Chapter 29: Doubts, Understanding, Becoming

Shen Yinyin and her two sons didn’t go back that day and stayed in the Yangliu Production Brigade.

Naturally, Shen Mo’er couldn’t accommodate them in her own home. Though they were all relatives, housing was tight at the Shen family’s main household. The second and third branches had it better and could have easily made space for them temporarily. However, Shen Yinyin had no interest in getting involved with her older brothers and instead thickened her skin to borrow a place to stay with her sons from an old friend from her younger days.

That family’s children hadn’t married yet, so their home was relatively spacious. Plus, Shen Yinyin brought some sun-dried sweet potato slices and preserved vegetables from her own household. Since they were only staying for a few days and wouldn’t be eating with the host family, the family was quite willing.

Still, behind their backs, people couldn’t help but remark that this clearly showed they weren’t born of the same mother. The relationship between Shen Yinyin and her older brothers would probably only become more strained in the future.

With Shen Yinyin and her sons helping out, the house construction progressed much faster. By early September, once the beams were set and the roof tiles laid, a brand-new house of green bricks and large tiles was completed. During the process, Shen Shaoyuan even made a special trip to the commune to ask Xu Weiguo to help buy a few panes of glass to install glass windows in the house.

But what surprised everyone most was a small bathroom built beside the house. Using green bricks and cement, they laid pipes that led to a pit built with the same materials and buried in the ground. According to Fu Mingze, this pit could even function for composting manure. A bunch of old farming hands clicked their tongues in amazement, half skeptical.

Although it was just a small room, it wasn’t cheap to build. Still, the convenience it offered for bathing and using the toilet made everyone green with envy.

With the house complete, it would need to air out for a while, and they gradually started furnishing it with essential items.

Once things were wrapped up, Shen Yinyin said they would be heading back. When they left home, they’d told the family that they might return in a few days, expecting that they might be delayed by some unforeseen difficulties. But they hadn’t anticipated it would be for a house construction project, and just like that, over ten days had passed. Their family must be getting worried by now.

Shen Mo’er had spent more than ten days with them and had grown fond of Shen Yinyin’s straightforward personality. Even Zhao Zhengyang and Zhao Zhenghui were both honest and easygoing. So she discussed it with Shen Shaoyuan, and they persuaded the trio to stay one more day so they could all have a meal together as both a thank-you and a small celebration.

According to local custom, they should have held a banquet when the roof beam was set, but in these times where frugality was promoted, holding a big feast might draw criticism. A simple meal with the people who helped build the house was acceptable.

Since it was just one more day, Shen Yinyin agreed. The next morning, she sent her two sons up the mountain while she and Shen Mo’er went to the commune.

Coincidentally, it was market day in Maque. The two of them managed to buy some tofu made by commune members, sun-dried tofu skins, and a small basket of loaches.

Shen Yinyin said cheerfully, “Even if your cousins don’t find anything on the mountain, this basket of loaches is still a decent meat dish.”

Shen Mo’er replied, “Mm. One pot of loach and tofu stew, one dish of stir-fried tofu skin rolls — that’s two dishes right there.”

After leaving the Maque market, they went to the dormitory area of the textile factory and found Qiao-jie’s home. As soon as they stepped inside, they were hit with the rich aroma of steamed buns. Shen Mo’er quickly said, “Qiao-jie, we’ll take four buns first — two with scallion and meat, and two vegetarian. We’ll eat them here.”

Qiao-jie replied with a smile and soon brought over four buns in an enamel mug. She asked, “Haven’t seen Comrade Fu around lately. Hasn’t he been by?”

She had seen Fu Mingze talking to Shen Mo’er before. Fu Mingze was known for his aloof personality and rarely talked to anyone, so she assumed he must be on good terms with Shen Mo’er.

“He’s been quite busy lately,” Shen Mo’er explained. “Besides helping with our house construction, the educated youth spot is also doing some kind of composting experiment.”

Apparently inspired by the bathroom built at her house, the educated youths at their residence had wanted to build a similar one. But with so many people living there, it wasn’t practical to build just a small unit. Even a small bathroom was costly, and though they had the manpower, few were actually willing to contribute money for something deemed unnecessary. So they eventually gave up on that idea.

Who knows what led them there, but after more discussion, they decided to build a composting pit instead — to increase next season’s grain yield and fully embrace the role of educated youth in socialist development.

