Chapter 004

Zhaoxue had a very long dream.

The feeling of suffocation in the dream was like drowning, lingering for a long time.

When she was very young, even though she had been bullied like that before, it was already in the past. The more she grew up, the more she realized that there were many things she couldn’t change.

She couldn’t change the fact that she had no spiritual root. She couldn’t change the fact that she wasn’t a child of this family. She couldn’t change others’ dislike and prejudice toward her… But after experiencing something like “just die already,” Zhaoxue realized that she actually wanted to live.

She wanted to live peacefully, without being disturbed by anyone.

Even if it meant enduring silently or frowning to please others.

She wanted to complete her mission.

On the most recent birthday,

Because her birthday was combined with Zhaolan’s, no one ever paid attention to Zhaoxue, so she ran out alone and slipped into the snow to look at the plum blossoms. The snow on the treetops gently shook down. After a while, a boy with a red nose moved out from behind the tree. He walked up to Zhaoxue, looking down at the snow piles, hands behind his back, seemingly hesitating about something.

“Ji Xueshou,” Zhaoxue rubbed her hands together and exhaled a white breath,

“What’s your birthday like every year?”

The boy was stunned.

Birthday? He didn’t remember. He hated parties and couldn’t recall those faces. Every year, the only thing he looked forward to was Zhaoxue’s “Happy birthday.”

“Forget it, no need to say.”

Zhaoxue lowered her head and smiled wryly.

“What does it feel like to be born with everyone’s expectations? What does it feel like to have many people celebrate your birthday every year and receive countless ‘Happy Birthday’ wishes? What does it feel like to be loved by many, living happily and securely? I really want to experience that once.”

She looked up, and a snowflake landed on her forehead.

Although most of it was just wishful thinking, at least—

—she could still live in peace.

The snowflake on her forehead melted, spreading a warmth.

Zhaoxue heard vague voices coming from nearby:

“…What did they say over there?”

“We have to wait for the head of the family to return and handle it.”

“If he doesn’t come back soon, I don’t mind dealing with it myself.”

—

Her forehead felt hot, as if the snowflake had truly melted.

Zhaoxue barely lifted her eyelids and saw a blurry figure in front of her. It was Zhaolan, applying a towel to her forehead.

The girl was very happy and called out, “Sister!!”

Zhaoxue was stunned.

Could she still be dreaming?

At this time, shouldn’t Zhaolan usually still be practicing cultivation?

Before she could react, the door creaked open.

Zhaoyang walked in and gently touched her forehead with warm, dry hands.

“The fever has gone down,” she said. “Zhaolan, you can go back now.”

Zhaolan’s mouth twitched downward, clearly reluctant and a bit upset. “Big sister…”

“I have some things to ask Zhaoxue.”

Zhaoyang turned back, her tone leaving no room for discussion.

“…” Zhaolan didn’t dare say anything more.

Although they were two similar sisters, it was the first time Zhaoxue felt such a big difference between them.

In private, Zhaolan would never dare act spoiled toward Zhaoyang like she did when they were kids in front of Zhaoxue. Before Zhaolan was born, Zhaoyang had already gone to the Hidden Sword Sect, so they hadn’t spent much time growing up together. She was actually quite afraid of Zhaoyang.

As the designated heir of the main family, Zhaoyang held absolute authority over the younger generation.

Zhaoxue was afraid too.

She looked at the woman in front of her and felt as if they were worlds apart. The last time they sat this close was many years ago.

Zhaoxue drowsily called out, “Big sister.”

“Mm.” Zhaoyang responded. “That black cat is nothing serious. You don’t have to worry too much.”

“That’s good.” Zhaoxue lowered her head and breathed a sigh of relief.

Relieved of the heavy burden in her heart, Zhaoxue suddenly jolted awake.

Right, she had to admit her mistake.

Yes, if she wanted to live peacefully, this was necessary.

No matter whether she truly thought she was wrong or not.

Because of her lonely and stubborn personality, she was hated by everyone.

Before her eldest sister could speak again, Zhaoxue lowered her head and clenched the blanket tightly:

“I’m sorry, big sister, this whole thing was my fault!”

Because she lowered her head, she couldn’t see the other’s expression. Zhaoxue felt uneasy and wasn’t even sure if the coldness on her temple was from the water of the wet towel or from cold sweat.

“…’Fault?'”

“…Yes.”

“Where did you go wrong?”

Where did she go wrong?

“I shouldn’t have been so willful and reckless, and I even dragged the honored guests attending the family banquet into the water with me… I caused trouble for everyone.”

Zhaoxue closed her eyes and thought quickly.

Saying these words caused her great pain, and she even wished she had never been born.

But since she was born, she had to live on— even if it was in this state.

At that moment, a hand gently touched Zhaoxue’s cheek. The fingertips were dry and warm, wiping away the drops on her temple.

“Do you know how you look right now?” the woman asked her.

“Your face is pale, your lips are colorless, your whole body is very weak, and you still have a low fever.”

Zhaoyang said, “You look like you’ve just been pulled back from the gates of death.”

“It’s my body that’s too weak…”

Zhaoxue’s dry voice trembled as she struggled to squeeze out a sound.

“Enough.”

Zhaoyang interrupted her.

“—Tell me. Why, after being harmed and falling into the water, looking like a mess, do you still fearfully confess your fault?”

“It’s because I…”

It was as if her mind stopped working. Zhaoxue wasn’t prepared for this question and could only stammer some meaningless sounds.

“Zhaoxue!”

Her eldest sister raised her voice and called her name.

“Lift your head. Don’t apologize to me. Or is it that, in your heart, big sister is someone who would come to accuse you without reason while you’re sick?”

“No!”

