Chapter 023

After trying it once, she found herself liking skirts more and more.

Over the next few days, Zhenzhen wore skirts regularly, picking ones she liked based on her mood.

Shi Huaiming made no comment on her outfits—neither approval nor disapproval—just let her dress however she liked.

But whenever Zhenzhen ran into Wu Dafeng, Wu Dafeng would always say she looked terrible in those clothes and told her to stop wearing them.

She’d say, “Dressing like that every day—what are you even trying to do? You don’t look like a proper woman trying to live a decent life!”

Every time Zhenzhen heard that, she couldn’t help but feel awkward and embarrassed.

So in the following days, she started intentionally avoiding Wu Dafeng, not wanting to hear her nag anymore.

On Sunday, she didn’t go look for Wu Dafeng like she normally would. When Wu Dafeng came to find her, she used the excuse of being busy and didn’t go out.

Watching Wu Dafeng walk off with her needlework, Zhenzhen went back to her room to rest for a while, then headed over to Shi Huaiming’s room and sat down.

To Zhenzhen, Shi Huaiming’s room was like a classroom—a place where she needed to be serious and focused. So she kept a blank face, said nothing, and reached for her notebook to start practicing her handwriting.

Shi Huaiming had a thick book in his hands.

After watching Zhenzhen for a moment, he asked, “Had a falling out with Wu Dafeng?”

She usually went to see Wu Dafeng on Sundays, so it was unusual for her to be here instead.

Hearing him speak, Zhenzhen looked up and replied simply, “I didn’t argue with her. It’s just that every time she sees me, she says I look awful in what I’m wearing and nags a lot. I just… don’t want to hear it anymore.”

She knew Wu Dafeng meant no harm, but still couldn’t help being bothered by it.

As long as there wasn’t a real falling-out, that was good.

Shi Huaiming nodded and didn’t press further.

Dressing up nicely and being told you look terrible all the time—anyone would feel a bit upset.

He didn’t say anything more to Zhenzhen, either. He turned his eyes back to his book and kept reading.

Zhenzhen, knowing better than to bother him with idle chatter, kept quiet as well. She sat beside him, silently copying complex Chinese characters. It was both handwriting practice and a way to reinforce memory through repetition.

The room was quiet.

The sound of Zhenzhen’s pencil scratching against the paper was the only thing breaking the silence.

After a while, Shi Huaiming flipped a page of his book.

Having him nearby made Zhenzhen naturally tense up, so her writing became even more meticulous.

But after copying all the difficult characters once, she suddenly remembered—today was Sunday.

Sunday was her rest day. She didn’t have to be as nervous and uptight as she was on school days.

Realizing this, she gradually relaxed and sneaked a glance at Shi Huaiming.

Seeing him deeply absorbed in his book and not paying attention to her at all, she grew bolder and turned her head slightly to quietly study his profile.

Shi Huaiming had a striking side profile. A high-bridged nose, eyes cast downward—his features were sharp, though a bit cold.

Zhenzhen stared at him for a while, a little dazed—until Shi Huaiming suddenly turned his head.

Their eyes met. She’d been caught.

Zhenzhen didn’t panic. She blinked, then calmly averted her gaze.

Pretending nothing had happened, she suppressed her heartbeat and went back to finding another character to write.

Shi Huaiming looked at her for a moment longer, then withdrew his gaze and said nothing.

After a brief pause, he reached for another book and handed it to her. “You already know a good number of characters. Try reading a book now. This one’s a novel—a story—so it should be easier.”

Zhenzhen looked at the title on the cover and softly read aloud: “Song of Youth…”

She opened the cover, and Shi Huaiming continued, “If there are characters you don’t recognize, try to guess them from context. You can also mark them with a pencil. I’ll add pinyin for you later when I have time.”

“Okay.” Zhenzhen nodded and kept flipping.

When she got to the first chapter, she saw a page full of dense text. She couldn’t help but read aloud softly:
“In the early morning, a Ping-Shen express train departing eastward from Beiping sped through the vast, verdant fields…”

When she came across characters she couldn’t read, she’d gloss over them and mark them lightly with her pencil.

After listening to her read a couple of lines aloud, Shi Huaiming spoke again: “I’m not asking you to read out loud—I want you to try reading, not just recognizing words. The goal isn’t just to know what the characters are. That’s secondary. What matters is whether you understand what the book is saying.”

