Chapter 90

“It’s been four days since I last touched you…” Shen Mofeng said restlessly.

“Brother, everything needs moderation. As the saying goes,” Ye Chen began earnestly, “a metal rod can be ground into a needle, but a baguette ground too much will become mentholatum.”

Shen Mofeng frowned. “Mentholatum?”

Ye Chen smirked mischievously. “It rhymes, doesn’t it, Ge^[1]Bauguette – Fa gun and Mentholatum – Man xiu lei dun?”

“…!” Shen Mofeng ground his teeth and pressed Ye Chen further into the corner of the shelves. “Why didn’t I notice how sharp your tongue was before?”

“We weren’t familiar back then,” Ye Chen replied with a modest smile. “I couldn’t really show my skills.”

Shen Mofeng’s thumb brushed over Ye Chen’s lips. They were here to supervise the factory, but he forcibly derailed the conversation toward more unspeakable matters. “Looks like I’ll have to find something to shut you up.”

The warehouse doors were locked, and the dim lighting created elongated shadows from the shelves, some stretched thin, others flattened. The layers of shadow overlapped on the ground in varying depths, while dust particles floated in the viscous yellow light. Scattered packaging boxes littered the floor, their messy state oddly complementing the rising tension in the air. Ye Chen was worried the warehouse supervisor, Qiu Nu, might suddenly walk in, but the thrill of being caught only intensified the heat. Shen Mofeng pinned him against the shelves for a while, kissing him without restraint, until Ye Chen melted into a puddle of sweetness.

“Ge… mmph…” Ye Chen’s breath grew heavier, and a pale, slender hand reached out helplessly to claw at the boxes on the shelves. His movement accidentally knocked a few hair growth devices onto the floor.

The person kneeling below rubbed his head where he had been hit by the falling devices. “Sss—”

Ye Chen’s cheeks were flushed red, his eyes misty with tears. “Sorry… uh, please, go on…”

Shen Mofeng, however, spat it out and remained motionless, his lips pressed shut.

“Ge…” Ye Chen called out awkwardly.

Shen Mofeng raised a hand to massage his jaw joint and said, “Let me rest… It’s taking longer and longer, little friend.”

Ye Chen bit his lip, attempting to handle the matter himself, but his wrist was immediately caught by Shen Mofeng and pinned against the wall.

“Baby,” Shen Mofeng stood up, still holding Ye Chen’s wrist. He repeated Ye Chen’s earlier words with deliberate slowness. “Everything needs moderation.”

Ye Chen: “…”

Shen Mofeng wore an infuriatingly serious expression, like a lecturer from a men’s morality class. “One drop of essence equals ten drops of blood. Little one, I advise you to stop before it’s too late.”

Caught in a maddening limbo, Ye Chen whimpered, anxious and desperate. “Bro, I was wrong. I won’t joke about you anymore… Help me, just this once…”

Shen Mofeng leaned in close, his lips brushing Ye Chen’s ear as he whispered something wicked. “Repeat it, and I’ll help you.”

Ye Chen swallowed hard, closed his eyes, and repeated the words.

Shen Mofeng murmured a few more sentences, forcing Ye Chen to recite them as well.

Nothing decent ever came from his mouth. Ye Chen’s veins threatened to burst as he stumbled over the humiliating words, his face red like a steaming kettle.

Finally, after nearly steaming Ye Chen alive with his verbal antics, Shen Mofeng knelt down again…

The factory warehouse, where the two secretly indulged themselves, was quite spacious. The shelves they were using stored hair growth devices, while the next aisle held jade therapy mattresses.

These therapy mattresses came in single and double sizes. A full eight hours of sleep on one could lower blood pressure, reduce blood lipid levels, and effectively prevent various age-related illnesses such as cerebral hemorrhages, heart attacks, and strokes. The jade mined from the Diao Shu Tong Mountain Cave came in a variety of colors—cool white, greenish-white, creamy white, and pale pink. Paired with mats of different patterns, the designs symbolized blessings, longevity, prosperity, and joy, perfectly catering to the tastes of middle-aged and elderly customers.

Am I a shameless scammer?

Ye Chen didn’t think so.

I’m a shameless scammer with a sense of social responsibility!

…

“Have I been overusing the gimmick of negative ions lately?” Returning from a factory inspection, Ye Chen opened his laptop to prepare sales pitches for the soon-to-be-launched Xunhua Grass Insoles.

Shen Mofeng nodded, “Time to switch it up.”

“Can’t use the ‘ancient secret recipe’ again either. Otherwise, my ancestors would seem too prolific.”

The renowned actor brainstormed with his scammer boyfriend: “Infrared? Magnetic therapy? Ozone?”

“Infrared works,” Ye Chen decided. He opened a search engine to check the definition, then grinned as his imagination ran wild. “Infrared insoles it is! Our insoles emit infrared electromagnetic waves with wavelengths precisely controlled between 750 nanometers and 1000 micrometers—cutting-edge tech! These waves can effectively eliminate harmful bacteria and fungi, curing athlete’s foot, corns, foot odor, and toenail fungus…”

“…Infrared wavelengths naturally range from 750 nanometers to 1000 micrometers. You controlled it?” Shen Mofeng was awestruck by Ye Chen’s talent for fabricating nonsense.

“Fine, fine, scratch that part.” Ye Chen was quick to adapt.

Shen Mofeng: “…”

“Xunhua grass is excellent for external disinfection,” Ye Chen mused, stroking his chin. “It could even treat some male and female infections… but it’d be hard to make it dual-purpose, right?”

Shen Mofeng shook his head slowly, his expression full of secondhand embarrassment. “Probably not.”

Ye Chen typed away rapidly, “Then we’ll launch infrared health underwear instead—same material, same principle.”

Before long, a new sales pitch was drafted. Ye Chen forwarded it to Fuxi, assigning him to oversee product launch training and promote it to loyal customers. Ye Chen had already handed over his burner account—the one he used to join numerous health-themed chat groups—to Fuxi, who had trained two customer service reps to source potential buyers. Initially, the reps thought they’d accidentally joined a scam targeting the elderly and wanted to quit. But after using their company’s products—which seemed fake but actually worked—they were shocked by the results. Now, they were both master persuaders.

“I think we need more than just this,” Ye Chen said, stretching at his desk. “We should add a new pitch and hire two more reps.”

“Add what?” Shen Mofeng, distracted, was posting on Weibo.

He posted a picture of the coconut chicken soup they had for lunch.

Shen Mofeng v: Simmered for four hours.

Comment section—

[Alright, we get it. Chen Chen cooked it again. Moving on.]

[Beep—Lunch on May 12 noted. (Totally unfazed inside [doge])]

[Shen, you’re getting out of hand! Are you seriously making Chen Chen cook all three meals?!]

Shen Mofeng v replied: I helped prep.

The author has something to say:

Customer Service: “Dear, we recommend that you regularly practice the Chen Chen Calming Hair-Brushing Exercise and the Chen Chen Hand Acupoint Massage Exercise.”

Chen Chen (muttering quietly): “Honestly, it doesn’t matter if they don’t… I made all that up.”

Customer Service: “?”

Chen Chen: “It’s important! Xiao Zhao, remember to remind the customers to do it regularly.”