Gu Wenxi was used to being casual at Jiang Chen’s house. After entering, the previous restraint quickly disappeared. He changed into his slippers and sat on the sofa, crossing his legs and waiting for Jiang Chen to come over.

“Wenxi, let me make you some tea.”

“No need, I’ve had enough drinks at home.”

Jiang Chen put away the teapot but still brought a glass of water to the coffee table, in case he got thirsty later.

Gu Wenxi didn’t have much patience with him now, swaying his toes and saying, “So what’s the matter? If it’s about Liang Qian, I’ve already wished you both well.”

“Wenxi,” face looked very unpleasant, “I’ve said it before—I don’t have those feelings for her.”

“You two broke up?”

“Yeah, actually, a few days after you left, I told her…”

“That’s none of my business,” Gu Wenxi’s tone was cold and indifferent. “I just didn’t expect you to lose interest even faster than me.”

Jiang Chen’s face turned pale, biting his lip hard, and said hoarsely, “Wenxi, the reason I pursued her at that time was because I was very afraid…”

“Afraid?”

“Because… you’ve never dated a girl for more than three months before, but you had been with her for almost half a year, and she was more serious than any of your previous partners. I was afraid you two would really end up together…”

“You—” Gu Wenxi felt surprised and amused, “Are you out of your mind? Can’t stand seeing me—” Can’t stand seeing me being loved? He wasn’t dull, and at this point, he could naturally detect something unusual, especially since because of Du Yunyan’s matter, he had gained a new understanding of relationships between men.

“Yes, I can’t stand seeing you with someone else.” Jiang Chen’s gaze no longer dodged.

Gu Wenxi’s temples throbbed, his scalp tingling. “Are you gay?”

“Yes, I was born like this… but I’ve only liked you… since the beginning of college…”

Jiang Chen had never liked girls, or even disliked them. He disliked the way some girls swooned over handsome boys. But when he saw Gu Wenxi for the first time, his reaction was not much different from theirs.

By then, the registration date for college had passed, and the upper bunk in his dormitory had always been empty. One noon, after he returned to the dormitory from the cafeteria, he saw someone sitting on the upper bunk, with his legs hanging down and resting on the ladder, shoes still on. When he saw Jiang Chen come in, the person only kicked the ladder lightly and jumped down from above. Jiang Chen stepped back in surprise.

“Scared you?”

Jiang Chen still remembered the first sentence Gu Wenxi said to him. Actually, he wasn’t scared at all; it was the first time he had seen such a refreshing and handsome guy. He couldn’t bear to look away.

“It seems I’ve scared you inadvertently,” the other person continued when he didn’t respond. “Anyway, let me treat you to dinner tonight.”

Later, he learned that the person’s name was Gu Wenxi, and he had a house off-campus. Gradually, they became familiar with each other, and he was often invited to his apartment. They shared common interests and had countless things to talk about.

Gu Wenxi was lively and witty when he was happy, never letting the people around him feel bored. When he was unhappy, he could be gloomy and wouldn’t give anyone a good face. Jiang Chen knew that he was someone who never easily revealed his true feelings, cunning yet charming. Those girls who pursued him were simply dazzled by his outward charm. Why should they be able to stand by his side?

Only he was the most suitable.

Jiang Chen fell into memories of the past. After a long silence, he lowered his head and asked, “Wenxi, do you hate gays?” He didn’t dare to lift his head immediately, quietly waiting for the judgment from the other party.

“I don’t hate gays; sexual orientation is a personal freedom,” Gu Wenxi looked at his upturned face and the faint light in his eyes, then poured cold water on him, “But I’ve never had that kind of feeling for you, and I never will.”

“Wenxi, I know you don’t like men… but look, Liang Qian always says she loves you, and I just showed her a little more care, and she easily changed her mind? How many of the girls who pursued you before were just for vanity? They just wanted to be pampered, they didn’t understand giving, they didn’t understand you. When you want to be alone, I don’t bother you, but Liang Qian doesn’t care if you’re in the mood or not, always wanting to take up your time… she’s just not suitable for you! After breaking up, you actually left, what’s so worthy about her—”

“Don’t say any more! I said leaving has nothing to do with either of you.” Gu Wenxi couldn’t believe it. A friend of seven years had such malicious intentions towards innocent people. The fundamental problem between Liang Qian and himself was their incompatibility. They shouldn’t have been together from the beginning. Even if she had weaknesses, it wasn’t a reason to be deceived. Relatively speaking, Jiang Chen, who held such thoughts, made him even colder and more alienated. “Do you think seducing the people I dated was for my own good?”

