Chapter 19 – Conversation by the River

After Wen Jialuo left, Xia Bang smiled and said, “You all say she doesn’t eat much, but didn’t she eat quite well today?”

Wen Baohua also laughed. In fact, ever since she confirmed her pregnancy at the hospital, she had been smiling continuously. “Yes,” she said, “Jialuo was supposed to work today, but she rushed back as soon as she received my call. She truly fulfills her role as an aunt.”

Wen Yu, meanwhile, sighed from the side, “If my little aunt saw her daughter cooking soup and rice herself, she would be so jealous.”

Xu Shiqi sat nearby, basking in the winter sunlight, half-listening to the conversation. She raised her hand to shield her eyes from the sun, the light slipping through her fingers. As she moved her hand away, for a moment, she seemed to see a dazzling, interwoven web of colors: red, orange, blue, indigo, yellow, and purple. She closed her fingers, the web broke, and all that remained in her palm was air. She put her hand down and looked at the few pots of aloe vera on the balcony, thinking that they were easy to grow and had beauty benefits. Maybe she should grow some at home to cultivate her mind.

Noticing Xu Shiqi’s quietness, Wen Baohua sat down beside her and whispered, “How are you feeling now?”

Xu Shiqi smiled and said, “Stop worrying about me. Just focus on delivering your baby; I’m waiting to become a godmother.”

Wen Baohua’s face shone even brighter. Seeing that Xu Shiqi was indeed acting normal, she moved away to talk to others.

After about half an hour, Xu Shiqi’s phone rang.

She glanced at the caller ID, quietly got up, and went to the small living room to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“It’s Wen Jialuo.”

Xu Shiqi didn’t respond.

“Can you come out for a bit?”

Xu Shiqi hesitated. “…Where are you?”

“At the entrance of my sister’s neighborhood.”

“Ah?” Xu Shiqi was speechless. “How slowly did you drive to just now arrive outside the neighborhood? Looks like I can’t avoid this.” She returned to the balcony, made an excuse, and left.

Wen Jialuo’s car was indeed parked at the entrance. Xu Shiqi got in, looked down, and saw the girl tilting her head to look at her.

After fastening her seatbelt, Xu Shiqi asked, “Weren’t you going back to work?”

“Since I’m already out,” Wen Jialuo replied lazily.

Xu Shiqi thought for a moment. “Don’t take the highway.”

“I won’t,” Wen Jialuo assured.

The car started, and the inside fell silent. Though it wasn’t her first time in this car, Xu Shiqi felt unusually uneasy. She reflected on whether her earlier remark was appropriate and concluded that she had no reason to be so wary.

Unexpectedly, Wen Jialuo drove to the riverside park. There were large green areas and trees, well-maintained even in the deep winter. The good weather and high temperature today had brought many adults and children to play on the grass. Xu Shiqi and Wen Jialuo walked through, both heading towards the protective fence on the grass. Small pavilions were built along the fence at intervals, offering a scenic view of the river cutting through the city.

Feeling a bit warm, Xu Shiqi took off her coat. She happened to be wearing a black sweater, which made her look like one of the guardians of the underworld when standing next to Wen Jialuo. The pavilion had some wind, blowing through her hair, and she gathered it up, noticing Wen Jialuo looking at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“The wind is strong. You should put your coat back on.”

Although Xu Shiqi wanted to ignore the comment, she put her coat back on, not wanting to make things difficult for herself.

Looking across the river, Xu Shiqi saw tall buildings rising on the other side, with enormous billboards displaying poetic temptations to part with one’s money. Slow-moving cargo ships were on the river, with children on deck enjoying the sun and happiness, running and jumping. The pavilion seemed designed for lovers, its top adorned with paintings that looked like scenes from “The Romance of the Western Chamber” or “The Legend of the White Snake.”

Bringing her gaze back to Wen Jialuo, Xu Shiqi felt helpless. Why had she been brought out here? She was already too familiar with this city.

Wen Jialuo seemed to have taken in the entire scene as well before finally turning to her. After what seemed like a long time, she finally asked, “Are you alright?”

Xu Shiqi couldn’t help but smile at Wen Jialuo’s nervousness, knowing that even she couldn’t think straight in such a situation. Although the riverside breeze was pleasant and the vastness of the sky comforting, Xu Shiqi didn’t want to remain passive.

“I know you have something to ask me. Go ahead.”

Wen Jialuo frowned. “I just want to know why you got sick after you went back that day?”

