Reunion at the Bar

The hotel wasn’t great, and trucks were coming and going outside, so Gu Deng barely slept all night. The next day, after a lousy breakfast and dealing with the insurance company, he signed up for a small tour to Dead Horse Town. Nobody recognized him; Gu Deng wore a mask and headphones, and slept the whole way.

When he woke up again, the scenery outside had completely changed. The mountains and trees had vanished, and even the animals were nowhere to be seen. The snow covered the ground like a desert, and they were driving through a polar wasteland.

It’s hard to imagine such places exist in the world, and even harder to imagine that even such places bear human footprints.

They reached Dead Horse Town before nightfall, a town that thrived due to oil extraction, and the official end of the Dalton Highway. But on the map, it’s still seven or eight kilometers from the Arctic Ocean.

Gu Deng approached the tour leader, wanting to continue north. The guide was firm, saying that due to policy and safety reasons, Dead Horse Town was the furthest tourists could go.

Gu Deng: “I’ll pay extra.”

Guide, “Even if you pay extra, it’s not possible.”

Gu Deng named a figure, and the guide, moved by his sincerity, contacted an oil company employee, allowing him to sneak in.

Gu Deng switched to a company vehicle to get inside, but even so, he didn’t see what he wanted. The place was filled with signs of human industry, with steel frames and containers everywhere. The guide pointed ahead, saying that was the Arctic Ocean.

Gu Deng looked up, seeing a line of lights on the coastal oil fields, abrupt and eerie.

On the way back, Gu Deng became very quiet. He suffered from insomnia again, having to rely on sleeping pills and sedatives. The mild mania quickly disappeared, and he entered a long, grueling period of depression.

For the rest of the trip, Gu Deng couldn’t muster any interest. He drifted back to Fairbanks, staying in the hotel without going out. Until a week later, he received a call from the travel agency saying the whale-watching tour he booked was about to depart.

Gu Deng wasn’t that eager to see it anymore, having already watched countless whale videos online.

Before falling asleep that night, he opened the videos on his phone again.

It was dusk, the sky a beautiful pink-purple, the sea calm, thick and glossy like West Lake water. Suddenly, ripples spread across the surface, and a humpback whale leapt out of the sea, leaving a dreamy light and shadow.

Gu Deng watched it over and over, saving the video to his phone, using it to get through countless tough depressive episodes.

After watching the video repeatedly, Gu Deng decided to go see the whales. The weather was great on the whale-watching day, sunny, with the colorful town of Seward. Gu Deng wore a mask and sunglasses, using binoculars to search for whales.

Three hours into the voyage, they still hadn’t seen any whales, and Gu Deng was about to give up. Just then, the broadcast announced a whale sighting ahead.

The yacht sped forward, and 20 minutes later, Gu Deng finally saw the humpback whale.

A cheer erupted around him, and Gu Deng felt excited too. At that moment, he was genuinely happy, taking many photos and videos. But the happiness was too short-lived; while others could be happy for days or even months after seeing a whale, Gu Deng’s joy only lasted a few hours, a few minutes, or just the moment he saw the whale.

On the return trip, fellow passengers excitedly shared their whale-watching experiences, while Gu Deng watched the video alone, suddenly noticing the humpback whale’s skin covered in old scars, large white barnacles parasitic on the surface, like cataract-ridden eyes. Seeing the dense barnacles, he felt a wave of nausea, bending over to retch.

Someone came over to ask if he needed help, but Gu Deng shook his head, saying he was just seasick.

After disembarking, the discomfort became more pronounced. Gu Deng didn’t dare drive back to Anchorage, planning to stay in Seward for a night before returning.

He stayed in Seward for two days, but instead of getting better, he became more anxious. He couldn’t shake off the impact of seeing the barnacles, even after deleting the video and taking sedatives, he couldn’t escape the despair.