“Yes,” he insisted, “I just felt that she couldn’t bring you happiness.”

Gu Wenxi nodded solemnly. “Then let me tell you, I don’t absolutely dislike men, but I can never like you. I also don’t need others to sacrifice for me, especially you.

“Since you can refrain from bothering me, then keep your promise.” He stood up, didn’t even touch the water on the coffee table, and walked towards the foyer. Filled with frustration, he had no desire to linger for another moment.

“Wenxi—” Jiang Chen followed closely to the door, grabbing his sleeve but without confidence, “Can you give me a chance?”

“You’re supposed to know me the best, right?” Gu Wenxi glanced back at him, “Do you think you still have a chance?”

Jiang Chen saw disappointment, disdain, and years of unfamiliarity in his eyes… He slowly let go of his hand, hearing the sound of the door locking.

Indeed, he understood Gu Wenxi, and he understood that his outward enthusiasm was purely impulsive, free-flowing. When that surface “warmth” wasn’t maintained, a distance that couldn’t be crossed was truly formed.

As Gu Wenxi left Jiang Chen’s home, he forgot to take his car and walked along the road for a while. The feeling of discomfort in his heart was difficult to dispel, like eating a fly. If Jiang Chen simply liked him and didn’t have so many dirty thoughts, he would feel embarrassed at most and wouldn’t be so indignant. After the anger came sadness, realizing that the person he had trusted for so many years was completely different from what he imagined.

When he reached the intersection, the green pedestrian signal began to blink. He stopped walking.

The flashing green pedestrian figure finally froze into red. There weren’t many cars at this intersection.

The cars appeared deserted and cold. In a daze, he remembered Du Yunyan, a winter morning three years ago, when he said to the person he liked, “Only you can control your own heart.”

Gu Wenxi suddenly understood—that was a tenderness and affection that buried deep desires.

---

Yang Yunshu last saw Du Yunyan three years ago. At that time, her mother had just suffered from a cerebral hemorrhage. Her mother was a high school Chinese teacher, and many students came to visit, but the one who left the deepest impression on her was Du Yunyan. This young man, ten years her junior, was the best-performing student in the last class taught by Zheng Yun before retirement.

She brought Du Yunyan to the cemetery where her mother was buried. The hollies in the park were still lush in this season, decorating both sides of the aisle.

“I didn’t expect you to come all the way,” Yang Yunshu said. “When I received your last letter, my mother was already on her deathbed and couldn’t reply to you, but I read it to her, and she was very happy.”

“That’s good, thank you.” Du Yunyan held a bouquet of pure white chrysanthemums in his arms and climbed the steps. “How is your father?”

“He’s fine, living with us now,” Yang Yunshu paused for a moment. “My mother’s health deteriorated in the second half of last year. In fact, our family was mentally prepared. She taught for her entire life, lived to almost seventy years old, and had no regrets. She didn’t suffer much when she passed away, so don’t be too sad.”

“Okay, I understand.”

The two walked side by side, and Yang Yunshu occasionally glanced at the young man beside her. This student was hard to fathom, as if even the deepest sorrow could be hidden within his cold eyes, with a hint of comforting smile.

When they arrived at Zheng Yun’s grave, she watched him place the flowers in front of the black tombstone, then step back a bit and bow deeply three times, with long intervals between each bow.

“Oh, by the way,” Yang Yunshu called out to him, “my mother wrote some words before she passed away, asking me to give them to her students after she was gone. But with so much going on lately, I haven’t had time to organize them. If you’re willing to take them back, I’ll contact you in a few days, okay?”

“Sure, thank you.”

In junior high school, Zheng Yun appreciated him, encouraged him, and regretted his departure from S City. After that, they maintained communication for more than ten years. The communication via letters made Du Yunyan feel more at ease without the generation gap. From initially chatting about academics to later recording trivial matters of rural life, writing letters like a diary to his mentor made his heart more peaceful. They were true “friends across generations.”

Yang Yunshu’s eyes reddened, and she said somewhat emotionally, “If my mother knew that her former students miss her so much, she would be very pleased.”

“It’s only natural,” Du Yunyan nodded slightly, “You take care too.”

As they walked out of the cemetery, clouds gathered overhead, but there was still no sign of rain.