Chapter 39 : My lady, I’m back

Huo Tan had been gone for eight days. During these eight days, a young soldier came to the house every day to report that Huo Tan’s superior, Deputy Commander Mu, was aware of the situation and was overseeing it, so there should be no issues. They just needed to wait for Huo Tan to return, and then they would face each other, and the matter would be resolved.

Upon receiving this news, the Huo family breathed a sigh of relief. However, Cui Yunzhao called the young soldier aside and asked him, “May I ask your name , Sir?”

The young soldier hurriedly saluted and said, “Just call me A Qiu. My surname is Tan, and my name is Qi Qiu. My brothers call me A Qiu.”

Cui Yunzhao asked him, “A Qiu, you’re not one of the soldiers under the command of Lord Huo, are you?”

Previously, when Cui Yunzhao distributed red blessing characters, she had not seen him before.

Tan Qi Qiu’s face reddened, but he stood up straight and said, “I am part of the city defense army and was temporarily dispatched by the Huo army. I have always wanted to serve under Lord Huo and am working hard towards that goal.”

Cui Yunzhao then understood.

This soldier, A Qiu, admired Huo Tan and wanted to be selected by him, so he always put Huo Tan first in everything. No wonder he, as part of the city defense army, was working for Huo Tan. The city’s complex network of relationships, with mutual pulling and guarding among various camps and guards, meant that Tan Qi Qiu’s unit probably followed Huo Tan’s orders, but no one objected. The city defense army wanted to join the vanguard camp and naturally did not want to offend Huo Tan.

Cui Yunzhao nodded and asked in a lower voice, “A Qiu, is there any news from the front lines?”

Cui Yunzhao was actually a bit worried about Huo Tan. When Huo Tan left, he said he would be back in five days at the earliest, but it had already been eight days with no news at all. It would be a lie to say she wasn’t worried. In her previous life, Huo Tan had not participated in this campaign against the rebels, and this sudden temporary dispatch made Cui Yunzhao feel uneasy.

However, she remembered that there was not much danger in this campaign. Li Fengnian was essentially useless, and even if he controlled a major stronghold, his mercenaries were incompetent, and they were defeated and burned themselves in a few days.

But back then, Cui Yunzhao had just married and was muddling through life, so she didn’t remember how many days it took or when the army returned in triumph. In these peaceful days, she couldn’t help but worry about Huo Tan. She knew very well that Huo Tan was destined to be the future emperor and that he was not likely to die easily, but nothing was absolute. What if?

Besides, as Cui Yunzhao had just married Huo Tan, it was only natural for her to be concerned about her husband’s campaign.

Her subtle inquiry made Tan Qi Qiu understand her concern. He thought to himself that the Ninth Lady indeed cared about the Military Officer.

Tan Qi Qiu thought for a moment and said, “Ninth Lady, I am just an ordinary soldier and don’t know much about the front lines. But if you truly care, I can ask the Unit Chief for you.”

“Never mind,” Cui Yunzhao said with a forced smile. “It’s not necessary.”

Seeing her like this, Tan Qi Qiu felt a bit reluctant but still said softly, “However, I have heard that there is not much danger this time.”

Cui Yunzhao nodded and gave him a reward, regardless of his refusal. She insisted on giving it to him.

“Thank you for your dedication to the Huo family in the absence of my husband.”

After sending Tan Qi Qiu off, Cui Yunzhao returned to the eastern courtyard and sighed.

Mother Xia, thinking she was worried, urged her to have lunch first and then coaxed her to rest.

When she woke up from her nap, Mother Xia was still thinking about how to cheer her up when she heard Tao Fei’s voice from outside.

“Miss, there is a letter from your Uncle!”

Mother Xia’s eyes brightened, and her mood lifted.

Cui Yunzhao’s mother, Yin Ju Shuang, was originally a young lady of the Yin family from Tonglu. The Yin family was not close to Bo Ling, they were separated by the prefecture of Fulu, and even by carriage, it took three to four days. Thus, after marrying into the Cui family, they mostly communicated by letter.

However, the Yin family had extensive business in Jiangnan. After Cui Yunzhao’s grandfather passed away, her uncle took over as the head of the family and had come to Bo Ling to visit his elder sister.

