Chapter 42: Confide

After pulling her thoughts away from the distant memories, Chi Xiao slowly took a deep breath and shifted her gaze back to Ming Can’s face.

She was standing almost pressed against him, with a faint scent of alcohol lingering between them. Her face showed a look of surprise, though it didn’t quite reach the level of shock.

Ming Can twisted the arm he was holding, stubbornly saying, “Why should I know…”

Whether you like me or not.

It was hard to pinpoint exactly how she had recalled it. During the time they had spent together, there were countless details that made her ponder deeply. For instance, he had suggested pretending to pursue her to deal with his roommate, or the way he carried her violin case, which felt strangely familiar. Even the lock screen password on his phone happened to be her birthday…

It wasn’t until just now, when he accepted a dare during the drinking game, turned to her, looked straight into her eyes, and said he liked her, that Ming Can finally confirmed the reality of this memory.

It seemed to be early spring during her first year of high school, when everything was still dormant, and the weather was quite cold.

After school, she had been called away by Chi Xiao. He was carrying a white violin case and led her to a secluded spot, where he suddenly confessed his feelings to her.

Ming Can had firmly rejected him.

Now, four years later, recalling this incident felt like looking through a dust-covered window—the image was hazy and unclear.

She only vaguely remembered that after she rejected him, the tall and upright boy’s back had bent over, like a stiff, withered tree in the harsh winter, finally broken by the wind.

Someone who had always seemed proud and noble had suddenly lost all his pride.

It was because of that memory that Ming Can, during the drinking game today, inexplicably didn’t want to answer truthfully.

She didn’t know what was wrong with herself. She felt deeply conflicted—on one hand, she believed she was still the same person, loving no one, yet on the other hand, she couldn’t bring herself to speak the heartless words aloud, as she had in the past, turning them into sharp blades.

Her mind was a tangled mess, unable to sort anything out. Her struggles to break free intensified, wanting to escape his grip and put some distance between them.

Finally, Chi Xiao let her go. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Ming Can immediately took a step back, as if deeply bothered by his overstepping actions. Her eyes dropped to the round table beside her, her lips pressed into a tight line, her expression visibly unhappy.

Outside the window, the heavy snow danced tirelessly, a vast expanse of pale white. Even through the glass, the biting cold was palpable.

No matter how fervent or passionate a heart might be, faced with such a scene, it would quickly cool.

Chi Xiao began to reflect on why he had impulsively asked such a question.

Perhaps it was because, after spending so much time together recently, especially over the past two days, he felt that the distance between them had narrowed. Moreover, the current version of her seemed slightly different from the memory he held of her—a version that was once covered in thorns.

Human desire is like a mountain flood during the rainy season. Once a tiny crack forms in the dam, the floodwaters will uncontrollably tear it open, widening the breach until it bursts.

Unfortunately, the crack Chi Xiao thought he saw seemed to be nothing more than a figment of his imagination.

What he should do now is bury all inappropriate thoughts deep within himself, maintaining the life that already brought him satisfaction, preserving the fragile balance between him and Ming Can, and continuing to coexist like this.

Impulsiveness never leads to good outcomes. He must not repeat past mistakes.

“You’re right,” Chi Xiao nodded gently. “There’s really no need to know.”

His worthless feelings.

After a pause, he added in a voice so soft it was almost inaudible, “It’s all in the past.”

Ming Can was still staring at the round table to the side, as if she were on a completely different wavelength. She muttered an apology, “I’m sorry.”

Chi Xiao was taken aback. “What?”

Ming Can said, “I shouldn’t have drunk alcohol. Even if it was just a few glasses, it’s easy to get carried away and lose control of my words.”

Chi Xiao thought back to what she had said earlier and forced a smile. “It’s fine.”

What she had said wasn’t actually harsh. It was him who had lost control and dragged the situation into an awkward place.

After saying these two words, Chi Xiao didn’t elaborate further. He simply turned and went upstairs.

Ming Can watched his retreating figure—tall and slender, his dark sweatshirt easily blending into the shadows. For some reason, it reminded her of the desolation she had seen in him four years ago.

Ming Can raised her hand and lightly patted her cheeks. She downed the half-cooled water in her glass, but her mind still felt foggy. She walked into the kitchen, stood by the counter, and decided to make herself something to sober up.

Rummaging through the fridge, Ming Can found a lemon and decided to make lemon water.

She washed the lemon and sliced it into several pieces, though her knife skills were so poor that each slice ended up uneven and ragged, with bits of pulp flying everywhere.

She tossed two slices into a glass of water, stirred it with a pair of chopsticks, and took a sip.

Sss—

So sour!!!

When Chi Xiao came downstairs with a bag slung over his shoulder, he saw her clutching the glass, her face scrunched up in discomfort, hopping around behind the counter.

