51. I’m Content

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t answer.

But his lack of response was an answer in itself.

Yu Yue turned around, looking at Xu Yuanzhe.

He asked, “How many times have you come to find me? When did you come?”

In the darkness, Xu Yuanzhe gazed into Yu Yue’s eyes.

After an uncertain amount of time, he finally spoke, his voice low, “I don’t remember.”

Yu Yue stared at Xu Yuanzhe without moving.

His eyes were slightly reddened, but in the darkness, it was not clear. “I don’t believe you.”

“Really,” Xu Yuanzhe whispered, “I don’t remember.”

Yu Yue fell silent.

He wondered what Xu Yuanzhe’s “I don’t remember” really meant.

When Yu Yue asked Xu Yuanzhe how many times he had come and when, and Xu Yuanzhe claimed not to remember, if Xu Yuanzhe had only come once or twice, he should remember clearly. But since Xu Yuanzhe claimed not to remember, it meant he must have come many times.

Yet Yu Yue didn’t know a single time.

Well, not exactly none.

Thinking about it, Yu Yue recalled the times when he was abroad. There were many moments when he was working earnestly, either shooting or doing something else, and he would suddenly think of Xu Yuanzhe. It felt strange. Every time he had that feeling, Yu Yue would subconsciously look around, feeling as if Xu Yuanzhe were by his side.

At that time, Yu Yue thought it was his own issue.

Now, it seemed it wasn’t.

After a long while, Yu Yue reached out and lightly placed his palm on Xu Yuanzhe’s cheek. He didn’t notice the slight trembling of his fingertips. “Have you come to find me many times?”

Xu Yuanzhe looked at Yu Yue

After a moment, he still didn’t answer that question. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed Yu Yue’s eyes. When he kissed the corner of the eye, he indeed tasted a hint of bitterness.

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t know how to console Yu Yue.

What he said was the truth; he really couldn’t remember.

During the time immediately after their breakup, Xu Yuanzhe had been traveling abroad continuously, using his money to settle the compensation from the previous company and to go overseas. Those days seemed bitter and hazy, so much so that he couldn’t remember anything except for many instances of seeing Yu Yue sitting on the bench on the large lawn of the college, holding the diary he had written and reading it.

The most vivid memory was from a time when a short film directed by Yu Yue, sponsored by the Eden Garden, was screened in the student cinema. Xu Yuanzhe also entered the cinema, wearing a mask and a hat, sitting in the last row. After watching Yu Yue’s film, as he was preparing to leave before the lights came on, he walked to the entrance of the hall. Because it was dark, he accidentally bumped into someone coming in from outside.

That someone was Yu Yue.

At that time, Yu Yue was planning to introduce his film after it ended. When Xu Yuanzhe collided with him, he knocked the pen from Yu Yue’s hand.

It was too dark in the cinema for Yu Yue to see Xu Yuanzhe clearly.

At that moment, Xu Yuanzhe didn’t dare to pick up the pen or even say sorry because he was afraid of being recognized by Yu Yue. He simply pressed down the brim of his hat and adjusted his mask, then hastily left the cinema. When he looked back, Yu Yue had just picked up the pen that had fallen to the ground.

That was the last time Xu Yuanzhe saw Yu Yue in those five years.

Later, Xu Yuanzhe signed with a new company, and Zhou Ling became his agent. To help Xu Yuanzhe’s career development, Zhou Ling had to sever his thoughts of going abroad and made him focus on working in China. Zhou Ling collected Xu Yuanzhe’s passport and everything, leaving him with no way to go abroad.

In the blink of an eye, three years had passed.

By the time Xu Yuanzhe could travel abroad again, Yu Yue had already graduated, and he couldn’t find Yu Yue’s figure at their former college. He had no idea where Yu Yue had gone.

Also, because Yu Yue lost his phone, Xu Yuanzhe truly hadn’t seen Yu Yue in those two years.

So, when asked how many times he had gone abroad, Xu Yuanzhe genuinely didn’t remember.

Because Xu Yuanzhe kept saying he didn’t remember, Yu Yue had no choice either.

However, into the late night, Yu Yue still couldn’t fall asleep.

Unable to bear it any longer, he quietly got up, reached over, and took Xu Yuanzhe’s phone.

Yu Yue unlocked Xu Yuanzhe’s phone using his own fingerprint.

He browsed through the apps on Xu Yuanzhe’s phone and found the one specifically for booking tickets. Upon entering it, he checked the purchase history and itineraries.

In the pitch-black hotel room, the glow of the phone was particularly glaring.

Many of Xu Yuanzhe’s work itineraries were handled by the studio, and those travel orders were not in this app.

Yu Yue scrolled down and found the last itinerary, dating back a year.

Continuing to scroll back, he reached three years ago and saw that almost every week, Xu Yuanzhe went abroad once, with occasional cancellations probably due to work. However, most of the itineraries were marked as completed.

Looking at Xu Yuanzhe’s phone itineraries.

It felt as painful to Yu Yue as it did when he read Xu Yuanzhe’s diary back then, and his heart almost lost sensation.

He had always thought that only he was the one trapped in this relationship, reminiscing about Xu Yuanzhe, and that only he was tormented.

But looking at these densely packed itineraries before him, Yu Yue only now realized that he wasn’t the only one suffering.

After turning off the phone, Yu Yue gently placed Xu Yuanzhe’s phone back in its original position.

He lay down, just like before, sinking into Xu Yuanzhe’s embrace.

But for some reason, as Yu Yue listened to Xu Yuanzhe’s breath, he knew Xu Yuanzhe was already awake.

However, neither of them said a word.

Yu Yue kept his eyes closed.

After an unknown amount of time, he spoke. However, when he spoke, his voice was slightly hoarse, as he tried hard to hold back a choking sensation, making his voice sound rough.

Yu Yue softly asked Xu Yuanzhe, “Have you been through a lot these years?”

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t answer immediately.

Yu Yue thought Xu Yuanzhe might say it was tough, or maybe not.

But after a long silence, in the darkness, there was a very soft rustling sound.

Xu Yuanzhe reached out and gently rubbed Yu Yue’s hair.

He said, “I don’t complain about the past, and I don’t fantasize about the future.”

Yu Yue’s eyes turned slightly red.

Xu Yuanzhe’s voice was also husky as he continued, “Cherish the present, I am content.”

He lowered his head and placed a lingering kiss on Yu Yue’s forehead.

Then, Xu Yuanzhe said, “Let’s sleep; otherwise, you’ll be tired tomorrow.”

Yu Yue remained silent.

He reached out and encircled Xu Yuanzhe’s neck, closing his eyes. After a long time, the corners of his eyes were still intensely sore, tears accumulated in his heart but couldn’t flow out.

Finally, Yu Yue held onto Xu Yuanzhe even tighter.

“Xu Yuanzhe,” Yu Yue’s voice was very soft, almost murmuring to Xu Yuanzhe, “No matter what happened before, you must be happy now.”

It seemed like he was also telling himself.

Xu Yuanzhe softly responded with a “Hmm.”

He added, “I am happy now.”