At that time, Cui Yunzhao had met her uncle and his family a few times. After her father passed away, her uncle came to offer his condolences. However, less than two months after the mourning, Cui Yunzhao’s mother fell seriously ill, and her uncle came to Bo Ling again specifically to accompany his elder sister and his nephews and nieces.

Cui Yunzhao was relatively familiar with her uncle and aunt, though it had been many years since she last saw them in her previous life, and she now felt somewhat estranged. She even barely remembered if her uncle had sent a letter after her marriage.

Upon reflection, it seemed he had not.

Since her rebirth, many things had changed, and she had a deeper understanding of the people around her. So receiving a letter from her uncle suddenly made Cui Yunzhao both happy and worried. She was afraid that something might have happened to the Yin family.

Cui Yunzhao quickly asked Tao Fei to come in and asked, “How was the letter delivered? It shouldn’t be so fast from Bo Ling to Tonglu.”

Regarding her marriage to Huo Tan, Cui Xu naturally would not deal with it directly. He had informed the Yin family in Tonglu about it. However, he was very astute and managed to have Cui Yunzhao married within a month, so when the letter was sent, the marriage preparations had already begun. By the time the three letters and six rituals were completed, it was too late for the Yin family to intervene in her marriage.

At the time of her marriage, Yin family’s shops in Bo Ling should have already reported the news. Calculating the time, this letter was likely sent after her marriage.

Tao Fei handed the letter to Li Qing, who carefully opened the envelope with a letter opener.

Tao Fei said, “It was delivered by the family’s gatekeeper. Since the letter was addressed to the Miss, the gatekeeper’s esteemed uncle took the liberty of not passing it to the Second Master.”

In other words, the letter was sent directly by the family’s gatekeeper.

Cui Yunzhao was grateful and quickly said, “Make sure to thank the gatekeeper’s esteemed uncle properly when he returns.”

Tao Fei nodded, “Miss, don’t worry, it has already been taken care of.”

While they were talking, Li Qing opened the envelope and handed the letter to Cui Yunzhao.

Cui Yunzhao unfolded the letter and read it quickly. She recognized her uncle’s distinctive and elegant small characters at first glance, so she knew it was written by her uncle.

The letter started with greetings and congratulations on her marriage, urging her to take good care of her husband and children and to live a steady life.

As she read this, Cui Yunzhao frowned.

Suppressing her dissatisfaction, she continued reading, but her expression grew darker.

Mother Xia, observing her expression, sighed inwardly. After all these years, her uncle still had that same temperament.

When Cui Yunzhao finished reading the letter, Mother Xia softly asked, “What did your Uncle say?”

Cui Yunzhao looked at Li Qing and waved her hand, signaling her and Tao Fei to leave.

Then she told Mother Xia, “Uncle wants Tingtang to go to Tonglu.”

Mother Xia’s smile gradually faded, and she asked, unable to hide her concern, “What about Yunlang?”

Cui Yunzhao shook her head. “Not a word about her.”

Mother Xia fell silent.

Cui Yunzhao pressed her lips together. After experiencing such highs and lows throughout the day, she was already mentally exhausted. Receiving such a letter now made her heart feel even heavier, and she couldn’t describe how uncomfortable she felt.

“I did have expectations back then,” she said.

Her strained relationship with the Yin family wasn’t without reason. Cui Yunzhao recalled events from her early years and said, “When my mother suddenly fell ill, it was quite severe. The illness rapidly progressed from dizziness to bedridden, and my younger siblings and I were terrified.”

Mother Xia also recalled that time. Cui Yunzhao had always kept her grievances to herself, never voicing them, and over time, Mother Xia knew that she had been unsettled.

The death of her parents had always been a significant wound in Cui Yunzhao’s heart. As a result, she learned to handle things on her own, enduring silently, which was largely due to those past events.

Cui Yunzhao looked at Mother Xia, her eyes not filled with tears but with a subdued sadness. Time had passed, and over the years, she had lived through death and rebirth. Looking back at those old events, the grievances and dissatisfaction seemed less significant.

She simply wanted to talk about the past.

“When my mother was ill back then, I had a premonition.”

