Chapter 72

There was a moment when Qin Qingzhuo’s mind went blank, and he felt completely stunned, not knowing what to do.

A sharp buzzing suddenly rang out deep in his brain, and both ears began to ring in unison.

His temples felt like they were being hammered mercilessly, pounding his nerves.

Ji Chi in the driver’s seat seemed also shocked, momentarily unable to react.

Then Qin Qingzhuo saw Jiang Ji dismounting from the motorcycle and walking towards their car, attempting to open the passenger door.

But despite the car having been traveling at high speed, the door remained locked, and he couldn’t open it, so he raised his hand and knocked on the window.

Only then did Qin Qingzhuo reluctantly snap back to reality. His limbs felt weak, and even reaching for the door lock felt like an effort.

As soon as the door lock clicked open, Jiang Ji immediately pulled the door open.

“Is everything clear now?” he reached in and grabbed Qin Qingzhuo’s hand, his tone devoid of emotion, “Let’s go. I’ll take you back.”

Qin Qingzhuo was pulled out of the car by him, his legs feeling weak, almost stumbling as he touched the ground.

He followed Jiang Ji a few steps forward, dazed, until a passing car’s roar brought him back to his senses.

Once he snapped out of it, a strong sense of dread overwhelmed him.

If Ji Chi had braked just a few seconds later…

If there had been the slightest mishap just now…

Qin Qingzhuo dared not imagine what would have happened.

He suddenly stopped in his tracks, forcefully pulling his hand away from Jiang Ji’s grip.

Sensing Qin Qingzhuo’s movement, Jiang Ji, who had been striding forward, also stopped and turned to look at him.

Anger surged, more fiercely than before in the car, as Qin Qingzhuo stared at Jiang Ji.

“Are you crazy, Jiang Ji?!”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?!”

“Was your life just thrown away?!”

His voice, which had changed tone earlier, still hadn’t fully returned to normal, sounding hoarse.

Qin Qingzhuo never knew he could be so angry, nor did he realize he could shout so furiously on the street.

But now he was completely enveloped in anger and fear, just wanting to lash out at Jiang Ji.

He looked at Jiang Ji, his chest heaving with emotions.

He waited for Jiang Ji’s response, but Jiang Ji remained silent, just staring at him in silence.

Jiang Ji’s silence was stubborn, yet filled with anger.

He just looked at Qin Qingzhuo, as if engaged in a silent confrontation.

Another car roared past on the roadside. In the car behind them, Ji Chi had also regained his senses and pushed open the door, stepping out of the car.

He walked towards them, stopping beside them without saying a word.

“Let’s go.” In the end, it was Jiang Ji who relented in this silent standoff, reaching out again to grasp Qin Qingzhuo’s hand, this time with a softer tone, “I’ll take you back.”

At first, Qin Qingzhuo didn’t move, just standing there looking at him.

After a few seconds, he exhaled heavily, shifted his gaze away, and let Jiang Ji lead him forward.

Jiang Ji led Qin Qingzhuo to his motorcycle and handed him a helmet.

Qin Qingzhuo silently took it, put it on, fastened the strap, and then sat behind Jiang Ji.

The engine started, and Jiang Ji slightly leaned forward, turning his head to the side, “Hold on.”

Only when Qin Qingzhuo reached out and held onto his waist did he turn the handlebars, looking ahead as he drove the motorcycle onto the road.

He drove quite fast. After a distance, he felt the hands behind him, holding onto his waist, reaching forward and embracing him.

Then, those arms tightened, almost wrapping around his waist.

Their bodies pressed together, and he suddenly felt Qin Qingzhuo behind him trembling slightly, as if shivering.

Was he scared? Worried about him?

The chest that had been filled with anger just now felt like a burst balloon, suddenly deflating, then turning into a puddle.

Sour, mixed with a hint of bitterness, flowed through his veins along with the beat of his heart.

The tense jawline loosened for a moment, and Jiang Ji subconsciously slowed down the speed.

After a moment, he covered Qin Qingzhuo’s hand with one of his own, the fingers cold, devoid of warmth.

“Don’t be afraid,” Jiang Ji slightly turned his head, his muffled voice under the helmet sounding, “I’m fine.”

Jiang Ji drove slowly for the rest of the way. Every now and then, he would reach out to hold Qin Qingzhuo’s hand.

