Chapter 28 – Another Me in the World

Xu Shiqi often wondered if her life would have been easier if she hadn’t met Wen Jia Luo. But such thoughts were meaningless. Their fates had already intertwined, and it was hard to predict whether they would continue to be closely connected or drift apart.

Wen Baohua had recently caught a cold and hadn’t visited the old house. Modern pregnant women were treated like precious treasures, with every possible precaution taken to ensure their health. Once her cold was better, she insisted on staying at the old house for a few days.

Xu Shiqi was delighted to have her company. The short winter days often left her with nothing to do when she came home early. The old lady sometimes had visitors; the adults in the household were often absent for long periods; Wen Yu came and went hurriedly; and ever since Xu Shiqi hadn’t gotten into Wen Jia Luo’s car that day, they hadn’t interacted much.

There was a computer in the old house for going online, but she seldom used it. At her former workplace, colleagues often used their computers for sneaking in some novel reading or playing games, but she always preferred the tactile feeling and the fragrance of paper over the coldness of a screen.

Even though she was just a temporary guest, she felt an increasing sense of loneliness.

Fortunately, Wen Baohua’s arrival changed that.

She brought along a nanny and Xia Bang, who carried her pajamas and slippers. Their presence livened up the house, especially with Xia Bang always making some noise.

That night, Xu Shiqi and Wen Baohua helped the old lady to bed together.

Afterward, they went to Xu Shiqi’s room.

It was as if they had an unspoken agreement: when Wen Baohua appeared, Wen Jia Luo disappeared. Xu Shiqi prepared some snacks and brought them to Wen Baohua, wanting to ask something but hesitating.

“Oh, I can eat a lot now,” Wen Baohua said with a laugh, munching on the snacks. She had put on some weight recently, her face looking plumper.

“These are for my godson,” Xu Shiqi said.

“Why can’t it be a daughter? Shiqi, are you really favoring boys over girls?” Wen Baohua teased.

“No,” Xu Shiqi shook her head, somewhat lost in thought. “Boys are braver and more capable. And having a brother to protect her would make a daughter fearless.”

“You think of everything,” Wen Baohua laughed but then looked a bit apprehensive. “I heard childbirth is extremely painful. I’d rather go through it just once…”

Xu Shiqi laughed, thinking she might never experience that pain. She felt a small regret, but it quickly turned into a stronger resolve. A marriage without love wouldn’t be happy, and a child born without love would likely bear the mark of pain for a lifetime.

While she was lost in thought, Wen Baohua noticed a pair of red shoes on the floor.

“These shoes are nice,” Wen Baohua said, trying them on. “My feet get sweaty quickly, and wearing these for a while feels good.” The shoes fit her well, and she looked at her reflection in the mirror, feeling spirited. “Where did you buy these shoes, Shiqi?”

Xu Shiqi hesitated. The old lady had made it sound like a joke, but Wen Baohua, being pregnant, was sensitive. Not wanting to burden her, Xu Shiqi smiled and said, “If they fit you, then wear them.”

“Really?” Wen Baohua asked, not holding back. “I’ve been wanting a comfortable pair for a walk with grandma tomorrow. These are perfect.”

“Yeah,” Xu Shiqi responded. She heard Xia Bang’s voice outside and opened the door to let Wen Baohua out.

The next day, she woke up not too early and saw Wen Jia Luo and the old lady sitting on the big sofa downstairs.

Xu Shiqi paused at the staircase, noticing that Wen Jia Luo’s face looked sharper and thinner. Even though she seemed to be eating well, she still looked ethereal.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, the two on the sofa noticed her. The old lady smiled and waved at her, then greeted the person behind her.

Wen Baohua, who had followed Xu Shiqi downstairs, greeted them too.

The attention then turned to Wen Baohua’s red shoes. She was wearing a pure white wool coat, making the red shoes even more noticeable.

“Why are you wearing those shoes?” the old lady asked, puzzled.

“Because I’m taking grandma out today,” Wen Baohua smiled. “These shoes are breathable and comfortable.”

“I said those shoes are too thin; you might catch a cold,” Xia Bang added.

“It’s okay,” Xu Shiqi explained. “Walking will warm her up.”

The old lady adjusted her reading glasses, then turned to look at her granddaughter, who suddenly stood up.

