Chapter 87

The moonlight seeped through the cracks of the blinds, casting clear shadows on the overlapping figures on the wall.

His scattered gaze took a while to refocus, landing on the sweaty brows and eyes before him.

Too out of control, Qin Qingzhuo thought. If the previous night could still be explained by drunkenness, tonight was completely sinking while sober. He had never imagined he would do such things in the studio before, let alone indulge another person to such an extent.

Yet, when he looked into Jiang Ji’s eyes, he couldn’t resist the feeling of this loss of control and sinking sensation. It felt strangely beautiful.

The previously fierce and ruthless young man had disappeared, replaced by a figure hovering above with dark eyes gazing at him with tender affection.

Jiang Ji lightly brushed his lower lip with his finger, the sensation warm and slippery. Qin Qingzhuo subconsciously pursed his lips and furrowed his brows. “What is this…”

“Not sure if it’s yours or mine,” Jiang Ji looked at the somewhat vivid expression on his face, suppressing a smile. “Teacher Qin, how does it taste?”

Qin Qingzhuo lifted his hand to wipe his lower lip, paused, then suddenly became playful. He placed his hand behind Jiang Ji’s head, exerted a little force, and tilted his head up to kiss him. He chuckled, “Try it and you’ll find out.”

Jiang Ji obediently lowered his head to kiss him back, their tongues intertwining. Where their taste ultimately went, neither could say for sure, but both of them tasted it.

After another round of entanglement, they finally settled down, embracing each other on the carpet. Qin Qingzhuo unconsciously caressed Jiang Ji’s fingertips.

The skin with calluses felt slightly rough, and the touch was somewhat addictive.

He used to dislike calluses on his fingertips when practicing the guitar, so he preferred using picks over fingerpicking. But now, he found Jiang Ji’s fingertips with calluses quite sexy, especially when touching his skin. It gave Qin Qingzhuo a subtle feeling, perhaps a feeling that could easily ignite him.

Feeling a bit sleepy, his voice sounded a bit hoarse with fatigue. “Are you leaving soon?”

“Yeah,” Jiang Ji replied softly, “I’ll leave after you fall asleep.”

The newly rented rehearsal room was in a remote location, not as lively as the bustling Honglu Slope Street nearby. Although Jiang Bei knew to lock the door properly, an eight-year-old girl living alone was still not very safe. Without going back to check, Jiang Ji felt uneasy.

The attic was very quiet, creating a secluded and tranquil atmosphere.

Qin Qingzhuo felt drowsy, while Jiang Ji didn’t show any signs of obvious tiredness.

In the moonlight, he looked around the attic, thinking about that night when he walked on the second floor, opening one door after another. The feelings of restlessness mixed with anxiety and regrets were still vivid in his memory.

“The attic is so secluded,” Jiang Ji asked, “why didn’t you just hide here that day?”

“That day…” Qin Qingzhuo recalled spending the evening in this attic. After receiving a message from Li Zi, he felt a strong sense of restlessness. He believed that Jiang Ji, being intelligent, would quickly find this place. Not knowing what to say when facing Jiang Ji, he decided to hide but ended up being cornered by Jiang Ji against the wall.

“I was too flustered, lost my rationality,” Qin Qingzhuo said. “If I had stayed here, could you have found me?”

“Probably,” Jiang Ji thought for a moment. “Li Zi’s reaction that day clearly indicated that you were here. I just didn’t find you. If you hadn’t come out, I would have searched each room thoroughly. Although the invisible door is designed to be hidden, it’s not completely imperceptible.”

“So, no matter what, I would have been found, right?” Qin Qingzhuo chuckled.

“Yeah,” Jiang Ji hugged Qin Qingzhuo’s arm and pulled him closer. “I would have found you one way or another.”

After a while, he asked again, “So, why did you hide from me that day? Can you tell me now?”

Drowsiness set in, and Qin Qingzhuo closed his eyes. His words were now low and somewhat muffled, “Maybe I just worried too much.”

“Now, have you figured it out?” Jiang Ji asked.

In a half-dreaming state, Qin Qingzhuo’s voice was as soft as a whisper. It took careful listening to discern what he said, sounding like “I think so.”

The breathing beside him gradually became steady, and Jiang Ji felt Qin Qingzhuo sinking into sleep. He leaned down to kiss Qin Qingzhuo’s hair and said “good night.” He stared at the sleeping Qin Qingzhuo for a while before slowly pulling his arm out and getting up, dressing quietly and leaving the attic.

The next morning, Qin Qingzhuo opened his eyes and turned his head to look at the side.

It had been a long time since he slept so deeply, so much so that he didn’t even realize when Jiang Ji left last night.

Sitting up on the carpet, he habitually rubbed his ears and realized there was no ringing in his ears this morning.

Was it because of his mood? Qin Qingzhuo sat on the carpet, lost in thought. He indeed felt very good when he was with Jiang Ji. The embrace was relaxing, the kisses were delightful, and the indescribable joy brought by physical contact was even somewhat addictive…

There was a note next to him. Qin Qingzhuo picked it up and read it. It was left by Jiang Ji when he left last night — “Good morning, we’ll see each other soon.”

