Chapter 4 Dispute

It started with just a nosebleed, then progressed to vomiting blood, with the contents of the stomach being forcefully expelled, and even a small wound on the hand would not stop bleeding.

Jian Meng was afraid of pain, but she never expected that she could endure it. When the pain struck, it felt like ants were gnawing at every blood vessel, and she often felt like she couldn’t bear it.

If Ji Jing’an were there with her, maybe the pain wouldn’t be so unbearable. He would comfort her gently as he always did.

Thinking back, if the Ji Jing’an from seven years ago saw the current Jian Meng suffering from such a painful illness, he would definitely feel heartbroken.

On the day of chemotherapy, she still wore that khaki windbreaker, came to the hospital alone, completed all the procedures, and then entered the chemotherapy room.

Ji Jing’an had a dream, a dream of when he and Jian Meng were first together. At that time, Jian Meng’s parents had just passed away, and she seemed so fragile, as if she would shatter at a touch.

Later, he brought Jian Meng to Shanghai, where they had just enough to eat every day, but Jian Meng never complained.

On the day they got their marriage certificate, Jian Meng sat in the rented room, under the dim light, looking at the red book in her hand. Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes, her black and bright eyes turning red. She looked at Ji Jing’an and said, “Ajing, you are my only family now. You must treat me well…”

Ji Jing’an woke up suddenly. It was nighttime in Germany.

He felt inexplicably anxious, not knowing why. It had been a long time since he had a nightmare, or dreamt of Jian Meng.

He thought it was daytime in China, so he searched for Jian Meng’s number on his phone and dialed it.

But after three consecutive calls, no one answered.

Ji Jing’an felt uneasy for no reason, even a bit uncomfortable, as if there was a subtle pain seeping out of his bones.

Just as he was about to make another call, Jian Meng called back. He eagerly answered, and a slightly hoarse female voice came from the other end.

“Ajing.”

Jian Meng never expected the chemotherapy to be so painful. It was so excruciating that she cried out that she didn’t want the treatment anymore, even if she would die tomorrow, she didn’t want it.

Even when the needle came off the vein later, the splitting headache and nausea were unbearable. The pain felt like her body was about to explode at any moment. Jian Meng couldn’t believe that a person could be in such agony.

Her already pale cheeks were damp with cold sweat, her nails deeply embedded in her palms, scars everywhere. She curled up at the door of the chemotherapy room, despite the late autumn weather, she was sweating all over, trembling uncontrollably, especially the needle site felt like a jolt of electricity.

“What are you doing, not answering the phone.” The man’s voice, slightly nasal, seemed like he had just woken up. Jian Meng remembered that it should be around four in the morning in Germany.

“I…” Tears streamed down Jian Meng’s face. She couldn’t hold on any longer. She wanted to tell Ji Jing’an about her pain and despair, even didn’t want to go through another round of chemotherapy, but before she could speak, a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone made her freeze in place, her heart sinking to the bottom.

Ji Jing’an quickly covered the phone’s microphone, glanced at the nearby Vivian, and coughed lightly to cover up his guilt: “Uh… there was a sudden emergency meeting tonight, just calling to ask you.”

Jian Meng closed her eyes in despair, listening to his lies that were full of flaws that even a ghost wouldn’t believe.

She took a deep breath, wincing at the pain from the needle prick, “Then you, take care of yourself.”

There was no light left in Jian Meng’s heart long ago. When it turned dark, she had forgotten. All she knew was that when she reached out her hand, it was filled with darkness, with only her alone in the darkness.

Ji Jing’an was a bit puzzled, sensing that something was off with Jian Meng, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

“Meng, if there’s anything, call me. Don’t bear it alone. You used to be like this all the time.”

Jian Meng slowly closed her eyes and smiled gently, “I have nothing to worry about. You focus on your meeting, I want to sleep a little longer.”

Upon hearing her words, Ji Jing’an felt somewhat relieved. He hung up the phone and immediately had Vivian arrange a ticket for Jian Meng to return to the country in three days.

As the smile faded, Jian Meng opened her eyes, experiencing a momentary blindness where she couldn’t see anything, only the endless darkness and the cold enveloping her.

Enduring the pain, Jian Meng sat in a daze in the taxi, the sunlight outside the window casting on her pale face, a slight hint of moisture in the corner of her eyes.

“Miss, are you feeling unwell? If you’re unwell, I can take you back to the hospital,” the driver asked.

Jian Meng shook her head. She suddenly realized that even a stranger could show her a bit of care, why couldn’t her husband notice anything?

If Ji Jing’an still loved her as much as he did seven years ago, Jian Meng would never bear everything alone. She would use all her coquettishness and petulance to trouble Ji Jing’an, cry when it hurt, and after chemotherapy, she would make Ji Jing’an take her to eat lots of delicious food to make up for it, even if it was before death, she would make Ji Jing’an swear never to find another woman.

But that was not the case.

The harsh reality was that Ji Jing’an no longer loved her, and she was all alone.

—

Gu Chuan called again, asking how her first chemotherapy session went.

Jian Meng sat up straight, so she didn’t want to avoid the topic. She joked, “Even if the illness doesn’t kill me, the pain might.”

Gu Chuan fell silent.

“Just kidding with you. By following the medication given by the doctor, I’ve had fewer nosebleeds these days, but I have a fever and feel weak all over.”

