Chapter 111

Qin Qingzhuo’s cry seemed to replenish all the tears he had missed in the past four years.

For all these years, he had never shed a tear for this matter because he knew it wouldn’t help. Even if he let out his emotions, he would still have to face this issue. So, he pretended nothing was wrong, allowing them to ferment and expand ceaselessly in his chest.

And now, they all turned into tears, continuously pouring out.

Jiang Ji’s shoulder quickly became soaked with tears, and the tears seeped into the cotton jacket and sweater, leaving moist and warm marks on his skin.

In the speakers, the song “Fall Into My Dream” had reached its conclusion.

After a brief pause of a few seconds, another song started, an equally familiar melody for Qin Qingzhuo.

Different from the previous “Fall Into My Dream,” after the prelude, Jiang Ji’s harmonies started again.

Maintaining his slightly lower voice, Jiang Ji continued to support him like a stable cloud.

One song after another played, and Qin Qingzhuo’s emotions gradually calmed down, and the tears gradually stopped.

“So you’ve been recording songs these past few days.” His voice was slightly hoarse, “Is that why you didn’t come back one night? Because you were recording these songs?”

He now understood why Jiang Ji’s voice sounded a bit hoarse and why he immediately wanted to drink peppermint water when he came back—he initially thought it was because Jiang Ji caught a cold.

“Yeah,” Jiang Ji helped him up from his shoulder, “Originally, I wanted to finish recording all the songs you’ve sung before bringing you here, but even after recording for three nights, I still couldn’t finish.”

“I’ve sung more than 70 songs,” Qin Qingzhuo said with a choked voice.

“I know, 73 songs, plus the covers, a total of 91.”

“Recording all of them will ruin your voice.”

“It’s okay,” Jiang Ji dismissed it casually, “It’ll be fine after some rest.”

“It’s not that simple,” Qin Qingzhuo tried to make his voice sound steadier, “The consequences of vocal cord damage can be severe. You might not be able to sing in the future.”

“It really is okay,” Jiang Ji used his fingers to push back Qin Qingzhuo’s hair, revealing his tear-soaked eyes, “I just want you to know that I can sing every one of your songs. I can match all your vocal ranges, understand each of your breaths clearly. I can stand with you on stage, using my voice to support you, listening together to every rhythm and beat. Even if you suddenly encounter a problem, I can immediately catch you, so you won’t feel helpless on stage.”

“Qin Qingzhuo, I’ll support you,” Jiang Ji looked into his eyes earnestly, “You can trust me unconditionally.”

Jiang Ji’s eyes were so close, Qin Qingzhuo could see the glint in his deep black pupils.

He didn’t know how Jiang Ji could go to such lengths for him, especially after he had hurt Jiang Ji with his words.

Even more, he didn’t understand how someone like himself, who held absolute pessimism towards emotions, could encounter such a pure and intense affection.

How could he have been so conflicted about whether Jiang Ji’s feelings for him had changed during these days when Jiang Ji had been recording songs for him day and night?

The tears that had just stopped suddenly flowed more fiercely, this time silently and tumultuously.

Large tears rolled down from the corners of his eyes, streaming down his cheeks.

“The matter of providing backup vocals, I…” Qin Qingzhuo cleared his throat, trying to steady his choked-up voice, “I don’t know if I can do it. It’s been too long since I sang on stage. When I stood behind the microphone just now, I actually wanted to sing something for you, but my throat was too tight, I couldn’t make a sound at all. I’m afraid I’ll be the same if I stand on stage…”

The more he spoke, the more unstable his voice became, until he couldn’t continue, pausing to take a deep breath to calm his emotions. “I’m afraid I’ll still disappoint you in the end.”

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into providing backup vocals,” Jiang Ji wiped his tears with the back of his hand, the warm liquid falling onto his hand, giving him a sensation of warmth, “In the gaps between recording songs these days, I’ve also thought about it carefully. I was too hasty before, insisting on having you as the backup vocalist for this final. But in fact, we still have plenty of time, we can take it slowly, there’s no need to rush for now.”

