Chapter 24

“What do you think social anxiety disorder looks like?” Dr. Zhao looked at the confused Chi Zhihan before him with a kind expression.

It was Qi Cheng’s eighth day of fasting, and Chi Zhihan followed Dr. Zhao out of the villa during his check-up visit.

She had been extremely troubled these past two days about Qi Cheng’s personality and his illness.

“Shy, introverted, afraid to speak?” That was her initial impression of her neighbor, back when all she could see was just Qi Cheng’s hand.

Dr. Zhao shook his head with a smile. “Before his illness, Qi Cheng was a very scholarly child—refined, humorous, expressive, definitely not shy or introverted.”

“Social anxiety disorder is different from introversion. People with social anxiety aren’t necessarily introverted or shy. It’s an illness that develops from self-doubt triggered by certain events. They become nervous in crowds, and when this anxiety is reinforced, it develops into social anxiety.”

“The Qi Cheng you see now partly reflects his personality from when he was mentally healthy, but due to self-doubt and chaotic internal contradictions, you’ll notice his emotions change rapidly and his personality becomes unpredictable.” Dr. Zhao rubbed his nose. “This is what you wanted to ask about, right?”

Chi Zhihan smiled sheepishly. Psychologists really were psychologists…

She was reluctant to admit that Qi Cheng had frightened her these past few days. A psychological patient who supposedly needed her healing appeared much more mature and composed than she was, which seemed completely absurd.

And then there was his inexplicable flirting…

Like when he accused her of bullying him, or when he saw her reading adult novels but didn’t quite dare to express his disapproval, always hiding them when she went out, then looking at her with innocent sparkling eyes when she asked about it.

Or like how when she got close to him, his breathing would sometimes send tingles up her spine, leaving her tingling all over.

She was about to make a move on a patient—this realization almost scared her to death…

“So his current behaviors that seem unreasonable—they’re all because of his illness?” Chi Zhihan asked hesitantly. When speaking with Dr. Zhao, especially with some unclear thoughts in her mind, she always felt nervous.

Moreover, after she asked, Dr. Zhao gave her a look without immediately answering.

Chi Zhihan put her hands behind her back, unconsciously standing like a schoolgirl being lectured.

“Xiao Chi,” Dr. Zhao walked toward the garden outside the villa, his tone unchanged, though he no longer called her Miss Chi, “Actually, we met very early on—when you were young, around second grade in elementary school.”

Chi Zhihan paused in her steps.

“I don’t know if you remember,” Dr. Zhao turned back, looking at her with a smile, “Your father brought you in because your teacher said you had ADHD and suggested he take you to the hospital.”

…

Chi Zhihan blushed.

She remembered this incident. She was too mischievous as a child—whenever her deskmate was doing homework, she couldn’t resist drawing along with her pen. During class, she couldn’t keep her hands and feet still, making her chair creak constantly. When the teacher couldn’t bear it anymore, they called her father.

The comment about taking her to the hospital was more of a frustrated remark, but her dad, overly concerned, actually took her to get checked out.

She remembered her mother thought ADHD was too embarrassing and waited outside the hospital, buying her an expensive ice cream cone after they came out.

Back then, they were a family of three.

“That year, I had just started my independent practice. The diagnosis of ADHD in children wasn’t systematic in China yet. I would receive several families like yours every week, mostly just asking a few questions, observing whether the patient could focus, if their emotions were stable, and if their family situation was harmonious—these basic questions.”

“But you left a deep impression on me. When I asked why you wouldn’t let your deskmate do their homework, your answer was very honest.” Dr. Zhao looked at her with another smile, “You said seeing them do homework reminded you of how much homework you hadn’t done yet, and it made you anxious.”

…

Chi Zhihan blushed again. She remembered her father giving her a playful knock on the head after she said that.

“After all these years, after everything you’ve been through, when you took the psychological test, the results were still the same—having some harmless little thoughts, but being honest.” Dr. Zhao sat down on a bench and gestured for Chi Zhihan to sit too. “Honestly, when I saw that report, I was quite relieved.”