To him, whales symbolized freedom and beauty. When he was in pain due to various things, somewhere far away in Alaska, whales were leaping out of the sea. At those times, a healing feeling would well up inside him, supporting him to keep going.

But at that moment, the beautiful imagination shattered—turns out even whales weren’t completely free. They too faced environmental pollution, parasitic barnacles, propeller injuries, and even human hunting.

On the third day, Gu Deng finally drove back to Anchorage. The car radio reported a stranded orca on the coast, with staff arriving to organize a rescue to help the orca return to the sea. To dispel the impact of the barnacles, Gu Deng decided to see this orca—not a barnacle-infested whale.

When he arrived, light snow was falling, the road muddy. Gu Deng parked the car and squeezed into the crowd. A sigh came from the crowd, followed by someone softly crying.

At that moment, Gu Deng didn’t know what had happened until he reached the front and froze—he saw a dead orca.

Right in front of Gu Deng was the orca’s eye, very small, the gray-white eyeball resting on the raised eyelid, like a crater on the moon.

Gu Deng stared blankly at it, his mind suddenly roaring, his world collapsing.

A strong wave of nausea hit him, and Gu Deng turned and rushed out of the crowd, unable to stop himself from bending over and retching. Food remnants surged from his throat, like chewed-up viscera falling from his body. Gu Deng smelled the stench emanating from himself, saw the putrid liquid seeping from his pores, as if he had become a corpse.

“Uncle, are you okay?” A crisp voice rang out. Gu Deng buried his head, not responding.

“Uncle, do you need me to call an ambulance?” The little girl’s voice came closer. Gu Deng finally lifted his head, seeing a little girl in a red down jacket in front of him. She looked only five or six years old, with pitch-black eyes, calm and composed.

No need.

Gu Deng opened his mouth to refuse, but strangely, as soon as he spoke, it turned into a sob. Gu Deng wanted to stop himself, but his throat was clogged. He couldn’t say a word, only weakly raising his right hand, waving it.

The little girl squatted in front of him, saying, “But Uncle, you really look unwell.”

Gu Deng breathed heavily, finally squeezing out a broken response, “It’s okay, sorry…”

“Alright then, I’ll stay here with you,” the little girl sat down beside him, hugging her knees, “Tell me if you feel bad.”

Gu Deng shook his head, not wanting to leave a shadow on the child.

The little girl patted his shoulder, comforting him in an adult-like tone, “It’s okay, it’ll get better.”

Gu Deng buried his head in his arms, his shoulders trembling slightly.

His emotional collapse was sudden, but it also disappeared quickly. The overwhelming pain evaporated in an instant, and when Gu Deng lifted his head, he could hardly remember what he was sad about earlier.

It’s amazing, he returned to being like a normal person.

It was then that Gu Deng noticed the little girl was still there.

Seeing him lift his head, the girl said very familiarly, “My name is Ali, it means lion, sun, and ocean. You can also call me Agveech, a name passed down from my great-grandmother, meaning bowhead whale in the Inuit language, though everyone says it’s hard to pronounce.”

Gu Deng sniffed, saying, “You can call me Gu Deng.”

The girl didn’t hear clearly, tilting her head, “Good?”

Gu Deng didn’t correct her pronunciation, so Ali asked again, “Good Uncle, are you feeling better?”

Gu Deng: “Much better, thank you.”

Ali nodded, continuing to sit on the beach hugging her knees. She didn’t speak again, just stared motionlessly at the orca’s body.

Ali was alone the whole time, even when Gu Deng was about to leave, no one came to pick her up. Gu Deng felt a bit uneasy, asking where Ali’s parents were.

“Dad’s at Uncle’s shop, Mom’s at work,” Ali said.

Gu Deng suddenly realized the seriousness of the situation, “You came out by yourself?”

“And Cookie,” Ali said, “We came to see the orca together.”

Gu Deng finally breathed a sigh of relief, saying, “Okay, Uncle will help you find Cookie.”

