Chapter 17: Eleven Years Old – Autumn Whispers 

Xuezhu hadn’t seen Zhong Zihan in a long time.

“Why are you picking me up today? Don’t you have a tutoring class?” she asked.

“After the wedding banquet, I still have to go to class this afternoon,” Zhong Zihan shrugged.

Xuezhu sympathetically sighed, “Ah, that sounds really tough.”

“If I don’t get first place in the grade, this is what I get. My mom compares me to Meng Yuning all the time, saying he doesn’t go to tutoring but still gets first place. I’m so fed up,” Zhong Zihan said, then turned to glare at Meng Yuning and continued, “Actually, the reason I slipped in the mock exam last time was because he dragged me to the internet café across from the school every Sunday to play World of Warcraft.”

Xuezhu looked at Meng Yuning in surprise. “Brother Ningning, you don’t go home on Sundays because you go to an internet café to play games?”

That was beyond her understanding.

She had been to an internet café once with He Zhengyue, and the boys there always looked rough. Even when she saw a few wearing school uniforms, they still had those bright yellow hairstyles, smoking and swearing at the characters in their virtual games on the screen.

She looked at Meng Yuning again and just couldn’t imagine him as one of those boys.

“I go there occasionally to relax,” Meng Yuning explained casually, then raised an eyebrow and said to Zhong Zihan, “If you didn’t want to go, you could have just said no.”

Zhong Zihan, unashamed, defended himself, “Come on, could I refuse when you’re the one who invited me? What kind of relationship do we have?”

Obviously, this excuse only worked for himself. Meng Yuning glanced at him and didn’t respond.

The bus that went directly to the hotel stopped in front of them, and Xuezhu got on, sandwiched between the two brothers.

The bus was very crowded, and there were no seats. Xuezhu held onto the chair and stood, but after a few stops, a seat finally became available. Zhong Zihan patted her shoulder, signaling her to sit.

“What about you two?” Xuezhu asked.

“We’re fine standing,” they replied.

Xuezhu sat in the back row and observed them through the crowd.

She couldn’t hear exactly what they were talking about, but it seemed like Zhong Zihan was taking the lead, chattering away, while Meng Yuning quietly listened, occasionally responding with a few words. Sometimes, he would raise his eyebrows playfully, with a hint of teasing in his eyes, only to be playfully hit on the shoulder by Zhong Zihan.

They had both grown taller.

Compared to Meng Yuning, Xuezhu clearly had fewer opportunities to meet Zhong Zihan, yet she felt that Brother Zihan hadn’t changed much, while Brother Ningning seemed to have changed a lot.

When they arrived at the hotel, a big red banner hung at the entrance, announcing that it was the first birthday party of a little treasure, and the entire first-floor lobby had been rented out.

There was no banner celebrating Uncle Meng’s wedding.

Although weddings were a big deal, since both the groom and bride were on their second marriage, there was no need for a grand celebration. So, all the usual wedding procedures were skipped. It was more like inviting friends and relatives over for a meal at the hotel.

For Xuezhu, just seeing her long-lost older brothers and sisters made this meal lively and special enough.

He Zhengyue was also very surprised to see her younger siblings.

“Xuezhu, you’ve grown so tall!” She measured them one by one, like an older sister. “Ningning and Zihan are even taller than me now. How’s high school life? Is it tough?”

“You tell me,” Zhong Zihan said, enviously pouting, “You’re free now, sister.”

“You’ll be free soon, too. Senior year goes by quickly. Before you know it, it’s over,” He Zhengyue tilted her head and smiled at Xuezhu. “Xuezhu, you still have to wait.”

Xuezhu sighed.

It would be a long time before she could even think about taking the university entrance exam.

She really envied her sister’s freedom now. Everyone said high school was tough, that this age was the happiest time in one’s life, but Xuezhu didn’t feel happy being a child at all. Every day she was being managed—she had to go to bed by 9 o’clock, midterms and finals were so stressful, and her pocket money had to be carefully budgeted down to the last few cents. To buy something, she had to negotiate with her mom, and whenever she went anywhere, she had to report to her dad. When she came home late, she would be lectured. Deep down, Xuezhu had high hopes for high school. It seemed like once she was labeled a high school student, that would be when she truly felt like an adult.

Every time she shared this thought with the adults around her, they would shake their heads and sigh, saying she didn’t know how lucky she was.

Their neighbors, who lived in the same building, were seated at one table. Soon, Uncle Meng came over with his new wife to toast.

Xuezhu’s dad was the first to joke, “Wow, Uncle Meng, you’ve done well, getting such a beautiful wife.”

Zhong Zihan’s dad quickly added, “Looks like our old Meng’s still got it.”

Several other men chimed in, making the new bride giggle.

Uncle Meng, who was rarely seen in formal wear, raised his glass awkwardly after hearing the teasing: “Your wives and kids are all sitting here, do you have any shame? Just drink your wine and stop talking nonsense.”