Zhenzhen turned to look at him, then nodded again. “Okay.”

Shi Huaiming made it sound easy, but for Zhenzhen it was actually quite hard.

First she had to recognize the characters, then string them into coherent sentences, and only after that could she begin to comprehend their meaning. She couldn’t just skim and understand immediately.

She spent the whole morning on it, and only finished the first chapter.

But even that single chapter took a lot of effort to absorb.

She did manage to get the gist of it, though.

It told the story of a female student named Lin Daojing who brought a bunch of musical instruments with her and took a train from Beiping to Beidaihe. She was headed to Yangzhuang to find her cousin, but when she arrived, he was no longer there.

After she summarized the plot, Shi Huaiming nodded in approval. “Mm, not bad.”

Zhenzhen couldn’t help but feel happy. Holding her pencil, she turned back to the first page and pointed to something she really couldn’t figure out. She asked Shi Huaiming, “What does this mean?”

Shi Huaiming glanced at it and replied, “Xiao Miss—‘Miss’ comes from the English word miss, meaning young lady.”

Zhenzhen nodded, then pointed to two characters further down the page and asked, “What about these?”

Shi Huaiming looked again. “Shilian—heartbreak. It means a man and a woman were dating, but for some reason, they couldn’t be together anymore and broke up. That’s called heartbreak.”

Zhenzhen looked at him for a moment, then asked, “Dating… being in love… how do people date?”

Shi Huaiming turned his gaze away, thought for a while, then looked at her and said, “Two people who like each other confess their feelings and get together, but they’re not married yet—that’s dating. As for how to date… I’ve never done it myself.”

Zhenzhen stared at him, as if she finally understood something.

Dating was supposed to be a free choice, two people getting together because they liked each other. But she and Shi Huaiming were in an arranged marriage.

Because of her, Shi Huaiming had never dated someone he truly liked.

Once married, you couldn’t date anymore.

After hesitating for a moment, Zhenzhen mustered her courage and asked, “Then… have you ever liked anyone?”

Shi Huaiming didn’t hesitate. He shook his head. “No.”

When he was young, his entire focus was on studying. He had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and wanted nothing more than to learn. He hadn’t met anyone he liked, and he hadn’t had time to think seriously about love either. Then Zhong Minfen arranged for him to marry Zhenzhen.

After they married, he went off to war. During that time, his mind was filled with the nation’s affairs—he didn’t have room for personal matters like love.

When he returned, quite a few people tried to set him up with someone, but he was always upfront: he had a wife back in the countryside. He never got involved with anyone else.

Zhenzhen gently bit her lip and nodded, not asking any more questions.

Glancing at the clock, she closed the book and said, “It’s time to make lunch.”

But Shi Huaiming stopped her. “No need to cook today. If there’s anything else you don’t understand, ask me now. I’ll go to the canteen and bring food back later.”

She knew he placed more importance on studying.

Hearing this, Zhenzhen stayed seated. She opened the book again and continued pointing out things she didn’t understand, asking Shi Huaiming one by one.

By the time she had finished asking her questions, it was almost lunchtime. Shi Huaiming stood up and went to the canteen to get food.

Zhenzhen stayed home and read a few more lines.

As she read, she followed along with the story’s events: Why did she—the main character—come to the countryside all alone? Why did she seek out her cousin? Why was she so sad?

These questions became what drew her further into the story.

When Shi Huaiming returned with food, Zhenzhen put the book down.

She washed her hands, then sat down to eat with him. As they ate, she asked, “Are all the stories in books true? Did someone write down their own story?”

Shi Huaiming explained patiently, “Many stories are fictional. But this one is based on the author’s personal experiences. It’s a semi-autobiographical novel.”

Zhenzhen nodded and asked, “Since Lin Daojing’s cousin isn’t in the countryside, what’s she going to do next?”

Shi Huaiming looked at her. “Do you want me to tell you, or do you want to find out for yourself?”

Zhenzhen thought for a moment, then said, “I’ll read it myself.”

Reading a book yourself did feel different from having someone tell you the story.

Shi Huaiming naturally supported her choice and added, “The same book will give different people different feelings. Everyone focuses on different things and interprets it differently. Once you’re done reading, we can talk about it.”

Two people discussing a book together—wasn’t that the kind of romance Li Shuang talked about?

Zhenzhen smiled even more brightly and looked at Shi Huaiming. “Okay!”

