I Have A Bit Of Social Anxiety
I Have A Bit Of Social Anxiety Chapter 1

I have social anxiety, and I was never meant to be emperor.

But my brothers fought each other for power—some died, some were banished.

In the end, I, the least competitive prince, was left.

Before the late emperor passed away, he repeatedly entrusted my study companion, now the regent, to take good care of me.

Though I am incompetent, I have the regent!

When we were study companions, I could already see that he was both skilled in literary and martial arts, fit to lead the empire.

I clung to him often.

Now that I’ve ascended the throne, of course, I’ll…

Boldly cling to him!

The regent treats me very well, something the late emperor noticed long ago, which is why the moment I took the throne, Huo Liang became the regent, second only to me in power.

The first time I attended morning court, I looked at the sea of people, my heart trembling and my legs shaking.

“Your Majesty, the border war is urgent…”

“Your Majesty, the national treasury…”

“Your Majesty, the late emperor’s decree…”

The spittle from all the officials was about to drown me.

I could only clutch the regent’s sleeve tightly.

“Regent, I command… command you to answer for me.”

The regent, always perceptive, handled the matters with ease, a few words enough to silence the old ministers.

If I weren’t the emperor, I would’ve bowed to him.

With the regent around, who cares if I have social anxiety!

That evening, I invited the regent to dine with me.

I kept piling delicacies into the regent’s bowl: “Beloved minister, you handle so many affairs; you must eat well.”

The regent paused his chopsticks: “Your Majesty, I cannot always answer for you. You’ve been on the throne long enough; you must stand on your own.”

“I refuse! What are you saying, beloved minister? Are you planning to abandon me?”

“Beloved minister, whenever I face those old ministers, I feel weak inside. I lack ambition and knowledge. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even want this throne.”

My lifelong wish isn’t to create a prosperous era or be remembered as a good emperor, but to find some remote place and live in seclusion.

I can’t handle facing so many people. I stutter when I speak, and they laugh behind my back.

I’ve had enough.

The regent advised, “Your Majesty, you mustn’t say such things.”

“Then, beloved minister, you must promise me you’ll never leave me.”

“Never?”

“Too long? Then, during my reign, don’t leave me.”

“As you command.”

The regent’s posture was upright as always, leisurely sipping his wine.

He always carries himself with such confidence, as though nothing could ever bend or bow him.

At the banquet, we spoke of the past and the future. At one point, like old friends, we clinked cups.

The regent behaves differently when he’s with me compared to when he’s before the court.

He seems gentler.

Seeing him puts me at ease.

I stared at the regent in a daze.

The regent, lifting his half-drunken eyelids, teased, “Your Majesty, why are you staring at me like that? Is there something on my face?”

“Beloved minister, you’re truly handsome.”

I leaned back in my chair: “No wonder everyone in the capital wants to marry you. If I were a woman, I’d fall for you too.”

“Not like me, the people in the capital say I lack masculine energy.”

The regent’s eyes darkened, something stirring in their depths.

The next second, I blurted out, “Beloved minister, what do you think of me?”

The regent’s long fingers paused for a moment, and he slowly looked up at me with an unreadable expression. “What?”

I pointed to myself, “What do you think of me?”

“Your Majesty is the Son of Heaven; naturally, you are very good.”

I lowered my gaze. “I am timid, cowardly, and socially anxious. I’m not fit to be a good emperor, yet I don’t know who I could give the throne to.”

The regent suddenly relaxed his brow, a self-mocking smile appearing. “So that’s what Your Majesty was asking.”

I was puzzled. What else could it have been?

“Your Majesty must have forgotten. You weren’t always like this. It’s just that some things changed. It’s not your fault.”

Thinking of the past, I downed three large cups of wine.

Overcome with emotion, I recited a poem, then hugged the regent and cried:

“Thank goodness for you, beloved minister. Without you, what would I do?”

“Beloved minister, you’re so good to always be by my side.”

“Sob… Beloved minister, you said you’d never leave me, sob, sob.”

The regent suddenly grabbed my hand—his palm was cold, but his gaze was intense.

“I won’t leave you.”

Lhaozi[Translator]

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