We’ll see each other soon… Qin Qingzhuo smiled.

In the past, when he worked late, he would stay overnight in the studio, so there were some spare clothes here. He got up, changed his clothes, and went to the adjacent gym to freshen up.

After breakfast, Qin Qingzhuo went to the gym as usual for a run before work.

When he came out, he ran into Lin Qi. Qin Qingzhuo told him about needing his help to sing at the finals.

“Why don’t you go yourself?” Lin Qi said lazily after hearing the request. “Jiang Ji definitely wants you to go. What’s wrong? You won’t even give him face?”

“No,” Qin Qingzhuo smiled, “They specifically invited you to help sing, so just lend a hand. I’ll treat you to drinks later.”

“Sure,” Lin Qi scoffed, “Why don’t I believe you? But you seem to be in good spirits these days, thanks to the little friend, huh?”

“I’m always like this, aren’t I?” Qin Qingzhuo said.

“Come on,” Lin Qi teased, “You were so down before, Li Zi was almost worried sick about you.”

“Really?” Qin Qingzhuo recalled his state before, where he seemed to be all work and no play, with no discernible mood swings.

“How come there’s none?” Lin Qi said, “It’s like you’re a completely different person, isn’t it?”

Qin Qingzhuo smiled without responding, walked to the office door, and paused, “Enough chatting, I’m going in.”

“Don’t, come with me,” Lin Qi raised his arm, draped it over Qin Qingzhuo’s shoulder, and pushed him forward. “I mean, how can you be in love and still work? You’re not focused at all. How’s your little friend at home?”

“So, do I need to be all lovesick now?” 

“Yes,” Lin Qi said earnestly.

Qin Qingzhuo followed him downstairs, thinking that Lin Qi was pulling him down because there was something important to discuss. However, when they reached the first floor, Lin Qi directly opened the door and ushered him out of the studio, saying, “Let’s go, don’t keep burying yourself in music. Go on a date.”

“Where are we going…” Qin Qingzhuo sighed helplessly.

Lin Qi turned around, headed towards the recording studio at the end of the first floor, and poked his head out after entering, “Go on a date.”

While saying this, he waved his hand backward, indicating Qin Qingzhuo to hurry up.

Qin Qingzhuo felt completely out of sorts with Lin Qi’s antics, shook his head, and was about to turn around to go back upstairs to the office. However, he paused mid-step, thinking, why not… go?

Since there was no urgent work at hand, and being in love was so enjoyable. Moreover, Xie Chengyun and Duan Chong always advised him not to bury himself in music all the time and find something that made him happy.

Being with Jiang Ji did make him happy.

Thinking this way, he took out his phone and dialed the driver’s number.

Half an hour later, the car stopped outside Jiang Ji’s rehearsal room. Qin Qingzhuo got out of the car, and Jiang Bei was hurrying out of the rehearsal room.

“Where are you going?” Qin Qingzhuo asked.

“Substitute for someone in practice,” Jiang Bei hurriedly replied, “I’m going to be late!”

Qin Qingzhuo: “…”

Even playing a game, she was so dedicated. It made him feel a bit inadequate.

“Is your brother inside?”

Jiang Bei was already a few meters away, and her voice came over, “Yes!”

Qin Qingzhuo: “…”

On the way here, he kept thinking whether he was heading towards Jiang Ji while Jiang Ji had already gone to the studio. However, he resisted the urge to send a message because he liked to see the moment when Jiang Ji’s eyes suddenly lit up. Every time he saw it, it seemed like his mood would also brighten.

Qin Qingzhuo walked towards Jiang Ji’s room, raised his hand, and knocked on the door. Knock, knock, knock.

Footsteps sounded inside, followed by the door handle being pressed down.

The door was pushed open, and Jiang Ji, wearing a black T-shirt and loose sweatpants, looked like he had just taken a shower, with a lingering mist of water vapor on him.

As expected, those deep black eyes lit up for a moment, and before Jiang Ji could speak, Qin Qingzhuo approached, taking a step closer and kissed him on the lips.

Jiang Ji reached out and hugged him, running his fingers through the hair tied at the back of his head, “Why did you tie your hair today?”

“Need some freshness, right?” Qin Qingzhuo said, “Does it look good?”

“Looks good,” Jiang Ji brought him into the room and closed the door behind him. “I haven’t seen enough of the previous one either.”

Qin Qingzhuo smiled and looked inside the room, “What are you doing?”

“Just finished showering, planning to change clothes and go out to find you,” Jiang Ji replied.

“Then go ahead and change,” Qin Qingzhuo sat down on the chair by the desk, “I’ll wait for you.”

He glanced at the books on Jiang Ji’s desk. Jiang Ji seemed to read a variety of books, including some professional books related to music theory, as well as novels, essays, and poetry collections.