He felt Qin Qingzhuo’s body gradually stop trembling, but those fingers remained icy.

When they reached the gate of Qin Qingzhuo’s villa, Jiang Ji stopped. Qin Qingzhuo still had his arms around him, not letting go, nor making any other movement.

Jiang Ji didn’t move either, just sat there in the car, one hand tightly gripping Qin Qingzhuo’s fingers.

After a while, Qin Qingzhuo seemed to come to his senses, and his upper body lifted slightly, “Are we here?”

“Yeah,” Jiang Ji said.

Only then did Qin Qingzhuo let go of Jiang Ji’s hand, lifting his hand to remove the helmet and dismounting from the motorcycle.

Jiang Ji propped up the motorcycle, while Qin Qingzhuo lowered his head and quickly walked up the steps to the villa, unlocking it with his fingerprint.

He opened the door and walked in, with Jiang Ji following closely behind.

Qin Qingzhuo didn’t change his shoes or turn on the lights, just groping in the darkness, hurriedly walking into the house.

After Jiang Ji closed the door and fumbled to turn on the foyer light, he saw Qin Qingzhuo heading for the bathroom.

Once the bathroom door closed, there came faint sounds of retching from inside.

Jiang Ji paused, then walked towards the bathroom, raising his hand to knock on the door.

There was no response from inside, and the sounds of retching intermittently continued, sounding extremely painful.

He tried to open the door, but Qin Qingzhuo had locked it from the inside.

He didn’t know whether Qin Qingzhuo’s current discomfort was caused by Ji Chi or himself. Or perhaps both he and Ji Chi were accomplices?

He flashed back to Qin Qingzhuo shouting at him on the roadside, something he had never seen Qin Qingzhuo lose control like that before.

Even when he was publicly questioned by the audience a few days ago, Qin Qingzhuo managed to maintain a minimum of composure.

Listening to the bouts of retching from inside the bathroom, Jiang Ji frowned and closed his eyes.

Self-reproach, yet at a loss.

Inside the bathroom, Qin Qingzhuo stood up straight, leaning on the sink, his head hanging down for a while.

Probably because he hadn’t eaten much in the past two days, nothing came out despite the urge to retch.

The ringing in his ears and the throbbing in his head persisted, a hundred times worse than the last time he came down from the stage.

Sitting behind Jiang Ji just now, for a long stretch of road, his ears couldn’t hear any external sounds at all.

Except for the car accident four years ago after leaving the concert, nothing had been this severe before.

Palpitations, dizziness, nausea… The moment of fear not only didn’t diminish with time but instead intensified and fermented, making him almost shake all over behind Jiang Ji.

After a while, Qin Qingzhuo twisted the faucet and washed his face, trying to clear his mind, then straightened up and walked towards the bathroom door.

The bathroom door opened, and Jiang Ji saw Qin Qingzhuo coming out from inside.

Qin Qingzhuo’s wet hair tips were still dripping with water, black against his increasingly pale complexion.

Qin Qingzhuo walked over and sat on the sofa, leaning forward, his head hanging down, bent elbows pressing against his thighs, one hand supporting his forehead, the other rubbing his loudly ringing left ear.

After standing silently for a moment, Jiang Ji walked to the water dispenser, took a cup of hot water, and walked over to hand it to Qin Qingzhuo.

But Qin Qingzhuo shook his head and didn’t take it.

Jiang Ji then placed the cup of water on the coffee table and squatted down beside Qin Qingzhuo.

He looked at Qin Qingzhuo and asked softly, “Is your ear uncomfortable?”

Qin Qingzhuo didn’t answer.

Jiang Ji raised his hand, gently removing Qin Qingzhuo’s hand that was rubbing his left ear, and used his own fingers to massage it gently.

“Will this help a little?”

Qin Qingzhuo still didn’t say anything. After about ten seconds, he suddenly raised his hand and grabbed the hand Jiang Ji was massaging his ear with.

He exerted some force, tightly gripping that hand.

Jiang Ji didn’t move, letting Qin Qingzhuo hold his hand. His heart seemed to have a hole, leaking out a sour sensation.

After a while, Qin Qingzhuo let go of his hand, his voice still hoarse, “Jiang Ji, sit down, I have something to tell you.”

“You’re not feeling well,” Jiang Ji didn’t move, still squatting beside him, “Let me massage it a little longer.”