The older farmers in the village weren’t fully convinced, but Zhang Zhiqiang, the leader of the educated youth group, was very enthusiastic this time. He wore himself out petitioning the brigade leader for a few yuan in funding and called on all the educated youths to contribute money or labor — and somehow, they really got it underway.

As a result, Comrade Fu Mingze, having just finished helping build her house, immediately dove headfirst into the “cause” at the educated youth station.

After hearing Shen Mo’er’s explanation, Qiao-jie smiled and said, “Comrade Fu is certainly a capable man.”

Shen Mo’er then asked, “Qiao-jie, are you close with Comrade Fu?”

She had been curious ever since she first saw Fu Mingze here. He was clearly poor, and based on his finances, he shouldn’t have had any connection with people like Qiao-jie or Brother Bao with the bristly beard — people who dabbled in black market trade.

Qiao-jie hesitated briefly and only vaguely replied, “Comrade Fu helped me out before. Sometimes when he has a bit of money, he comes by for a good meal.”

Since she wasn’t offering more details, Shen Mo’er didn’t press.

After Qiao-jie walked away, Shen Yinyin leaned in and whispered, “Even the vegetarian ones cost five cents each. These buns aren’t cheap. Mo’er, you eat them. If there are leftovers, take them home for your dad.” She really couldn’t bring herself to eat such expensive buns.

Shen Mo’er picked up a bun and stuffed it into her aunt’s mouth, saying, “We’ll buy more later to bring back for my dad and cousins.”

Then she added, “Auntie, don’t worry about saving money for my dad. He’s working at the tile factory now — he gets a salary and subsidies. Life is already much better than before, and I believe it’ll only continue to improve. Besides, this is just a rare treat, not something we eat every day. After all the help you’ve given us these past days, what’s wrong with me buying you a bun?”

With her mouth stuffed with a bun, Shen Yinyin had no choice but to eat it. “Fine, I’ll eat. It really is delicious. I guess this is me enjoying the blessings of my younger brother and niece.”

The buns were made with premium wheat flour — soft and elastic with a fine texture. The filling was well seasoned, and the meat buns, in particular, were bursting with flavorful juice with every bite. They were so fragrant it made your tongue want to curl.

In truth, considering the price — five cents for a vegetarian bun, eight cents for scallion and meat — they weren’t expensive, especially since no ration tickets were required. But in those days, people were used to being frugal, and spending ten or twenty cents on just two buns still felt like a luxury.

After eating, Shen Mo’er bought ten more buns and two jin (about a kilogram) of pork from Qiao-jie. She put them all in the bamboo basket they brought and arranged the tofu, tofu skin, and loaches on top.

“Qiao-jie, if it’s not too much trouble, could I ask you to help me find some fabric next time? We just built a new house and I want to make a couple of new quilts.”

Qiao-jie glanced at Shen Yinyin, and Shen Mo’er quickly said, “She’s my aunt. Don’t worry, she won’t talk.”

Only then did Qiao-jie agree. “Alright, come by in ten days or so and have a look. I don’t do business with strangers — if it weren’t for Lao Er bringing you, and seeing that you know Comrade Fu, I wouldn’t dare take this job.”

Making a few buns to trade with others is completely different in nature from scavenging for things to resell.

Shen Mo’er smiled. “Qiao-jie, I understand.”

As the two walked out of Qiao-jie’s house and had just passed a street corner, a middle-aged woman suddenly jumped out from the side and blocked their way. This woman’s eyes had too much of the whites showing, and when she looked at people, it always seemed like she was rolling her eyes. She grabbed Shen Mo’er and immediately reached for the bamboo basket on her back.

“You came from Niu Qiaoqiao’s place, didn’t you? Did you buy buns from her? Is she engaging in speculation and profiteering…?”

Before her hand could even touch the basket, Shen Mo’er twisted her arm in one swift motion.

The woman screamed in pain, “Aaaah! Ow, ow, ow! You damn girl, let go! Let me go!”

Shen Mo’er kicked her behind the knee, sending her crashing down to her knees on the ground. Only then did she speak coldly, “I traded two buns with Qiao-jie for some eggs. What, you even want to meddle in a bit of food exchanged between friends? That’s seriously overstepping your bounds.”

The woman sat on the ground for a long time, unable to get up. She kept rubbing her knees and moaning in pain, “How can a young girl like you be so strong? You really hurt me. I can’t even stand up now. You—”

“You’re not trying to pull a scam and extort money, are you? Us poor peasants aren’t afraid of that sort of thing,” Shen Mo’er said coolly.