So after lunch, instead of doing anything else, she went back to Shi Huaiming’s room to keep reading.

The two of them sat side by side, each holding a book. There was no music, no coffee, but Zhenzhen still found it incredibly romantic. It was a kind of quiet joy she had never imagined before.

In that atmosphere, Zhenzhen read with extra focus.

Around two-thirty, a knock sounded at the door, finally breaking her concentration.

Shi Huaiming got up to open the door and saw that it was Awen.

He knew Awen—she worked as a shop assistant at the provisions store—but he wasn’t familiar with her.

Before she could speak, he asked first, “Here for Zhenzhen?”

Awen smiled politely. “Yes, I was hoping to see if she’s free to come out and hang out.”

Back when she had asked Li Shuang to set her up with Shi Huaiming, Li Shuang had found out he was married and dropped the idea. So now, standing in front of Shi Huaiming, Awen didn’t feel awkward at all.

Shi Huaiming didn’t answer directly. He turned back and called, “Someone’s here to see you.”

Zhenzhen closed her book and came out to see Awen, pleasantly surprised. “What brings you here?”

Awen smiled and asked again, “Want to hang out for a bit? Are you free?”

Zhenzhen turned to glance at Shi Huaiming. “Can I go out for a bit?”

Shi Huaiming never interfered with what Zhenzhen did on Sundays. He nodded, “Go ahead.”

Zhenzhen immediately lit up like a bird released from a cage and happily followed Awen out.

Awen led her next door to fetch Li Shuang. “I already got our Xiaomianhua ball out—come on!”

“Coming!” Li Shuang replied, and soon came out too, shutting her door behind her.

Zhenzhen asked curiously, “Where are we going?”

Li Shuang replied, “Let’s go have coffee. There’s a café right on campus.”

She was past the early stages of pregnancy now and finally felt better—more in the mood to do things.

Zhenzhen felt completely at ease following Li Shuang and Awen, letting them take the lead.

The three of them didn’t go far, just headed straight to the campus café, ordered some coffee, and sat down to chat.

As Li Shuang slowly stirred her coffee, she said, “If we want to be fancy about it, this is called afternoon tea.”

Awen laughed. “Let’s not get too fancy now.”

Zhenzhen still wasn’t used to the taste of coffee, so she added quite a bit of sugar and milk.

As they drank their coffee and chatted casually, Zhenzhen couldn’t help but feel that Awen seemed a little different today. She asked, “Do you have some good news?”

Awen was caught off guard, then laughed. “You can tell?”

Zhenzhen smiled as well. “Your complexion is different—you look like you’re glowing with happiness.”

Before Awen could respond, Li Shuang quietly chimed in for her, “She’s in love!”

It was a bit embarrassing. A flush crept up Awen’s face as she playfully swatted Li Shuang.

That morning, Shi Huaiming had just explained what being in love meant to Zhenzhen.

Now, feeling the sweetness radiating from Awen, Zhenzhen couldn’t help but smile with her.

So this was what falling in love felt like—so sweet and wonderful.

It was a shame she’d never experienced it herself.

And Shi Huaiming hadn’t either. He must feel a sense of regret.

Arranged marriages under the old traditions—so terribly unfair.

Li Shuang, unfazed by the swat, went on, “I was still trying to set someone up with you, and you ended up finding someone yourself.”

Awen took a sip of coffee, her voice soft and sweet. “When fate arrives, there’s no stopping it.”

Li Shuang laughed. “Look how pleased you are.”

After a bit of playful banter, Zhenzhen asked Awen, “So who is he?”

Smiling, Awen replied, “He’s also an officer in the military. I’ve always wanted to marry someone in the service.”

Li Shuang raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like your dream came true.”

Zhenzhen smiled too, her voice warm. “That’s wonderful.”

Still basking in happiness, Awen added a few more details. Then she turned to Zhenzhen and asked, “What about you? You’ve changed so much lately. Has Shi Huaiming’s attitude toward you changed too?”

Zhenzhen nodded. “Yes, it has.”

Awen leaned in, curious. “Did you two sleep together?”

Zhenzhen looked at Awen, then glanced at Li Shuang.

Under their eager gazes, she shook her head. “I feel like… he’s become more serious around me. And he’s even stricter when it comes to my studies.”

Li Shuang and Awen: “…”

Their smiles disappeared in perfect sync.

They exchanged glances, then looked back at Zhenzhen.

