Chapter 14: Unraveling the Knot

She refused to accept it, always feeling that the more powerful this little monster became, the more misfortune befell her.

Fortunately, Xiao Si was both intelligent and handsome, finally giving her a reason to breathe easy. She believed Xiao Si would definitely get into university, far surpassing that little monster in achievement!

But then, that jinx struck again. The Cultural Revolution erupted, canceling university entrance exams. High school students were forced to go to the countryside or return to their hometowns, shattering Xiao Si’s promising future. At the time, Old Madam Lu was even more anxious and furious than the students themselves, her temper growing increasingly volatile.

Just as Lu Zhengting retired and returned home, she ordered him to use his military connections to secure good jobs for Lu Zhengqi in a major city, promising to do the same for his younger sister when she came of age.

He stalled and refused to help! Now he was finding a job for that wicked daughter-in-law, infuriating her to no end!

Old Madam Lu saw Lu Zhengting’s outward composure, as if he didn’t care, but his tightly clenched fist betrayed that her words had struck a nerve.

Ever since childhood, he had dreaded her calling him a monster. Whenever she did, all his resistance crumbled.

She continued to taunt him, “When you were supposed to watch the children, you broke your younger siblings’ arms and cracked their heads open. What kind of vicious older brother does that? Now that your siblings’ bright futures have been ruined, are you gloating?”

Since Lu Zhengting was a child, she had manipulated him by calling him a monster who devoured his siblings, and by weaponizing the incidents where he broke his younger brother’s arm and cracked his younger sister’s head open, demanding he take responsibility for them. Whenever things didn’t go her way, she would unleash her full fury.

In his childhood, her words would plunge Lu Zhengting into an abyss of guilt.

He used to refuse to even recall those memories, never mentioning them to anyone, believing that forgetting would ease the pain. But those memories had twisted into inescapable nightmares.

…..

That year, Lu Zhengting was eleven years old, and Lu Zhengqi was eight.

Spoiled by Old Madam Lu, Lu Zhengqi was an exceptionally mischievous child. He made his older brother do his homework and fearlessly climbed walls and trees to raid bird nests, dug trenches and holes to catch snakes and rats, fished in the river for fish and shrimp, stole grapes, and pilfered sweet potatoes—there was nothing he wouldn’t dare to do.

He had also learned a trick from his mother: whenever he misbehaved, he would blame it on Third Brother. Because Third Brother was handsome, well-behaved, and quiet, never causing trouble, the cadres all favored him.

The winter of 1956 was exceptionally cold. Adults responded to the call for intensified labor, digging ditches and repairing irrigation canals.

Old Madam Lu stayed home with the children.

Since the household division, she had become increasingly lazy, spending her days visiting neighbors. With Lu Zhengting taking care of the children and cooking, she had even less to worry about.

While Lu Zhengting cooked and did his homework, Lu Zhengqi would sneak his one-year-old sister onto his back and take her out to play when his brother wasn’t looking.

He insisted on making her jump over small ice puddles on the road, just like him. The pair ended up falling off the embankment. Lu Zhengqi broke his arm, and Xinlian suffered a gash on her forehead from a rock.

When Lu Zhengting finished cooking and homework, he discovered his younger siblings were missing. He immediately went searching. If he hadn’t known Lu Zhengqi so well and found them quickly, they might have frozen to death in the snowdrift.

But Old Madam Lu refused to hear it. She forced him to kneel on the ground, calling him a selfish monster.

Terrified, Lu Zhengqi confessed that it was his fault.

Old Madam Lu refused to believe him, insisting it was Lu Zhengting’s fault. She struck him mercilessly, and whenever he dared to argue, she would accuse him of being a monster who devoured his own siblings.

Old Madam Lu had been beating her children since they were young. As they grew older, she passed the task to Old Man Lu. Her eldest and second sons had endured countless beatings, and even her daughter suffered harsh punishment.

As a result, the children in the family developed a distorted belief: their parents could beat them at will, and no matter how severe the beating, it was always the child’s fault.

Other children would cry, beg for mercy, or run away when beaten, but Lu Zhengting remained silent. Old Madam Lu claimed he was cursing her in his heart.

She broke several firewood sticks and shattered a broom before finally knocking Lu Zhengting unconscious with an iron shovel. Afterward, she took her youngest son and daughter to the village clinic.