“Your personality is very suitable for participating in this kind of therapy, and the facts have proved this true. Qi Cheng has accepted you faster than any of us imagined.” Dr. Zhao smiled and patted Chi Zhihan’s shoulder. “I’ve been treating Qi Cheng for too long, and I’ve become personally invested. I always felt this child shouldn’t have ended up like this.”

“Dr. Zhao…” Chi Zhihan began to feel uneasy. There was too much build-up—someone like Dr. Zhao rarely made meaningless preparations.

“You’re a warm-hearted child. You chose to come back because you felt needed, right?” Dr. Zhao smiled. “But now that you’ve actually entered Qi Cheng’s life, you’ve found he doesn’t seem to need help as much as you imagined?”

Being analyzed like this wasn’t pleasant. Chi Zhihan forced a smile without responding.

“Qi Cheng is trying very hard to please you, showing you the best version of himself that he can currently present. But he’s still just a patient—no matter how hard he tries, what you see is still someone with social anxiety and depression. That’s why you feel Qi Cheng is mercurial, sometimes seeming to show weakness and try to please you, other times being forceful and willful.”

“Why does he… need to try so hard to please me?” The word ‘please’ made Chi Zhihan feel strange, somehow uncomfortable.

“Humans are drawn to light. For Qi Cheng, you are currently his only source of light.” Dr. Zhao paused. “The Qi family members have all tried to be similar light sources over the years, but they all failed.”

“Why?” Chi Zhihan wondered.

“Because Qi Cheng believes they were all disappointed in him.” Dr. Zhao smiled helplessly. “Qi Cheng developed suicidal tendencies over a year ago. During that time, his grandfather was seriously ill. He went to the ICU but couldn’t bring himself to get close enough to let his grandfather hold his hand.”

“After that incident, in his self-perception, he believed he was a burden to the Qi family, a useless person. Once this perception formed, it was very difficult to reverse given his mental state at the time,” Dr. Zhao shook his head. “On top of that, Zhou Jingshuo, the only son of his family, chose to marry into the Qi family to be with Qi Ning. This made him feel even more guilty about not being able to help with the family business.”

Chi Zhihan lowered her head. She wasn’t really interested in these wealthy family secrets, and Dr. Zhao telling her these things made her feel awkward.

She wasn’t close enough to the Qi family to want to know these things.

“I’ve gone off track, haven’t I?” Dr. Zhao laughed, understanding Chi Zhihan’s obvious distance from the Qi family, and quickly changed the subject. “Qi Cheng’s attempts to please you can be understood as his instinctive attraction to warmth and light, but remember, being the only light source is dangerous. Once extinguished, it could become the last straw that breaks him.”

“Moreover, I’ve always worried that the part of his subconscious that doesn’t want to be cured might also want to extinguish this light source.” Dr. Zhao rubbed his chin after saying this.

Chi Zhihan was already dizzy from all this psychological analysis. “Then what should I… do?”

“Keep shining, no matter what he does, let him know you’re always there.” Dr. Zhao spoke abstractly. “After this cautious pleasing phase passes, he’ll have an observation period where he’ll watch to see if you’ll really stay. During that time, you must give him confidence.”

“…” Chi Zhihan didn’t know what to say. Her relationship with Qi Cheng, from the moment she actively asked if his food was good, had been tied together by an inexplicable bond. She had initiated it out of personal interest, and she had returned because she couldn’t let go.

“Also, you can share more heart-to-heart conversations with him during this phase. He’s studied psychology and is sensitive. Initially wanting to keep you around was also because he saw your inner trauma and wanted to guide you. You might want to start from this angle.” After saying this, Dr. Zhao started shaking his head again. “Look at me giving you guidance again. This is your personal matter, it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m just making a suggestion.”

…

This crafty, bumbling quack.

Chi Zhihan felt indignant. She was getting used to his habit of digging pitfalls for her to fall into.

But, initially… Qi Cheng wanted to help her?

Is that why he was so gentle and cooperative?