Not wanting the atmosphere to turn awkward, Zhenzhen gave a small laugh. “He really doesn’t care about how I look or dress.”

Li Shuang took a sip of her coffee. “But even your presence and how you speak have changed a lot.”

She was definitely more confident and composed than when she first arrived.

Sensing that Zhenzhen didn’t want to dwell on the topic, Li Shuang put down her cup and said, “Well, let’s forget about him. As long as you’re happy, that’s what matters. If he’s not in a hurry, why should we be, right?”

Awen nodded. “And if he does start to feel anxious one day, Mianhua—give him a hard time for us.”

Zhenzhen couldn’t imagine Shi Huaiming ever getting flustered.

He just wasn’t that kind of person—especially not over her.

But she smiled, looking at the two of them. “Mm. I’m not in a rush right now.”

And with that, the topic moved on.

The three of them continued chatting over coffee, some things Zhenzhen could follow, some she couldn’t.

When she didn’t understand, she just asked directly, and both Li Shuang and Awen would patiently explain.

After they finished their coffee and left the café, the three took a walk around campus.

Their walk led them to the sports field, where they happened to see Shi Huaiming, He Shuo, and Old Zhou playing basketball with a group of others.

They strolled over to the court and stood by to watch for a while.

Zhenzhen didn’t really understand basketball, so Li Shuang and Awen gave her a quick explanation.

They weren’t experts either, but in simple terms, it was two teams chasing after a ball, trying to get it into the opposing team’s basket—that was how you scored points.

Zhenzhen understood.

She looked back at the court and asked, “So who’s the best player?”

Li Shuang, without hesitation, said, “My He Shuo is the best.”

Awen chimed in, “But among them, Shi Huaiming definitely stands out the most—he’s the tallest and the most—”

Before she could finish, Li Shuang shot her a look that made her swallow the rest of her words.

Awen chuckled, “Guess some truths are best left unsaid…”

Zhenzhen laughed along, then turned her eyes back to the court.

Just then, she saw Shi Huaiming make a basket. She grabbed Awen’s arm excitedly. “He scored, he scored!”

Awen nodded, “I saw, I saw.”

Zhenzhen was starting to get into it.

She clung to Awen’s arm and kept watching intently. She saw the men running back and forth across the court, and then He Shuo caught the ball, took a few steps, and made a shot.

Zhenzhen cried out excitedly, “He scored again!”

Awen: “Mm-hmm, I saw, I saw.”

But unlike Shi Huaiming, He Shuo was showy about it.

Grinning, he stretched out his arms and ran across the court. Spotting Li Shuang on the sidelines, he ran straight toward her and gave her a big hug, totally unabashed.

Li Shuang’s eyes went wide with shock.

A few people on the court started cheering and hooting, but He Shuo just jogged back like nothing had happened.

Awen and Zhenzhen both glanced at Li Shuang, then silently raised their hands to shield their faces.

Li Shuang’s cheeks turned bright red, but she held her ground and didn’t move.

Seeing that Awen and Zhenzhen were embarrassed for her, Li Shuang playfully gave each of them a light thump on the shoulder.

Only then did she clear her throat and say, “Let’s go.”

Awen lowered her hand and looked at her. “You’re not watching anymore?”

Li Shuang’s face was still flushed, but her voice remained steady. “What’s there to see? Let’s go.”

With that, she turned and walked off.

Awen and Zhenzhen followed after her. As Zhenzhen turned, she glanced back at the court and quickly spotted Shi Huaiming. Then she turned away again and caught up with Awen.

After that little scene on the basketball court, Li Shuang wasn’t in the mood to stroll around anymore.

She brought Awen and Zhenzhen back to her place. Once home, they sat down, drank some water, and took a breather.

Awen made herself at home.

Noticing the record player on the tall side table near the sofa, she immediately ran over, opened the record case, picked a record she liked, and put it on.

As the music began to play, she returned to the sofa, sat down, and hummed along.

After a few lines, she asked Li Shuang, “You brought this over too?”

Li Shuang motioned toward Zhenzhen with her chin. “Brought it over for Xiaomianhua to enjoy.”

Awen let out a snort. “You’re so good to Xiaomianhua. Why don’t I ever get that kind of treatment?”

Li Shuang replied, “I’m not good to you? Ungrateful thing.”

The three of them kept chatting and joking around, laughing and teasing each other for a while.

