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Chapter 54 — Regret
When she looked at Pei Shang, her eyes sparkled.
Cabin No. 5, Heaven Class —
Xie Zhuoguang leaned against the headboard, his pale, cold eyes staring blankly out the window.
Since Cheng Qing had entered, he’d been sitting like that, lost in thought for an indeterminate amount of time.
It was noon, and the surroundings bustled with activity. Even though they were secluded on the quiet fourth floor, lively sounds from below occasionally drifted up.
Seeing Xie Zhuoguang remain this way was worrisome. Cheng Qing forced a smile and suggested, “The weather is fine today, the sun is shining brightly. Would the heir like to step outside for some air?”
It was obvious that Cheng Qing didn’t smile often; the expression on his face was stiff and forced.
Xie Zhuoguang lifted his gaze to him briefly but remained silent, cold and distant like an autumn mist.
He gazed out the window, but his mind was full of memories from this lifetime.
Ever since Yu Mingyao’s visit a few days ago, no one had come again. Neither Pei Shang nor the Yu family. Yet, in their past life, Yu Mingyao would have been by his side daily, tending to his medicines. Whether it was Yu Jinnian or Madam Shi Luo, the Yu family had always been attentive and well-mannered; they would never have ignored him while he was convalescing.
For them to act like this now, there was only one possibility — they had grown utterly weary of him.
They no longer wanted him disturbing Yu Mingyao and Pei Shang’s budding relationship.
At that thought, pain surged in Xie Zhuoguang’s chest. He swallowed the bitterness that rose to his throat, paused for a moment, and then got up.
Cheng Qing was delighted to see him move and quickly fetched a cyan robe and cloak for him. Unexpectedly, Xie Zhuoguang glanced at the garments and said, “Change it to moon-white.”
Moon-white was beautiful — her favorite color.
Cheng Qing was stunned for a moment but complied.
“Young master is finally going out. Is your health much improved?”
As the two stepped out of the cabin, they ran into the inn servant who had brought the message that day. The servant, dressed in short working clothes, caught sight of Xie Zhuoguang and couldn’t help but show a trace of admiration in his eyes. His tone also softened.
Xie Zhuoguang nodded at him and strode forward.
Behind him, Cheng Qing quickly explained, “We have to thank you for your help that day. Our heir has this kind of personality, please don’t take offense.”
Hearing Cheng Qing’s words, Xie Zhuoguang slowed his steps slightly as he took out some silver from his sleeve, his expression unchanged. Yet on the way to the tea lounge at the far end, he was still thinking:
My personality? What kind of personality?
He knew he had a cold temperament and was not easy to get close to. But hadn’t he lived over twenty years like this?
Wherever he went, there was always praise. No one had ever said he had a bad temper.
But if his temperament were truly good, why, after sharing the same bed for so many years, would she choose Pei Shang when given a second chance?
Xie Zhuoguang’s eyes darkened further, his whole person like a cool block of jade.
No wonder this was the largest merchant ship of the Shen family, the wealthiest merchant clan in Jiangnan — everything exuded luxury. As soon as he stepped into the tea lounge, warm air with a faint fragrance enveloped him.
The lounge was lively and bustling with laughter and music.
A smiling attendant welcomed them and guided them upstairs.
This tea lounge had everything — storytellers, musicians. Around the upstairs corner, there was even a scantily clad dancer balancing and dancing on bowls.
Xie Zhuoguang glanced at her, and a memory from the previous life surfaced — the first time Yu Mingyao had seen a Hu dancer perform.
Her eyes had sparkled with curiosity, and she’d chattered excitedly all the way back in the carriage.
He had known she loved freedom and disliked constraints. Being confined in the back courtyard often made her feel stifled. Many times, she had resented being born a woman, unable to roam freely outside.
It was considered romantic for men to frequent brothels, but for women, even slightly revealing clothing was deemed improper.
Only after Jinnian passed away did he realize how deeply Confucian rites had shackled her.
She loved baring her arms in summer, loved unrestrained running in spring, loved admiring red maples in autumn — not family outings just to burn incense at temples.
She admired him, but she had never liked the Xie family.
With every step Xie Zhuoguang took forward, past memories cut like knives — he felt as though he was walking on blades.
From several zhang away, Yu Jinnian’s booming voice rang out clearly:
“Brother Shang, try this! This is a Suzhou specialty — you won’t find it in the capital.”
Xie Zhuoguang paused, turning towards the direction of the voice.
The attendant noticed his pause, looked over curiously, and said, “Young master, do you know that family? That gentleman is also from Suzhou, very cheerful. His sister recently married into the Pei family in the capital — a fine match! The Pei family’s reputation, even we in distant Suzhou have heard of it.”
After speaking, the attendant saw that the refined young gentleman before him had suddenly gone pale, as though struck by a heavy blow.
Sensing something was wrong, he fell silent.
“Lead the way,” Xie Zhuoguang ordered coldly, his complexion still grim.
Cheng Qing quickly stepped forward, asking softly, “Heir, should I ask Miss Yu if we can join their table?”
After a long hesitation, Xie Zhuoguang gave a nearly imperceptible nod.
The attendant didn’t take them far, just a few zhang away from the Yu family’s private room, where he found a nearby private space for Xie Zhuoguang to sit.