“Cookie doesn’t need finding, it’s been staying there obediently,” Ali pointed to a bicycle, shouting, “Cookie, say hi to Uncle.”

Alaskan Malamute, “Woof~!”

Gu Deng: “…”

Gu Deng’s head started to ache again, crouching down to ask Ali, “Where’s your home? I’ll take you back.”

Ali: “I can go back by myself.”

Gu Deng’s tone became serious, “Get in the car, I’ll take you.”

Ali looked wary, “Dad told me not to get in strangers’ cars.”

Gu Deng: “You can take a picture of my license plate and send it to your dad, then I’ll take you home.”

“Oh, spare me,” Ali rolled her eyes, complaining, “You look like an overprotective mother hen.”

Gu Deng took a picture of the license plate, expressionless, “Runaway kids don’t get to complain.”

“I’m not running away, I just went out to play and went a bit far,” Ali huffed, puffing her chubby cheeks, “And I’m almost six, I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Yes, we adults ride bikes with training wheels.”

Ali: “…”

Gu Deng stuffed the children’s bike into the trunk, entering the address Ali gave him into the GPS. Only when they arrived did he realize it was a bar. Gu Deng parked at the entrance, turning to ask Ali, who was sitting cross-legged, “You live here?”

“Yes,” Ali snapped her fingers, “To be honest, I’m the lead singer of this bar’s band.”

Gu Deng: “Do your parents agree?”

“Of course not,” Ali said, “But I threatened them that if they didn’t let me be the lead singer, I’d go back home and learn to be a shaman with Grandma.”

Gu Deng: “…”

“I appreciate your help, but I’m not in the mood to play games,” Gu Deng said seriously, “Now you have two choices: tell me your real address, or have your dad come pick you up. If you refuse both, I’ll take you to the police station.”

“Uncle, you’ve changed,” Ali pouted, “You’re as naggy as my mom and dad now.”

Gu Deng: “That’s how we adults are.”

“……”

Ali reluctantly dialed the phone, calling her dad to come get her.

A few minutes later, with a sudden “clatter,” the rolling door opened, and a man in a black jacket came out.

“Daddy!” Ali rushed towards the man.

The man patted her head with one hand, calling her Agveech in a very familiar tone—it was Zhang Li.

Gu Deng closed the car door, ready to leave. Zhang Li let go of Ali and walked over to him, saying they met again.

Gu Deng responded with a hum.

Zhang Li: “Want to come in and sit for a while?”

“No.” Gu Deng turned to leave, but Ali grabbed his right hand, saying domineeringly, “Come in, I’ll sing for you.”

Gu Deng was dragged inside by Ali, through a long corridor, into a spacious room. The tavern’s left side was a liquor cabinet and bar area, with tables and chairs in the middle, and the other end of the room was elevated, with drums, a piano, and other instruments.

Ali pulled Gu Deng to the bar, climbing onto a single chair, snapping her fingers at the man behind the bar, “Smith, get my friend a drink, on me.”

Behind the bar, a tall man lifted his head, picking up Ali with one hand, his expression stern, “I warned you not to sneak out by yourself.”

“I didn’t sneak out by myself,” Ali’s limbs flailed in the air, loudly retorting, “Cookie was with me!”

“Woof woof woof!” Cookie excitedly joined the game.

The two humans and one dog entered a melee, and Gu Deng found a chair to sit down. Zhang Li placed a cup of hot water in front of him, sitting down and saying, “Did you go to Dead Horse Town later?”

Gu Deng: “I did.”

Zhang Li: “How did it feel?”

Gu Deng was silent for a while, saying, “A bit strange, can’t really describe it.”

Zhang Li didn’t speak further. Not long after, the bar fight ended, Smith holding Ali in one hand, bringing over a cocktail with the other, achieving a one-sided overwhelming victory.

“You’re Zhang Li’s friend, right? We met that day.” Smith placed the cocktail in front of Gu Deng, saying, “My daughter troubled you, thank you for bringing her back.”

