“There’s no one to go back to,” Shao Mingyin said, tracing his palm with his fingertips. Liang Zhen’s cheerful mood didn’t affect him at all. “They’re all gone.”

The atmosphere turned deathly silent after Shao Mingyin’s last sentence. Liang Zhen was stunned and only after a long while did he quietly say, “I’m sorry.”

“What’s there to be sorry about?” Shao Mingyin forced a lighthearted smile. “Since when did you become so sensible? It’d be better if you used that sensibility elsewhere.”

Shao Mingyin rubbed his eyes, still avoiding looking at Liang Zhen. “You’ve told me before that you don’t have a good relationship with your parents, but no matter how bad it is, at least they’re still alive. As long as they’re alive, there’s always a chance for reconciliation face-to-face. Besides—”

“Besides, they never really mistreated you. Not everyone’s nineteen is like yours, attending joint-venture schools, spending money freely without any worries. Liang Zhen, your first nineteen years were too well-protected by your family, which is why now you’re immature and oblivious to it.”

Immature and oblivious.

Liang Zhen tried hard to look up, as if those words were written on his forehead. Shao Mingyin was right; he had lived too smooth a life. Despite his impulsive nature and quick temper, he had never suffered any real hardship due to his family’s wealth, which concealed his childlike behavior in social dealings.

So he really hadn’t been through much. He really hadn’t grown up yet.

But if he lowered his head and saw those Air Jordans lying at the edge of the bed, besides the original joint black letters on the inner side of the shoes, there was also his hand-drawn “life’s struggle,” anyone with taste would think that rich people were temperamental and had various ways of showing off, writing about life struggles on authentic shoes costing thousands of dollars.

Liang Zhen was silent for so long that Shao Mingyin, who still had something to say, eventually turned off the light. By the moonlight, he noticed that Liang Zhen also lay down afterward, but turned to face the wall, the first time in days that Liang Zhen didn’t sleep facing him.

Shao Mingyin didn’t think his words were too harsh, but it was clear Liang Zhen felt bad after hearing them. Just as he thought about softening and wanted to comfort him, it was Liang Zhen who spoke first.

Liang Zhen continued facing the wall, more like talking to himself in a mumble. “I’ve done even more immature things.”

Liang Zhen said, “Fighting, skipping school, going to bars, I really did all that. And I got arrested for going to internet cafes… I can really understand Xue Meng; I’ve had thoughts like his too.”

He continued, “But my dad wouldn’t come to bail me out himself because he knew people in the system. I was always released directly. I think I’m better than Xue Meng. I tried a few times, but after that, I gave up hope. No matter how many times I got caught, even if he saw me after coming back from a business trip, he wouldn’t scold me.”.”

“And then I got more and more depressed, increasingly wanting to get my parents’ attention. My mom didn’t care; she really doesn’t like me. She is the typical pampered official’s daughter. If there had been surrogate technology twenty years ago, she definitely wouldn’t have given birth herself. I am her only child because she is too afraid of the pain. I heard she suffered a lot before giving birth to me, and after I was born, she looked at me and said, ‘Task completed.’ We’ve never been close; she never raised me. I grew up in my grandfather’s courtyard after he retired.”

“So I liked my dad a lot when I was young. At least he would visit me, while my mom’s world was completely separate from ours, and she had no feelings for my dad either. When I was little, I was definitely on my dad’s side, but later I realized my mom didn’t care who I was close to.”

“No matter how good my grades were or how diligent I was, my dad never had time to come to a parent-teacher meeting. People are greedy; when I was in my early teens, gifts, money, and cards weren’t enough. I wanted… family affection.”

Liang Zhen pressed closer to the wall, his forehead and knees touching its cold surface. He said, “I wanted love.”

“Good grades didn’t help. Like Xue Meng, I sought trouble to get my dad’s attention. Even if he hit me or scolded me, it would’ve been something, but he never did. He always managed, coming and going quickly, without even a ‘don’t do it again’ warning. At that point, I thought about giving up completely; if things were going to be like that, I might as well let myself go.”

“Then, coincidentally, I heard Song Yueting’s ‘Life’s Struggle.’ I was fifteen or sixteen at the time, and the only rap I knew was ‘Celebration of Happiness’ and Jay Chou. But the first time I listened, I cried, wearing headphones with the volume turned up to the max, repeating it until I could sing along. I still remember that intense emotion, but I can’t describe it. My life has nothing in common with Song Yueting’s, but this song resonated strongly with me. When he sings about life going on and troubles after tasting joy and sorrow, you just feel, yes, that’s right. How many nights have you been unable to sleep, troubled and in pain…”

“After that, I felt energized, thinking that life still had to go on, and I needed to prove myself. At that time, my grades had already dropped significantly due to resentment. My dad thought it didn’t matter; after graduation, he could either arrange for me to join the army or study abroad. I might not have known exactly what I wanted, but I knew what I didn’t want. I didn’t want to join the army, and I didn’t want to go abroad. Since my dad didn’t care about me, I decided to go to the south.”