“I’ll get the car,” Wen Jia Luo said coldly.

Wen Baohua was confused and asked, “What’s wrong with her?”

“She bought those shoes for Shiqi,” the old lady said, “and now you’ve taken them.”

“What?”

Xu Shiqi and Wen Baohua exclaimed simultaneously.

Xu Shiqi was stunned and looked at the old lady, who continued, “Jia Luo saw you going back and forth every day and thought it was hard on you. Since we invited you to stay, she wanted to give you comfortable shoes but was afraid you’d refuse, so she gave them through me.” She smiled, “You’re not mad, are you?”

Xu Shiqi shook her head stiffly. With the old lady in front of her, an old classmate on her right, and eyes watching from behind, she had to control her expression. She involuntarily looked at the shoes, regretting giving them to Wen Baohua.

But it would be wrong to be petty, so she said to Wen Baohua, “You need them more than I do.”

After everyone left, Xu Shiqi slowly got ready to go to the store, clutching her phone, wanting to call Wen Jia Luo.

Ever since she didn’t get into her car that day, their contact had lessened. Xu Shiqi, usually very patient, now felt increasingly restless.

She finally dialed the number with trembling hands, holding her breath when she heard the other side answer, “Hello?”

“Thank you for the shoes,” she said, smoothly expressing her gratitude, “I really like them.”

There was a pause before Wen Jia Luo responded, “I’m driving.”

“…I’ll talk to you later then. Bye.”

“Goodbye.”

Xu Shiqi hung up, stiffly holding her phone, unable to imagine that the girl who had sent her shoes had just ended the call so abruptly.

Her heart remained unsettled until that evening when Wen Jia Luo brought the most important women in the Wen family back home. The old lady let Xu Shiqi rest while her two granddaughters tended to her.

Xu Shiqi stood behind the door, listening to the noises outside, recognizing the familiar footsteps. She quickly opened the door just as Wen Jia Luo approached.

“Can we talk?” Xu Shiqi asked softly, holding the door as if for support.

Wen Jia Luo looked at her for a long time before nodding.

Xu Shiqi felt like she was being tortured, almost unable to hold the door handle. Just then, Wen Jia Luo’s hand covered hers, and in a low voice, she said, “Let’s go out.”

Wen Baohua’s room was at the other end of the corridor. Walking through the hall, Xu Shiqi couldn’t help but think about what she would do if Baohua suddenly saw them dressed up and ready to leave. But her mind was filled with the reality of going out with Wen Jia Luo, leaving no room for other thoughts.

Luckily, no one noticed them leave, and as Xu Shiqi sat in Wen Jia Luo’s car, she felt like she was sleepwalking. Although she had ridden in this car many times, an unfamiliar tension enveloped her.

Wen Jia Luo drove to the riverside park. In the deep winter night, it felt like a hibernating monster, quiet and almost eerie. The streetlights looked dim, and there was hardly anyone around, making it seem safe yet unsettling.

Realizing it was too cold, they quickly returned to the car.

The car’s warmth soon made Xu Shiqi’s hands hot. She gently rubbed her fingers, trying to calm herself.

She had invited Wen Jia Luo out, but suddenly didn’t know where to start. Wen Jia Luo seemed to be waiting for her to speak, sitting still and passive.

“Have you been busy lately?” Xu Shiqi finally asked.

Wen Jia Luo narrowed her eyes, lazily replying, “Not really.”

“You haven’t been around much,” Xu Shiqi said, her head slightly lowered.

“Isn’t it fine if someone else gives you a ride?” Wen Jialuo replied nonchalantly, as if their relationship was nothing more than this.

Xu Shiqi suddenly became stubborn. “Didn’t you promise to give me a ride every day?”

“But I can’t…” Wen Jialuo sighed as if she regretted it. “This can’t go on.”

“Do you think it can’t go on now?” Xu Shiqi clenched her fists as she spoke. Deep down, she didn’t believe it, but the words came out defiantly. “If you feel uncomfortable now, why didn’t you stay away from me when you first found out I only like women?”

Wen Jialuo turned to her, seemingly in disbelief. She was silent for a moment before softly asking, “Are you mad?”

