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Zhuang Zi’ang opened his eyes again to find it was already Saturday afternoon.
He had been unconscious for an entire night.
The air was thick with the sterile scent of medicine, and several tubes were attached to his body.
The first thing he saw was Li Huang Xuan’s worried face.
“Son, you’re finally awake! You scared the hell out of me!”
Zhuang Zi’ang forced a weak smile. “Son, don’t worry. I haven’t even told you my last words yet, so I won’t die so soon.”
Li Huang Xuan’s hair was disheveled, his eyes bloodshot from staying up all night at his bedside.
He had countless questions to ask, but they caught in his throat. He feared hearing the answer he suspected.
At that moment, the ward door opened, and Lin Mu Shi walked in carrying a thermos.
She and Li Huang Xuan had agreed the night before that she would take over in the afternoon.
“Zhuang Zi’ang, how are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. I won’t die just yet.”
Zhuang Zi’ang suddenly realized his life wasn’t so bad after all.
As he approached the end, he still had friendship.
Li Huang Xuan took a deep breath and finally spoke. “Son, tell me. I’m ready. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”
Zhuang Zi’ang answered calmly, “I’m dying. I probably have a little over a month left.”
Li Huang Xuan’s tears fell instantly.
Even though he had already guessed the truth, he had clung to a sliver of hope that reality wouldn’t be so cruel.
Hearing Zhuang Zi’ang say it himself shattered that last illusion.
“You bastard! Why did you keep this from me? Why are you telling me now?” Li Huang Xuan choked out.
“I just didn’t want to see you like this. What kind of man cries like this?” Zhuang Zi’ang chuckled bitterly.
Li Huang Xuan’s reaction was exactly what he had expected.
“No way! It must be a misdiagnosis. Let’s get a second opinion.”
“I was supposed to be your brother for life. How can you leave me behind?”
“I was going to be your best man and watch you marry Xiao Yudie.”
Li Huang Xuan’s voice cracked as he spoke, regret and grief colliding.
Realizing his mistake, he turned away, but it was too late.
Zhuang Zi’ang caught the name and stared blankly into space. “It’s okay. Even if you don’t mention her, I think about her all the time.”
During his unconsciousness, Xiao Yudie’s desperate eyes had haunted his dreams.
“Big dummy, I hate you for a lifetime! I never want to see you again!”
If, even in her anger, she still called him “big dummy,” then she truly was kind.
Hating him for a lifetime was still better than loving him for a lifetime.
He was sorry—truly sorry.
Lin Mu Shi, sensing the heavy atmosphere, quickly changed the subject. She opened the thermos and said, “I had the aunt at home make chicken soup. Don’t think too much—eat first.”
“Sure. You can’t go wrong with love and good food.” Zhuang Zi’ang smiled.
Li Huang Xuan wiped his tears away and helped him sit up against the bed.
Lin Mu Shi moved to feed him, but he refused, insisting on doing it himself. He didn’t like feeling helpless.
While eating, Zhuang Zi’ang intermittently gave Li Huang Xuan instructions.
“Son, when ‘Detective Conan’ ends, burn me a set. I want to see if Conan ends up with Xiao Lan or Ai.”
“During Qingming, when the peach blossoms are in full bloom, can you bring me a branch?”
“Live well, and live for me too.”
…
Li Huang Xuan was overcome with grief.
“Stop talking; let’s focus on treatment. There’s still hope.”
Lin Mu Shi added, “Li Huang Xuan, you should go home and rest. Come back tonight.”
“No. I’m staying with him.”
“Go home! If you get sick too, who will keep me company?” Zhuang Zi’ang teased.
“Fine. I’ll bring you something delicious tonight.”
Only then did Li Huang Xuan reluctantly leave, glancing back three times before finally running down the hallway, breaking into loud sobs.
In the ward, he had held back his emotions, not wanting to make Zhuang Zi’ang feel worse.
Now, he could finally let go.
The eighteen-year-old cried as if his heart was being torn apart.
He had always thought they would be brothers for life.
But a lifetime could be so short.
In the ward, Lin Mu Shi pulled the curtains back, letting more sunlight stream in.
The warm golden light softened the stark white surroundings.
“Mu Shi, did my words hurt her deeply?” Zhuang Zi’ang’s voice was filled with sorrow.
“I don’t fully understand love, but seeing you in pain, she must be hurting just as much,” Lin Mu Shi sighed.
Zhuang Zi’ang felt his heart ache unbearably.
Just thinking about Xiao Yudie feeling the same pain made it even worse.
Lin Mu Shi hesitated before asking, “Are you really not going to tell her the truth? Wouldn’t that be unfair to her?”
“Letting her hate me is my way of loving her.”
The pain of hatred was easier to heal than the pain of love.
Years later, when she thought of him, perhaps she would only smile faintly, remembering him as a foolish, unworthy boy from her past.
She was an optimistic person. She would still embrace love and enjoy life.
If she knew the truth, this relationship might become a lifelong regret, a thorn in her heart.
At the end of his life, he felt immense gratitude for having met Xiao Yudie and shared joyful moments with her.
He could not be selfish enough to ruin her future.
He would rather die alone than cling to her kindness.
Lin Mu Shi asked again, “What if she hates you and refuses the pair of goldfish I bring her?”
Zhuang Zi’ang was silent for a moment before replying, “Then release them into the river by the school.”
The ancient sages had long taught: Better to forget than to cling in sorrow.
“I envy her for having someone who loves her this deeply,” Lin Mu Shi murmured, touched.
“Mu Shi, you will meet someone who truly loves you too,” Zhuang Zi’ang assured her.
“Zhuang Zi’ang, thank you for teaching me what love is,” Lin Mu Shi said sincerely.
When she first learned of his illness, she had only felt sympathy.
But now, after witnessing his story with Xiao Yudie, she understood something deeper.
It turned out that such a pure love truly existed.
The only tragedy was that the girl it was meant for would never know.