Chapter 29: “What the Hell Are You Filming Without Equipment?”

“How’s the casting going for our crew?” the cinematographer Bian Feng asked. Before their meeting, his senior, Gu Chen, had specifically warned him: this script by Shen Baizhou is really good, but the funding is extremely tight…

Bian Feng was a proud sort by nature. Even if the budget was short, he had confidence that he could handle the cinematography single-handedly. But what worried him most was the cast—if the actors’ performances fell flat, it would be fatal. Nothing else could save the production.

“Casting… yeah, we’ve run into a bit of a problem,” Shen Baizhou said, awkwardly wiping sweat from his forehead.

“What kind of problem?” Bian Feng pressed.

“Pretty much all of them,” Shen Baizhou forced a wry smile. “Right now… we don’t have a single actor.”

“What?” Bian Feng froze. Not a single actor? Scanning Shen Baizhou and the two others present, he exclaimed in disbelief, “Director Shen, don’t tell me… everyone in the crew is already here?”

“Yes,” Shen Baizhou nodded reluctantly, “it’s just the three of us plus you.”

Bian Feng felt his world go black. This was ridiculous. But before he could even curse, Cheng Xiangyu added a sharp jab:

“Shen Baizhou, so you really are filming a movie? When you told me you were a director just now, I thought you were joking—you’ve always been a screenwriter, haven’t you?”

“You were a screenwriter before?” Bian Feng widened his eyes. “This is your first film?”

Shen Baizhou gave an awkward smile and nodded.

“And among the three of you, who has real directing experience?” Bian Feng looked at Wang Xiaopang and Zhang Xiaomei, still clinging to a faint hope.

“None of us,” Wang Xiaopang admitted honestly. “Yesterday, all three of us were still screenwriters.”

Bian Feng set down his milk tea and leaned back in his chair, speechless. What the hell? Over there, Luo Yu rolled his eyes—director? This was as amateur as it gets. With this lineup, how were they even planning to make a film?

“Actors are easy,” Cheng Xiangyu said dismissively. “This is the Capital Film Academy. You could throw a brick and hit seven students who want to act. Shen Baizhou, tell me which roles you need—I’ll help you find people!”

“First is the male lead. He needs to be able to play the piano,” Shen Baizhou pondered.

“Doesn’t have to be perfect, but must be able to play. Otherwise, some scenes can’t be filmed…”

“A handsome guy who can play the piano? That’s easy to find,” Cheng Xiangyu said. “How handsome are we talking?”

“About the level of this Luo guy,” Shen Baizhou pointed at Luo Yu. He had noticed him earlier—this guy had a sly look, a bit vacant when expressionless, but when he smiled, he looked mischievous—perfect.

“Him?” Cheng Xiangyu examined him. “He can play piano, and he’s studying acting too…”

“I’m not participating!” Luo Yu waved his hand firmly. He thought: I can’t even chase Xiangyu, and now you want me to be the male lead in her boyfriend’s bootleg movie? How much of a simp am I?

“Tch, if you were in, I’d call you ugly,” Cheng Xiangyu said, annoyed. “Shen Baizhou, you tell me the second role!”

Bian Feng wanted to get up and leave. This was absurd. Even if some student actors could fill minor roles, a suspense film needed seasoned actors. Were they planning to use only students?

“The second role is a dancing girl,” Shen Baizhou continued, looking at his script. “She must dance, preferably ballet, and be beautiful—especially a hot figure…”

“That’s me!” Cheng Xiangyu claimed without hesitation, snatching the script. Glancing over it, she asked suspiciously, “Wearing lingerie while dancing? Shen Baizhou, your movie isn’t some shady type, is it? Tell me, is there a bedroom scene?”

“No! No!” Zhang Xiaomei quickly clarified.

“Oh? There’s also a cruel old lady role,” Cheng Xiangyu grinned. “That role fits my mom perfectly… By the way, now that my dad is on a business trip, how are you two getting along?”

“Pretty well. Auntie’s been very kind to me,” Shen Baizhou smiled, hiding the fact that he’d been kicked out.

“Tch, ‘kind’ my foot,” Cheng Xiangyu knew better. “Xiao Zhouzi, do me a favor and don’t stoop to her level…”

“Ah?” Luo Yu gasped. “Director Shen, you’re… Xiangyu’s—”

“I’m her cousin,” Shen Baizhou replied, surprised. “Didn’t she tell you?”

“Just a nominal cousin,” Cheng Xiangyu interrupted quickly. “Actually, Shen Baizhou has secretly liked me since childhood, always getting handsy…”

“What?” Shen Baizhou panicked. “Don’t make stuff up!”

“You didn’t?” Cheng Xiangyu challenged. “Did you hug my legs at nine?”

“That was playing horsefight! I was the horse—how could I not carry you?”

“At fifteen, you hugged my waist—that one’s real, right?”

“That was climbing—you couldn’t get down, so you begged me to carry you.”

“At twenty, you did a princess carry and threw me on the bed like some domineering CEO—you can’t deny that, right?”

“You still have the nerve to say that? Drunk as you were! If I hadn’t carried you back, you’d be sleeping on the street…”

“This is outrageous!” Cheng Xiangyu fumed. “Why don’t you play the tuning master yourself? Rewrite the script—make the dancing girl not just kiss the tuner on the cheek, but add a bedroom scene! That way, the camerawork can capture what you did, and you can’t deny it later…”

“I’ll interrupt,” Luo Yu jumped up, trembling as he grabbed Shen Baizhou’s hand. “Cousin, I’m Luo Yu, a third-year acting student, piano grade ten. I don’t need payment—I can even handle milk tea and boxed meals for the crew. Cousin, I have only one request: can I play the tuner? Please!”

Luo Yu thought: so this tuner role gets kissed by Cheng Xiangyu on the cheek? If this news spreads, the entire Capital Film Academy would explode! Even the sports cars lined up outside Dorm 5 to see Senior Sister Su would be empty halfway through as everyone rushes for this role…

“You?” Shen Baizhou considered for a moment and, moved by Luo Yu’s zero pay and free meals, nodded. “Fine, it’s you.”

“Thanks, cousin!” Luo Yu was thrilled. He thought: I’m brilliant—such a massive opportunity just fell into my lap!

“With the tuner and the dancing girl cast, we can film a scene,” Shen Baizhou said excitedly. “Now we just need cinematography equipment!”

“What? No way!” Bian Feng was completely shocked. “You don’t even have filming equipment? Doesn’t your company help with this?”

“Our company has some approval issues…” Zhang Xiaomei explained awkwardly, really meaning: we’ve been blacklisted—there’s no way they’d approve us.

Does this group even have a company? Or are they all just scammers? Bian Feng sank into deep doubt—no camera, no actors, no experience, not even equipment! Even a photography enthusiast would be better off than this. And they’re still chatting about casting like it’s real—what are they even filming with, a phone? A phone? That’s not for movies—that’s for amateur videos! This is absurd!

“You don’t even have equipment, what the hell are you filming?” Bian Feng couldn’t hold it any longer. He stood up, slammed his hand on his hip, and said, “We’re all adults here. Instead of wasting time, we might as well call it a day!”