Social Anxiety in Ancient Times
Social Anxiety in Ancient Times 18

Chapter 18

Lin Qiwu became obsessed with Werewolf. Occasionally, when she came to Li Mu’s place to catch up on homework, Li Mu could hear her whispering with Li Yunxi.

Li Mu listened and found that they called the ancient version of Werewolf “Catching Bandits.” To gather enough people to play the game, Lin Qiwu even invited Li Ying and Lin Yan’an, with whom she didn’t have a good relationship. Even then, they didn’t have enough people, so they looked for others to join, making many new friends in the process.

“Catching Bandits” spread like wildfire in the capital. Even the messages from the pigeon house mentioned it. Some said the game was violent and uncultured, while others found it thrilling and exciting. They always played a few rounds at the wine table—even those who disliked playing enjoyed watching.

The materials for the cards also varied. Ordinary people used bamboo, while wealthy families used more expensive wood with various floral patterns carved on the edges. Later, there were even jade and silver-gilt cards. Some clever merchants hired artists to make cards with portraits, which were quite valuable.

Li Ying’s biological mother, Madam Liu, came from a family of merchants. They made a lot of money from this, even planning to take the “Catching Bandits” cards to the south. They sent a letter to Li Ying, saying that if her cousin, the King Yan’s consort, had any more ideas, she should let them know. In business, being one step ahead is key to making money.

Li Ying was bold enough to ask Li Mu directly, leaving Li Mu speechless.

Everyone who played “Catching Bandits” knew the cards were her creation. It wasn’t because ancient people had a strong sense of copyright and credited the game’s origin, but because King Yan’s consort’s status was high, creating a celebrity effect, so she was always mentioned.

Li Mu felt ashamed for a long time. The original Werewolf wasn’t her creation. Changing the era and the name and calling it her idea made her feel awkward. Her desire to play Werewolf, which she couldn’t shake off before transmigrating, gradually faded under this shame, and she even started to avoid information about “Catching Bandits.”

Compared to this, the spread of potatoes was still too slow.

Li Mu looked at the content from the pigeon house, feeling depressed. Potatoes had become popular on the dining tables of noble families who liked new things. Southern merchants loved to spend money following the trends in the capital to show their wealth. Thus, potato cultivation spread from the palace to the outside, with a small portion sold at high prices to the south. She had thought it was good until “Catching Bandits” quickly became popular. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for the potatoes.

Considering this era was so similar to the Ming Dynasty, she feared it might face a Little Ice Age like the Ming, leading to crop failures. She wished she could quickly promote high-yield potatoes.

Should she talk to Lin Que?

After all, before she transmigrated, she was just a worker. Lin Que should be more skilled in promoting crops to improve people’s lives.

With this thought in mind, Li Mu often spaced out in front of Lin Que. Lin Que asked her three times. The first time, she shook her head subconsciously, indicating that she was fine. The second time, she wanted to speak but wasn’t mentally prepared, so she changed her words to, “I want to learn to ride a horse.”

Lin Que took her to the racetrack in the mansion, picked a gentle-tempered horse for her, and taught her how to bond with the horse, how to mount, how to sit on the horse, how to make the horse walk, and how to stop it. Lin Que was a great teacher. Within a few days, Li Mu could mount the horse by herself and slowly stroll on the grass.

Lin Que also took her for two laps to get her used to the feeling of galloping on horseback.

When she got off the horse, Li Mu’s face was pale, and her legs were weak.

Lin Que: “Should I go slower next time?”

Li Mu first nodded, then shook her head: “I’ll get used to it.”

Her fears were all about social interactions; other things were easier to overcome. Before transmigrating, she had learned to ski alone. The coach’s concern over the walkie-talkie scared her more than the cable car stopping mid-air due to a malfunction.

When she had surgery, her most painful memory wasn’t being hospitalized alone or the post-surgery infection and inflammation. It was lying on the operating table under local anesthesia, listening to the surgeon and nurse chat. Hearing them talk about a familiar field, she impulsively joined the conversation.

So, riding fast horses was something she could accept. What made her uncomfortable was Lin Que holding her from behind with an overly close posture.

The third time Lin Que asked her, she still couldn’t bring up the potato matter and instead said, “I want to eat Bai Xiang Zhai’s Golden Thread Pastry.”

Lin Que: “Perfect timing; I need to go out. I’ll bring it back for you.”

Li Mu nodded, thinking she could tell him when he returned.

However, she didn’t have much hope for herself after three failed attempts. She couldn’t explain why she knew potatoes had high yields, and the thought of facing possible questions made her unable to speak.

Maybe she should just forget about it. After all, potatoes had already entered the common people’s fields. Letting them develop on their own might yield good results.

