• “Everything about my married life makes me sick. Whether it’s the sticky feeling of the drug I put in my husband’s milk every morning, the jammed crossbow I set on the upstairs stairs, the revolver under my pillow that turns out to be empty when I try to shoot the monster next to me, or the sudden malfunctioning gas igniter that explodes when I’m out grocery shopping while my husband is still asleep early in the morning…” Bai Wei sat quietly across from the counselor, picking at his fingers.

Counselor: “Wait, are you sure you’re talking about your married life??”

Bai Wei: “Actually, my marriage was very normal. Everything started going wrong after my husband crawled back from the grave. He died a perfectly normal death once, just like everyone does.”

Counselor: “… Did you cause your husband’s death?”

Bai Wei (changing the subject): “I want to continue this marriage until life returns to normal. Otherwise, I won’t be able to claim his death compensation as a spouse. Please provide me with psychological counseling so I can calmly face my married life.”

Counselor: “…”

“Men change after marriage,” a friend cried to Bai Wei. “He comes home from work, lies in bed scrolling through TikTok, doesn’t play the piano, doesn’t clean the backyard, he’s like a moldy potato, a useless blob, an invader, an unrecyclable biological waste.”

Bai Wei: “Yes. My marriage is the same. Before we got married, if he cut his finger, he would bleed. If he got hit by a car, he’d end up in the hospital. Drinking half a moldy coconut would send him to the ICU. Being pushed down the stairs would break half his leg. After our honeymoon, everything changed.”

Friend: “?”

Bai Wei: “Yes, everything changed. Men before and after marriage are like two different species.”