Shen Yinyin was even more direct, cracking her knuckles and ready to fight. “What’s your problem? We were just walking along the road, and you come trying to pick a fight? I think you’re just asking for a beating. Us mountain folk may not have much, but strength? We’ve got plenty.”

The woman realized she had run into tough ones today. She scrambled to her feet. “Forget it, forget it! You country bumpkins have no manners at all. I’m not going to lower myself to your level. Don’t you dare try anything, though. Around here, if all the neighbors gave you each a kick, they’d send you flying clear to the southern border. It’s just that I—have a big heart…”

Her words were bold, but her steps were even quicker as she darted away into a small house with a pomegranate tree by the door.

Shen Yinyin said, “Looks like someone’s keeping an eye on Qiao-jie.”

Shen Mo’er thought for a moment and replied, “We’d better go back and give her a heads-up.”

They returned to inform Qiao-jie about the incident. Qiao-jie didn’t look too pleased but still thanked them. She even tried to stuff two more buns into their hands, which Shen Mo’er firmly refused.

They had come on the production team’s donkey cart, and after finishing their shopping, they returned to where the cart was parked.

Some of the people who came along hadn’t returned yet, so they waited on the cart.

Suddenly, Shen Yinyin nudged Shen Mo’er with her elbow and whispered, “Mo’er, look over there—has that girl been staring at you this whole time?”

They had gotten up early that morning, and Shen Mo’er was feeling drowsy. She was leaning against the cart, about to doze off. At Shen Yinyin’s words, she opened her eyes and looked over. Sure enough, not far away under another tree, another donkey cart was parked. At the front of it sat a young girl, eyes fixed intently on her.

Shen Mo’er recognized her as Liu Yinshuang and raised an eyebrow. Was this girl about to start shouting “ghost” again?

But just from that one glance, Liu Yinshuang actually got down from the cart. She stood in place for a few seconds, seeming to gather her courage, then walked straight toward Shen Mo’er with the air of someone heading to her doom.

Shen Mo’er: “…”

So this is what it feels like to be mistaken for a ghost.

But wasn’t this girl supposed to be terrified of her, running for her life whenever she saw her? Why was she approaching now?

Not only did Liu Yinshuang walk right up to her, she even spoke. “Shen Mo’er, do you still remember me? I’m Liu Jihong. Back in middle school, our classrooms were next to each other. Oh right, I go by Liu Yinshuang now—I changed my name.”

Shen Mo’er nodded slightly in confusion. “Mm, I remember a little.”

Liu Yinshuang looked at Shen Mo’er with a complicated expression. After a while, she sighed softly. “Even though a lot has changed, I’m glad you’re still alive. I hope you continue to live well from now on.”

Her words were vague and strange, and Shen Yinyin instantly flared up. “Hey! What kind of thing is that to say? What do you mean, ‘hope she lives well from now on’? My Mo’er is doing just fine. Are you cursing her or what?”

Liu Yinshuang glanced at Shen Yinyin with an expression that clearly said, I can’t be bothered with mere mortals like you. She didn’t say another word, just turned and walked away.

Shen Yinyin fumed. “What’s wrong with that girl?!”

Only Shen Mo’er understood what Liu Yinshuang had really meant. It looked like Comrade Liu had finally accepted the reality that she wasn’t a ghost—she truly hadn’t died.

As for her vague comment about many things having changed, perhaps it wasn’t just that Mo’er was alive. Other things may have turned out differently too… like the wild ginseng Liu Yinshuang thought would be found, which perhaps ended up not being found at all.

Shen Mo’er reassured Shen Yinyin, “We really were classmates once. Her thinking is… a bit unusual. She probably didn’t mean to curse me.”

Next to them, Granny Luo from the village, who was also on the donkey cart, said, “That’s Liu Yinshuang from Songshu Brigade. She’s not right in the head.”

Seeing the confusion on Shen Yinyin’s face, Granny Luo eagerly launched into her gossip. “Her family favors boys over girls and wanted to marry her off to help her brother get a wife. She refused. They say she cried and begged for days, but her family wouldn’t budge. Then early this year, she went into the mountains to forage mushrooms. It had rained the day before, and the trail was slippery. She fell and hit her head. Lucky someone else was up there too and found her. If not, lying unconscious in the freezing cold—she might not have survived.”