Li Mu waited with a conflicted heart until evening. Steward Wu brought a note from Lin Que, saying he would return late at night, and the promised Golden Thread Pastry would likely be brought back as a midnight snack for Li Mu. Besides the note, Steward Wu also brought a few items that made Li Mu’s eyelids twitch.

The items were two cooked foods and a potted plant. Steward Wu explained, “The King noticed that the consort has been in a bad mood lately. Remembering that the consort liked potatoes, he had people search the western garden for exotic ingredients. This is called maize, and this is called sweet potato. They are rare tributes from local places. There’s also a pot of persimmons. Although they can’t be eaten, the red fruits are quite pleasing.”

Li Mu: “…”

The pot of persimmons was actually tomatoes. The two cooked foods were boiled corn and steamed sweet potatoes. How was this different from drawing two ultra-rare items in a game before quitting? And “rare tributes”?

Li Mu repeated Steward Wu’s words. They had already been planted in the common people’s fields but still hadn’t been widely promoted. Why? Because they were foreign, making them hard to promote? Or were this era’s sweet potatoes and corn not as tasty as modern ones?

Thinking Li Mu was curious, Steward Wu emphasized, “They are quite rare.”

Li Mu sat down and took a bite. The corn wasn’t as sweet as modern ones, but it wasn’t so bad that its high yield advantage would be ignored.

When eating the sweet potato, Steward Wu mentioned not to eat too much, as it could cause bloating.

But sweet potatoes were drought-resistant, flood-tolerant, and locust-resistant. She had heard that soaking them in salt water before cooking could reduce bloating, though she wasn’t sure if it was true.

Li Mu got up to go to the study, planning to write down these items and her understanding of them. If she couldn’t say it, she could at least write it. Halfway there, she turned back and sat down, deciding to eat first. She couldn’t waste food.

“Bastard Lin! You won’t die a good death!!!”

In the damp and dark imperial prison, a chilling scream echoed.

Lin Que sat in an elegant armchair, leisurely sipping Yu Ye Chang Chun tea from the palace, entirely out of place in the grim atmosphere of the prison.

The air was soon filled with the sound of flesh being seared and heart-wrenching screams. Lin Que remained unfazed, waiting patiently until the Jinyiwei extracted something from the person cursing him—

“Yian Bodhisattva?”

“Yes, before that person fainted, they were muttering ‘Yian Bodhisattva.'”

Lin Que stood up and left, with his guards quickly following.

The tortured person was doused with a bucket of water to wake them up and struggled to shout hoarsely at Lin Que’s retreating figure, cursing him with phrases like “die a horrible death” and “struck by lightning.”

It seemed their hatred for Lin Que was etched into their bones.

The person who poured the water quickly gagged the tortured person.

Lin Que remained indifferent, not even pausing his steps. He didn’t deny that he might die a horrible death but casually muttered to himself, “But not now. My consort is still waiting for me to bring back the golden thread pastry for her midnight snack.”

He then ordered, “Behead him. Let the others watch; maybe it’ll scare something useful out of them.”

Late at night, Lin Que returned to the mansion with a package of golden thread pastries. Before entering the house, he checked himself to ensure no bloodstains or dirt, then stepped inside.

Inside, Li Mu was still reviewing her written text for the umpteenth time. A small wine cup sat by her side—she had drunk her usual bedtime wine early to calm her nerves. However, when Lin Que entered, she almost tore the paper in her hands out of surprise.

Lin Que’s gaze swept over the wine cup and asked, “Don’t you dislike reading under candlelight?”

His words revealed how well he knew Li Mu.

He placed the golden thread pastries on the table in front of Li Mu. It took her a moment to realize what it was. Lin Que then smiled, “Did you not expect me to actually bring it, or were you thinking about something else and forgot about it?”

Li Mu: “…” You’re so good at guessing. Why not guess what I wrote on the paper?

With the help of alcohol, not only did Li Mu’s mood lift but so did her thoughts.

Lin Que went to the washbasin to wash his hands and returned, noticing that Li Mu was no longer as tense as when he first came in. She even rolled her eyes at him without realizing it. In a good mood, he sat beside her, ready to sneak a bite of the golden thread pastry his wife loved, while waiting for her to tell him the reason for her recent distraction.

He wondered if the alcohol would give her the courage to speak up and what exactly she wanted to say—these past few days had been driving him crazy with curiosity.

Qianyun had already unwrapped the golden thread pastries and placed them on a blue and white porcelain plate while Lin Que was washing his hands. She and Feixing had already left the room.

With only the two left, Li Mu took a deep breath and resolutely handed the paper she had written that afternoon to Lin Que.

Lin Que took the paper. Perhaps from spending so much time with Li Mu, he also found reading under candlelight uncomfortable—even though the room had more candles lit than usual because Li Mu had been reading.