Lu Zhengting lay bleeding from his ears and nose, unconscious and unattended for a long time. If Eldest Sister Lu hadn’t taken sick leave from work due to a stomachache and returned home early, he likely would have died from a high fever.

Eventually, his older sisters took him to the village clinic, but the doctor there couldn’t treat him and insisted he be taken to the county hospital.

Old Madam Lu refused to pay, but Lu Zhengting’s paternal uncle finally intervened forcefully. Old Man Lu borrowed money from the village, and they rushed Lu Zhengting to the hospital. By then, it was too late. Though his fever subsided and he survived, he lost his hearing.

After regaining consciousness, Lu Zhengting stopped speaking, becoming mute and unable to attend school.

The village chief gave Old Madam Lu a severe scolding, but she refused to admit her wrongdoing, instead growing even more resentful toward him. She refused to believe he was truly deaf, claiming he was faking it to anger her. She tore up all his books and forbade him from reading again.

At that moment, Lu Zhengting’s outward calm was terrifying. His eyes were pitch-black, icy, and devoid of warmth or light. His heart had sunk into darkness, and a mad thought surged uncontrollably through his mind: he wanted to kill her, kill them all…

When he turned his sinister gaze toward Lu Zhengqi, he saw his younger brother, equally silent and cowering. The once mischievous boy was now terrified, convinced he had brought this misfortune upon his third brother. He secretly wept behind Old Madam Lu’s back, pleading, “Third Brother, it’s my fault! Beat me to death! Beat me to death, and then you won’t be sad anymore.”

Though Lu Zhengting couldn’t hear his brother’s words, he somehow understood the meaning behind those tears.

Then there was his little sister, a toddler barely able to walk. She had done nothing wrong, yet he found himself wanting to kill her too.

His heart was torn between hatred and guilt. At just eleven years old, he couldn’t resolve these conflicting emotions, and he teetered on the brink of madness day and night.

Fortunately, a sliver of reason remained. He couldn’t become a murderer. If he killed someone, he would truly become a monster—not just in his mother’s eyes, but in the eyes of his entire family, the whole village, his uncles and aunts, and all those who cared about him. They would all see him as a monster.

He’s not a monster!

Just as he was about to lose his mind, Instructor Zheng from the military came to the village. Hearing about him, Zheng made a special trip to see him. After testing him, Zheng asked if he wanted to leave with him, and he agreed without hesitation.

He had to escape this place. He refused to be a monster; he wanted to be a useful person!

When he left, Lu Zhengqi wailed, convinced he would die out there, and begged to go with him, promising to protect Third Brother and be his ears.

Old Madam Lu, however, stood at the gate, cackling wildly, declaring they had finally gotten rid of the jinx.

At that moment, he felt completely severed from his family. He understood that opportunities were rare and fought fiercely for them.

Instructor Zheng found him teachers, encouraged him to speak, taught him lip-reading, told him countless stories, and had him read many books.

He felt he had become a normal person. Though deaf, his vision and sense of smell were sharper, his physique remained strong, and his mind remained sharp. He repeatedly distinguished himself in service, proving himself useful to the nation and society!

Pride and fulfillment filled him. The shadows of his childhood seemed to have lost their power to haunt him.

But fate is cruel. It doesn’t spare you from falling into the mud just because you’re strong and unyielding.

During a mission, his deafness prevented him from sensing the approaching danger, resulting in the permanent crippling of his legs.

When he awoke after being unconscious for over ten days, he couldn’t accept the reality that his legs were still there but completely immobile.

He became as silent as a soulless being, neither speaking nor reacting to the outside world.

Simultaneously, the nightmares he had suppressed now invaded his mind with renewed ferocity.

He felt as though he would be forever trapped in darkness, never to see the light again.

He even began to believe he was a monster, guilty and deserving of divine punishment—his deafness and now his crippling injury.

Once again, he was consumed by dark, extreme thoughts.

Beneath his silent, eerily calm exterior surged a thick, overwhelming darkness.

One of his most respected teachers came to visit him, sharing all sorts of stories—noble tales, despicable acts, finding joy in suffering, laughter mixed with tears. Whether the endings were happy or tragic, the journeys were invariably filled with hardship.

“Life is like that, isn’t it? We come into the world crying, live our lives wearily, and depart in pain. But in between, there are moments of laughter, love, and pride.”

