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“Zhuang Zi’ang, I’m so sorry. Truly, I am.”
In the outpatient hall, Lin Mushi kept apologizing, which made Zhuang Zi’ang feel a bit awkward.
Campus beauty, you haven’t wronged me at all.
I just happened to be a bit of a pushover for too long, awakening to reality a little late.
“Mu Shi, how about this? If you really feel sorry, treat me to lunch. I’m a bit hungry,” Zhuang Zi’ang said with a smile.
Lin Mu Shi readily agreed, insisting on treating him to an expensive Western meal.
Zhuang Zi’ang declined, suggesting they just grab some fast food outside the hospital.
Fifteen yuan per person, generous portions that would fill them up.
The two grabbed their trays and found a quiet corner to sit.
Zhuang Zi’ang ate heartily, while Lin Mu Shi seemed to have lost her appetite.
The impact of discovering that someone close to her had a terminal illness was significant.
Moreover, she was increasingly aware that her feelings for Zhuang Zi’ang were more than just seeing him as a backup option.
“Mu Shi, from now on, please don’t say anything to apologize.”
“If you do, I’ll feel like you pity me, and I want to live these last days with a bit of dignity.”
“You must keep this a secret. If our classmates find out, they’ll treat me like you do right now.”
After eating a couple of bites to fill his stomach, Zhuang Zi’ang urged her.
The last time the whole class voted for him to be class monitor nearly made him break down in tears.
If this news got out, he wouldn’t know how to face everyone.
Lin Mu Shi nodded, her eyes red and swollen. “You still like me, don’t you?”
“Is it really necessary for you to dwell on that?” Zhuang Zi’ang sighed with a wry smile. “Would you date someone who has less than three months left to live?”
Lin Mu Shi was momentarily speechless, tears welling in her eyes again.
Zhuang Zi’ang’s earlier comment about a moth to a flame was something she couldn’t quite grasp yet.
Of course, knowing someone wouldn’t live beyond three months, who would want to date them?
The once high-and-mighty campus beauty now seemed so humble, driven by an overflow of sympathy.
But sympathy, how could it be love?
Seeing Lin Mu Shi’s conflicted expression, Zhuang Zi’ang decided to clarify everything with her to avoid any misunderstandings.
“Mu Shi, I told you before, I don’t really like you that much; we’re just classmates and friends.”
“The girl I really like is named Xiao Butterfly. Meeting her made me understand what it truly feels like to care for someone.”
“But it’s such a pity; I won’t have the chance to date her either.”
Zhuang Zi’ang had resolved that even if he liked Xiao Butterfly deeply, he wouldn’t confess his feelings.
With so little time left, this love deserved to be buried deep within his heart.
Otherwise, when his time came, what would happen to Xiao Butterfly if he left her behind in this world?
A love that is destined to yield no results shouldn’t even begin.
In these last days, being friends is enough.
After all, she wouldn’t even remember that kiss.
“Is that Xiao Butterfly really that great?” Lin Mu Shi asked, a hint of unwillingness in her voice.
“You’re always up high, while she feels within reach; that might be your biggest difference,” Zhuang Zi’ang said candidly.
Being around someone like Lin Mu Shi could be exhausting.
Yet, being with Xiao Butterfly allowed him to forget all his worries.
From Zhuang Zi’ang’s gaze, Lin Mu Shi saw sincerity.
It dispelled her unrealistic fantasies, the idea that he had deliberately found a prettier girl to annoy her.
After a moment of contemplation, she asked her final question: “If I had agreed to your pursuit from the start and we were already a couple, what would you have done if you met Xiao Butterfly?”
“I would have kept my distance from her and never given us a chance to get to know each other,” Zhuang Zi’ang replied without hesitation.
If that day beneath the ginkgo tree, he had been a boy with a girlfriend, they would have simply parted ways after sneaking out of campus, and there would have been no further story.
“So, Mu Shi, I really have to thank you for keeping me hanging; otherwise, I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet such a wonderful girl.”
Those words hit Lin Mu Shi like a slap in the face.
Did this “thank you” truly mean she would wither away?
After saying that, Zhuang Zi’ang took his leave.
As Lin Mu Shi watched his carefree figure walk away, a mix of sadness, shame, and regret flooded her heart.
She felt she no longer deserved the kindness of this boy.
Back at his rental room, Zhuang Zi’ang crumpled the test report into a ball and tossed it into the wardrobe.
He took the peach blossom Doctor Chen Dexiu had given him and put it in a soda bottle with some water, placing it at an angle inside.
This modest little room was now adorned with a touch of spring.
He then gazed at the two goldfish in the tank, quietly lost in thought.
Without Xiao Butterfly, his life felt empty, and his heart felt hollow.
After a while, Zhuang Zi’ang’s gaze fell upon the bamboo flute next to the fish tank.
It was the only thing he had brought with him when he fled from home.
To pass the time, he picked up the flute and began to play freely.
Music could bring a sense of calm to the heart.
“Come on, su su la, su la xi xi xi la, su la su la…”
He could only remember that short prelude; no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t recall the rest of the melody.
It felt as if playing it could somehow summon Xiao Butterfly back to him.
As drowsiness overcame him, he lay down for a nap.
Half-asleep and half-awake, his phone suddenly chimed with a notification.
Zhuang Zi’ang picked up his phone absentmindedly, but the sight of a new message made him instantly wide awake.
It was a message from Xiao Butterfly.
He quickly opened it and saw just four words and a punctuation mark.
“I miss you so much!”
Zhuang Zi’ang’s fingers trembled as he typed a reply.
“I miss you too. Where are you?”
He sent the message, but once again, it sank into silence.
Anxiety gnawed at him, yet there was nothing he could do. He tried calling but was met with that annoying “not in service area” message.
All he could do was repeatedly reassure himself.
She saw the message; she would definitely reply.
Music can keep the heart calm, so he decided to listen to a song!
In this situation, there was only one song that felt right.
He turned on the light, and the sight before him was stark.
A large room, a lonely bed.
He turned off the light, and it looked the same.
The pain in his heart was something he couldn’t share.
Life flowed away with the years, aging like white hair.
With your departure, joy became a distant memory.
As the past faded away, dreams slipped into sleep.
As a numb heart gradually drifted away.
…
The gloomy reputation of “NetEase Music” was well-deserved; Zhuang Zi’ang had only listened to half of the song before he was in tears.
His heart was anything but calm.
He knew Xiao Butterfly must be hiding a secret from him.
But he, too, had a massive secret buried deep within.
A grown man, who really shouldn’t be shedding so many tears, found himself unable to hold back.
The past ten years had been dark enough.
Now, just when a glimmer of light finally shone through, it was time for the curtain to fall.
Zhuang Zi’ang thought to himself that Xiao Butterfly had only been gone for a few days, and here he was, utterly lost.
If he were to die, how heartbroken would Xiao Butterfly be?
It felt as if a century had passed before his phone finally chimed again.
“Big dummy, wait for me.”