Zhaoxue was startled. She quickly raised her head and hurriedly explained, “It’s not like that. Because you came to find me, I thought I could take this chance to…”

A warm, familiar hand landed on the top of her head and gently stroked her hair.

Zhaoxue’s words stopped abruptly.

Because at that moment, she looked up and saw softness mixed with some sadness in her sister’s face.

She stared at her.

“Zhaoxue, I came just to ask… are you still feeling unwell?”

Zhaoxue was stunned.

It was as if she had returned to her childhood, and the woman before her face gradually overlapped with the one in her memories.

Back then, she would always comfort her weak, sickly younger sister by her bedside. In the dim room, she’d tiptoe gently, patting her hair again and again,

“—Still feeling bad? Sister will blow it away, pain, go fly away now.”

But… I’m sorry.

Faint, broken sobs echoed in Zhaoxue’s ears.

It was her own.

“Zhaoxue, why are you crying? Are you still feeling unwell?”

Zhaoyang, somewhat worried, wiped her tears away with the palm of her hand.

“No, big sister, I’m just…”

Zhaoxue’s sobbing slowly quieted.

“It’s good that you’re not feeling bad,” Zhaoyang said. “I asked friends in the sect to prepare some common pills for you, originally just in case. Seeing you recover makes me very happy.”

A white porcelain bottle was handed to Zhaoxue.

“You’ve had a weak body since childhood. These pills can nourish your blood and strengthen your roots. But most importantly, you must take care of yourself, avoid catching cold, like what happened yesterday…”

As Zhaoyang spoke, her expression darkened.

“When Father returns, I will tell him myself.”

Zhaoxue clutched the porcelain bottle, stunned for a moment, then panicked,

“No, big sister, no need to tell Mother and Father. It’s just a small matter…”

“This is not a small matter.”

Zhaoyang said, “You were bullied by people like that. How could your family just stand by and do nothing?”

“…”

No, big sister, you don’t understand. They don’t care about me at all.

In their eyes, she was just a lonely girl picked up on a snowy day, used to comfort the lady who had just lost her child.

But Zhaoxue didn’t argue anymore. Saying these things might make her sister think it’s unbelievable, or she might simply refuse to believe it.

However, at least Zhaoxue knew that her sister cared about her.

And that alone was enough for Zhaoxue.

“So, Zhaoxue, do you want any compensation?”

Zhaoyang asked again.

“Compensation?”

“Yes. What happened this time, we owe you an apology.” Zhaoyang lowered her eyes and sighed softly. “At the family banquet, I should have spoken up to stop it, but I didn’t.”

No, even if that hadn’t happened, she would have acted anyway.

“I don’t want anything.”

“It’s not related to the family,” Zhaoyang said, “I just want to make it up to you personally.”

She stroked Zhaoxue’s hair again. “I haven’t come back for so many years and missed so much of your life. That has weighed on my heart. Making it up to you is also for my own peace of mind.”

“It’s okay if you haven’t decided yet,” seeing Zhaoxue hesitate, she continued, “Just tell me when you know what you want.”

“Then, thank you, big sister.”

“Also,”

Zhaoyang paused for a moment, then said, “The person who saved you yesterday is my senior brother, Jiang Lingfeng. He told me he startled the black cat, and that’s why you fell into the water chasing after it.”

Zhaoxue didn’t expect her sister to mention him. “Did he say anything else?”

“He said he’s very sorry. If necessary, he’ll apologize to you in person.”

“…”

He didn’t mention that he had used talisman paper in anger over the two disciples.

“No need. I don’t really want to see him for now,” Zhaoxue said.

Regarding Jiang Lingfeng, Zhaoxue could barely remember much from last night. What she could recall were only fragmented bits and pieces.

And before she fainted, she had fallen into Ji Xueshou’s arms.

“All right, then get some good rest.”

After her sister left, the sunset leaned westward.

Zhaoxue leaned against the headboard, feeling the warmth of the setting sun slowly fade from her hands, while cold wind crept back under the quilt.

She closed her eyes.

Her heart gradually calmed down. Still, it felt empty inside.

Something furry slipped under the blanket and pressed against her forearm.

“Meow.”

Her arm slowly warmed up.

Zhaoxue looked down and saw a small tail sticking out from under the blanket. She gently called out, “Taxue.”

The tail wagged lightly.

Seeing Taxue, Zhaoxue knew that Ji Xueshou had arrived.

A wavy strand of long hair appeared in her sight.

The young man came silently, like a cat.

“It’s healing so quickly,” Zhaoxue sighed, her thoughts drifting away.

Not to mention the things he hadn’t done yet in the future, and even if he had given up on our eldest sister, would he really change his feelings for me?

How faint such hope was.

They had grown up together since childhood, yet in the end, he could become a stranger to her like that.

For the first time, Zhaoxue didn’t want to think about the future. She just wanted to enjoy this moment.

To hold on to this feeling a little longer.

“Because he really wanted to see you,” Ji Xueshou said, squatting by her bed, his chin gently resting by her hand, his hair brushing lightly against her, tickling her.

“He really wanted to see me, so he made sure his injuries healed quickly, just so his lively self could come to see me, right?” Zhaoxue said, unable to help but smile.

She raised her hand and gently stroked the black curls by Ji Xueshou’s ear, her fingertip brushing against the skin of his ear. His hair was very soft, his skin cool.

“Thank you, Xueshou,”

Although he liked someone else, he had always helped her a lot, so she said these words sincerely.

“Thank you, for staying with me all this time, together with Taxue.”

No matter what happens in the future, at least in the past and now, he was there.

She didn’t notice the young man’s body stiffen for a moment.

Soon, his ear hidden beneath his black hair flushed hot and red.