Cui Yunzhao moved her lips, paused for a moment, and continued, “From a young age, my mother was always very gentle with us. But children are sensitive, and my younger siblings and I were very aware of who she cared about the most.”

“She cared most about Father, and only Father.”

“When Father was ill, she would stay up all night caring for him. When my younger siblings and I were sick, she would just remind you and Mother Liu.”

Cui Yunzhao sighed. “When I was younger, I was truly resentful, feeling that my mother loved me less.”

“But as I grew older, I realized it wasn’t necessary to feel so wronged. Mother was simply herself. Who she loved more was her own choice. I just needed to fulfill my role as a child.”

“I understood in my heart, but I still felt wronged,” Cui Yunzhao said, looking at Mother Xia with misty eyes. “Mother, it was really hard to suppress my sadness when I was a child.”

Every child yearns for their parents’ care and love. This isn’t selfishness but an instinctive need.

Cui Yunzhao had been very sensible. “Father cared more about Tintang, his studies, and whether he could become a qualified heir. Mother was more concerned about Father, his health, and his future.”

“My sister Lan and I were left as people nobody cared about.”

Mother Xia had observed all these things and felt deeply for Cui Yunzhao. However, hearing her speak and reminisce about these matters was a first for her. This was also the first time Cui Yunzhao had spoken about these issues to someone else.

She suddenly realized that, although years had passed and things had changed, she still cared.

As she spoke these words, she felt a surprising sense of relief. It was as if she was reconciling with her past self and telling herself that there was nothing to be afraid of.

“No one loves me, I can love myself.”

This was a lesson she had come to understand slowly after her death and rebirth and after experiencing countless hardships.

Mother Xia felt a pang of sadness and sympathy for Cui Yunzhao. She gently patted Cui Yunzhao’s hand and gave her a warm smile. “Mother, I’m fine now. Talking about it has made me feel much better.”

Cui Yunzhao, born as the legitimate eldest daughter of the Cui family of Bo Ling, though not a son, still had a promising future as a daughter of the Bo Ling Cui family. She had grown up in luxury and ease, surrounded by everything envied by others, and was expected to be happy and content.

Yet, there are no perfect circumstances or smooth-sailing lives. After Cui Yunzhao’s birth, she faced not only her mother’s neglect but also the responsibilities of being the eldest sister in the vast Cui family.

Cui Yunzhao forced a bitter smile. “I never dared to say that I had once felt very helpless.”

She shook her head with a bitter smile. “Even though I live in comfort now, lamenting over the past is indeed too pretentious.”

“So, if it’s best not to speak about it, just focus on the good times, and it probably won’t feel so painful.”

Mother Xia gently held her hand, her eyes filled with care and kindness. She had seen all of Miss’s ups and downs throughout her life and had always felt heartache.

She didn’t think Miss was being pretentious because, for Miss, there were many things missing from her life since childhood that couldn’t be compensated for by money.

Some things, Cui Yunzhao had desired but never attained.

Mother Xia said, “Miss, everyone has things they care about. No matter one’s background or circumstances, there will always be good and bad.”

She spoke frankly “There are no perfect days, and there are no perfect people. If one were never troubled or aggrieved, that would be nothing short of sainthood.”

Cui Yunzhao smiled faintly, feeling much lighter inside. She nodded and continued, “It’s not so terrible that no one cares. I have Huo Tan, and Huo Tan has me. We can care for each other. As I grew older, I didn’t care as much about these things.”

“I am the eldest sister. I can support my younger siblings.”

“But the sky I held up was too fragile. A gust of wind could shatter it immediately.”

“When our parents were still alive, things were better. But once they were gone, everything came crashing down.”

“Father was in good health for a long time, but with the turmoil in the court, the usurpation by the warlords, and the incompetence of the previous emperor, a loyal and upright official like Father was immediately disregarded.”

“I vaguely remember that when Father resigned and returned home, he couldn’t sleep day or night.”

“He carried the burden of the world in his heart.”

Cui Yunzhao’s father, Cui Hao, had the nation and the people in mind, and perhaps a corner of his heart was occupied by his wife, but he had no room for his young children.

“I know Father died of anger.”

“Seeing the people who died in the massacre, the rivers of blood, the collapse of rites and music, his heart broke, and he could no longer endure.”