“And, I’ve never been disappointed in you, not once,” Jiang Ji looked into his tearful eyes, “Qin Qingzhuo, do you know, even your former therapist said that psychological shadows cannot be overcome in a short time, you may not be able to listen to that song ‘Fall Into My Dream’ in one go. So, if you had turned and tried to run away for the second time just now, I would have immediately pressed the pause button. But you didn’t, you listened to it all the way without running away, and that was already a big surprise for me.”

Qin Qingzhuo’s tears flowed even more fiercely, he didn’t know why he always ended up crying in front of Jiang Ji, and it seemed like no matter how much he cried, it would never be enough. “You went to see my therapist?”

“Xie took me there, it took a lot of effort to get her to disclose a little bit of your situation,” Jiang Ji said, “Don’t blame her.”

Qin Qingzhuo shook his head, “Why would I?”

“She said she had tried this method to desensitize you before, but after that time, you never went to see her again.” Jiang Ji tapped his skin under his wet eyes with his finger, “Qin Qingzhuo, you really are…”

“I really did evade too much,” Qin Qingzhuo took over his words, his voice carrying a heavy nasal tone, “I know.”

“No, what I mean is, sometimes you’re really stubborn and wilful like a child. But perhaps only by evading like this can you feel secure,” Jiang Ji said, “So, it might not be that you actively choose to evade, but rather, only by doing so can you give up your obsession with singing, and live relatively calmly and relaxed.”

“Don’t make excuses for me.” Qin Qingzhuo said in a low voice, “I know my personality is terrible.”

“It was your therapist who said that, and I don’t think your personality is that bad,” Jiang Ji brushed aside a strand of hair blown onto his face by the wind, “Even though you’ve been evading this for four years, you’ve excelled in many other things. Not every singer can successfully transition into a producer after leaving the stage, but you not only did that but also did it exceptionally well, helping so many singers and bands produce many outstanding albums. You’re truly amazing.”

“I just have too many retreats.” Qin Qingzhuo’s tears gradually stopped, but his voice still carried traces of having cried.

“Dr. Xie also said the same.” Pausing for a moment, Jiang Ji added, “Actually, I regretted it after our quarrel that day.”

“Regretted what?” Qin Qingzhuo was taken aback. He didn’t expect Jiang Ji to regret while he himself was repenting for those words.

“Regretted insisting that you be the backup vocalist.” Jiang Ji lowered his eyes and smiled, a somewhat self-deprecating expression, “After you came out of your workspace, I was thinking, actually, you’re right. You’ve already become such a successful producer, why force you to go back to singing? It might be nice if we just continue our previous way of getting along, without arguing, wouldn’t that be good?”

“But I just can’t do it. You mentioned that lovers should be involved in each other’s lives, but suddenly I realized, I’m not satisfied with that kind of relationship. Just participating in each other’s lives, but unable to participate in each other’s life journeys,” Jiang Ji looked at him and said, “I don’t want us to have a relationship where we can be involved in each other’s lives but not in each other’s life journeys.”

Qin Qingzhuo didn’t say anything; that inexplicable feeling of wanting to cry surfaced again.

“Moreover, I think the problem isn’t whether your personality tends to evade,” Jiang Ji continued to honestly share his thoughts from the past few days, “In fact, you’re right, if avoiding certain things can make you feel relaxed and happy, there’s nothing wrong with it. People really don’t need to live so burdensomely all the time. But singing is obviously not something you can be happy by avoiding. It seems to have become an unhealable wound; you place it there, it not only doesn’t heal but slowly festers beneath the surface scar.”

“Like Jiang Keyuan, ten years ago he ran away, indeed not having to bear those debts anymore, but did he really live an easy life in those ten years? Impossible,” Jiang Ji tilted his jaw upward, exhaling a sigh gently, “He lived more painfully than anyone else. Even in the letter he left for me two weeks before his death, he wrote that he didn’t want to keep running away.”

When Jiang Keyuan was mentioned, his emotions clearly became heavier.

Qin Qingzhuo knew that Jiang Ji always felt a certain connection between Jiang Keyuan’s suicide and his attitude at that time.

