Chapter 134

“Morning.”

Mo Yin opened the dormitory door, and Li Xiu had already opened his door across the hall, greeted him. Mo Yin glanced at Li Xiu and awkwardly said, “Morning.”

Last night, Mo Yin couldn’t remember when he fell asleep.

Initially, he had the light on, but it was too bright, illuminating Li Xiu’s face too clearly. Mo Yin could see his reflection in Li Xiu’s pupils. When Li Xiu kissed him, his cheek muscles tensed, his jaw tightened… It made him uncomfortable, so he turned off the light.

After turning off the light, deprived of vision, Mo Yin actually felt relieved in the darkness.

He could fully enjoy the strange pleasure brought by this game.

The changing breaths of the two, the scent of their bodies after bathing colliding and emitting new fragrances, all of this was a fresh and interesting stimulation for Mo Yin.

Inevitably, their teenage bodies responded to this stimulation.

In fact, a similar situation had already occurred when they secretly kissed in the dorm room in the afternoon. Their choice was to stay still and wait for the response to gradually weaken before returning to the game of kissing.

In the darkness of the night, Mo Yin felt safe, and he thought Li Xiu did too.

There were only the two of them in the dormitory, it was nighttime, they were in pajamas, the door was closed, and nobody knew.

“Have you… done it before?”

Li Xiu whispered unclearly in Mo Yin’s ear.

Mo Yin said, “No.”

It sounded unbelievable, but that was indeed the case. He was a normal developing boy, but whether before or after puberty, he had never had a private moment to himself. His life was filled with survival, leaving no extra energy for such things.

Li Xiu calmly said, “I haven’t either.”

Mo Yin was somewhat surprised yet not so surprised.

Unconsciously, they had found a kind of acceptance in each other – perhaps they were really similar kinds of people.

They had breakfast together in the cafeteria, facing each other. Mo Yin noticed Li Xiu holding chopsticks, his fingers long, his nails clean. He thought of yesterday, their first attempt face to face in the dorm room, between the desk and the door, in silence and darkness, each doing their own thing. The different breathing frequencies in their nostrils made them realize they were not alone.

Later, when Li Xiu kissed him, Mo Yin kissed back, Li Xiu’s fingers touched him, and he touched Li Xiu.

When Mo Yin came to his senses, he found Li Xiu looking at him as well. Li Xiu was staring at his lips and said, “Your lips aren’t chapped today.”

The practical exam went exceptionally smoothly; Mo Yin did well, answering questions effortlessly. He was well-prepared, and after the exam, he even had a smile on his face. He forgot to leave immediately, waited in place for Li Xiu, giving him the chance to rush up the stairs and find him.

Today was supposed to be a regular holiday. After gathering, the teacher in charge asked the students whether they wanted to return to school or go home.

Most of the students raised their hands to go home.

Mo Yin didn’t react much, and Li Xiu beside him didn’t raise his hand either. Mo Yin looked at Li Xiu, who understood his meaning and explained, “They have to work.”

Mo Yin nodded.

There were only three people in the returning minibus.

Mo Yin, Li Xiu, and another classmate sat in the back row behind the teacher. When the teacher turned around and asked them how they felt, Mo Yin didn’t answer, Li Xiu said it was alright, and the other classmate said it was a bit difficult.

The teacher enthusiastically discussed the content of the exam for the next two days with them. Mo Yin had not joined the discussion from the beginning, feeling a bit overwhelmed by Li Xiu and the others’ lively conversation. As he leaned inward to avoid the commotion, Li Xiu ended the discussion, saying, “Teacher, I’m a bit sleepy.”

“Oh, then take a break. You’ve been tired from the exams these past two days.”

The teacher turned back, and the other classmate also leaned back.

Mo Yin stared at Li Xiu, Li Xiu looked at him, raising his eyebrows inquiringly.

Mo Yin didn’t want to speak, resting his head against the window.

His arm was nudged, and he turned his head. Li Xiu showed him a note on his phone screen.

[What’s wrong?]

Mo Yin turned his head back and closed his eyes against the shaking of the glass in the window.

Back in the dorm, Mo Yin entered and closed the door, and Li Xiu realized he risked being shut out. He quickly squeezed his knee in, but Mo Yin still didn’t relent, forcefully trapping Li Xiu’s knee with the door. Li Xiu didn’t retreat and said, “I want to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to.”

Mo Yin raised his knees, pushed Li Xiu out, and closed the dormitory door, placing his hands on the door and bowing slightly.

Li Xiu’s actions in the car made Mo Yin feel somewhat uneasy.

Li Xiu understood what he was thinking and compromised for him.

He didn’t like this kind of behavior.

Changing for another person, whether it was himself or someone else, was something he didn’t want to see. It was terrifying. He didn’t want to become another version of himself, nor did he want Li Xiu to become someone else.

There were things that could be done and things that couldn’t be done. Mo Yin had his own set of rules.

Li Xiu was blocked outside the door. He stood in front of Mo Yin’s dormitory door for a while, attracting the attention of students walking back and forth in the hallway. He could only return to his own dormitory for now.

At this moment, he could make a call or send a text, but it probably wouldn’t work with Mo Yin. He might block him. As long as he unilaterally refused to communicate, it was highly unlikely that anyone could break through. Moreover, after the last incident, Li Xiu thought that his phone vibrating might startle Mo Yin.

He wanted to communicate with Mo Yin. This desire was not because anyone thought he should do it; it was just something he wanted to do. Although this desire was not strong, it was still precious, a point he found in the void.

Mo Yin stood behind the dormitory door for a while before calming down. The exams were finally over, and he could rest a bit. He should be able to sleep tonight. Mo Yin thought so as he involuntarily walked towards the bed and lay down.

