Chapter 16: Emotions — All Three Toss and Turn Through the Night

She stood rooted to the spot, gazing at the sorrow on Pei Shang’s face.

Just then, Pei Shang happened to turn around, meeting her gaze. Yu Mingyao saw a flash of surprise in his eyes, but he quickly returned to his usual roguish smile, with that charming, carefree demeanor.

His voice was soft—nothing like his usual unruly, brash self.

“Mingyao-meimei, why are you still frowning? This grass is so soft—try lying down.”

“There’s no one around. No one will gossip and say you lack proper decorum. You’re already here—why let yourself be bound by those hollow rules?”

She truly admired him. His sadness was like a light dusting of snow under the sun—gone in an instant.

Unlike herself.

A bitter smile flashed across Yu Mingyao’s lips. She lifted her skirt and lay down beside Pei Shang, keeping a respectful arm’s length between them.

The air in her nostrils was crisp and fresh, with the scent of fragrant grass. It was completely different from the rich perfumes of sandalwood, flowers, and medicinal herbs she was used to.

She sniffed again, then smiled gently.

So this… was the scent of freedom.

She closed her eyes. Darkness settled behind her lids, tinged with a rusty red, like dried blood.

Beside her, Pei Shang’s cheerful voice drifted into her ears again.

“See? I wasn’t lying, was I? You’re the only person I’ve brought here. I used to…”

Pei Shang trailed off mid-sentence.

Perhaps it was because when sight is lost, the other senses sharpen. Yu Mingyao heard everything he didn’t say—the melancholy, the effort to suppress it, and his desire to make her happy.

So, before he became the cold, ruthless man people feared, he had once been a kind, gentle boy.

Yu Mingyao remained silent. Pei Shang spoke for a while, then, hearing no response, curiously opened one eye to peek at her.

The young woman beside him had skin like snow, a faint blush on her cheeks. Her long lashes cast delicate shadows over her eyes like tiny fans.

So beautiful.

A strange, indescribable itch rose from Pei Shang’s throat and spread through his body. A sudden thirst gripped him, his Adam’s apple bobbing involuntarily.

His gaze fell on Yu Mingyao’s lips.

Her lips were just as beautiful—plump, soft, like flower petals, rosy and inviting.

An urge surged in him—to lean in, bite them gently, and taste what they were like.

Then, an hour earlier, the image of Yu Mingyao wrapping her arms around Xie Zhuoguang’s neck and kissing him surfaced in his mind.

This usually wild, mischievous boy suddenly had a glint of cold steel in his dark eyes—sharp and fleeting.

Yu Mingyao opened her eyes to see Pei Shang wearing a strange, unreadable expression.

She blinked, confused, and reached out her pale, delicate hand toward him.

“Pull me up.”

Spoiled. Frail. Yet bold and direct.

That was Pei Shang’s impression in that moment.

He was already sixteen. Boys his age from noble families already knew about such things.

And he wasn’t clueless either.

“Don’t… don’t be like that…”

Pei Shang mumbled, but still lowered his gaze and helped her up, taking her soft hand in his.

Strange—he’d held her hand before, when helping her onto a horse. But then, his heart was full of excitement at the view, at how happy she’d be.

Now, though, his heart pounded in disarray. His mind was filled with thoughts he dared not explore.

“What shouldn’t I be like?”

Yu Mingyao stood and brushed off her skirts.

Pei Shang’s ears were red, and even the skin from his neck to jaw was tinged pink.

She felt the urge to tease him again.

“Hey!” Pei Shang glared at her, clearly annoyed.

“If we don’t head back now, the family will get suspicious. I don’t want to be lectured.”

He whistled. The horse grazing by the lake below the hill galloped toward them.

Yu Mingyao mounted it, holding her conical hat in one hand. Pei Shang deliberately kept a large distance from her, unlike when they had come.

Luckily, she was a skilled rider. Otherwise, with Pei Shang trying to stay eight feet away from her, she might’ve fallen off from all the bouncing.

They rode in silence, a rare quiet that made Yu Mingyao wonder—how did this chatterbox turn into a mute?

“Are you thinking how to tattle on me when we get back?”

She diverted the topic, avoiding the real question she wanted to ask.

As expected, Pei Shang exploded.

“How could I? I was just being nice! What kind of person do you take me for?”

His emotions flared up, and he reached for her to argue, forgetting all sense of propriety.

Their lower bodies brushed together in the saddle. In that moment, Yu Mingyao suddenly understood what he was avoiding.

Rogue!

She wasn’t a clueless, innocent girl like Bizhu, who once asked Pei Shang why he carried a dagger that poked into her.

She bit back her embarrassment and endured the long, drawn-out ambiguity in silence.

They finally reached the spot where the old horse had previously refused to go on. It was still wandering nearby. Both breathed a sigh of relief.

Pei Shang, as if sitting on hot coals, immediately dismounted and dragged the stubborn horse over.