“Why would I be mad?” Xu Shiqi laughed. “You’re just curious about someone like me. It’s a novelty for you, right? I get it. But it makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t it? That’s why you’re avoiding me. Giving me shoes and stuff, it’s just to ease your guilt, right?” As she spoke, her whole body trembled. The days had been so hard, and now she was at her breaking point. She waited, with her mouth shut, for the girl to say something, like waiting for a life-or-death verdict. But the girl just leaned back in her seat without a word, driving Xu Shiqi to the brink. “Say something! Why won’t you say something? You…”

More hurtful words were about to escape her control when the girl suddenly opened her eyes, piercing like a sword.

“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t fall in love with anyone?”

The words woke Xu Shiqi up from her delusion.

She forgot how to speak. She stared blankly at the girl who had just lashed out at her. The girl’s eyes were not filled with the same baseless resentment as her own, but were as deep and vast as the ocean.

Something broke inside her, and the girl could no longer sit still. She pushed open the car door and stepped out.

It was so cold outside; she stood there like a solitary tree, lonely and forlorn.

Xu Shiqi clutched her chest, feeling the erratic beating of her heart almost out of control. She tried to steady herself and then opened the car door to step out. Then she heard the girl’s voice.

“So, do you think we should keep some distance between us?”

How did it come to this? Why? How could it be like this…

Xu Shiqi thought, if it was just curiosity, I would feel better. She hugged herself, shivering, and looked at the girl. “I didn’t hear what you said. Take it back.”

The girl turned around, her lips curling slightly. “I knew you would say that.” Why did such gentle words form such cruel sentences, yet still sound sweet? She seemed relieved. “I understand how you feel, so I don’t blame you for saying that. I won’t ask anything of you. Since you didn’t hear what I said, there’s no need to take it back.”

“Do you really understand?” Xu Shiqi asked, confused.

“I do,” Wen Jialuo said quietly. “There are too many people you don’t want to hurt, so you closed yourself off from the start. I thought there was only one of me in the world, but that’s not true.” She walked closer to Xu Shiqi, her gaze still focused. “If you decide to live a lonely life, I’ll accompany you in that loneliness. Anyway… I never intended to fall in love with anyone. Don’t feel pressured, I really won’t push you.”

“Giving you those shoes was just because I wanted to. Don’t overthink it…”

Clearly, these were considerate and understanding words, and Xu Shiqi should have been grateful. But she felt trapped in an invisible web that had grown so large there was no escape. Her soul struggled within it, shouting defiantly.

She reached out suddenly, trying to grab Wen Jialuo.

But Wen Jialuo deftly dodged and stepped back two paces. “No.”

“No?” Xu Shiqi cried out, stepping forward. “Why not?”

“Think it over carefully,” Wen Jialuo said slowly. “If you hold on to me, you can’t let go again.”

Xu Shiqi froze. The girl’s gaze was still so frank, but weren’t her words forcing her to make a decision? Who just said they wouldn’t push her?

Wen Jialuo turned slightly, her sighs rising from the darkness and disappearing into Xu Shiqi’s ears. “I’ll give you time. Think carefully about what you really want, and what you don’t want.”

While sitting in the car, Wen Jialuo said, “No matter what you decide, I’ll be here.”

It was like a bullet straight to her heart.

Xu Shiqi said nothing, biting her lower lip. She didn’t dare look at the person beside her, afraid of the expression on their face while saying such words. Just imagining it made her heart ache.

The car sped down the road, the atmosphere inside suffocating. Xu Shiqi clutched her chest, her vision blurring. She hadn’t even tasted the sweetness of love, yet tears of pain were already falling. She hadn’t had the chance to see the love in the girl’s eyes, yet she was already deeply entangled in the struggle between gain and loss. This was perhaps the kind of love for people like them. Every budding inch suffered the scorching sunlight, growing through pain, unable to appreciate its form before thinking about how to heal.

The scales wavered, reason and emotion pulling at each other. Moving forward felt like a dizzying abyss, while retreating was an endless wasteland. Xu Shiqi finally faced the problem she thought she would never face.

Perhaps it was too quiet, too quiet. Wen Jialuo slowed down and adjusted the FM channel.

A low female voice suddenly filled the space, her song filled with a loneliness like standing on the edge of a cliff.

“Does the northern wind hear the southern rain, Can the bird in the sky see the fish in the water. The one I love is crying, But I cannot make her happy…”