Granny Luo continued excitedly, “But when she got back from the hospital, it was like she was a different person. Her mom brought up the marriage thing again, and she grabbed a kitchen knife and said, ‘There’s no way I’m marrying like that. If you keep pushing, I’ll butcher my brother first.’ Scared the life out of the Liu family! After that, they didn’t dare mention the arranged marriage anymore. Then they tried setting her up with someone to get a bride price. But again, she pulled out the kitchen knife and said anyone who tried to use her for money would get chopped.”

Granny Luo went on, “And that wasn’t all. If her brother got an extra piece of meat, she’d throw a fit. If her little brother got an extra egg, same thing. She causes a ruckus every day. Not just her family—even the whole brigade doesn’t know how to handle her anymore.”

Shen Yinyin listened, wide-eyed. “She really is something else.”

Shen Mo’er had heard about Liu Yinshuang before, but not in such detail. She couldn’t help saying, “Granny Luo, you really know everything! Even the stuff going on in Songshu Brigade! You must have some good connections.”

Granny Luo, who loved gossiping, was delighted by the compliment. Her face wrinkled up with a smile. “Oh, it’s nothing. I just have a few old girlfriends over there. When we bump into each other, we chat a bit.”

Shen Mo’er thought to herself, Chatting? You’re practically a live surveillance camera with how detailed your info is.

While they were chatting, Liu Yinshuang returned to the Songshu Brigade donkey cart—only to find the front seat where she had placed her bamboo basket had been taken. Her basket had been moved aside. Her face darkened instantly as she glared at the young woman who had taken her spot.

“Go back to wherever you came from.”

The young woman blushed but didn’t move. She said softly, “These carts don’t have assigned seats. It’s first come, first served. You left, and if I hadn’t sat here, someone else would have.”

Liu Yinshuang exploded. She pointed at the young woman’s nose and shouted, “You green tea bitch! Don’t try that fake sweet routine with me! That crap might work on others, but not on me! Damn it, I hate you two-faced green tea types the most! Are you getting lost or not?!”

The young woman’s eyes turned red. She looked pitifully at the others on the cart and began to sob. “Y-you… how can you be so unreasonable? It’s just a seat! Can’t you ask nicely instead of yelling at me?”

The others on the donkey cart glanced at Liu Yinshuang, but no one dared to speak up; instead, each of them shifted their hips, trying to move as far away from the front of the cart as possible.

They all sighed quietly to themselves: this young wife had only recently married into the Pine Tree Brigade, so she didn’t understand the situation yet. Otherwise, she would know that you could provoke anyone, but you must never provoke Liu Yinshuang.

Without saying a word, Liu Yinshuang took a pair of scissors out of her pocket. “Do you want me to scratch your face up before you get lost, or do you want to leave right now?!”

The scissors were nearly poking the young wife’s face. The girl screamed in fright, “W-what are you doing? I—I… I’ll move, okay? Wuuu…”

Seeing that no one on the donkey cart was saying a word to help, the young wife bawled and begrudgingly changed seats, moving Liu Yinshuang’s bamboo basket back to its original place.

Meanwhile, on the Yangliu Brigade’s donkey cart, Aunt Luo winked at Shen Mo’er and whispered, “Did you see that? That girl is fierce. She really dares to fight with all she’s got. Even the tough ones fear her now. Nobody dares to easily provoke her in their brigade anymore.”

Shen Yinyin’s eyes widened: “Wow, she’s even fiercer than us mountain folks.”

Shen Mo’er glanced over and saw Liu Yinshuang hugging her bamboo basket, sitting back in her original seat. She raised an eyebrow.

Strictly speaking, Liu’s methods were a bit extreme, but what she did wasn’t wrong. Whether resisting a forced marriage arranged by her family, fighting against her parents’ favoritism, or just grabbing a seat earlier, she was simply using methods that others might consider excessive, but only because her interests had been maliciously infringed upon.

It was rather interesting.

Of course, what she said was interesting, too. She called that young wife a “green tea bitch,” saying she was full of duplicity and pretension. At first, it was hard to understand—how could people and tea be compared? But after thinking it over, Shen Mo’er realized that description was quite vivid.

Facing Tian Fang, Shen Mo’er herself had that same feeling.

Everyone finally arrived. Uncle Liu flicked the whip, and the donkey cart rattled off.

The cart was packed tightly with people. Not far into the trip, a young wife with delicate eyebrows and eyes sniffled and softly asked, “Did someone buy buns? They smell so good!”

No one on the whole cart responded.

