◎ I Can Wait ◎

On the way back, I must have repeated X’s name a hundred times, completely drowning out the GPS voice.

“So your name is Xu Tiancheng, huh?”

Just as it finally got quiet, I couldn’t resist launching another attack. Grinning, I leaned closer to the driver’s seat.

He pressed his lips together and gave me a glance. “Stop calling me that.”

I swayed my head playfully. “Why not?”

X smiled but said he didn’t know. “It just feels weird when you say it, like when I got in trouble as a kid and my mom called me by my full name.”

Wow, after saying that, how could I possibly stop? “I’m going to keep calling you, Xu Tiancheng, Xu Tiancheng. What’s wrong, Xu Tiancheng?”

I dramatically cupped my face. “Wow, it even sounds like ‘a perfect match’.”

Right after I said it, I cringed at how cheesy I sounded.

He looked like he had been hit by a cold wave, his eye twitching. “It’s because my mom’s last name is Tian.”

Until then, I didn’t even know ‘Tian’ was a surname. Just as I excitedly grabbed my phone to look up the history of the surname, he suddenly asked me, “So what’s your name?”

“I can’t keep calling you Teacher Seagull forever.”

This was the second time he had said that.

Last time, I managed to dodge the question, but it seemed like I wouldn’t be able to escape this time. I straightened up proudly. “You can call me Lele.”

“Lele.” Xu Tiancheng turned the steering wheel and still found time to glance at me, his laugh exaggerated. “Sounds like a little kid’s name.”

“Lele the little kid, tsk tsk, Lele the little kid, Le—le—little—kid—”

And he thought he could judge me? He wasn’t any better. Humans are just parrots in disguise.

I huffed dramatically and introduced myself properly. “My last name is You, and my full name is You Lexin. I’ve been called Lele since I was a kid. My parents call me that too. So what?”

Xu Tiancheng made a sound of realization. “Lexin, as in ‘a happy heart’?”

I shivered from the cheesiness and playfully smacked his arm. “You’re even cornier than me!”

He didn’t even try to dodge and just let me hit him. We exchanged a look and couldn’t hold it in—we burst into laughter.

After our playful banter, the conversation drifted naturally, eventually touching on the misunderstanding I had from those three comments. Xu Tiancheng explained that he actually wasn’t that close to his sister.

He tilted his head slightly, thinking for a moment. “I was sending some luggage to her on behalf of my parents, but it never arrived. She was just asking me for the tracking number.”

I nodded, still curious. “Then why are you guys X and Y? Is there some special meaning behind it?”

“I go by X simply because my last name is Xu. All my online usernames have always been X. When I was younger, I thought the letter X was mysterious, you know? A very edgy middle schooler thing.”

He chuckled as he explained, and I immediately seized the chance to tease him. “Mysterious, huh? And yet, I still managed to sleep with you.”

His ears turned slightly red, and he shot me a quick glance. “Why would you bring that up all of a sudden?”

“I just felt like saying it.” I puffed up my chest.

“As for why my sister is Y, let me think…”

This time, he took longer to recall, and his words were a bit uncertain.

“I think she wanted to be X too at one point, but my mom wouldn’t let her. She said having two Xs in the contact list would be confusing. Since my sister’s name ends with ‘Yu,’ my mom just told her to go with Y. Something like that? I’m not entirely sure—I don’t really remember.”

I patted the dust off my pants and let out a long “Ohhh.” So it really was just a big misunderstanding.

The conversation eventually shifted to his sister being asexual and the expensive process of having a child through a sperm bank. His parents and he had all contributed financially. After hearing this, I enthusiastically praised her as a trailblazer for modern women and loudly complimented his parents for being so open-minded.

This level of openness in his family made me curious. “Then what about you? Do you also have a progressive view on relationships?”

“Me?” He hesitated for a couple of seconds, thinking before answering. “I never really thought about it before, but recently, I realized that my views are actually quite traditional.”

I was skeptical. “Traditional… as in?”

“Like these past two days, with you staying at my place, I found that having someone else around at home feels really nice. Maybe deep down, I actually long for that kind of life—a wife, kids, and a warm home.” He looked straight ahead and shrugged with a smile. “I’m not sure. Since you asked, I’ll give it some thought.”

Hearing him talk about me made me nervous, so I quickly joked to change the subject. “A warm home, huh? Your place doesn’t even have a bed!”

Xu Tiancheng protested, “That’s only the guest room, okay?”

And just like that, our playful bickering mode activated again. Back and forth, like two elementary school kids.

It wasn’t until we got back to his place that I finally worked up the courage to ask the question that had been hovering on my mind the entire ride. “So why exactly did you tell your family about me?”

“After all, we’re still just…”

I gestured vaguely. His decision to inform his family felt so official that I wasn’t sure how to define our relationship anymore.

X stood next to the towering shoe cabinet, unpacking a pair of women’s slippers that had just been delivered. “I don’t know how you define our relationship, but for me, from the moment I added you on WeChat, I’ve been pursuing you.”

I nearly let out a laugh but forced myself to look up at the ceiling instead. “Oh, come on. You weren’t being obvious at all. How was I supposed to know?”

X put on a frustrated expression of disbelief. “Do you know how difficult this is for me? If I confessed outright, wouldn’t you be scared and turn around to leave immediately?”

I pressed my lips together, remaining silent as I lowered my head and slipped on the neatly placed slippers in front of me.

Well, to be honest, he had a point.

He probably hadn’t originally planned to ask for my consent at this particular moment—right here, in the entryway, with the door still open, and with only one foot barely inside my slippers.

