Chapter 75

The surroundings quieted down, and Qin Qingzhuo couldn’t tell whether it was because he couldn’t hear anymore or if Jiang Ji had walked too far away.

The interrogation was over, everything was over, he should feel relieved.

With Jiang Ji’s temperament, what he said, he would follow through.

The state of restless loss of control in these days could finally be completely shaken off, and Qin Qingzhuo could return to being the calm and composed person he used to be.

Yes… He should feel relieved, but why did he feel even more blocked in his heart?

The ringing in his ears grew louder, making Qin Qingzhuo unable to calm down, feeling his ears clogged and his chest even more congested.

The feeling of powerless exhaustion once again surrounded him from all directions. He leaned his back against the wall, closed his eyes.

After a while, the unbearable ringing in his ears subsided slightly. He struggled to calm himself down, opened his eyes, and slowly walked back.

Climbing the steps to the studio, Qin Qingzhuo took a deep breath and pushed open the door to the studio.

Li Zi, sitting in the room, stood up, leaned over the front desk, and looked at him with some curiosity. “So, did they find you?”

Qin Qingzhuo didn’t say anything, just shook his head.

“Qingzhuo, you don’t know, this kid is really smart. I just said you weren’t here, and it’s like he could tell I was lying. He stared at me straight for a while, making me nervous…”

Li Zi’s tone was light-hearted, treating the matter as a joke, but halfway through, he noticed Qin Qingzhuo’s expression wasn’t quite right and stopped.

Qin Qingzhuo forced a smile and gestured upstairs. “I’ll go upstairs first.”

“Oh…” Li Zi nodded.

At the end of the first floor, in the recording studio, Lin Qi poked his head out. “Qingzhuo, don’t rush, come help me listen to a song.” Then he waved to Li Zi. “Li Zi, come over and help listen too.”

With a slightly hoarse voice, Qin Qingzhuo cleared his throat, about to say something, but Lin Qi had already walked over, put his arm around him, and pulled him into the recording studio without waiting for a response. “Come on, come on, we can’t do without you. Today’s been a mess, I’m about to explode… Oh, by the way, your little friend came by just now. I wanted him to help listen too, but he just left without a word after closing the door. Was he here to see you?”

Qin Qingzhuo nodded, not wanting to continue discussing this. He changed the subject, “Which song is it?”

“Just this one,” Lin Qi handed the music score to Qin Qingzhuo, “In the chorus here, listen if it lacks a bit of energy.”

Qin Qingzhuo took the music score from him, put on the headphones, and the recording engineer beside him played the just-recorded version for him to listen to.

The ringing in his ears persisted, and his eardrums were still clogged, but there was no problem hearing the sound in the headphones.

It’s just that usually when he listened to music, he could focus immediately. But this time, those melodies and vocals seemed to float in his ears, blocked by the thick eardrums, refusing to enter his mind.

“Qin Qingzhuo, do you feel like you’re stringing me along?”

“Don’t string me along anymore, Qin Qingzhuo, just give me a straightforward answer, okay?”

“Just say you like me, even if you don’t set a deadline, I’ll wait for you.”

“Or if you don’t like me, I’ll disappear from your sight right now, I won’t bother you again.”

Although what was playing in his ears was lively music, all he heard in his mind was Jiang Ji’s voice.

After the nearly four-minute song finished playing, Qin Qingzhuo was still staring at the music score.

It wasn’t until Lin Qi reached out and waved his hand in front of him, calling “Qingzhuo” twice, that he snapped out of it.

“Could it be that this song is so good that it’s driving you crazy?” Lin Qi joked casually, but noticed that Qin Qingzhuo didn’t laugh, so the atmosphere became somewhat awkward.

Li Zi beside him signaled to him with his eyes, realizing that something was off with Qin Qingzhuo. “What’s wrong…? Why do you look so pale?”