It was obvious — it wasn’t like she was the only one with a nose; everyone smelled the buns. But it was understandable. Who didn’t come to the commune to buy something to eat, drink, or use? Besides, today was Sparrow Market, and many on the cart had already found some good stuff. So if someone bought buns to take home, it was natural to feel envious but not to say so out loud. Anyone with a bit of sense wouldn’t say such a thing.

After all, this time it was someone else’s buns. What if next time it was their own buns?

Seeing no response, the young wife wouldn’t give up. She sniffed again and asked Shen Mo’er’s direction, “Is it you guys? You smell like you bought quite a few. Where did you buy them? The state-run restaurant? These buns smell amazing. How much and how many ration tickets did they cost?”

Shen Yinyin couldn’t hold it any longer: “No, we bought buns. Our family is building a new house, so we bought a few buns to thank everyone. What’s it to you? Why are you sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong? How much and how many ration tickets aren’t your business! What, are you going to do us a favor and pay for them? Honestly, this duplicity is so annoying—I don’t know why it grates on me so much!”

Obviously, everyone had heard what Liu Yinshuang said earlier, and Shen Yinyin immediately put it into practice.

“I—I was just asking casually. W-why are you so fierce?” The young wife looked tearful.

Shen Mo’er frowned and asked directly, “Do you want me to beat you up until you shut up, or do you want to shut up right now?”

To doubt Liu Yinshuang, to understand Liu Yinshuang, to become Liu Yinshuang.

Facing Shen Mo’er’s gaze, the young wife shrank back and tightly closed her mouth. She felt that if she said one more word, Shen Mo’er might really hit her.

Aunt Luo murmured knowingly, “These young wives nowadays…”

Everyone on the donkey cart quickly understood what Aunt Luo meant. The young wives nowadays had no sense at all. It was like that in the Pine Tree Brigade and the Yangliu Brigade alike—looking for trouble for no reason, as if inviting scolding.

Because Shen Yinyin and Shen Mo’er were so blunt, nothing else happened on the rest of the trip. Other than the scent of the buns making some people a bit restless, everyone understood that the Shen family, number seven, had just finished building a new house and was treating everyone to a meal.

Even buying buns from the commune to take home was considered generous, so many people secretly sighed inwardly, saying Shen number seven’s family was really generous. The workers helping them had eaten well, probably better than expected.

Thinking like that, some really envied the people working for that family.

At the same time, they couldn’t understand the strange behavior of the Shen family’s main and second branches.

When Shen Mo’er and the others got home, they found the kitchen already bustling with activity. A large iron pot was simmering with meat, the rich, tempting aroma wafting for miles.

“Comrade Shen Mo’er, Comrades Zhao Zhengyang and Zhao Zhenghui are amazing—they’re as capable as you!”

Zheng Jiamin was as happy as a mischievous raccoon in a melon field. He had gone up the mountain with Zhao Zhengyang this morning and was still excited, chattering nonstop: “They took me deeper into the mountain, and we met a wolf—a wolf! My legs went weak from fear. If they hadn’t dragged me away, I think I might have been stuck there in the mountains!”

Zhao Zhengyang was indifferent: “How could that be? We had knives. If it came to it, we’d just cut it. We ran because we were afraid of encountering a wolf pack. We didn’t bring guns or hunting rifles. That would’ve been a real problem.”

Zheng Jiamin looked admiring: “Listen, listen! This is our wild chicken-catching hero! Fearless facing a lone wolf, brave and resourceful; quick and skillful catching wild chickens! Let’s give a round of applause to the brave Comrades Zhao Zhengyang and Zhao Zhenghui!”

Zhao Zhengyang: “…”

Zhao Zhenghui: “…”

Aunt Chen, standing by the stove, laughed heartily: “Oh my, this Zheng youth is quite a trickster.”

With the pheasants caught by Zhao Zhengyang and the meat, loaches, and tofu bought by Shen Mo’er and the others, the meal was quite a feast. In the end, they cooked a whole table of dishes, and Shen Mo’er divided the buns she had bought from Qiao Jie so everyone got a small half. Everyone ate until their mouths were dripping with grease, completely satisfied.

Just as everyone was stuffed and happy, a loud crash sounded outside, like something heavy being forcefully smashed on the ground. Then a sharp female voice shouted, “Shen Mo’er, you little loose woman! You shameless little prostitute! Come out here—”

The moment before she had been laughing and joking with Chen Zhuangzhuang, Shen Shaoyuan’s face suddenly darkened. He startled Chen Zhuangzhuang sitting beside him. When he heard clearly what was happening outside, he quickly stood up: “Let’s go see what’s going on.”

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