“So I came to Wenzhou and started seriously playing with rap. Talking to like-minded people, we would trace back our journey into rap, practicing battle, freestyle. Everyone has faced awkward moments and covered Eminem, watched ‘8 Mile.’ Chinese rap for us began with ‘Mr. Almost,’ HotDog, Edison Chen, and, at the very start, Song Yueting’s ‘Life’s Struggle.’ We discussed whether it’s ‘life is a struggle’ or ‘life is a fight.’ Everyone had their own view because everyone found their own genuine resonance in that song. The song is there, and everyone hears the same song, but what they truly take from it is different.”

“Everyone respects this song because it’s real. Whenever I hear others talk about the spirit of rap, I feel ashamed. The spirit is supposed to be positive energy, but there are so many songs about girls, money, and cars, and so much beef in the underground scene, with battle filled with swear words. Where’s the positive energy in that? If I were an outsider looking into the rap world, I’d think, like my dad, that this is low-class entertainment.”

“But you can’t deny that this music has a power that other types can’t replace. It might not be high-class, but it’s real. I can’t stand you, so I’ll make a song dissing you. If we meet in a battle, I can beat you without a single swear word. I like girls, money, and cars. Who doesn’t? Why can’t I rap about them? I’ll sing about what I love, what I’ve experienced, and what I think. Every word is true. If you want to talk about spirit, for me, this is it.”

Liang Zhen turned over, staring at the ceiling. “Because it’s real, the resonance is strong, so I genuinely love rap.”

“I didn’t use rap as a pretext for rebellion or as a weapon against my family. I just like it. I really like it, and I hope one day I can write and perform songs with such power.”

“I know you think I’m immature, that I haven’t grown up, and that everything I do is impulsive. But rap isn’t impulsive; it never was.”

Liang Zhen said, “Maybe this sounds childish, but I really, truly love rap.”

After finishing, he continued staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t really sort out what he had said. He just wanted to rant, and Shao Mingyin was the one he trusted to open up to.

Shao Mingyin was indeed listening, always watching Liang Zhen’s movements. He said, “I never said you shouldn’t follow the path you want.”

Liang Zhen turned dramatically, looking in Shao Mingyin’s direction. “So you were listening.”

“Yeah, I was listening.”

“Why are you so good? You’re always here.”

“If I weren’t here, what would you do?” Shao Mingyin chuckled softly. “Who else would coax you?”

“Oh…” Liang Zhen was a bit slow to catch on, but he quickly realized what Shao Mingyin meant. “You heard it clearly earlier, yet you made me repeat it!”

“What, feeling shy now? Fine, I won’t coax you.”

“Not shy, not shy!” Liang Zhen wriggled around in the blankets, making a fuss. “You can’t go back on your word; you have to coax me!”

“Alright, let me think…” Shao Mingyin didn’t hesitate for long. “Even though you’re not making money from rap now, you definitely will in the future.”

“Okay…” Liang Zhen pushed further, “Can you add more ‘even though but’?”

“Sure. Even though you’re still quite immature, your innocence is charming.”

“Even though you’re impulsive and impatient, your nature is pure and sincere.”

“Even though you’re young, you will surely mature gradually, moving forward all the way. By the time you’re twenty-five… you won’t even need to reach twenty-five; you’ll already be shining brightly.”

“Hehe, you’re really nice.” Liang Zhen felt warm inside from Shao Mingyin’s words. “I’ll keep moving forward!”

“Yeah,” Shao Mingyin echoed, “Keep pushing forward.”

“Okay, then…” Liang Zhen paused, thinking about Shao Mingyin being nineteen. Not just nineteen, but the scars on his hands, from Shijiazhuang to Wenzhou… Liang Zhen wanted to know it all.

But even if he knew, those six years were ones he hadn’t been a part of and couldn’t return to. Looking back would only reopen those possible scars for Shao Mingyin. But if he moved forward—moved forward with Shao Mingyin—then that was the way to go.

“Will you accompany me to become that shining one?”

Shao Mingyin’s initial reaction was actually to say “yes,” but he held back. The paper-thin window, the two people leaning too close, too close to see clearly. His fingers were already there, but he had experienced more and considered more than Liang Zhen. He could never be the one to burst that bubble.

He chuckled evasively, “Kid, when you truly reach that day, you won’t need a community cop to pick you up and take you home.”

“Huh? Are you insinuating something?” Liang Zhen frowned, realizing things weren’t simple. “Your words sound like the tactics of a nouveau riche abandoning his wife. Are you the abandoned wife? Am I the kind of person who would do that?!”

Shao Mingyin was amused, “Well, you’ve got to be successful first.”

“Hey, yeah, I’ll be successful!”

“Well… can we set that question aside for now?” Seeing Shao Mingyin wasn’t willing to answer, Liang Zhen tactfully stayed silent. The idea of shining didn’t have a clear image for him. He didn’t know how far he could go. But as long as Shao Mingyin was by his side, this question, to him, was both important and unimportant.

Moreover, for him, some things were more urgent. Besides coming here to share and listen to songs with Shao Mingyin today, he actually had something else to tell him.

Liang Zhen said, “Underground eight Mile is taking place in Wenzhou.”

Shao Mingyin asked, “What’s that, a competition?”

“It’s a rap battle competition, at Tangcan Livehouse. I’ve signed up,” he paused, then asked, “Will you come and watch?”