31. Trying to Forget

Yu Yue woke up in the middle of the night and found his pillow wet.

He lay there without moving, the dream before waking up still vivid in his mind.

In his dream, Yu Yue saw Xu Yuanzhe. He saw the time when they were still together, the moment after he was called back home by his parents, returning to Xu Yuanzhe’s home. Using his key to open the door, he appeared in front of Xu Yuanzhe.

Although he had overheard Xu Yuanzhe’s words downstairs and knew that if he truly didn’t return, Xu Yuanzhe would let him go without entanglement, seeing Yu Yue open the door and enter, Xu Yuanzhe still froze in place.

The light in the living room was dim and hazy. Yu Yue remembered smiling at Xu Yuanzhe in the dream, opening his arms and asking, “What’s wrong? Haven’t seen me in a few days?”

With a clang, the small basin Xu Yuanzhe used to feed the cat fell to the ground.

He took two steps forward and tightly embraced Yu Yue, almost suffocating him.

Yu Yue cried in the dream because he felt Xu Yuanzhe’s warmth and heartbeat so vividly. He was aware that it was a dream, but he earnestly wished to return to Xu Yuanzhe’s side, back to that home, as if they hadn’t broken up, as if he had just gone on a long journey, appearing in front of Xu Yuanzhe. Then, he would watch Xu Yuanzhe abandon everything, walk briskly toward him, and embrace him tightly.

But Yu Yue knew that the present Xu Yuanzhe wouldn’t embrace him like that anymore.

If the previous Xu Yuanzhe talked about finding Yu Yue again in ten years, and upon seeing Yu Yue in front of him, he would uncontrollably rush forward to embrace him, the current Xu Yuanzhe spoke about love but wouldn’t take another step forward. He wouldn’t rush to embrace Yu Yue again.

Yu Yue lay in bed, closed his eyes, and tears streamed down.

Half a year apart, Yu Yue found that he hadn’t forgotten a single bit about Xu Yuanzhe; instead, more and more memories and scenes, unnoticed before, were deeply embedded in his mind, leaving indelible patterns on his heart.

Perhaps it was because of that diary.

In the morning, Yu Yue put the unfinished diary at the bottom of the miscellaneous box, covered it with many boxes, preventing himself from looking at it again.

Forgetting seemed to be a healing potion.

After not looking at that diary, Yu Yue seemed to have truly begun to forget Xu Yuanzhe. Even when Steven brought up the topic of “exes” while filming, he didn’t become overly sensitive.

There were many gatherings and parties, and international students often held their own parties.

Due to Steven’s insistence on finding someone to accompany him, Yu Yue didn’t miss any of these parties; he attended almost all of them.

However, he didn’t chat much with others, preferring to sit alone in a corner or on the balcony, seemingly lost in thought.

Yu Yue wanted to join Eden, but he had no idea what kind of film he wanted to make.

At the parties, someone would always try to get to know Yu Yue, and some would even boldly express their affection. Yu Yue politely declined, but after they left, he couldn’t help but think. It had been nearly a year; he wondered how Xu Yuanzhe was doing in China. Had he found someone he liked more? Had he found someone more suitable, someone who wouldn’t tire him out so much?

When he thought too much, Yu Yue would pull his thoughts back, only to realize that he had drunk a bit too much that day.

For a long time, he hadn’t thought about Xu Yuanzhe.

…

Another weekend arrived, and Steven chatted with Yu Yue.

Steven seemed troubled; he said, “My short film is nearing its end, and I want a bad ending. But I can’t think of a reason for them to break up. Right now, they love each other too much, so much that I can’t make them part ways.”

After finishing, he looked cautiously at Yu Yue. “Do you have any good suggestions? How should I make them break up? Should it be a relationship falling apart, infidelity, or the revelation that they are actually siblings?”

Yu Yue, who was originally reading a book, heard Steven speak, and his eyelashes moved slightly. He quickly raised his eyes. “There are so many reasons for a breakup, and you choose the most melodramatic one.” He paused slightly. “Conduct a survey, and you’ll get thousands of breakup reasons.”

However, Steven leaned over. “But I’m curious why you broke up.”

Yu Yue turned his head. “Why are you always so curious about my affairs?”

Steven shrugged. “It’s strange. You give me a feeling, and I don’t know how to describe it… as if sitting there gives off a cinematic vibe. It’s a vibe that I can’t capture in my films, so I really want to learn from your experiences and incorporate them into my movies.”

Yu Yue closed the book.

On the sunny grassy lawn, there were children playing and dogs frolicking. He looked for a long time, telling himself that being able to mention it without a care was also a way of forgetting.

So, Yu Yue spoke, “Well, let me tell you a little bit about why I broke up with my ex.”

Steven instantly straightened up.

Yu Yue continued, “My ex… let’s call him ‘Z.’ We…”