Qin Qingzhuo placed the music score on the table, took off his headphones, and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to make his voice sound normal, “Sorry, Lin Qi, I’m not feeling quite myself today. Send me the demo later, and I’ll give you feedback after I listen to it.”

“Sure… take your time,” Lin Qi looked at him with some concern, “Are you okay, Qingzhuo?”

Qin Qingzhuo shook his head, “I’m fine, I just need to rest for a bit.”

After saying that, without lingering for a moment, he turned around and walked out of the recording studio.

His unusual behavior was evident, and Lin Qi and Li Zi exchanged a glance, not daring to speak further.

Exiting the recording studio, Qin Qingzhuo called his driver and asked him to take him back.

Sitting in the car, he leaned back in the seat. He intended to close his eyes and clear his mind of all thoughts, but the scene of Jiang Ji standing in front of him not long ago kept haunting him.

He thought of the moment when Jiang Ji approached him step by step, the look of relief he let out, and he could see a hint of grievance in Jiang Ji’s eyes, making him appear like a slightly pitiful, abandoned puppy.

Then he thought of the glance Jiang Ji gave him as he left, that disappointed and desolate expression, which made him avert his gaze after just one glance, unable to look any further.

After all these years, since that concert, he had become accustomed to various disappointed looks directed at him, so why did this time make him feel particularly uncomfortable, to the point where his heart felt like it was soaked in sour juice, dehydrated to the point of wrinkling?

Was what he just did really the right thing? He couldn’t help but doubt himself.

But should he just say “like” and let Jiang Ji endlessly wait for him? Yet he wasn’t even sure if he could ever give an equal response… Or should he hastily accept a genuine heart, only to watch it be worn down into disappointment over the long years until it culminated in another disappointing and failed outcome?

It seemed like whatever he did was wrong. Perhaps from the beginning, he shouldn’t have allowed that kiss to happen.

For the first time in his life, Qin Qingzhuo felt a sense of almost self-loathing.

He had wanted to gracefully part ways with his ex, who had helped him out of his low point, but it ended up looking so ugly because of his emotional turmoil;

His beloved music career had been a mess these years, to the point where he even lost the courage to sing;

And the young man to whom he had dedicated his heartfelt sincerity just minutes ago was now thoroughly disappointed because of his retreat and avoidance…

Qin Qingzhuo, oh Qin Qingzhuo, a self-mocking voice echoed in his mind. He would turn twenty-nine in another month, how could life be such a failure…

How should he live the rest of his life? The incessant ringing in his ears, the daily treatments, the unfinished songs and the unspoken words… Life was indeed dull. Qin Qingzhuo closed his eyes and pondered.

Riding his motorcycle to the bank of the Lu River, Jiang Ji stopped the bike.

He thought of the rainbow he saw last time he passed by here.

Now the sky was pitch black, devoid of stars or moon, only adorned with wisps of clouds, and that colorful and enticing rainbow was long gone.

It was just an illusion after all, something no one could hold onto.

It’s just that at that time, he clearly knew the illusion would disappear, so why did he still indulge himself in it?

Probably because it was too beautiful, knowing it was an illusion but still trying to grasp it.

He withdrew his gaze, started the motorcycle again, and headed towards the Honglu Bar.

Learning that Jiang Ji wasn’t at the bar tonight, many of the people who had gathered at Honglu Slope Street had dispersed, but there were still some waiting for his return.

Jiang Ji continued to ignore the gazes and flashes directed at him, parked his motorcycle against the wall, locked it, and walked towards the bar.

Just as he was about to climb the steps, Jiang Bei walked out of the bar.

Initially, Jiang Ji didn’t intend to speak to her, but as Jiang Bei passed by him, he suddenly remembered that today was mid-month.

It was time for their monthly trip to the hospital with Jiang Bei.

“Where are we going?” Jiang Ji asked.

“Out to play,” Jiang Bei replied nonchalantly.

“Don’t wander around this time,” Jiang Ji looked at her and said, “Take good care of yourself and live well.”