So even though he hated Jiang Keyuan to the extreme, after his suicide, Jiang Ji did not feel relieved or relaxed.

“So that’s why you want to shoulder everything yourself, I understand.” Qin Qingzhuo reached out and hugged Jiang Ji, “Don’t think about it anymore; it’s all in the past.”

“Yeah,” Jiang Ji lifted his hand to touch his hair, shifting the topic away from Jiang Keyuan, “I just don’t want every time you bring up this matter in the future to become so unhappy. You need to resolve this issue to truly move on. Besides, Dr. Xie said if the situation is ideal and consistent with his expectations, solving the psychological problem will also greatly benefit the treatment for your ears.”

Qin Qingzhuo lightly murmured, “Mm.”

“Also, I feel like you always treat me like a child,” Jiang Ji continued, “You mentioned before that I always think about solving problems on my own, but haven’t you noticed that you also always think about how to help me solve problems, but never thought that I could help you solve them too? I’m the Qin Qingzhuo who can shoulder burdens for you. Whatever you want to evade, I can help you carry it, or carry it together with you. You can trust me.”

Listening to Jiang Ji’s words, Qin Qingzhuo inexplicably felt that their roles had reversed – it’s as if he became the one being accommodated, while Jiang Ji became the one guiding.

This feeling was somewhat strange but not bad at all. As Jiang Ji said, since they met, subconsciously he had been treating Jiang Ji as his junior. Even after they got together, most of the time he still put himself in the role of a mentor. After all, there was a ten-year age gap between them, and he had experienced ups and downs in the industry, while Jiang Ji was just a newcomer.

And now he realized that he was being accommodated by Jiang Ji. This feeling of being accommodated brought him a strong sense of security and stability, making him realize that he could confide his worries to Jiang Ji and entrust him with his trust.

“I understand. I won’t do it anymore,” Qin Qingzhuo said softly, “I trust you.”

The two of them didn’t speak anymore. Qin Qingzhuo tightened his arms around Jiang Ji.

He had a strange feeling, unable to imagine himself calmly discussing these things with Jiang Ji one day.

There was a sense of liberation, different from the end of the concert four years ago, that made him relax and settle down completely.

The harmony between their voices still echoed in his ears. Although they were recorded at different times, even years apart, they sounded surprisingly harmonious and tacit.

The high and low notes complemented each other, whether it was the low hum of the main song or the climax of the chorus, they sounded so compatible.

If it were a live performance, with that kind of tacit resonance, it should sound even better than the sound coming from the speakers…

With this thought in mind, another idea became stronger and stronger.

After a moment, Qin Qingzhuo straightened up and looked into Jiang Ji’s eyes. “Jiang Ji, I’ll be your backup singer.”

Their faces were close, and he saw Jiang Ji’s eyes light up for a moment.

He waited for Jiang Ji to nod in agreement, but Jiang Ji quickly calmed down and didn’t immediately agree. “Why don’t you think about it before making a decision? I feel like you’re a bit impulsive right now. And, you don’t need to do something just to move me. I’m doing all this just to make you happier.”

After Jiang Ji said that, Qin Qingzhuo also calmed down slightly.

He found that to some extent, he was quite prone to getting hot-headed.

For example, now he didn’t even know if he could still go on stage and sing. What if he experienced the same situation as before, standing behind the microphone with a tight throat unable to produce sound…

“I… I’m not sure if I can do it,” Qin Qingzhuo thought for a moment, lowered his gaze, and opted for a more cautious approach this time, “But I really want to try. Because I really want to sing with you, and I never knew our harmony would sound so good…”

He didn’t finish his sentence; suddenly, his body felt lighter as his feet left the ground – Jiang Ji lifted him up.

Looking into Jiang Ji’s eyes, those usually dark eyes now looked very bright, as if a beam of light had been lit up deep inside the pupils.

“That’s fine. Let’s give it a try,” Jiang Ji looked into his eyes and said, “Qin Qingzhuo, do you know? Your eyes are shining brightly right now.”

“Oh, really? I kinda know,” Qin Qingzhuo smiled lightly, leaned down, and pecked Jiang Ji’s lips, “Just like yours right now.”