What surprised Qin Qingzhuo was that a significant portion of the books were poetry collections, including both Chinese and foreign poetry.

Qin Qingzhuo casually picked up one of the poetry collections, “Do you like reading poetry?”

Jiang Ji tossed the clothes he was going to change into onto the bed and reached to pull the back of his collar, “I flip through them occasionally before bed.”

As he pulled the black T-shirt down from his head, the latter part of his sentence, “Otherwise, life would be too boring,” sounded a bit muffled.

Qin Qingzhuo raised an eyebrow slightly and looked up at him.

At this moment, Jiang Ji was bare-chested, holding the clothes from the bed. His figure looked slender and robust.

Qin Qingzhuo never liked overly exaggerated or deliberate muscles, and Jiang Ji seemed to be just right. Even when he wore clothes, he seemed somewhat slim. It was only when he took off his clothes and revealed the muscular lines that one could perceive a kind of almost arrogant strength.

After changing his clothes, Jiang Ji saw Qin Qingzhuo looking at him without saying a word and chuckled, “What? Do I not look like someone who would read poetry?”

“No,” Qin Qingzhuo shook his head, “I’m just imagining what you look like when you read poetry.”

Jiang Ji walked over to him and took the poetry collection from his hand, “Shall I read you some poetry?”

“Sure,” Qin Qingzhuo smiled, “Which one do you want to read to me?”

“Let me think,” Jiang Ji flipped through the poetry collection in his hand, but didn’t seem to pay much attention to the words on the pages, as if he was genuinely contemplating.

After a moment, he put down the poetry collection in his hand and took another one from the bookshelf, “Let’s read Borges.”

He quickly found a page and announced the title of the poem he had selected, “{What Can I Hold You With}?” 

Qin Qingzhuo leaned back in his chair, tilting his head slightly to look at him.

“I offer you lean streets, desperate sunsets, the moon of the jagged suburbs.

I offer you the bitterness of a man who has looked long and long at the lonely moon.”

Jiang Ji leaned against the desk, his profile against the light, reminding Qin Qingzhuo of the first time he saw him in the program’s resting room, enveloped in strong light, reminiscent of an overexposed image from an old-fashioned film.

However, back then, Jiang Ji had a somewhat rebellious demeanor, while now, as he read poetry, there was a peculiar calmness about him.

“I offer you the loyalty of someone who has never had faith.

I offer you the core of myself that I have managed to preserve…”

His voice hadn’t changed much, with a deep, cold tone, a metallic texture, yet blended with a hint of gentleness in the intonation.

When they first met, Qin Qingzhuo could never have imagined that they would develop such an intimate relationship.

Nor could he have anticipated that the young man who bargained with the program group and seemed difficult to deal with would stand by the window and read a love poem to him.

“…I offer you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart;

I attempt to move you with confusion, danger, and failure.”

Jiang Ji finished reading this poem with a slow and measured tone, then put down the poetry collection and looked at Qin Qingzhuo.

The two silently locked eyes for a moment, and neither spoke for a while.

Then, Jiang Ji used his palm to rub Qin Qingzhuo’s hair, “Does it differ from what you imagined?”

Qin Qingzhuo still didn’t speak, sitting in the chair, tilting his head slightly to look at him.

Perhaps because they had been kissing a lot these past few days, even without drinking now, the color of his lips seemed more vibrant than usual.

Jiang Ji’s fingers landed on his lips, with a few fingers supporting his slightly pointed jaw, while the thumb and forefinger seemed to playfully knead the plump and smooth lower lip.

Qin Qingzhuo’s fingers lifted and fell on the waist of Jiang Ji’s pants, unbuttoning the one he had tied not long ago.

“Ssh…” He looked up at Jiang Ji, speaking softly, and the airflow from his voice brushed over Jiang Ji’s fingers, “Don’t move, and don’t make a sound.”

——————–

Author’s Note

Teacher Qin got XP’d by the poetry-reading Xiao Jiang.

TN:

Full Poem

What can I hold you with?

   I offer you lean streets, desperate sunsets, the moon of the jagged suburbs.

   I offer you the bitterness of a man who has looked long and long at the lonely moon.

   I offer you my ancestors, my dead men, the ghosts that living men have honored in bronze:

      my father’s father killed in the frontier of Buenos Aires, two bullets through his lungs,

      bearded and dead, wrapped by his soldiers in the hide of a cow; my mother’s grandfather

      –just twentyfour– heading a charge of three hundred men in Peru, now ghosts on

      vanished horses.

   I offer you whatever insight my books may hold, whatever manliness or humour in my life.

   I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never been loyal.

   I offer you that kernel of myself that I have saved,

      somehow –the central heart that deals not  in words, traffics not with dreams, and is

      untouched by time, by joy, by adversities.

   I offer you the memory of a yellow rose seen at sunset, years before you were born.

   I offer you explanations of yourself, theories about yourself, authentic and surprising news of yourself.

   I can give you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart; I am trying to bribe you 

      with uncertainty, with danger, with defeat.