The men burst into laughter.

Xuezhu turned to her mom and asked, “Mom, what does ‘^[1]“still got it” means that someone still has the skills, charm, attractiveness, or abilities they had when they were younger — especially when people thought those qualities might have … Continue readingstill got it’ mean?”

Song Yanping looked awkward for a moment, then casually responded, “It doesn’t mean anything. Don’t listen to what your dad and the others say. Just eat your meal.”

Xuezhu nodded, then looked up at Meng Yuning, who was seated at the main table.

On the groom’s side of the main table, only Meng Yuning was present, the rest were relatives of the bride.

He was focused on his food and hadn’t noticed Xuezhu’s gaze. The bride’s family served him a few more dishes, and Meng Yuning smiled and thanked them, then ate all the food his elders had served him, one bite at a time.

Later, the newlyweds returned to the main table, and the relatives joked, urging Uncle Meng’s son to call the bride “Mom.”

Meng Yuning obediently called out “Mom.”

The bride responded loudly with a smile.

The atmosphere was lively, and everyone was laughing, including Meng Yuning.

But Xuezhu couldn’t shake the feeling that Brother Ningning seemed upset.

From the moment he picked her up from the Children’s Palace to come to the wedding banquet, his behavior hadn’t changed much from usual. Perhaps Xuezhu was too sensitive, but she felt that his polite smile didn’t reach his eyes. It wasn’t the gentle smile he used to have when they played together, like warm water. It seemed like he only smiled because everyone else was laughing, and he had to.

Since it was a happy occasion, no one was holding back. If there was alcohol, they drank it, and before long, some of the men with lower alcohol tolerance started saying nonsense.

The children didn’t understand what was being said, nor did they care to listen.

The banquet continued until two o’clock in the afternoon. After some adults had drunk too much, they suggested going to sing karaoke. The children didn’t have a say in the matter and were forced to follow the adults.

When they arrived, Uncle Meng was the first to energetically choose “^[2]“Farewell My Concubine” is the English translation of 《霸王别姬》 (Bà Wáng Bié Jī).  It’s a very famous and emotionally powerful Chinese opera (and also a critically … Continue readingFarewell My Concubine.” As soon as his deep voice filled the room, everyone immediately clapped enthusiastically. Later, the crowd encouraged the newlywed couple to sing a love duet.

It’s unclear who chose the song “^[3]“广岛之恋” (Love in Hiroshima) is a Mandarin Chinese love duet released in the 1990s, famously sung by Zhang Yusheng (张雨生) and Tong Ange (童安格). It’s a karaoke favorite in … Continue readingHiroshima Mon Amour,” but as soon as the first lyrics, “Crossing the boundaries of morality,” were sung, it was met with disdain from everyone.

“Already married and still crossing moral boundaries? That’s so inauspicious, change the song!”

There were only a few famous love duets, and the next one was “^[4]心雨 (Xīn Yǔ) you are referring to is known as “Heart Rain” in English as well, and its lyrics are quite emotional. The song talks about unrequited love and sadness, as reflected in … Continue readingHeart Rain,” which was even worse—the lyrics about mutual affection ended with the woman marrying someone else and becoming another man’s bride.

“A newlywed couple can’t sing this. Who wants to sing it? If not, we’ll skip it.”

At this point, Pei Lianyi, who had drunk too much, raised his hand and said, “My wife and I will sing it. We used to sing this song at karaoke before we got married.”

Song Yanping yelled in frustration, “Uncle Meng is getting married, and you’re making a spectacle of yourself!”

Pei Lianyi pretended not to hear, tossing her a microphone. “Sing, we haven’t sung together in a long time.”

In the end, Song Yanping couldn’t resist and reluctantly took the microphone to sing.

When parents sing love duets, it’s the most awkward for the children.

Especially when a group of tipsy adults deliberately moved closer to Xuezhu and teased her in a nonchalant way, “Xuezhu, look at how loving your mom and dad are.”

Xuezhu was so embarrassed she wanted to bury her head in the sofa.

It was so embarrassing. They were old married couple, and she was already this old, yet they were still singing such cheesy love songs. It was so shameless.

Her parents sang their love songs with deep affection while looking at each other, and Xuezhu got goosebumps all over. She really couldn’t take it anymore, so she made an excuse to go to the bathroom and left the private room.

As soon as she closed the soundproof door and couldn’t hear her parents’ forced duet anymore, her mood calmed down a lot.

She had said she was going to the bathroom, but in truth, she didn’t need to go at all. Since there was no rush to return to the room, Xuezhu decided to walk down the hallway, exploring a bit. She didn’t often come to karaoke, and the exaggerated decor and flashing lights were all fresh to her.

When she reached the lobby, since it was Saturday, many guests were waiting on the sofas. Xuezhu spotted a familiar figure sitting there.

His school uniform made him stand out in the shop. The other noisy people made his quietness seem even more special.