“You already know,” Xu Shiqi said, her tone instinctively becoming heavier. “I know you know.”

“Then…” Wen Jialuo spoke very slowly, “Was it really because of that call?”

Xu Shiqi felt her breath catch.

Even now, she still harbored a small hope. Though she knew the truth, she still wished for a different outcome. She had never brought up the call herself, hoping as long as Wen Jialuo didn’t mention it, there would be endless possibilities. But in the end, it was all in vain.

“Yes, that call…” Xu Shiqi muttered, looking down, feeling a sense of weightlessness despite not being far from the river.

“At first, I thought it was a wrong number,” Wen Jialuo began, “She… said a lot. But just as I was about to hang up, she called out your name.”

“It’s nothing,” Wen Jialuo looked at her with pure eyes and an as-harmless-as-possible tone, “Everyone has the right to make their own choices.”

Xu Shiqi was silent for a moment, realizing that Wen Jialuo was trying to comfort her. She was relieved that the girl didn’t look at her like a monster. She smiled, “Thank you.”

Wen Jialuo watched her closely, noticing every change in her expression, then cautiously asked, “Was she… your lover?”

Xu Shiqi was taken aback and suddenly wanted to say yes, making it none of the girl’s business. This would be the best way to prevent herself from having any lingering feelings. But looking into Wen Jialuo’s pure, gentle eyes, showing care as if afraid of hurting her, she couldn’t say that. Though their loves were different, love itself was the same. However, she did not love Zhang Ya.

Xu Shiqi’s denial seemed to surprise Wen Jialuo, who fell silent for a long time, struggling to handle the situation. Each word was carefully chosen and filtered.

“Actually, I know it’s nothing.” Seeing her so cautious, Xu Shiqi felt a bit guilty. She patted the girl’s shoulder, “You have a crush on the senior, and I like someone of the same sex. It’s just a difference in names.”

Wen Jialuo seemed to stiffen, so Xu Shiqi withdrew her hand discreetly. She felt the girl was really kind, caring for her thinking she was hurt by that phone call. But some instincts are natural; maintaining a certain distance was fine, but crossing it would provoke a direct response. Xu Shiqi pretended to enjoy the scenery, moving a step away, and smiled, “I never realized this place was so nice before.”

“I don’t come here often either.” Wen Jialuo stared at her. “Are you really alright?”

Leaning against the railing, Xu Shiqi squinted her eyes and swayed a bit, growing impatient. “What are you struggling with? Are you disgusted by me because of what you know, or do I make you uncomfortable like a thorn? I said it’s nothing; what more do you want?”

Wen Jialuo pursed her lips again, walked over to Xu Shiqi, and lightly poked her shoulder with a finger.

Xu Shiqi, feeling puzzled, frowned. “What are you doing?”

“I heard your heart collapsing,” Wen Jialuo said flatly.

Xu Shiqi held her head in her hands. She didn’t know how other people handled such situations; she just knew she was at her wit’s end. Her calm demeanor made it hard for the girl to believe, but once she became agitated, it was as if she had revealed her vulnerabilities, completely seen through by the girl. She didn’t want to be seen through. No matter the circumstances, it was crucial to protect herself.

Gathering her thoughts, Xu Shiqi began to speak: “Jialuo, as you said, you keep your senior brother in your heart, and that’s your choice. My choice is different from yours, but it’s also been carefully considered over the years. We must all be responsible for our choices, no matter what we face, right? So, I’m fine. Even if I’m hurt, I’ll strive to be okay. But I don’t like the woman who called. Falling ill was just due to physical discomfort; it has nothing to do with you, so there’s no need for you to take on any responsibility. You really don’t need to act this way. It actually burdens me when you do, do you understand?”

Wenjia Luo listened quietly, just like the first time she heard Xu Shiqi speak. The continuous voice in her ear, combined with the sunshine and breeze, was like a top-notch gourmet meal, tantalizing and irresistible. Wenjia Luo hadn’t felt this way in a long time. She realized she was very hungry, with a ravenous appetite. Her thoughts, driven by her hunger, caused her to latch onto the tail end of the conversation. She furrowed her brows and asked, “Seeing me is a burden?”

It was a bit frustrating. Xu Shiqi said harshly, “Don’t look at me with those pitying eyes, and I’ll feel much better.”

“You are a weakling,” Wenjia Luo shot a glance at her, “Didn’t you just recover from an illness?”