“Sit down,” Qin Qingzhuo repeated, his tone carrying a commanding tone.

Jiang Ji didn’t say anything more, sitting down on the single-side sofa behind him.

Qin Qingzhuo still had his head slightly lowered, and after a while, he raised it slightly, “What were you thinking when you stopped the car?”

After a moment of silence, Jiang Ji said softly, “I thought that way, you could leave with me.”

“Is it that simple?” Qin Qingzhuo paused, “Have you thought about the consequences?”

Jiang Ji didn’t answer immediately, but after a few seconds, he spoke again, answering a different question, “I don’t want you to leave with Ji Chi, and I don’t want you to listen to his explanation. Even if you don’t like me, don’t go to like him again. He’s a scumbag, not worthy of your affection.”

Qin Qingzhuo’s emotions suddenly became somewhat agitated, repeating his question again, “Have you thought about the consequences?!”

“I have.” Jiang Ji said, his tone still calm, “The car accident, there might be injuries. But as long as you can leave with me, it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter…” Qin Qingzhuo shook his head. He didn’t expect that the young man in front of him would so easily say such words. Did he really regard his life as worthless?

After a moment of silence, he bent down, using his fingers to slowly roll up his trouser leg. As more and more of his calf was exposed, a scar on the back of his calf slowly became visible.

The dark, twisted scar stretched across the fair skin, looking like a grim totem.

As Jiang Ji watched this scene, his heart trembled, followed by a wrenching pain.

Was it from the car accident after the concert? All the discussions about Qin Qingzhuo’s car accident on the internet suddenly flooded into his mind, and he subconsciously clenched his fingers.
“Do you know, Jiang Ji, the car accident was not as casual and insignificant as you thought.” Qin Qingzhuo took a deep breath, “Four years ago, after I left the concert, I had a severe collision with a car on my way home. The car’s front pillar was broken, the left side door completely deformed, and I was squeezed inside the cockpit. Because of the strong impact, I lost consciousness, even though the shattered fragments had already wedged into my calf, I didn’t feel anything.

“In fact, due to some changes in my body before the accident, I already had some suicidal thoughts, but ironically, the only remaining trace of will in my mind was that I hoped someone could save me, and I still wanted to live…

“That night, I don’t know how long it took, but it felt like someone pulled me out. When I woke up again, I was lying in a hospital ward. The doctor told me that my calf was severely cut, my motor function was severely damaged, and both arms had varying degrees of fractures. Whether there were any sequelae was hard to say.

“After the injury healed, I worked hard on rehabilitation training to prevent myself from becoming disabled. Fortunately, the fractures did not damage the nerves, and my body recovered quite well. But the intense feeling of fear made me unable to sit in a car for a long time. Even now, I dare not easily touch the steering wheel again. The feeling of being trapped in the car is something I will never forget. Every time I think about it, it tortures me, because of that car accident, I almost became a cripple…”

Qin Qingzhuo stopped here, his voice trembling, gradually unable to control his emotions. He stopped to prevent himself from losing control too much.

Jiang Ji’s fingers were still tightly clenched, and because of the force, the back of his hand and even his forearm were covered with bulging veins.

The bits and pieces about this accident on the internet were so understated, far less shocking than Qin Qingzhuo’s own account.

He had always wondered how Qin Qingzhuo had become the person he was now, but he had never imagined that Qin Qingzhuo had experienced something so cruel, almost passing through the gates of death.

How could he have acted impulsively like this, stopping the car?

Why hadn’t he considered that Qin Qingzhuo had experienced a car accident, and that doing this would only bring him extreme fear?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know about this,” Jiang Ji’s throat felt hoarse for some reason, making him uncomfortable, making speaking difficult, “I just wanted, for you, I could do anything, I didn’t expect…”

He didn’t finish his words, Qin Qingzhuo interrupted him, his tone getting heavier again due to the fluctuations in his emotions, “If that car had really hit you, how would you have me face this? How could I live the rest of my life, living in guilt?!”

Jiang Ji saw Qin Qingzhuo close his eyes, the wet lashes like a black crow’s feather, trembling.

He wanted to reach out and hold Qin Qingzhuo’s hand, but his tightly clenched fingers seemed to have stiffened due to excessive force, making it impossible for him to open his fist.

Then Qin Qingzhuo lowered his head again, covering his eyes with his palm. He took a deep breath, and when he exhaled, it seemed to be trembling.