They listened to five songs while talking. Then Awen glanced at the time and stood up. “It’s about time. We’ve had our fun—let’s call it a day. I’m heading home. See you, comrades!”

Li Shuang and Zhenzhen got up with her.

Li Shuang said, “Why not stay for dinner?”

But Awen didn’t want to stay. “I’m not eating that cafeteria food of yours.”

Hearing this, Zhenzhen tugged on her sleeve. “I can cook. Want to eat at my place instead?”

Though Awen was definitely curious about Zhenzhen’s cooking, she still shook her head decisively. “I’ll eat at home.”

It wasn’t just Zhenzhen living there—Shi Huaiming was there too.

Not wanting Li Shuang or Zhenzhen to try to persuade her, Awen made a quick exit.

Zhenzhen saw it was getting late and didn’t linger at Li Shuang’s place either. After saying goodbye, she returned to her own home.

Once inside with the door shut, she walked with such lightness and joy, she seemed to flutter like a butterfly.

She tied on an apron in the kitchen and began cooking, softly humming a tune without realizing it.

When she got really into the rhythm, even her chopping matched the beat.

She was so immersed in her own world that she didn’t hear Shi Huaiming come in.

Still humming, she finished chopping the vegetables and turned around—only to be startled when she suddenly saw Shi Huaiming standing in the kitchen doorway, watching her.

She jumped slightly and quickly said, “I’m cooking dinner. It’ll be ready soon!”

Shi Huaiming gave a low “Mm” and said, “I’m going to take a shower first.”

Then he turned and left.

Zhenzhen stayed in the kitchen, now focused on cooking without humming.

The meal was simple and homey. Just as she finished cooking, Shi Huaiming finished his shower.

She brought the dishes to the table. The two of them sat down to eat.

Zhenzhen didn’t speak first. Shi Huaiming glanced at her, then asked, “You were at the basketball court earlier?”

He had obviously seen her there when He Shuo ran over and hugged Li Shuang. Zhenzhen hadn’t been paying attention to him at the time, just like everyone else—her eyes were on Li Shuang and He Shuo.

Upon hearing his question, Zhenzhen quickly nodded. “I watched you all play for a bit.”

She answered politely and simply, then didn’t say more.

Shi Huaiming looked at her, as if wanting to continue the conversation, but after a moment of silence, he said nothing.

Zhenzhen felt that something was off and tried to guess what was wrong. After a second’s thought, she hurried to say, “I’ll go study as soon as I finish eating!”

Shi Huaiming blinked at her, a little stunned—he hadn’t meant that at all.

After a pause, he lowered his eyes and said, “Okay.”

–

Zhenzhen kept her word. After dinner, she immediately went to Shi Huaiming’s room, sat down, and opened Youth’s Song.

On the first page, she noticed that all the unfamiliar characters she had marked were now annotated with pinyin, written in pencil.

The handwriting was Shi Huaiming’s. Clearly, he had written it for her.

Zhenzhen couldn’t help but smile as she looked at the pinyin, and she started reading from the beginning again.

This time, it went much more smoothly. Her imagination began to flourish—images filled her mind: a bright-eyed young girl, a train billowing white steam, an endless ocean, curling smoke from distant chimneys…

By bedtime, Zhenzhen put down the book, said goodnight to Shi Huaiming, and went to wash up before heading to bed.

After she lay down and turned off the light, wrapped in the deep silence of night, her thoughts swirled: Awen’s eyes, full of sweet joy; Li Shuang’s face flushed red from He Shuo’s embrace…

She blinked and thought quietly to herself—This must be what love is.

–

In Shi Huaiming’s room:

After Zhenzhen left, he didn’t go wash up or sleep.

He finished the book he’d been reading, then reached for Youth’s Song—the same book Zhenzhen had been reading. He flipped to the sections she had read that evening and began annotating each unfamiliar character with pinyin.

For some of the more difficult words, he added simple explanations in the margins.

Once he finished the parts she had read, he paused, holding his pencil for a moment.

Then, rather than closing the book, he flipped ahead a few more pages—based on what he knew of her reading level—and began annotating them in advance.

Under the lamplight, he wrote slowly and carefully, stroke by stroke.

Worried that she wouldn’t be able to read his handwriting, he made sure not to use any cursive strokes.

The previously blank margins of the pages slowly filled up with his neat writing.

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Author’s Note:
① Excerpts from Youth’s Song by Yang Mo.