“Ride this one. It doesn’t like men riding it.”

Seeing Yu Mingyao still looking at him with soft, watery eyes, he added gruffly, “You’re light. That’s the only reason. Don’t overthink it.”

Honestly, as soon as he finished, Yu Mingyao wanted to tease him again, like usual—What reason do you think I thought of?

But the earlier moment had been too awkward.

So awkward that even if she wanted to joke, she couldn’t ignore the fact that Pei Shang—though not yet the striking young man who would one day ride through the streets with a red flower in his hair—was still very much a man.

There’s a natural attraction between the sexes.

And she understood that far better than Pei Shang did.

They followed the same path back, but not with the same speed. The horses meandered slowly. Their hearts, too, gradually calmed.

Lying in the grass had brought a peace Yu Mingyao hadn’t felt in a long time. She even forgot everything from earlier—including the kiss.

Her heart, once consumed by longing, now felt calm and detached, soft and at ease.

Yu Mingyao thought—if she could return to Jiangnan, she would live the rest of her life quietly, without turmoil.

“Thank you, Pei Shang.”

As they neared the place where they had borrowed the horses, Yu Mingyao smiled at him, sincerely.

“This… it’s nothing.”

Faced with the gratitude of the girl he liked, Pei Shang stammered. Flustered, he turned away and muttered, “As long as you’re happy.”

In truth, Pei Shang hadn’t wanted to say that.

He had so much to say—like, Are you really going back to Suzhou? Really quitting school? Do you… truly love him?

He wanted to tell her not to cry over someone unworthy. That tears from a woman were like lifeblood—shed too much, and she’d be gone.

He wanted to ask her to choose someone else. To look around. To look… at him.

Her slender figure slowly disappeared into the dusk. Even as the sun fully set and silence fell, Pei Shang remained in place.

In his hand, he clutched a hairpin.

He didn’t know if the golden pin he had spent years of secret savings on would ever be given.

—

Behind pale blue curtains, Yu Mingyao lay on her bed, scenes from the day flashing through her mind.

She had returned later than usual. As she reached the courtyard, she saw Yan Yue anxiously waiting, worry etched clearly on her face.

Her older brother had returned from the banquet earlier.

Because of this, her grandmother had been deeply worried—afraid something had happened in this unfamiliar capital.

Seeing Yu Mingyao safe, the family resumed their packing with renewed energy.

Looking at the bustle, the excitement on everyone’s faces, Yu Mingyao finally felt it was real—she was truly returning home.

And she would no longer attend school. Would no longer see Xie Zhuoguang.

Xie Zhuoguang…

Yu Mingyao stared at the carved ceiling above her. This wooden bed had accompanied her for three years, up until her marriage.

She was married off from the Yu family’s own house in the capital. It wasn’t long after she had been humiliated at the Pei estate. Aside from her grandmother, few of the Pei relatives came to congratulate her.

She had left—joyful, yet bitter.

Seven years had passed in a blink.

Xie Zhuoguang’s cold rebuke echoed in her ears.

“Miss Yu, have some self-respect.”

He called her Miss Yu. Told her to have self-respect.

How could he?

Tears spilled again. She bit her blanket hard, trying not to make a sound.

She hated him. She would never love Xie Zhuoguang again!

—

The moon reached its peak. At the Duke Xie’s residence.

Moonlight slanted through the gauzy windows. Under the pale bed curtains, a figure tossed restlessly.

Xie Zhuoguang lay wide awake on his pearwood bed, heart burning, tossing and turning. It wasn’t the first time.

Ever since Yu Mingyao had burst back into his life like a stray bullet, his previously calm world had been upended.

The last time he’d felt this disturbed was the night before—when her pale, dirt-smudged face kept flashing through his mind in the dark.

She had looked so wretched—but all he could think of was her loose hair and how it made his heart pound like a war drum.

How could a woman be so courageous?

So dazzlingly beautiful, yet with not a shred of vanity. So delicate in frame, yet full of strength.

He lay sleepless, haunted by her fall from the horse.

He tried to convince himself—She’s a friend’s future wife. Off-limits. Even if they weren’t formally engaged, he knew Pei Shang’s feelings. He should keep his distance.

But yesterday, when he’d reached out and touched her, the thought had already crossed a line.

And today… that kiss… had dragged him into the abyss.

Xie Zhuoguang could no longer ignore his heart.

He had developed an extraordinary fondness for this woman.

Even if she made the first move, and he simply went along…

Still, he thought, if her feelings were real, if her affection was deep, accepting her and taking responsibility wouldn’t be wrong, would it?

He deliberately ignored how close she was to Pei Shang. His emotions were in turmoil.

Part of him was thrilled that she liked him so much, that she would go to any length to be with him. Another part worried—was her departure a ploy, a test, or truly the end? He couldn’t gauge her sincerity.

Under the same moon, in the still of night, all three lay awake, hearts in turmoil.