Chapter 5

Pei Jian, just as in his previous life, stood out prominently at the Forum on Classics. It was only natural that he got acquainted with the Crown Prince and gained his admiration. Both classmates and mentors looked at him with approval, even admiration. Everyone knew that Pei Jian, also known as Pei Shizhang, had a boundless future ahead.

This, of course, was a good thing. But in Pei Jian’s heart, there was always a faint and inexplicable sense of disparity. In truth, he had long forgotten the elation and high-spiritedness he once felt. After years of navigating the ups and downs of officialdom, this level of achievement barely stirred a ripple within him. As for that subtle sense of loss in his heart, perhaps it was because he could no longer find a pair of clear, radiant apricot eyes among the cheering crowd.

It was simply a matter of unfamiliarity, Pei Jian told himself.

Yet, as he stepped out of Chongming Tower, a delayed memory of his previous life surfaced—Wen Qingheng’s “brother” greatly admired his talents and fervently invited him to the Wen residence for a chat. Unable to refuse such enthusiastic hospitality, he followed the two “brothers” to the Wen residence.

Frankly speaking, the mother-in-law wasn’t a wife with an easy temperament, but the father-in-law was a rare and kind husband. He was always patient and never argued back, even when reprimanded by his wife. That was the first time Pei Jian experienced such a lively and loving family atmosphere. From the first meeting, his father-in-law and mother-in-law treated him kindly— until their marriage and Nianxi lost that child.

Pei Jian suddenly felt a sense of melancholy. In this life, without Nianxi, Wen Qingheng no longer invited him to the Wen residence.

Pei Jian declined the invitations from classmates and friends, choosing to walk home alone.

The school building was quiet—today was a rest day, and most students had gone home.

Pei Jian sat alone, waiting for Gu Ci to return.

When he held a high position in the past and was busy with official duties, he often lamented the lack of time and the inability to be in multiple places at once. Now, with leisure time at hand, he realized how long and difficult time could be to endure.

For some reason, Pei Jian thought of Nianxi again, the Nianxi from his previous life. He wondered how Nianxi had spent her long and lonely days while he was preoccupied with his ceaseless work and restless nights. At this thought, a subtle, lingering discomfort spread across his chest. Refusing to let himself dwell on it any further, he stood up and left the Imperial Academy.

…

At Duke Zhen’s Residence.

Madam Wang was delighted to see him. “Shizhang, have you eaten? You must have just returned from the Forum on Classics, right? Xiaoliu has gone to Qu Shui; who knows if he’s gone wild, as he’s not yet back.” As she spoke, she repeatedly instructed the maids to prepare a meal.

“You look like you’ve become thinner again. Studying is important, but your health is your foundation. You mustn’t neglect it just because you’re young; you need to eat properly every day.”

Duke Zhenguo, along with the eldest and second young masters, were defending the border. Gu Ci’s three elder sisters were already married, and Gu Ci was studying at the Imperial Academy. The vast Duke’s residence was left with only Madam Wang. Thus, every time she saw him, Madam Wang always had a stack of caring words to share.

Out of habit, he asked, “Was Madam just listening to opera?”

When Pei Jian arrived, Madam Wang had just dismissed the opera troupe.

“Nothing to do all day, just passing the time,” Madam Wang said with a smile. “When I was younger, I couldn’t stand listening to operas. I always felt like a single opera could be sung until the end of time. But as the children grew up and the Duke was no longer by my side, I slowly began to appreciate the charm of opera.”

“Look at me. Why am I telling you all this? Shizhang, why do you look unwell? Are you not feeling alright?”

“Nothing.” Hearing Madam Wang’s words just now, Pei Jian felt a brief moment of panic in his heart.

When did Nian Xi start listening to opera? He couldn’t remember.

---

Pei Jian’s parents passed away when he was very young. For the sake of the family, his grandfather passed the title of heir of Duke Zheng to the second branch of the family. After the successive deaths of his grandparents, he was also driven out of the main residence. His second aunt was harsh and mean-spirited. Although he was the eldest son of the Pei family, he endured much bullying. Madam Wang began looking after him during that time.