Cui Hao was an old-time scholar-official, loyal and devoted, representing the Cui family’s integrity over a hundred years. Just one look at him would remind one of the century-old dignity of the Cui family. Such a person was ultimately killed by the emperor’s incompetence and the corruption of the court.

Cui Yunzhao pressed her lips together, lowering her gaze. Her voice was very soft, as if she didn’t want anyone to know the darkness in her heart.

“Mother, when Father passed away, I was in great pain, but I didn’t feel like the sky had fallen because, with Father gone, we still had Mother.”

“However, Mother’s heart was solely with Father.”

Mother Xia knew that Madam Cui had died of depression. After the Master’s death, she lost her will to live and followed him in death.

It was her own choice not to live on. But this was too cruel for the young children left behind.

Mother chose to leave with Father but did not consider how the remaining orphans would live or survive in the vast Cui family.

At that time, Cui Yunzhao was thirteen, and her younger siblings were only six or seven years old. They were helpless and isolated.

Yin Jushuang had lived in the Cui family for more than a decade, she knew what kind of person Cui Xu was and the character of the He Lan family. If only the young children were left, how would their future be?

She never thought about it, or perhaps the pain made her indifferent to others, even her own children.

Cui Yunzhao remained silent for a long time before speaking, “I understand. Mother was just herself. I can’t blame her, but I still felt pain and grievance. I couldn’t bear to see her leave with Father.”

Mother Xia poured her a cup of hot tea, the warm fragrance of jasmine soothing Cui Yunzhao’s heart and helping her emerge from past pain.

Cui Yunzhao drank the tea and felt much better. She blinked, forcing the tears back, not wanting to show such a weak and helpless side.

“But what happened has happened. My siblings and I still had to face it. When Uncle came, we were very happy.”

Mother Xia didn’t know the details but remembered that Uncle was very unhappy at the time. After the mourning period for Madam had passed, he left directly.

These matters Cui Yunzhao had never mentioned before. Now, due to this letter, she brought up old grievances.

It was merely a way of sharing her unfulfilled emotions with Mother Xia.

Cui Yunzhao lowered her gaze and said, “At that time, Uncle thought that keeping us in the Cui family would make people think the Yin family didn’t care about their nephews, so he suggested taking Tintang away for the Yin family to educate.”

Mother Xia was a bit surprised. “What?”

Cui Yunzhao nodded and said, “Yes, he wanted to take Tintang away.”

In situations like this, when a family member from the wife’s side comes to mourn, if they genuinely care about the children, they usually take the initiative to have the stepdaughter come back to be raised. This way, the stepdaughter’s marriage would not be arranged arbitrarily, and she could be properly educated. After all, sons are generally not treated poorly.

Yin Changfeng’s actions were indeed irregular.

Mother Xia was puzzled. “Why is that?”

Cui Yunzhao put down her tea cup and explained, “Uncle believes that by properly educating Tintang and having him bring honor to his parents, Father’s legacy will not be forgotten.”

Mother Xia was taken aback.

Cui Yunzhao smiled, “These are grand words, but in reality, Uncle thinks the sons are more important. He didn’t consider that if Tintang left the Cui family, I and Yunlang would have a harder life.”

“No, Uncle might have considered it, but he was unwilling to take all three children. That would have created friction with the Cui family and looked bad.”

Mother Xia sighed. “No wonder Young Master Tang cried several times during those days.”

Cui Yunzhao suddenly smiled again, this time with a hint of comfort.

“Fortunately, Tintang is a good child. He said that if his two sisters couldn’t go, he wouldn’t leave either.”

“I knew that Uncle is very rigid and conservative. He wouldn’t want to create conflict between the Cui and Yin families, so I asked him to take Yunlang and Tintang to the Yin family, with all expenses covered by Mother’s dowry.”

“But Uncle still didn’t agree.”

The attempt to take Tintang was already a rare display of concern from Yin Changfeng. This was contrary to his usual character as a rigid scholar who disliked unconventional actions. To take the children of a deceased elder sister back to his home was already pushing boundaries. Adding two more children and worrying about their marriage would make him hesitant.

“At that time, Aunt also didn’t agree, so Tintang simply said he didn’t want to leave.”