Lin Que read the contents of the paper bit by bit, his smile gradually fading as he became serious.

Li Mu waited for a long time before finally hearing him say, “These things can be planted in poor soil, even on slopes and hills, so they won’t compete with rice and wheat for land.”

Li Mu: …Seems like it.

She only knew that sweet potatoes, corn, and potatoes were highly adaptable to different soils and had not considered this aspect.

“Potatoes, when planted for a long time, can harm the soil and easily get diseased. They need to be rotated.” Li Mu used simple language this time.

Lin Que read a sentence and asked, “What disease?”

Li Mu: “I forgot.”

She really didn’t remember. She had heard from a science video that a country that relied on potatoes as a major crop faced disease issues, leading to a significant drop in yield and quality. The problem was caused by long-term planting, and the solution was to rotate crops every two to three years to avoid continuous planting.

Lin Que then asked Li Mu several more questions, which she answered with what she knew, gradually talking more.

Lin Que’s mood brightened, “What a coincidence. Many years ago, an order was issued to open up wasteland. If these things are as you say, they could be beneficial.”

Li Mu’s troubling issues seemed like nothing in front of Lin Que. Listening to his words and seeing his relaxed demeanor, she felt a sense of longing. She grabbed Lin Que’s sleeve but didn’t know what she wanted to say.

Seeing her confused expression, still puzzled about herself, Lin Que waited quietly for a long time. When she slowly let go of his sleeve, he casually asked, “I’m planning to have Scholar An Ying from the Cabinet give lessons to Qiwu. Your eighth sister will be there too. Do you want to join?”

Li Mu suddenly understood: she wanted to learn more about the politics and livelihood of this era.

Li Mu nodded.

Lin Que: “Aren’t you afraid of people?”

Li Mu stubbornly: “I’ll sit farther away.” She had social anxiety, but people still had to live. Otherwise, how could she go to university, find a job, get a driver’s license, support herself, or go to the hospital when sick?

She understood early on that the less you know, the more you need to seek help from others, creating social interactions. Learning as much as possible allowed her to live independently. However, since she was still unfamiliar with this world, her learning methods were limited to practicing calligraphy, reading, and exercising, ensuring her cultural level and physical health at a minimum. But Li Mu would only push herself to move forward in fear under the pressure of life’s needs and moral coercion. She couldn’t handle much more.

“Before that,” Lin Que waved the paper in his hand, “tell me where you learned all this?”

Li Mu froze. Lin Que’s reaction was so natural that she almost forgot about this. She lost her earlier firmness and softly said, “…from a book.”

Lin Que kindly asked, “Which book?” It seemed he genuinely believed her and wanted to borrow the book to read.

Li Mu mumbled, not daring to meet Lin Que’s eyes, “I don’t remember. The book is gone.”

Lin Que reached out and adjusted the pearl hairpin in her hair, “I’ve told you all about myself. Are you going to hide things from me?”

Li Mu was silent for a long time. The anxiety of interacting with people was eased by alcohol, allowing her to ask back, “Did you tell me those things so that I would tell you about myself?”

Lin Que looked at Li Mu, smiling.

This made Li Mu feel relieved.

Surprisingly, Lin Que said, “I thought you’d be angry. Why this reaction?”

Li Mu tugged at the corner of her mouth. She felt good and courageous tonight, so she voiced a long-held complaint, “You’re too good to me, so good that it doesn’t seem real, making me uneasy.”

Lin Que: “Are you at ease now?”

“No,” Li Mu shook her head. She felt relieved but not at ease. Regardless of Lin Que’s reasons, she had indeed benefited, which couldn’t be changed. When her third brother was good to her, she felt uneasy and tried to repay him. She felt the same way about Lin Que, so she said, “I’ll try to repay your kindness.”

Lin Que pushed the golden thread pastries on the table towards Li Mu and refilled her cup with warm water, “Why make things difficult for yourself? I only want you to be happy.”

Li Mu still shook her head, “It’s not difficult. It’s normal to give and take.”

She hadn’t spoken so much in a long time, and with the alcohol, her body felt slightly warm, and her mouth was dry. She took a sip of warm water and added, “If I owe too much, I can’t repay it. So if you’re unhappy with something, just tell me. Don’t make yourself suffer for me.”

Lin Que confirmed with her, “Really?”

Li Mu nodded, “Yes.”

“Be yourself. For example, if I stay up late and you can’t sleep either, it’s hard not to notice after nearly a month. If you tell me, I can move to the study to sleep.”

Lin Que leaned towards Li Mu and, true to himself, said, “Share the wine with me, or I’ll tell Mother that you refuse to take your medicine because you want to drink. Then neither of us will get to drink.”

Li Mu: “…”

She turned her face away, “Fine, no drinking then.”

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