But with the conversation flowing in this direction, the natural timing led him to say it, even though the setting wasn’t exactly ideal.

“Alright, then I’ll ask you properly now. You Lexin, my dear friend, will you be my girlfriend?”

I have to admit, when he looked into my eyes and asked me that question, I finally understood what it meant to have my heart race uncontrollably. My face burned, and every cell in my body urged me to say yes.

But what could I do? Love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. The seriousness with which he treated me made it impossible for me to respond lightly. There were too many real-life considerations, many of which often took precedence over love.

“Actually… now you know, right? As a girlfriend, I would be extremely emotional, dramatic, and unpredictable. I’d cry, argue, and make a huge fuss. I’d be completely different from the me you know.”

I wasn’t exactly exaggerating—I had only amplified things by a little. “I’m really terrifying in a relationship. If we ever broke up, I’d call you a thousand times a day—begging to get back together one moment, cursing you the next, and then reminiscing about our past the day after. I’d 100% get drunk in the middle of the night and cry under your apartment like a scene straight out of a soap opera. Oh, and I’d also drag in all our mutual friends. By then, everyone around you would be sick of me.”

X’s response was: “I can’t imagine that.”

He looked at me seriously. “I’ve always thought you were very rational when it comes to relationships—maybe even a little too rational.”

Then, with a solemn expression, he asked, “And why are you so convinced that we won’t last?”

Caught off guard, I was stunned into silence. I had no answer. I could only shake my head in confusion. “I don’t know. I just feel like it’s too soon to talk about the future.”

I raised both hands in surrender. “Really, I guarantee you’ll be scared out of your mind. You’ll regret being with me and realize I’m nothing like the girl you initially fell for.”

The smile on Xu Tiancheng’s face had long faded. His gaze was deep as he studied me, as if trying to determine whether I truly believed what I was saying or if I was just using it as an excuse to turn him down.

“First of all, I’m not scared—well, maybe a little, but only because you’re trying to push me away, not because of who you are. Second, in my eyes, nothing you’ve done today counts as being dramatic. You were just asking reasonable questions about something I should be giving you a proper explanation for.”

Realizing he wouldn’t be able to convince me with just a few words, he sighed in frustration but still forced out a smile. He placed his hands on my shoulders, instinctively loosening the tension I had built up from nervousness.

“No rush,” he said with a smile. “You can take the next couple of days to try it out—see how it feels to be with me.”

His patience made me feel unworthy. I could hardly believe it—what did I ever do to deserve such a perfect man? He was even willing to give me a trial period in our relationship.

I had no reason to refuse. So, I silently accepted the trial.

Maybe it was because I subconsciously wanted to make a good impression during this “trial period,” or maybe Xu Tiancheng was just naturally considerate and attentive in relationships, but that weekend at his place was incredibly enjoyable.

We ended up doing it eight times.

Before this, I thought such numbers were just exaggerated urban legends.

The more my hopelessly romantic side reveled in the happiness of love, the more my rational side fought to sever itself from the dreamy atmosphere—analyzing, calculating, weighing the pros and cons like a cold, ruthless auditor.

There was no doubt that being in a relationship would significantly disrupt the stable life I had built. A week or two wouldn’t matter, but what if it lasted indefinitely?

Energy is limited. My job already consumes most of my time and mental capacity. Call me selfish if you want, but even though I truly like Xu Tiancheng a lot, I don’t have the courage to let a relationship change the rhythm of my entire life.

And then there’s the issue of long-distance. We’d probably only see each other on weekends. Who would be the one to travel? Would we have to take turns? Would we need to make a schedule—this week you come, next week I go? Would the one who travels more start feeling resentful?

When the honeymoon phase fades, exhaustion sets in. Then come the endless arguments, the cold wars, and in the end, reality will wear us down until someone finally gives in.

I must be a truly cold-hearted person because even at the peak of pleasure, only half of me allowed myself to indulge in the joy of love—while the other half detached itself, calculating the risks with unwavering rationality.

The weekend passed in a blink.

On Sunday afternoon, despite my insistence that taking the high-speed train would be convenient enough, Xu Tiancheng insisted on driving an hour and a half to take me home.

As his car entered my apartment complex, I received a WeChat message from my manager, asking to go over next week’s work schedule in advance.

Looks like I wouldn’t be able to invite him upstairs. I felt a twinge of regret… and, honestly, a bit of relief. Since I hadn’t officially agreed to be his girlfriend, this meant we wouldn’t have to drag out an emotional farewell. I had a legitimate reason to end things quickly.

Leaning over, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek as both a goodbye and an apology.

But before I could pull away, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, turning that brief farewell kiss into a deep, lingering one.

The physical chemistry between us was still undeniable. The moment we touched, an intoxicating energy surged between us. As I melted in his arms, my mind foggy from the kiss, I heard him whisper against my ear:

“So? Have you made up your mind yet?”

I knew he was trying his best to keep his attitude relaxed, as if he were just casually asking on a whim, leaving room for maneuver so that my answer wouldn’t push everything into an irreversible situation.

“That’s how it is, so… um…”

Saying outright rejection felt too cruel. I hesitated for a long time before choosing to be honest, albeit with some uncertainty.

“I really, really like you, but at the same time, I have my doubts. I don’t think I’m mentally ready for a long-term, stable relationship yet.”

I clearly saw the light in his eyes dim. The disappointment in his lowered lashes was unmistakable.

But when I got out of the car, he still pretended to be at ease, shrugging with a smile as he reassured me, “It’s okay. Take your time to think about it. Whenever you’re ready, just let me know. I can wait.”