So, the three sisters stayed in the Cui family.

“For years, Uncle only sent a letter during the New Year and festivals. Now that I’m married, he might have written to inquire.”

“I thought that was the case, but after reading the letter, it seems Uncle isn’t actually concerned about my marriage at all.”

The letter from Yin Changfeng addressed only one thing.

He believed that Cui Yunzhao’s actions of confronting Cui Xu and allowing the three cousins to educate Cui Yunting might be seen as disrespect towards her elders. He thought she was overstepping her place and interfering in her natal family’s affairs as an outsider, which he felt embarrassed the Yin family.

He demanded that Cui Yunzhao return home immediately to apologize to Cui Xu and his wife and to let them resume the education of Cui Yunlang and Cui Yunting.

Cui Yunzhao, being a daughter of the Cui family but with a mother from the Yin family, was expected to maintain the dignity of both families. Thus, any embarrassment to her mother’s family was also an embarrassment to the Yin family.

In that short letter, there was no concern for her hurried marriage, no inquiry about her well-being in the Huo family, her husband, or the condition of her young cousins. It simply questioned her actions.

In her past life, Cui Yunzhao had adhered strictly to propriety and decorum, and probably due to this, Yin Changfeng had not been too harsh on her.

But now, just because she struggled for her siblings, Yin Changfeng had sent a letter chastising her.

Cui Yunzhao exchanged glances with Mother Xia and sighed.

“Looking back, it’s fortunate that Yunlang and Tintang didn’t go with Uncle to the Yin family. If they had been educated there, who knows how they would have turned out.”

Mother Xia saw that she seemed more relaxed now, as if she was no longer angry about the reprimand from Uncle, and said, “Indeed, we have turned misfortune into fortune.”

With this thought, Cui Yunzhao felt a lot more at ease. However, looking at the thin letter, she felt a bit agitated for some reason.

“Uncle said he would come to Bo Ling in a few days.”

Cui Yunzhao murmured, “I don’t even know if I should see him.”

“To be honest, I’m a bit afraid.”

As she spoke, a deep, familiar voice suddenly came from outside.

The voice was somewhat hoarse but unmistakably familiar.

“What is there to be afraid of? I’ll accompany you to see your Uncle.”

Cui Yunzhao was startled, her eyes immediately filled with joy. But after exchanging a look with Mother Xia, she tried to control her excitement.

Huo Tan had returned.

Without caring how much he had heard, Cui Yunzhao quickly stood up and walked briskly around the screen.

The beaded curtain swayed, and the setting sun cast a warm glow. A tall figure walked in, blocking the late afternoon sunlight.

Huo Tan was dressed in a neat and upright dark blue military uniform, with his sleeves tied up with wristbands, accentuating his long, strong arms. Below that were his slim waist, straight posture, and deer-hide boots.

Huo Tan wore a green headband tied around his head, and as he moved, the headband fluttered in the wind, casting a green shadow.

His face was somewhat weathered, with stubble on his chin, but this very Huo Tan left a deep impression on Cui Yunzhao the moment she saw him.

The vigor of the young general was palpable, and from him, Cui Yunzhao felt a surge of life and strength.

Huo Tan had never been one to be defeated by difficulties. When faced with challenges, he always confronted them head-on, forging ahead with each trial he encountered.

Just like at this moment.

In just two or three steps, he was in front of Cui Yunzhao.

Perhaps because he had changed clothes or due to the cold winter, Cui Yunzhao did not smell the sweat and blood on him but only sensed the refreshing scent of cedar.

Huo Tan was like that like a mountain, like a mist, like a pine, like a cypress.

Cui Yunzhao, taken by surprise at his return, could not hide the joy in her eyes, which were captured entirely by Huo Tan’s sharp gaze.

“You’re back…”

Cui Yunzhao’s instinctive words were interrupted by Huo Tan’s actions. He straightforwardly extended his arms and enveloped his wife in a firm embrace.

The warmth of his chest immediately warmed Cui Yunzhao’s heart.

Listening to the strong, steady beat of his heart, Cui Yunzhao suddenly felt a profound sense of security.

Huo Tan’s voice came to her ear: “My lady, I’m back.”