Xu Shiqi felt defeated. After a moment of silence, she lightly kicked her, “Hey, why didn’t you ask me right away that night?”

Wenjia Luo’s tone became increasingly tentative, “I thought not bringing it up right away might have caused something bad to happen…”

“No, that woman was drunk,” Xu Shiqi laughed.

“Hey,” Wenjia Luo looked at the river, then asked, “Do you have someone you like?”

Xu Shiqi looked at her. Maybe her advice had worked, as she no longer spoke in a particularly uncomfortable manner. But… was it necessary to ask so casually?

“No,” Xu Shiqi said firmly, clenching her fists.

Wenjia Luo turned her head to look at her. A breeze blew, lifting Wenjia Luo’s hair from her forehead, her eyes hidden behind the flowing strands. Feeling a bit itchy, she tucked it behind her ear. She turned her head back to look at the flowing river, “I see…”

What do you mean, ‘I see’? Xu Shiqi thought it was enough to have said so much. This girl unintentionally became the only one to know her secret, and she happened to be someone Xu Shiqi had once had feelings for. But those things didn’t matter anymore. As for the latter, Wenjia Luo would never know, intentionally or unintentionally, Xu Shiqi wouldn’t let her know.

The two of them looked at the river for a while, perhaps growing tired of it, and simultaneously walked to the other side. This side faced a large lawn where many children were playing. Their innocent voices were like sweet little treats, pleasantly sweet without being too cloying. Wenjia Luo felt that she might be so hungry that her stomach was churning up acid, making her feel nauseous.

Seeing Wenjia Luo constantly watching the children, Xu Shiqi couldn’t help but ask, “Do you like children?”

Wenjia Luo made a soft “hmm,” which could neither confirm nor deny.

“Do you regret it when you see them?” Xu Shiqi asked softly.

“What?” Wenjia Luo turned her head, looking a bit confused.

Xu Shiqi thought she seemed a bit slow. She didn’t have this impression before; she used to be so sharp-tongued. It seemed that discovering her orientation had given her quite a shock: “You decided to hold onto your unrequited love and live alone for a lifetime. There will be no family or children. When you’re alone, it might not matter, but what about now? Or after Baohua has her baby?”

“And what about you, would you choose to get married?” Wenjia Luo asked and then answered herself, “There’s such a thing as a DINK family in this world, and another concept called singlehood. Who said that?” She suddenly became aggressive, “Didn’t you say we were on the same path, so don’t laugh at me for being in the same boat.”

Xu Shiqi felt a pang in her heart, a bit annoyed. What does it mean to shoot yourself in the foot? This was the bloody evidence. She could only pretend to be cheerful, “Maybe someday I’ll meet someone I love so much that I’ll give up everything. Then I’ll at least have a partner, and adopting a child wouldn’t be impossible.”

Wenjia Luo turned her head, quietly watching her. At that moment, her eyes were expressive, much like that night, constantly changing. Finally, she asked softly, “Then why are you so eager to be the baby’s godmother? I can’t see that you’re joking.”

Xu Shiqi felt her fingers stiffen. What was the sadness in those eyes? Was she feeling sorry for her? Just a moment ago, she was concerned about Wenjia Luo’s issues, but now she was being sharply analyzed.

“But if you can indeed achieve that completeness,” Wenjia Luo continued softly, “I will congratulate you.” She stared at the children in the distance, lost in thought for a long while, then added, “Maybe you’re right. Just because you hold on for a few years doesn’t mean you can hold on for a lifetime. No one can predict when… you might meet someone. Maybe one day… I’ll give up my idea, or maybe… that day will never come.”

“Maybe is still something good,” Xu Shiqi forced a response, thinking that at least there was some gain today. The girl seemed to be gaining some insight from her own experiences, “I can’t choose to love like most people, but you can. I think if you can change your mind a bit, your mom would be very happy.”

“Probably.” Wenjia Luo paused, ending the topic, “Let’s go.”

Wenjia Luo took Xu Shiqi back to the store. They managed to chat during the car ride, focusing on how Wen Baohua discovered her pregnancy.

It wasn’t until Wenjia Luo left that Xu Shiqi remembered she should have asked what Zhang Ya said in that phone call. But then she thought it didn’t matter. It must have been something revealing her orientation, and since the outcome was already like this, there was no need to dwell on the process.

Finally, Xu Shiqi let out a long sigh, thinking that these topics were like pages turned over, never to be revisited.