After saying that, he climbed the steps and entered the bar.

However, Jiang Bei’s footsteps stopped. She sensed Jiang Ji’s unusual demeanor.

Normally, Jiang Ji wouldn’t speak like this. He would just be a bit stern and impatient, saying things like “don’t wander around,” “stay put,” or “don’t bother coming back if you run off again.”

She felt that Jiang Ji looked tired and somewhat sad when he spoke just now. She rarely saw him like this.

After standing in place for a few seconds, Jiang Bei turned around and walked back into the bar.

She followed Jiang Ji upstairs, closed the security door, and then sat down on the sofa next to him.

The two of them, one big and one small, sat on opposite sides of the sofa, both silent.

Jiang Ji leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs, lost in thought, staring in some direction.

The half-pack of cigarettes in his hand was flipped back and forth, rolled into a ball and flattened out, but he didn’t smoke.

After a while, Jiang Bei softly asked, “What’s wrong with you?”

Jiang Ji didn’t say anything.

After a while, he stood up. “It’s nothing, you play by yourself.”

With that, he walked towards his room.

Jiang Bei thought for a moment, then picked up her phone. Instead of opening a game, she opened WeChat.

She found Qin Qingzhuo’s profile picture and sent him a message: “My brother seems to be in a bad mood.”

There was no response from the other side. A few minutes later, Jiang Bei sent another message: “Do you know what’s wrong with him?”

But after waiting for a long time, Qin Qingzhuo still didn’t reply.

Jiang Bei sat on the sofa and sighed at the chat interface.

Back in his own room, Jiang Ji sat on the edge of the bed and habitually put on the earphones.

Qin Qingzhuo’s voice sounded in his ears. In the past, no matter how irritable he was, as soon as he heard this voice, his emotions could be immediately calmed.

However, today, listening to this voice, he felt even more upset.

The creases in his chest formed by emotions not only did not smooth out, but deepened, to the point where he felt a painful tug at his heart.

After cutting a few songs in a row, all of them by Qin Qingzhuo, he suddenly remembered that his playlist had been completely taken over by Qin Qingzhuo.

He simply took off his earphones and threw them aside, then got up and walked to the window.

Pedestrians on Honglu Slope Street came and went, drunk, sober, all sorts of people.

Where were these people coming from, and where were they going?

In the midst of irritability and sadness, a hint of confusion crept in.

He suddenly didn’t know how he should continue living.

Huang Ying had specifically talked to him a few days ago, probably implying that although the bar’s business was getting better and better because of Jiang Ji, she also realized that this small bar was no longer suitable for Jiang Ji. If he wanted to leave, he could leave anytime with a simple goodbye.

But where to go? Jiang Ji couldn’t figure it out.

Just the day before today, he had been thinking about becoming someone like Qin Qingzhuo, but now he suddenly lost his direction.

Should he continue on the show and become a star in the spotlight? But he didn’t like that kind of life.

Before he met Qin Qingzhuo, the only thing in his life was making money, dull and monotonous.

Looking back, all the vibrant colors in his life were filled in by Qin Qingzhuo over these past two months.

Qin Qingzhuo personally kept him on the show, and after his band was eliminated by a black hand, he brought them back.

Qin Qingzhuo accompanied him through the difficult days after Jiang Keyuan’s suicide, urging him to move forward without looking back.

Qin Qingzhuo took him to music festivals to relax, showed him the most beautiful sunset in Yancheng, and told him that all the pain was just “like a white fleeting past a crack between heaven and earth of life, suddenly gone”.

Qin Qingzhuo let him experience what it felt like to be infatuated, causing him to feel mood swings for the first time in his life, both delighted and tormented.

Now that Qin Qingzhuo had completely rejected him, should life just return to the way it was before he met him?

No competitions, no direction, no desire to win or lose, just living a dull, monotonous, numb, and boring life.

Life is indeed long, Jiang Ji thought as he looked out at the dark night outside the window. Could that regretful birthday wish still come true?