Gu Deng looked confused.

“In Coldfoot,” Smith laughed, “That day Zhang delivered equipment for us, I saw you then.”

“Oh…” Gu Deng remembered.

Smith continued, “I heard from Zhang Li you were going to Dead Horse Town later? Did you go? How was it?”

Gu Deng: “Yeah.”

Smith: “Yeah?”

“I went,” Zhang Li said, “He felt it was a bit strange.”

“Damn oil development ruined everything,” Smith cursed softly, “Those greedy bastards, now they won’t even spare the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.”

“Dad, don’t be sad.” Ali’s little face scrunched up, snuggling into the man’s arms.

“Sorry, for worrying you,” Smith rubbed her head, softening his tone, “I was just a bit angry.”

Ali buried her face in Smith’s chest, after a while, she looked up and asked, “Did you finish with the brown bears?”

“Finished,” Smith said, “Changed the batteries for 6 brown bears, but number 99 is sick, I have to go back in a few days.”

Gu Deng couldn’t understand what they were talking about, so Zhang Li explained that Smith was a zoologist tracking the habits of brown bears in the Brooks Range, changing the tracking devices’ batteries during their hibernation every winter. A few days ago, Zhang Li drove to Coldfoot Town to deliver equipment for their research.

After hearing this, Gu Deng felt he should react. But strangely, his brain seemed to not receive the signal, keeping him expressionless, almost rudely indifferent.

No, he couldn’t continue like this. These were just chance encounters, yet these people showed him the greatest kindness, he couldn’t let them down.

Gu Deng took a sip of the cold cocktail, forcing himself to look up and say, “I see, it sounds interesting.”

He even tried to make his tone light, but his trembling hands betrayed his true emotions.

Zhang Li: “Are you okay?”

Gu Deng: “I’m fine.”

Zhang Li glanced at him, not speaking further. Gu Deng also fell silent, not having to converse or find topics, giving him a moment of peace. He sat quietly in the corner, watching the ice in the glass melt into water.

In just a few days, Gu Deng had completely changed. Once lively, passionate, and talented, now only anxiety and restlessness remained, energy slipping away from him, turning him into a withered land.

Zhang Li wanted to do something, but they were just acquaintances, he couldn’t even enter Gu Deng’s world.

Time passed quietly, and as the first customer pushed open the door, the bar’s business hours began, the quiet space gradually becoming lively.

Gu Deng seemed to finally find an opportunity, standing up and saying, “Thank you for your hospitality, I’ll be leaving now.”

Ali was preparing for the performance with the band, hearing this, she poked her body out from backstage, “Good Uncle, you haven’t heard me sing yet!”

Gu Deng stopped, becoming a bit hesitant.

Zhang Li said, “Her music is special, you might be interested.”

To be honest, Gu Deng had no interest in music now, it only made him dislike himself more. But he had promised Ali, Gu Deng hesitated for over ten seconds, then sat back down.

The staff began distributing band posters, the band’s theme protesting the oil development plans in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, with a mother and cub polar bear stained black by oil on the poster.

Gu Deng had only seen white polar bears online before, their chubby, cute appearance making people yearn for them. But the mother and cub on the poster were ragged and ugly, giving him a huge visual shock.

Gu Deng thought of the orca’s body again, and the barnacle-infested humpback whale, the glaring lights of the coastal oil fields, and the bar crowd made him anxious. His hat and headphones were in the car, so Gu Deng buried his face in his palms, taking deep breaths, forcing himself not to flee.

Someone passed by, accidentally bumping the table, and Gu Deng instantly tensed up. Rationally, he knew no one was watching him, but subconsciously, he always felt these people were secretly talking about him.

Until a baseball cap landed on his head, Gu Deng looked up warily, seeing Zhang Li using his body to shield him from the crowd, “Are you uncomfortable? I’ll take you back.”