“We’re not stones. How can we not feel pain or hatred?”

“But after hatred, must we cling to it forever? Blind to the light, unable to feel the wind, incapable of embracing love?”

“Whatever you choose to do, you’re not wrong. But every action has its price. Ask yourself: can you bear the cost? Compared to what you’ve lost, isn’t what you still have even more precious? I don’t ask for happiness, only for the absence of suffering.”

“The things that haunt us for a lifetime can’t be erased by distance or time. They’re like a bone-deep infection, clinging to you even if you flee to the ends of the earth. Since you can’t escape them, why not return and face them directly? Understand them, see them clearly, and then crush them. You’re a smart man. You overcame deafness, you overcame disability, and you can overcome the nightmares in your heart. When you find a way, remember to tell me. That way, you can help more people. You’re still a strong and useful person.”

“I’ll be waiting for your news.”

After locking himself in his room for a long time, he finally understood the source of his nightmares.

Only by confronting his pain and overcoming his disability could he truly find liberation.

Thus, he had returned not to seek happiness, but to unravel the secrets of his suffering. He wanted to cross the abyss of pain, so he lived a quiet life here, seemingly detached from the world, without resentment or hatred. But beneath the surface, he wasn’t entirely at peace, otherwise, he wouldn’t have been angry about not being able to accompany Lin Wan on her visit to her parents’ home.

As memories he thought he had forgotten flashed before his eyes, Lu Zhengting’s expression grew increasingly calm. His pitch-black eyes were like the deep sea, silent and fathomless.

He hadn’t chosen to be born, but since she had raised him for twelve years, he would repay her with twelve years of his own.

He owed her nothing.

Though he had once considered killing her, deeming it unfilial, even a tiger wouldn’t devour its own cub. Since she had shown no kindness, they were now even.

They say one establishes oneself at thirty and attains clarity at forty. Yet at just twenty-three, he had already achieved clarity, no longer tormented by the pain of his past.

Lu Zhengting remained silent, which only reinforced Old Madam Lu’s conviction that he was in the wrong and she was in the right.

“You must be thrilled to see your younger siblings suffer, aren’t you? You heartless wretch! I told you to get lost over a decade ago, and now you’re back, crippled. What for? Did you hear about their misfortunes and come to gloat? You’ve always refused to marry, so why suddenly agree to take her? You’re just trying to humiliate your brother, aren’t you? You’re doing this on purpose! Isn’t that right? You came back for revenge!”

Lu Zhengting met her gaze calmly, his voice cold and unwavering. “Why did I return? Because I did nothing wrong. I’m not a monster.”

I came back to reclaim my faith and rebuild myself!

“If you’re not wrong, then are your parents at fault? You call me a monster?” Old Madam Lu suddenly recoiled as if a painful wound had been reopened. “Let me tell you, there are no bad parents in this world! No matter how flawed they are, they gave you life and raised you. To show no gratitude makes you an ungrateful wretch! Heaven will strike you down with lightning!”

Convinced he was plotting revenge with Lin Wan against Xiao Si, she continued, “That sly fox has a belly full of wicked schemes! When Xiao Si rejected her, she latched onto you. She claims she wants to be a doctor, but I bet she’s just trying to seduce Jin Xiangdong! Are you conspiring with her to humiliate your brother? Just you wait, I’ll ruin her plans…”

Lu Zhengting said calmly, “If Lin Wan wants to be a doctor, I’ll let her. But if you dare to scheme against her, I’ll send your precious son and daughter to the frontier. Don’t test me.”

His expression remained indifferent, as if he were casually remarking, “The weather’s bad today; you shouldn’t go out.”

Old Madam Lu stared at him in disbelief. How dare he threaten her with his younger siblings! He must be going mad, consumed by jealousy and resentment over her favoritism.

Though she despised and scorned him, she couldn’t bear the thought of him turning cold toward her.

She leaped up and grabbed another object to strike him.

Just then, Lin Wan’s furious shout rang out from outside: “You old hag! You beat my man while I’m away? Are you tired of living? I’ll grant your wish!”

Lu Zhengting watched Lin Wan storm in, her eyes blazing with murderous intent. His heart pounded uncontrollably, the thumping almost audible. He wondered if his eyes and mind were playing tricks on him—was this a hallucination?