The next day, Qin Qingzhuo went to the hospital for treatment, and Xie Chengyun looked at his test results, furrowing his brows even deeper than before.

“Just a few days ago, there were signs of improvement, but how did things suddenly regress overnight? It can’t be…” He raised his head to observe Qin Qingzhuo. “Your complexion is also so pale, Qingzhuo, did something happen to you?”

Qin Qingzhuo’s complexion looked a bit pale, his lips lacked color, indeed giving off the impression of being in poor spirits.

“Maybe I didn’t sleep well last night.” He raised his hand to rub his temples.

Xie Chengyun continued to browse the test results, then asked again, “Could it be related to that boy named Jiang Ji?”

Hearing Jiang Ji’s name, Qin Qingzhuo felt a heavy throb in his temples, but he didn’t show it. “Hmm?”

“I’m just guessing,” Xie Chengyun shrugged, “There must be some reason for the sudden change in your condition. And as for what recent event could make you lose control… besides emotions, I can’t think of anything else.”

“But why…” Qin Qingzhuo didn’t finish his sentence.

“Jiang Ji?” Xie Chengyun finished it for him, “Ji Chi is already in the past tense. I don’t think he can still stir up your emotions like this.”

Qin Qingzhuo sighed softly, “I might really need to consider changing doctors.”

“Don’t do that,” Xie Chengyun chuckled, “You can rest assured, I won’t ask too much. But Qingzhuo, you really need to adjust your state. If even you don’t cooperate with treatment, then all my efforts here are in vain.”

Qin Qingzhuo nodded, “Hmm, I’ll try my best.”

As Xie Chengyun continued to study the test results, Qin Qingzhuo’s phone vibrated.

He picked it up and glanced at it; it was a call from Xia Qi.

“Chengyun, I’ll take this call,” Qin Qingzhuo said to Xie Chengyun.

Xie Chengyun responded with a “Hmm”.

Qin Qingzhuo stood up, walked to the window, and answered the phone, “Hello, Xia Qi?”

Xia Qi’s voice sounded apologetic, “Qingzhuo, I’m really sorry, I couldn’t fulfill what I promised you last time…”

“What happened?” she said this much, and Qin Qingzhuo had already vaguely guessed what had happened. “Is it Asperatus?”

“Yeah, Asperatus told Chen Jia that he wants to withdraw from the competition. No matter how I persuade them, they insist on not coming for the next match…”

Qin Qingzhuo fell silent, and after a while, he said, “I understand. It’s not your fault. I’ll think of a solution.”

“Okay.” Xia Qi responded on the other end, “Thank you, Qingzhuo, for your hard work.”

After hanging up the phone, Qin Qingzhuo opened WeChat and clicked on Jiang Ji’s profile picture.

Regarding Asperatus wanting to withdraw from the competition, he wasn’t surprised. In fact, he had a premonition that Jiang Ji would do something like this.

Yesterday, when he met Jiang Ji, he initially wanted to persuade him to continue in the show. However, the conversation rushed on, completely overlooking this matter.

Now, talking to Jiang Ji about this seemed inappropriate, and Jiang Ji might not listen to him as before.

What should he do? Qin Qingzhuo stared at the chat interface with Jiang Ji on his phone, lost in thought.

In theory, he had already signed the Asperatus band to his studio. Although it wasn’t a formal contract, he could demand that the band not withdraw from the competition in the studio’s name. However, Qin Qingzhuo didn’t want to do that.

From the beginning, he never wanted to bind Jiang Ji and his band with a piece of paper. Now, he hoped that they were completely free, making all decisions willingly.

Suddenly, a face flashed in his mind, and Qin Qingzhuo’s furrowed brows eased slightly.

He lightly tapped the screen, exited the chat with Jiang Ji, and opened another profile.

His fingers typed a message in the chat box, “DJ sent.” He let out a gentle sigh, waiting for the other party’s reply.