Chapter 48: Doubts Arise

She had no intention of being intimate with Yun Chu…

Li Yunli shook her head, like a soulless puppet, her vision blurred.

“You can’t deny it now, you just said it yourself!” Yun Chu leaned in closer, desperate for a clear answer, gripping her wrists firmly.

“If you liked me, why didn’t you say so before? Why did you only ever show—”

Why did you only ever show appreciation for my looks and body, to the point that I thought you never truly saw me as a person?

Li Yunli didn’t want to answer. Tears slid down her lips, tasting salty and bitter.

“Ah Yun…” Yun Chu leaned in slightly, not daring to pressure her, but unable to hide the regret in his eyes.

Li Yunli tried to pull her hands back, but he held them tightly.

“Ah Yun…” He furrowed his brows, looking at her, calling her name once more.

They sat face to face, yet he felt like he had been pushed far away—exiled for so long that now, even when he was finally close, he hesitated.

He couldn’t even believe that Li Yunli had once loved him.

“Let’s… let’s be honest with each other, okay?” Yun Chu gently rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, his unease growing. Yet he patiently said, “You said you’d go with me. As long as you tell me the truth, I will listen to you from now on.”

“Let me go.” Li Yunli’s voice was heavy with emotion, trapped in despair. She forced an excuse, “It hurts…”

Yun Chu immediately released her, his eyes filled with concern as he glanced at her wounds from the wolf attack. “You… it still hurts? A lot?”

As soon as he let go, Li Yunli felt an unexpected emptiness, and her tears became unstoppable.

Seeing her in such pain, Yun Chu quickly reached for the bowl of herbal medicine, wanting to redress her wounds.

“There’s not much medicine left. I’ll be quick. Bear with it for a bit.”

He reached to remove the old bandages on her wound, carefully supporting her shoulder.

As he stood up, Li Yunli noticed that his own waist was also wrapped in makeshift bandages—just a simple layer of cloth, a dark blue scrap of fabric from who-knows-where, already soaked in blood but barely visible.

She suddenly recalled the moment when she still had some consciousness, aware of the danger of the wolves.

So, he wasn’t as invincible as he had seemed—he hadn’t taken down all four wolves unscathed. He had thrown on that ragged coat just to cover up his own injuries.

Her heart ached, and she covered her mouth, breaking into sobs.

Hearing her cry, Yun Chu turned back in a panic, unsure what he had done wrong.

This was the first time he had seen Li Yunli so vulnerable. No matter how difficult things had been before, she had never shed a tear. He had no idea how to deal with this, and the pain in his heart was unbearable.

Holding the medicine, he hesitated to move, standing by the bed, wanting to embrace her.

But he dared not.

Unexpectedly, Li Yunli buried herself in his arms, weeping softly.

“I don’t want to love you anymore… I don’t want to love you…”

Her words shattered him. Yun Chu let out a bitter, silent laugh, tilting his head back. He reached out and gently stroked her head resting against his waist.

“Then… can you at least hate me? At least, don’t forget me.” His self-deprecating smile carried a trace of quiet sorrow. “Just like I once did… Back then, I really did hate you.”

“I hate you…” Li Yunli choked on her sobs. “I hate you…”

“Good.” Yun Chu’s response was barely audible. “Then hate me well.”

Regret and sorrow consumed him like an endless night, flooding his heart, drowning him entirely—cold, and inescapable.

For the first time, Yun Chu realized he had been loved all along.

But by now, it was too late.

“Li Yunli, you must not forget tonight.”

—

“Your Highness? Your Highness?”

Cool fingers touched Li Yunli’s burning forehead, then a cold towel was placed on her skin.

Her consciousness wavered, and before she even opened her eyes, she first felt the softness of the bedding beneath her.

She was in bed?

“Ah! Your Highness, you’re finally awake!”

Zhi Hui caught the towel that had slipped down due to Li Yunli’s movement, her voice filled with relief.

Li Yunli’s head was heavy, her body weak.

She propped herself up to sit, when a gentle male voice spoke beside her:

“Your Highness, please rest a bit longer. You’ve been too exhausted these past few days and suddenly fainted. You really scared me.”

Lifting her head slightly, she saw Yun Chu sitting by her bedside, having pulled a chair over.

Li Yunli exhaled slowly.

It felt like she had just woken up from a very, very long dream.

The emotions from the dream still lingered. When she first opened her eyes and found herself in bed, she almost thought she was still dreaming.

She reached up, adjusting the towel on her forehead. “What happened? What time is it now?”

Zhi Hui replied, “Ya Xiang is preparing medicine. The physician came by and said that Your Highness likely never fully recovered from your last cold. You must have caught another chill, and the archery practice drained your energy. You didn’t realize you had a fever and fainted. You really scared this servant!”

Li Yunli’s head still felt foggy. She was cold, likely due to the fever.

She asked again, “How long was I asleep? What’s happening in Weishui?”

“Your Highness, please don’t worry. You’ve only slept for less than two hours. General Xiao has been coordinating the disaster relief efforts with the Qingnian sect and has now gone to rally the troops. It’s still early.”

Li Yunli glanced out the window—it was completely dark outside.

Her mind was a mess, like a pot of tangled thoughts she couldn’t sort out.

She needed time to think.

“Zhi Hui, I feel cold. Go and prepare a warm water bottle.”

Zhi Hui quickly left.

Li Yunli turned to Yun Chu, who was still sitting beside her, and hesitated before trying to come up with a way to send him away too.

But Yun Chu stood up first and said, “Now that Your Highness is awake, General Xiao might need some help. I should go assist him.”

“Alright, go ahead,” Li Yunli said, surprised by how cooperative he was. “I don’t need anyone here.”

Moments later, she was alone in the room.

She closed her eyes, exhaling slowly.

Was the person in the dream really her?

If it wasn’t, it shouldn’t have been the original owner of this body either—otherwise, why had she spoken about “going home” and how arriving here was an accident?

The way that person spoke and acted felt more like herself—an outsider.

But if that was truly her, why did she have no memory of those events?

Could it have been just a dream—just a reflection of her overthinking during the day, manifesting as an illusion?

Her fevered brain struggled to make sense of it all.

And besides, she truly had no desire to be intimate with Yun Chu. Dreaming about it was… inappropriate.

Her thoughts spiraled, and she almost drifted off again.

Just then, Zhi Hui returned with the warm bottle, tucking it under the blanket at her feet before bringing over a bowl of medicine.

“Your Highness, take the medicine and rest. You can deal with these invitations tomorrow.”

Li Yunli noticed a stack of documents on her desk.

“What invitations?”

“Now that the blockade on Yongzhou has been lifted, many noble families have sent invitations to meet Your Highness.”

Li Yunli sipped her medicine, then paused. “The blockade is lifted? People can come and go freely now?”

“Yes. Now, anyone entering the city only needs to have their identity checked by the local authorities.”

Li Yunli frowned. “Then Zhilan should be back soon as well.”

She picked up the invitations, flipping through them quickly.

One in particular caught her attention.

It was from Wu You—the Taoist priest who had told her she could find answers in Yongzhou.

Her grip on the invitation tightened.

“Keep these two,” she said, setting aside Wu You’s and another one. “Return the rest with the excuse that I’m too busy.”