Ming Can recovered quickly and hurriedly added more water to the glass. As she looked up, she noticed Chi Xiao carrying a black bag on his shoulder, walking leisurely through the living room. She asked in surprise, “It’s so late. Are you going out?”

“Yeah,” Chi Xiao replied in a calm tone. “Just to be safe, I’ll stay somewhere else tonight.”

After a pause, he added, “Could you take care of Miaomiao for me?”

Take care of him?

Why was he being so formal all of a sudden?

She was Miaomiao’s mother. Taking care of him was her responsibility.

After saying this, Chi Xiao walked toward the entrance.

Soft footsteps followed him from behind.

Chi Xiao put on his coat and changed his shoes at the entrance.

As he reached the door, his hand rested on the handle.

Remembering that she was standing behind him, and considering the freezing weather outside, he knew that opening the door would let in a blast of cold air.

Chi Xiao paused, turning back to Ming Can before opening the door. “You should go inside.”

Ming Can stood by the entrance cabinet, holding a glass in her left hand. Just as Chi Xiao turned to speak to her, she happened to take another sip from the glass.

Sss—

Her beautiful face twisted into a pained expression from the sourness, and her whole body shuddered as if she had been electrocuted. Her other hand reached out to steady herself against the entrance cabinet.

Chi Xiao looked at her, the corner of his mouth twitching uncontrollably.

After enduring the wave of sourness, Ming Can exhaled softly and asked Chi Xiao, “So, when will you be back?”

The man by the door paused, his gaze slightly dazed, as if he hadn’t heard her clearly.

After a moment of silence, Chi Xiao replied, “Tomorrow morning.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he urged Ming Can to go inside. Only after she had moved away did he open the door and step out into the biting wind and snow.

Ming Can stood in the dining room, holding the glass, watching as the villa door opened and closed.

She took another masochistic sip of the painfully sour lemon juice, thinking to herself:

Sure, the best way to cover up a lie is to make it come true, so no one can spot the flaws. But he’s leaving so late at night and coming back early in the morning. With such a short time frame, is there really any difference between covering it up and not covering it up?

Finally giving up on the lemon juice, Ming Can put the glass down and headed upstairs.

She peeked into the master bedroom to check on Miaomiao, who was sleeping soundly, his face carefree and peaceful.

Returning to the guest room, the tightly closed space felt stiflingly warm, the air so heavy it made her chest feel tight.

Ming Can slipped into the bathroom. After her shower, she still felt unsettled. Her heart pounded in her chest, and her mind was a whirlwind of chaotic memories and images.

She wanted to talk to someone.

She felt like she was about to burst.

It was rare for Ming Can to feel such a strong urge to confide in someone. Without even drying her hair, she wrapped it in a towel, her body still warm and soft from the shower, and flopped onto the bed. She grabbed her phone and called Rui Yiqing on WeChat.

At half past ten at night, Rui Yiqing was still awake and answered the call immediately.

“Wow, the busy bee actually called me first!” Rui Yiqing’s voice was teasing on the other end of the line. “How many days into the holiday before you finally remembered me? You’re bad enough, but Xiao Fu is even worse—she went on a vacation to the northeast with her boyfriend as soon as the holiday started. Did you see her WeChat Moments?”

“I saw it,” Ming Can replied, feeling a twinge of guilt at the mention of Xiao Fu. “Yiqing, I have some gossip to tell you.”

“What gossip?”

“It’s… kind of a big deal,” Ming Can said, her voice growing quieter. “I should’ve told you back in high school. Don’t be mad that I kept it from you…”

…

“What?!” Rui Yiqing was practically losing her mind. “Chi Xiao confessed to you in high school? Ahhh—! How could you only tell me this now?!”

Ming Can: “I forgot about it before. I only just remembered recently.”

“How could you forget something like that?” Rui Yiqing repeated, “How could you forget?! That was Chi Xiao, the senior we all admired!”

Ming Can: “What’s so special about Chi Xiao?”

Rui Yiqing suddenly fell silent.

Right.

Ming Can wasn’t an ordinary person. Throughout high school, she had been completely focused on her studies, oblivious to anything happening outside of academics. Things unrelated to learning never mattered to her, let alone something like romance, which she not only didn’t care about but even somewhat rejected.

Ming Can had once had a very happy childhood, with loving parents and a perfect family. However, everything she cherished was ultimately destroyed by her scumbag father. When Ming Can was just over ten years old, her mother fell seriously ill. It was during that time that her mother discovered her husband’s infidelity—the man she had deeply loved turned out to be a complete playboy.

Illness, depression, and her husband’s indifference eventually led to Ming Can’s mother passing away before her daughter’s twelfth birthday. After experiencing something like that, it was only natural for Ming Can to reject men and find it hard to treat them kindly.