Inside the private room, the mood lights were on, bright and colorful, making it impossible to tell how many people were inside. Xuezhu didn’t even notice when Meng Yuning had come out to sit there.

Although they were at a karaoke place, his ears were still plugged with headphones, making it seem somewhat unnecessary.

Xuezhu stopped in front of him, hands behind her back, and bent down, mimicking the disciplinary teacher catching a student secretly reading comics under the desk. She deliberately lowered her voice and asked, “What are you doing?”

Meng Yuning, who had been lazily leaning against the sofa with his hands in his uniform pockets holding an MP3 player, had been staring blankly downwards until the light in front of him was blocked. As a pair of white shoes with a bow appeared in his view, he slowly lifted his head.

He briefly called her name, “Xuezhu.”

“When did you come out?” Xuezhu asked him.

“About ten minutes ago,” Meng Yuning asked back, “How come you’re out here?”

“My parents are singing love songs inside. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I came out.”

At this point, Xuezhu seemed to remember the earlier scene and exaggeratedly shivered her shoulders.

Meng Yuning chuckled lightly, took one of the headphones off, and asked her, “Want to listen to music?”

Xuezhu sat beside him and took the headphones, asking, “Do you still listen to music here?”

“Mm, it’s too noisy here.”

Xuezhu vaguely understood something. Previously, this MP3 was mainly used by Meng Yuning to download English listening exercises. He was very disciplined about his studies and rarely allowed electronic devices to steal his time. Now, Xuezhu often saw him with headphones on. Although it looked fashionable, adults always thought a child with headphones was rebellious.

“Brother, do you not like Aunt Xu being your stepmother?”

Aunt Xu was Uncle Meng’s new wife.

Meng Yuning didn’t answer, seemingly lost in thought.

Xuezhu wondered if her question had been too direct. Just as she was considering rephrasing it, Meng Yuning spoke.

“Actually, I know my dad could never stay single for life,” he said softly. “But I still find it hard to accept.”

Xuezhu nodded.

If she thought about it from his perspective, she could understand how he felt.

Although Dad sometimes joked about finding her a new mother who would be more beautiful, younger, and not naggy like the current one, both Xuezhu and her dad knew that being more beautiful or younger didn’t really change anything.

It could never replace her current mom.

Meng Yuning smiled when he saw Xuezhu nod seriously like a little adult. “Do you really understand what I’m saying?”

“Of course I understand,” Xuezhu replied. “If you asked me to change my mom, I wouldn’t want to either.” She paused and added, “Brother, you must like your real mom more, right?”

Meng Yuning paused for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t think so.”

Now Xuezhu really didn’t understand. “Huh?”

It didn’t really make a difference. When his parents divorced, he tried to distance himself from his mother, and now, it felt like the same thing.

It was just like how he calmly accepted his parents’ divorce back then. Now, he was calmly accepting his father’s remarriage. No matter what his attitude was, it was of no consequence to his father. Even if he had cried and fussed back then, it wouldn’t have changed the fact that his parents were divorcing. Rather than wasting unnecessary energy on it, it was easier to quietly accept the situation.

If they wanted him to live at school, then he wouldn’t come home on weekends, leaving the house for his father and his new partner. If they wanted him to call someone “Mom,” he’d just do it, because the word “Mom” didn’t carry much weight for him.

When his brother didn’t respond, Xuezhu felt even more uneasy inside.

His tea-colored pupils were hollow, clear all the way to the bottom, showing no emotion. Because he knew that crying and making a fuss were useless, he had to accept everything calmly.

At this moment, a pair of hands rested on his head.

Meng Yuning looked up in surprise at the owner of the hands.

The small hands were warm, and the little girl awkwardly said, “Brother, don’t be sad, okay? If you don’t want to stay here, we can go somewhere else to play.”

At this instant, he understood just how weak he was, weak enough that he couldn’t even accept his father’s new relationship.

He avoided going home every week, but when he would zone out in class, he would think about Xuezhu’s house, where a fish tank was placed in the living room, with several goldfish swimming inside. Xuezhu’s father liked to keep fish, and the bottom of the tank was scattered with stones of various sizes, which Xuezhu’s father had collected while fishing by the river. There were also a few decorative artificial seaweed plants.

On the table, there was a vase with artificial flowers that Xuezhu’s mother had bought cheaply from the wholesale market.

On the wall was a calendar with important dates circled, and around them, notes were written. The messy handwriting was from Xuezhu’s parents, while the round, clumsy handwriting was from Xuezhu.

He wonder how the goldfish are doing? Has Aunt Xu bought any new bouquets to decorate the house again? Another year is almost over. Is the new calendar in Xuezhu’s house from her uncle’s work, or a New Year’s gift from a bank to its customers?

“Xuezhu,” Meng Yuning’s eyes finally showed a glimmer of a smile, a familiar gentle expression that Xuezhu knew well. “Take me somewhere else to play.”