“Jiang Ji,” Qin Qingzhuo’s voice was very low, as if he had lost strength, “You said you like me, but how do you like me? A person must first learn to love themselves, and then they can have the strength to love others. Otherwise, their likes, their love, are nothing but illusions, a pathological dependence. I don’t want you to become like this, and I don’t want to receive this kind of love.”

His trembling breath seemed to land on Jiang Ji’s heart, making every heartbeat tremble along with it.

“I’m too impulsive,” Jiang Ji tried hard to steady his tone, his voice pressed low, “I’m sorry.”

He didn’t know how to comfort Qin Qingzhuo. All the words seemed powerless before that car accident.

“I won’t do this again in the future, don’t be afraid,” he could only repeat these powerless words.

Qin Qingzhuo didn’t speak, after a while, his palm moved away from his face, seeming to calm down his emotions slightly.

“I’m too tired, Jiang Ji,” he said very softly, “You should go back and let me rest for a while.”

He did look extremely exhausted, pale, with little color on his lips, like a fragile porcelain.

“I’ll stay with you,” Jiang Ji looked at him, “I can take care of you.”

But Qin Qingzhuo just shook his head gently, “If you stay here, it will only make me more tired.”

Jiang Ji remained silent for a while, then nodded and said, “Okay.”

He could see that Qin Qingzhuo really needed to rest, and staying here would only consume Qin Qingzhuo’s mental energy even more.

“Then I’ll leave first,” Jiang Ji stood up, “You rest well, contact me anytime if you need anything.”

Qin Qingzhuo lowered his head and nodded.

Jiang Ji walked to the door, and when he opened it, he turned his head to look at Qin Qingzhuo again, then gently closed the door.

Once the door closed, Qin Qingzhuo felt a sense of weakness closing in on him from all sides, making him feel tired even to move.

He reached for the remote control to turn on the Bluetooth speaker, and the soothing piano music flowed in the air, making his tense expression relax a bit.

Once he relaxed, exhaustion and drowsiness surged up together.

Consciousness gradually blurred, and the gentle piano music in the room turned into the cello music in Ji Chi’s car. He and Ji Chi sat in the car, arguing about who was right and who was wrong in this affair.

Ji Chi was emotional, and he didn’t back down.

In the midst of the argument, at the intersection ahead, a motorcycle suddenly stopped there.

Seeing Jiang Ji sitting on the motorcycle, Qin Qingzhuo’s voice suddenly changed tone: “Stop the car! Ji Chi, stop the car!”

However, no matter how he shouted, the car showed no signs of slowing down, but instead accelerated towards Jiang Ji.

The engine roared like a wild beast, Qin Qingzhuo widened his eyes, panic-stricken, watching the car he was in heading straight towards Jiang Ji…

A huge fear enveloped him completely, and Qin Qingzhuo suddenly opened his eyes.

He was breathing rapidly, his chest heaving up and down.

The fear was beyond reality…

It was a dream… Qin Qingzhuo exhaled softly, it was just a dream.

The ceiling light was glaring, but he didn’t look away, staring slightly distractedly at it.

He suddenly calmed down and began to think about the relationship between himself and Jiang Ji.

How should this feeling develop between them? He hadn’t figured it out until now.

It started with a drunken kiss, initially hazy with drunkenness, then rushed with excitement, it came quickly and heatedly.

It put Qin Qingzhuo in an abnormal and passive state, unable to easily refuse, yet unable to easily agree.

Perhaps it was time to make a decision, Qin Qingzhuo thought, no matter how difficult it might be, a decision should be made.

He certainly believed that Jiang Ji liked him.

How could one hide their liking for another person?

The eyes, the actions, the tone, all betrayed this secret.

But for a nineteen-year-old boy, who could regard life and death so lightly, wasn’t his liking just a momentary impulse?

Under impulse, would Jiang Ji still make more moves that could potentially harm himself?

And, when this impulse subsides, how long will this liking last?

Would it once again lead to the same embarrassment and awkwardness as the previous relationship?

Moreover, there was a ten-year age difference between them.

Ten years… Perhaps age doesn’t matter, but do the differences in thoughts, experiences, and emotions brought about by age not matter?

The light was too glaring, and Qin Qingzhuo finally closed his eyes.

His eyelashes trembled, then trembled again.

After a while, a very light sigh was heard in the room.