Back in high school, there were almost always several boys lining up to confess their feelings to Ming Can every day. Chi Xiao might have been outstanding, but his excellence meant nothing to Ming Can. No matter how handsome he was or how good his grades were, it didn’t matter—he still ended up being forgotten among the crowd.

“Alright,” Rui Yiqing gradually calmed down. “That’s just how you are.”

Ming Can: “And besides… back then, didn’t Xiao Fu really like Chi Xiao? That’s why I didn’t dare tell you guys about it.”

It wasn’t just Xiao Fu; there were several other girls in their class who admired Chi Xiao. Being liked by a guy who was so popular among the girls was really more of a nuisance for Ming Can.

A boy’s feelings were far less important to her than her friendships with the girls.

That’s why Ming Can had been even more reluctant to revisit this memory. She had buried it deep in her mind, sealing it away in the farthest corners.

Rui Yiqing sighed, then asked curiously, “So, what did you say to him back then?”

Ming Can replied, “I didn’t like him, so of course I rejected him harshly.”

It had been so long that Ming Can genuinely couldn’t remember exactly what she had said.

When it came to rejecting people, she had never been one to hold back. Her words could be quite cutting, and whatever she had said to Chi Xiao back then definitely wasn’t kind.

“I guess… it was probably something like, ‘I don’t like you at all, so stop bothering me,’” Ming Can said.

Rui Yiqing let out a hiss. “You’re so harsh.”

Ming Can rolled her eyes. “I was just being honest. Besides, if I wasn’t harsh, what if they kept bothering me?”

“Alright, alright,” Rui Yiqing said, sounding a bit exasperated. Then, suddenly, she realized something, and her tone turned teasing. “So, Volcano, you called me today just to talk about how Chi Xiao used to like you?”

Ming Can replied slowly, “Yeah.”

Rui Yiqing: “How long have we known each other?”

Ming Can: “Five or six years.”

Rui Yiqing’s voice grew excited. “Five or six years, and this is the first time you’ve called me to talk about a guy! Spill it—did something happen between you two recently? Otherwise, why would you suddenly remember a confession you’d long forgotten?”

“I…” Ming Can was caught off guard by the question. “Recently, because of some things, we’ve been interacting more.”

Rui Yiqing: “Do you like him now?”

“Of course not!” Ming Can said firmly. “I don’t like him.”

Rui Yiqing laughed and didn’t say anything for a while.

Ming Can felt uneasy from her laughter. “What’s so funny?”

Rui Yiqing: “For you to remember his past confession… did he confess to you again?”

Ming Can stiffened. “No.”

Rui Yiqing: “Then do you think he still likes you?”

Ming Can was silent for a moment. “I… don’t know.”

Her voice carried a weight of emotions, and Rui Yiqing, who had never seen Ming Can like this before, found it utterly fascinating. “Well, if he confessed to you again, what would you do?”

…

Ming Can didn’t answer for a long time.

The only sound left in the call was the faint buzz of static, so quiet that even Rui Yiqing found it unbelievable.

Was this still the Ming Can she knew?

Rui Yiqing: “You just said you don’t like him, but if he confessed to you again, you’re not rejecting him now. Are you trying to be a heartbreaker?”

How could Ming Can accept such an accusation?

She abruptly sat up in bed: “You don’t understand. Right now… I need him to help me with some things. I can’t afford to ruin our relationship.”

As soon as these words left her mouth, Ming Can felt how weak they sounded.

There had been a time when she genuinely worried about this—afraid that if she upset Chi Xiao, he might not take his responsibilities as a father seriously.

But now she knew him better. Chi Xiao was a man with a strong sense of responsibility. If he promised something, he would definitely follow through. Moreover, he had adapted to the role of a father quickly. In his eyes, Miaomiao was his own son, and he didn’t need Ming Can to remind him to take care of the child. He did it willingly.

So.

Ming Can no longer had to worry about him shirking his responsibilities if their relationship soured.

Chi Xiao wouldn’t do that.

“I don’t know anymore…” Ming Can flopped back onto the bed, rolling around and muttering to herself, “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know…”

“…” Rui Yiqing was speechless. “Did you drink a bit today?”

“Yeah,” Ming Can sighed. “I’m so troubled.”

Rui Yiqing: “That’s understandable.”

Despite how clever and sharp Ming Can usually was, this was probably the first time in her life that her brain had to consider something related to a boy. It was no wonder she was short-circuiting.

The two chatted for a few more minutes.

After hanging up, Ming Can turned over and lay face down on the bed, her phone in hand. She couldn’t help but tap on someone’s WeChat profile picture.

In her mind, Rui Yiqing’s final words echoed—

You’re not really a heartbreaker.

You’re just… starting to think about him in ways beyond rejection.