From a young age, he knew he had no way out. If he did not strive for progress, when the time came, his second uncle would casually assign him a wife, and his family would have to depend on the second branch for their livelihood for the rest of their lives.

The Pei family’s main branch would never rise again. Thus, he did not dare slack off for even a moment. Studying and becoming an official were his only paths to change his fate. Fortunately, he was competent and lived up to expectations.

Later, he met Nianxi, his wife. Time had passed so long that he had forgotten why he first fell for Nianxi. He only remembered that he went from being alone to having a family. There was an extra pair of chopsticks at the dining table and an extra quilt on the bed when he slept.

It was only at that moment that Pei Jian realized—it had been a very, very long time since he and Nianxi had shared a meal.

When had it started?

Nian Xi said she no longer loved him. At first, when he heard the word “love,” Pei Jian only found it laughable.

Who was he? The youngest grand chancellor in the history of Great Xia, about to assume the position of right minister, wielding immense power. Every day, he dealt with countless national affairs. His words, his stance, could alter the fate of a person, a family, or even an entire nation.

The word “love” was too light for a man over thirty. Too insubstantial to bear the weight of his experiences, too fleeting to hold back the passage of time. But now, Pei Jian realized—Nianxi truly no longer loved him.

Swallowing the bitter melon in his mouth, Pei Jian only felt bitterness seep into his heart. Let it be, he told himself. He had a set path to follow. As for her, she would have a more considerate husband to take care of and cherish her.

In this life, he chose not to have her.

To let her go.

“Has Uncle Gu sent a letter recently? Is he about to return to the capital?”

This was Pei Jian’s main purpose for coming today. In just half a year, Duke Gu and his sons would fall victim to negligence in defense, leading to a surprise attack by the Beiliang forces. The Beiliang cavalry swept south with fierce momentum, capturing dozens of cities in succession. The people were displaced, and the scenes of suffering were unbearable. The Gu family’s three men gave their lives in the battle to defend the city. The news reached the capital, and Madam Wang fell gravely ill.

The court sought to hold the Duke of Zhen’s household accountable for the lapse, and Gu Ci bore the blame alone, journeying to the border to fight against the northern army—never to return to the central plains in his lifetime. Later, when Pei Jian became the left chancellor, he repeatedly reviewed the case files from that year, discovering that the disaster originated from Gu Chengye’s oversight. Now that he had been reborn, he naturally intended to prevent this catastrophic event.

Speaking of her husband, Madam Wang’s smile deepened. “At the latest, the Duke will be back by the end of November. Once he returns this time, he will petition the Emperor to retire and remain in the capital.”

As they spoke, hurried footsteps sounded from outside.

Madam Wang stopped talking and playfully scolded the person outside the door, “Such a grown person, yet still so impatient.”

“Once Mother sees Shizhang, she naturally finds her own son lacking,” the person replied.

Speaking as he entered, Gu Ci came in from outside. A smile spread across his face, making his already handsome and striking features even more vibrant. Anyone could tell at a glance that he was in an excellent mood.

“What’s brought you such joy?” Madam Wang teased, “Could it be you’ve met someone special?”

Surprisingly, her words made Gu Ci blush.

Madam Wang became even happier and quickly pressed him, “Which family’s girl is it? Have I met her before?”

Feeling awkward under her questioning, Gu Ci turned to Pei Jian and said, “I heard on my way back that at today’s Forum on Classics, even His Highness the Crown Prince praised you highly. That’s my brother!” He gave Pei Jian a thumbs-up.

Gu Ci, being naturally open-minded, understood Pei Jian’s hardships along the way. Seeing Pei Jian’s success, he was genuinely happy for him.

Pei Jian, however, did not find it something worth boasting about. But seeing Madam Wang and Gu Ci so excited, he held back his words. He had already decided to let go of Nianxi and resolutely move toward the predetermined future, vowing never to give his heart again in this life. Yet he sincerely wished for Gu Ci to find the love of his life. So he asked, “Coming back so late, don’t tell me you went to have dinner at the young lady’s house?”

T/N: Duke Zheng (郑)= Pei Jian’s household, Duke Zhen (镇) = Gu Ci’s household.