be a girl. Men don’t appreciate the delicate taste, you see.

If you take after me, will you also like dressing up? 」

It was a brief entry. The paper, which had already aged for decades, had faded considerably. The ink used for writing was also slightly smudged over time. When he lowered his gaze a little, he noticed another entry, scribbled in slightly crooked handwriting.

「Imperial Year 953, July 6th.

I miss Mom, too.

I also like chiffon cake. I also enjoy dressing up.

I think I resemble Mom. But no one has ever told me what kind of person you was. 」

It was as if she was replying.

So, she liked chiffon cake.

He hadn’t known that before. Perhaps he had never been interested enough to notice. He turned to the next page.

「Imperial Year 948, May 3rd.

To our beloved sweetheart,

Everyone is eagerly looking forward to the day you are born.

If you are a girl, you’ll have two wonderful older brothers, and if you are a boy, you’ll have two dependable older brothers.

So, when you are having a hard time or when you’re sad, feel free to pour your heart out.

They will always be on your side. 」