“Jian Meng, you should be hospitalized for chemotherapy.” Gu Chuan knew that she returned home just to spend more time with Ji Jing’an.

“I don’t want to, the smell of disinfectant is unbearable.” Jian Meng hadn’t spoken with such coquettishness in years, but Gu Chuan could feel the pain in his heart.

He had always liked Jian Meng, even though she had been married for many years and had no place for him in her heart.

“Gu Chuan, why do you need to do this.” Jian Meng sighed wearily, feeling sorry for Gu Chuan.

But Gu Chuan smiled and said, “You also can’t let go of Ji Jing’an, right? Just like me, I can’t let go of you.”

Gu Chuan remembered when he first met Jian Meng.

He was a senior welcoming new students, and the first time he saw Jian Meng, that girl was thin and pale, clean like a glass lamp described in a book. She shyly smiled at him, a fleeting beauty like a flash of light, making Gu Chuan unable to forget her.

He thought that if he had been with Jian Meng back then, he would never let her suffer any grievances, wouldn’t let pure and ardent love be washed away by base desires, and wouldn’t leave Jian Meng with no one to rely on. Her life should have been happy and joyful, but now it was only damp and bitter.

“It’s my own fault for enduring torment, how can you be like me.” Jian Meng smiled, “Even though Ji Jing’an is almost thirty and still stubborn, only I can handle it. When I’m gone, he won’t have anyone to bully anymore.”

Gu Chuan’s hand holding the phone trembled slightly. Even if this illness couldn’t be cured, Jian Meng would never leave Ji Jing’an. Loving him had become a habit that Jian Meng couldn’t change.

At eight o’clock in the evening.

Jian Meng curled up in a rattan hanging chair, one ear wearing headphones, holding a tablet in her hand, studying course materials, some boring literary professor lecture slides for Ji Jing’an.

“What’s so interesting about these old folks’ lectures.” Ji Jing’an took off his coat and threw it on the sofa, walking towards the balcony.

The person in the rattan chair didn’t move at all, no sign of movement.

Ji Jing’an approached and saw that Jian Meng had fallen asleep, as quiet as a flower.

“These things are quite hypnotic.” Ji Jing’an chuckled helplessly.

Jian Meng heard the movement and suddenly opened her eyes, taking off her headphones and turning around, only to see Ji Jing’an standing in front of her. “How come you’re back so soon?”

In the past, when he went abroad, it would take at least half a month, but this time it had only been a week.

“What? Don’t want me back?” Ji Jing’an teased, but he did feel a bit uncomfortable. Jian Meng didn’t seem particularly surprised.

“No, are you done with work?” Jian Meng knew it wasn’t just work, but she still asked.

“You didn’t even call me for days, I thought you were kidnapped.” Ji Jing’an said, then suddenly noticed Jian Meng’s pale lips, his brows furrowed, “You look sick.” He wanted to reach out to check, but Jian Meng slightly dodged him.

Ji Jing’an’s hand paused in mid-air, his eyes narrowed dangerously as he stared at Jian Meng.

“I’m fine.” Jian Meng avoided his gaze, got up and brushed past Ji Jing’an, “Have you eaten? What do you want to eat, I’ll make it for you.”

Ji Jing’an withdrew his hand, smiled ambiguously, and said coldly, “No need, I’ve eaten.”

Jian Meng didn’t notice the strangeness in Ji Jing’an’s tone. She was feeling very uncomfortable, having a fever, her heart, liver, spleen, and lungs all felt like they were being cooked in a pot, as if she would be roasted to death the next second.

It started snowing outside, which was unexpected for Shanghai, as it rarely snowed.

Jian Meng was half asleep when the blanket was pulled off, a chill entering. She subconsciously huddled up, but was grabbed by the arm and pulled off the bed.

Ji Jing’an stood by the bed, looking down at her with disdain in his eyes. Jian Meng looked over and saw that her phone was in Ji Jing’an’s hand.

Ji Jing’an released her, opened the phone, and with a cold laugh, read the message word for word.

“It’s snowing, take care of yourself – Gu Chuan.”

Ji Jing’an emphasized the word “Gu Chuan.”

Jian Meng knew what was happening. Ji Jing’an hated Gu Chuan, and this message was nothing short of a provocation. But Jian Meng had a clear conscience and didn’t have the energy to explain. She simply lowered her head, “So what are you going to do?”

Ji Jing’an looked at Jian Meng in astonishment. He had never seen her so indifferent, as if she had done nothing wrong.

“Last time you said you met at the hospital, I believed you. This time? You even added WeChat, and you’re even concerned about you when it snows. How do you explain that?”

Jian Meng felt the needle site from the treatment throbbing intensely. She bit her lip slightly, trying to maintain her composure, “Think whatever you want, I want to sleep.”

“So many call logs, no wonder you didn’t call me. But it’s no surprise, you and Gu Chuan must have a lot in common, right?”

Jian Meng didn’t understand why two people who had once loved each other so much would now use such sarcastic words to attack each other, as if they wanted to make the other more miserable.

“Speak!” Ji Jing’an was completely enraged. He had once loved Jian Meng’s quiet gentleness, but now he was extremely disgusted by her slow and passive demeanor, leaving him feeling annoyed.