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Early in the morning, Ruth stopped by his room, passing through the knights’ quarters. Hearing the lively chatter in the air, he could guess what the talk was about, and he sighed. It seemed his night spent in Ail’s room was the hot topic of the day. Until now, he had never spent the night anywhere else. It was only natural for rumors to spread, given that he had stayed the entire night with Ail.
Ignoring the curious glances of the knights, Ruth crossed the corridor, only to be approached by Kaelen, who quickly came up to him and cautiously asked after his well-being.
“Are you all right?”
“Ah, I’m fine. It’s just a small injury.”
“You should rest today.”
“It’s a busy time. Instead, let Regin handle the escort duty today, and you can assist me.”
Using his injured hand as an excuse, Ruth planned to teach Kaelen various tasks. It was all preparation for after Ruth’s resignation. He wanted to ensure Kaelen was fully ready, so he wouldn’t be caught off guard like Ruth had been. At the very least, Ruth intended to leave his responsibilities in good order before stepping down.
“Understood. I’ll instruct Regin and head to the office,” Kaelen replied.
Ruth glanced back at Kaelen, who, despite being his peer, always treated him with utmost respect. Offering a rare gentle smile, Ruth added, “Let’s grab a drink together sometime.”
“Sorry?”
“We’ve never done that before, have we? It might be nice to have a real talk, just once.”
Now that leaving was on his mind, Ruth couldn’t help but feel regretful. Good people, whom he had kept at arm’s length behind a wall of emotional distance, came to mind. Before leaving, he wanted to have a heartfelt conversation with some of them.
Kaelen, though surprised by Ruth’s sudden suggestion, grinned his usual easygoing smile and nodded. “I’d be happy to, anytime.”
“Good,” Ruth replied, giving him a nod before leaving the quarters and heading to his office in the Golden Palace. The dry, warm air clung to his skin—summer had truly arrived. The festival, too, was just a week away.
After an incident four years ago, the hunting tournament had been shortened to a single day. On the day the parade departed, a grand party was held near the hunting grounds, and the tournament itself took place the following day. By the morning after, everyone returned to the Imperial Palace. The change had made things a bit easier for the knights.
Passing through a fragrant garden full of greenery, Ruth entered the Golden Palace and headed straight to his office without stopping by Ail’s room. When he had woken that morning, Ail had already been gone. Though he’d heard that Ail had been in and out since dawn, Ruth didn’t know where he had spent the night. Surely, he hadn’t returned to the mess of a room they had shared. Most likely, he had spent the night in the study.
Though it would have been normal to greet him, Ruth didn’t feel like it after remembering the events of the previous day. His right hand still throbbed. He wasn’t sure if it was from anger or mere stubbornness, but after being treated like that, the thought of seeing Ail’s face was unpleasant.
Determined to avoid him, Ruth headed straight to his office. He began sorting through the letters piled on his desk when one envelope, with its familiar handwriting, caught his eye. A bright smile spread across his face.
The pink envelope, written in an elaborate, almost ostentatious script, bore the name of his close friend Kasha. Ruth eagerly opened the letter, which began with inquiries about his well-being before updating him on the house he had requested. Kasha’s mother, it seemed, also wanted to take in abandoned children in Vera and provide them with education. The letter concluded with a request for Ruth to visit Vera when he had the time, and a nostalgic note about their childhood.
The cheerful, straightforward writing was so characteristic of Kasha that it reassured Ruth nothing about his friend had changed. He chuckled, recalling their childhood mischief. Kasha had always been an eccentric—a boy who dressed as a woman to con swindlers and play pranks on passing nobles. Even at sixteen, when Ruth had visited Vera during a vacation, Kasha had been in women’s attire.
Kasha had always been beautiful, his stunning looks lending themselves equally to an elegant dress or a sharp uniform. The thought of his friend brought a smile to Ruth’s face.
He folded the letter, placed it back in its envelope, and stored it in his desk drawer, where a collection of Kasha’s other letters had accumulated. Just then, the door opened with a sharp thud. Kaelen, Ruth assumed, had arrived.