Is that why when she mentioned her fear of hospitals that day, Qi Cheng, who had been angry with her for several days, voluntarily asked another question…

This person who could barely help himself really wanted to have value…

He really wanted to live, desperately searching for reasons to stay alive.

Having heart-to-heart talks with Qi Cheng… with someone so harmless and gentle…

Actually wasn’t such a difficult thing…

…

Back in Qi Cheng’s room, Dr. Li was still there. When he saw Chi Zhihan, he snorted. “What did that slippery old Zhao tell you again?”

… Chi Zhihan sniffled and smiled sheepishly.

“Sometimes you don’t need to listen to everything he says.” Dr. Li didn’t expect Chi Zhihan to answer. “That guy puts too much emphasis on mental health, easily forgetting that physical health is the foundation of everything.”

… Here they go again. Whenever these two appeared together, they always argued about whether the chicken or the egg came first.

The subject of their discussion lay quietly on the bed, eyes closed, seemingly detached from the world.

“Are the test results not good?” Somehow Qi Cheng’s mood didn’t seem right.

“Blood and urine test indicators are fine. He can have some rice porridge tonight. I’ll come by every day these next few days to do blood and urine tests. If the indicators don’t spike after eating, we can try adding some oil.” Dr. Li smiled. “This kid has been a glutton since childhood, now he’s getting what he deserves. He’ll have to abstain from alcohol for life, otherwise if this condition relapses, the mortality rate will be much higher.”

…

Remembering when Qi Cheng asked her for rice wine late at night, Chi Zhihan frowned, feeling inexplicably regretful.

“That’s the good news. There’s also bad news.” As soon as Dr. Li finished speaking, Qi Cheng quickly raised his head.

“Tsk, that trick doesn’t work on me.” Dr. Li glared at Qi Cheng, ignoring his wet-looking eyes, and lifted the corner of the blanket that Qi Cheng was clutching tightly, then lifted his shirt, revealing half of his waistline.

His waist was pale, and to Chi Zhihan’s surprise, there were faint traces of abs visible. Chi Zhihan blushed, not quite understanding the purpose of this sudden exposure.

Then Dr. Li used one finger to poke Qi Cheng’s waist. Qi Cheng clearly tried to hold back but couldn’t help shifting his body.

In that brief moment, Chi Zhihan saw the bruising on the back of his waist—a large area, black and blue, shocking to see.

“Have you been sleeping with him?” Dr. Li asked casually.

“…” Chi Zhihan was stunned for a moment before understanding what he meant. “I sleep on the couch…”

“Didn’t Old Zhao tell you about his inability to share a room with others?” Dr. Li continued, raising an eyebrow.

“… He did.” Chi Zhihan bit her lip. She knew about this, but when she brought her blanket and pillow to crash on the couch because she didn’t want to see the room across being turned into a clinic, Qi Cheng didn’t refuse. Seeing him sleeping soundly at night, she naturally assumed it would be fine.

“This kid has been pinching himself like this to avoid having episodes at night. The external injury isn’t a big problem, but regarding where you should sleep, it’s best to ask old Zhao.” Dr. Li stopped there. He wasn’t a psychology professional and had no position to comment on old Zhao’s treatment methods, though he was somewhat worried about having such a young girl watching over Qi Cheng.

It was true that Qi Cheng’s recovery this time was faster than before, and perhaps this girl’s appearance could really help him get better, but being too aggressive wasn’t good either, especially with this issue of sharing a room that the Qi family couldn’t resolve in ten years.

Chi Zhihan’s face turned pale, as if someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on her. She stood there at a loss.

She really didn’t know. During the first two nights, she had stayed up waiting until Qi Cheng’s breathing became steady to confirm he was asleep before daring to sleep herself. The following nights, she had become relaxed after getting used to it.

So she didn’t know that the person she watched every day had such a large area of bruising on his back from trying to prevent episodes.

This was the first time since she started caring for Qi Cheng that she truly felt

the weight of responsibility.

“I told you, I was the one who let her sleep here,” Qi Cheng pulled down his shirt, looking at Dr. Li. “It has nothing to do with her.”