Forced sleep through medication couldn’t bring real relaxation. His muscles were still tense. After lying down for a while, Mo Yin sat up on the bed, this time carefully bending over and smoothly getting off the bed.

Mo Yin touched his lips. They were dry again. He turned to look at the dormitory door and noticed a neatly folded pale yellow paper on the floor behind it, as if torn from a notebook.

Obviously, Mo Yin wouldn’t neatly fold the paper and throw it on the ground. Someone must have slipped it through the door crack.

And without a doubt, that person could only be Li Xiu.

Mo Yin walked over and used his toe to kick the paper out. When he kicked it under the door crack, he hesitated. He didn’t know what Li Xiu had written and whether he was still outside. If someone picked it up after he kicked it out… What if Li Xiu had written a new approach to the discussion topic…

Mo Yin picked up the neatly folded paper and opened it.

– [I’m not imitating you, I just chose to be myself.]

Li Xiu had never closed the dormitory door. He leaned against the door, looking at the opposite door. People passed by, but he didn’t really care.

He waited until the cafeteria opened at five o’clock. The students in the dormitory building gradually went downstairs to eat, and the entire building slowly emptied. The wait in the afternoon didn’t feel too long to Li Xiu, but now that there were hardly any people in the dormitory, time seemed to slow down for him. He stared at Mo Yin’s dormitory door. After an unknown amount of time, maybe a few minutes or just half a minute, when Li Xiu stood up to knock on the door, Mo Yin opened it.

The two didn’t go to the cafeteria. Mo Yin went to Li Xiu’s dormitory, and each sat on a chair.

Li Xiu said, “Actually, I don’t want to socialize with people. I don’t see the point in it, but it seems like if I don’t, everyone will see me as a weirdo.”

“Am I like that?” Mo Yin said, sounding quite relaxed.

“Yes,” Li Xiu nodded, “like you.”

Mo Yin smiled nonchalantly, “I don’t mind.”

“So,” Li Xiu also smiled, “I envy you.”

“You can do it too,” Mo Yin said, “It’s because what you care about is different from what I care about.”

Li Xiu shook his head, “I don’t care.”

“No, you care about your parents.”

Li Xiu fell silent for a moment and said, “And you?”

Mo Yin didn’t answer. He looked at the bookshelf in front of him and asked another question, “If your parents died, would you be sad?” He asked casually as if it was just a random question.

Li Xiu thought for a moment and said, “I don’t know.”

The two remained silent for a while. Mo Yin said, “Let’s go eat. I’m hungry.”

After dinner, Mo Yin didn’t immediately go to bed. He locked himself in the dormitory and studied seriously. The second monthly exam was coming up, and he didn’t want to lose to Li Xiu. When the thought that had been lingering in his mind flashed again, Mo Yin hesitated. Why did he have to defeat Li Xiu? What was the significance of this matter?

Mo Yin was still studying as the lights were about to be turned off.

As usual, he went to the bathroom to take a shower. The hot water splashed on his face, and in this relatively independent space, he thought about what he and Li Xiu had done together yesterday.

His cheeks felt a bit warm. Mo Yin turned off the hot water, ran his wet fingers through his hair, took a deep breath, and the air was filled with the scent of bathing products.

Li Xiu’s habits were similar to his own, both showering when the lights were about to be turned off and then doing laundry.

Previously, Mo Yin thought that Li Xiu deliberately chose the same time as him to tease him. Now, thinking about it, maybe Li Xiu was just like him, wanting to avoid the crowd. Li Xiu just had an extra layer of disguise; he always smiled while Mo Yin remained aloof. In reality, they were quite similar.

Mo Yin rubbed the clothes while washing them when Li Xiu approached.

As they washed clothes, their arms kept brushing against each other. Mo Yin looked at Li Xiu and said, “Look at your hand.”

Li Xiu showed his injured arm to Mo Yin. He was grateful that his family happened to be working abroad; otherwise, the injury on his hand would have caused quite a stir.

“It will be fine in a few days,” Mo Yin said, “It won’t leave a scar.”

His tone was confident and sounded experienced.

Li Xiu remembered the topic Mo Yin had discussed with him in the afternoon. He scrubbed the clothes and said, “If I ask you about your family, would you be upset?”

The tap water flowed noisily. Mo Yin placed his palm in the water and calmly said, “You’ve seen everything about me. There’s nothing I can’t say.”

The dormitory lights were already off. Mo Yin and Li Xiu sat on the bed, leaning against the wall.

Li Xiu asked, “What do you care about?”

“Being first in the exams,” Mo Yin immediately replied.

Li Xiu smiled, “And then?”

“Get into a good university, find a good job?” he continued, “Isn’t that what you want?”

Mo Yin thought for a moment and said, “Yes, don’t you?”

Li Xiu said, “I don’t know if I want it or not.”

Li Xiu always said strange things, completely different from his usual image in the eyes of others, but Mo Yin understood every word he said.

“If Mo Xuemin died, I wouldn’t be sad,” Mo Yin said.

“I think you would be,” Li Xiu said.

Mo Yin interlocked his left hand with his right wrist, resting it on his knee without arguing.

It was very quiet outside. Autumn had arrived, and there were no more cicadas chirping to disturb them. Li Xiu kissed Mo Yin. This time, Li Xiu took the initiative, but Mo Yin also turned his head. They leaned against the wall, their shoulders against the cold, hard tiles.

“Don’t take sleeping pills tonight,” Li Xiu said.

Mo Yin responded with a simple “Hmm.”

They kissed again, without embracing or getting closer, just quietly kissing in the darkness.

Sleep hadn’t come yet, but it seemed like they wouldn’t have trouble falling asleep tonight.