Without looking up, Ruth waved him over while continuing to open another letter, this one from his younger sister, Leia. Smiling as he read, Ruth called out, “Kaelen, our drink might happen sooner. My sister wants to invite some friends over. If you’re okay with it, you could—oh.”
Lifting his gaze, Ruth’s expression froze. Standing before him was Ail, not Kaelen. The lighthearted atmosphere in the office immediately turned heavy, and the ache in Ruth’s injured hand flared up.
Caught off guard, Ruth rose stiffly from his seat. “Is there something you need?”
“I heard you went straight to the office. How’s your hand?”
“It’s fine,” Ruth replied curtly, his tone cold and firm.
Ail, displeased with Ruth’s indifferent response, glanced down at the letter in his hand. “What were you reading?”
“It’s a letter from my sister. She’s planning a small tea gathering before her wedding to Lord Jessie and wants me to attend with some friends.”
Listening quietly, Ail sat down uninvited at Ruth’s desk, casually picking up the letter to read it. Startled, Ruth stepped aside, pushed out of place by Ail’s assertiveness.
“By friends, you mean Kamiel and Elsen, right?”
“They’ll be there, but I thought it might be nice to include Kaelen, too. As one of my peers, we’ve never had a chance to share drinks. Besides, since he’s been married for a while, I think he and his wife could offer useful advice to my sister.”
“Unlike you, she sounds warm and thoughtful. Making arrangements even for her brother’s friends.”
“She’s a good girl.”
“And yet, you plan to abandon such a sweet sister? Quite the heartless brother you are,” Ail remarked snidely, tossing the letter onto the desk.
“If you’re upset about something, just say so,” Ruth replied calmly.
“I’m not upset. Just pretending to be worried.”
“If you’re done pretending, please leave. I have work to do.”
“Reading personal letters hardly counts as work, does it? Or are you busy planning your escape route? Preparing to buy a house, perhaps?”
“Everything is already prepared. I’m just waiting for the right moment.”
“Oh? Sharper than I thought. I always pegged you as slow, but it seems you know how to take care of your own affairs. So, has your family given you a fortune to live on? If not, I can help. After all, it wouldn’t be right to let such a bothersome nuisance leave empty-handed. A large estate might balance the scales, don’t you think?”
“It’s all arranged. I won’t need your assistance.”
“What about money?”
“I have enough.”
Ignoring Ruth’s composed response, Ail began rifling through the papers on the desk. “How about land? You’ll need a place to stay unless you plan to become a wandering thief. Then again, that’s no good either. That would tarnish my name. I’d prefer it if you found a quiet place and lived like a dead man. Of course, that would require an estate. Even if we were lovers for four years, I wouldn’t want to be remembered as a heartless emperor who cast you out as a beggar.”
“I already have a place prepared. I’m returning to Vera. I have no need for land within Karileum.”
Ail’s hand, which had been flipping through a list of knights, paused. He looked at Ruth, his expression unreadable.
“And if I told you not to go there?”
“You have no right to dictate where I live.”
“I can’t send a former lover to a city of brothels.”
“I’m not your lover. Besides, the rumors won’t last a month. Once I’m gone, they’ll disappear soon enough. You knew that when you set this in motion, didn’t you?”
Ruth’s sharp question went unanswered. Ail silently closed the roster he had been perusing and rose from his seat.
“You’re right. It’s none of my business.”
As Ail whispered those words, standing up, a sudden, intense pain flared in Ruth’s injured right hand. He pressed his lips tightly together to stifle a gasp. The pain was so sharp it left him momentarily dizzy.
This isn’t normal. Something’s wrong.
Using his left hand to grip his right wrist, Ruth managed to steady himself. He gave Ail a polite nod as the man passed by, watching until he had left the room entirely. The physical pain throbbed in his hand, echoing in his head like an oncoming headache.
Fighting the urge to let his emotions overwhelm him, Ruth kept repeating to himself:
Ail is nothing to me. There’s no reason for me to be hurt by him. Just as I mean nothing to him, I must see him as irrelevant.
I can’t let myself be pulled in.
I need to cut it off before it drags me under.
I need to run far away, as far as possible, and destroy every connection between us.
He is nothing to me.
And he always will be—forever irrelevant.
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Lhaozi[Translator]
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