Episode 29: Alec’s Anxiety

Alec returned to the guest room about an hour later. Afrosa, pretending to be asleep, lay turned away from him and didn’t react to his presence. After removing his jacket and vest, he loosened his cravat and approached her. Afrosa clenched her eyes shut and lightly curled her hands into fists. Every time he drew closer, a strong scent of whiskey accompanied him.

“I love you. I love you, Rose.”

He loomed over her as though ready to devour her, but refrained from pressing his weight on her, crouching instead. It felt as though she were trapped in a vast cavern. His damp breath touched her earlobe, mixed with the faint warmth of whiskey. Afrosa’s tightly shut eyes tensed even further.

A heavy groan echoed near her ear as his lips grazed her earlobe, biting and sucking on it. Afrosa opened her eyes.

As she turned her body to face him, his lips immediately descended toward hers. When she shook her head to avoid his forceful kiss, he buried his face in her neck. Her hands pushed against his chest, but he caught them, pinning her wrists to the floor with an overwhelming strength that refused to relent.

A moist tongue licked her neck. She shuddered at the wet flesh dragging across her smooth, pale skin, goosebumps erupting in its wake. The tickling sensation sent shivers down to her toes. Alec’s lips pressed against her collarbone, his teeth scraping and marking her white flesh with deliberate intensity.

She felt his arousal brush against her knee. Afrosa’s body convulsed involuntarily, which made Alec’s sharp eyes glint coldly. He seemed irritated by her reaction, as though she were responding to the touch of a stranger rather than her own husband. Yet Afrosa genuinely didn’t understand her own feelings, tinged with a small trace of fear.

Even though he was her husband, with whom she’d been intimately involved for so long, she couldn’t suppress the unease. In their newlywed days, she had embraced him with joy, no matter the place—be it the fields or a mill. His constant touches hadn’t felt unwelcome, and nothing about him had ever seemed foreign.

But now, now it felt suffocating. Was it because of the sheer force he exerted? She didn’t know.

“Stop it. Stop, Alec. Please…!”

“There’s no reason for you to say no. You can’t have a reason to refuse me, Rose.”

“Ah! Let go—let go of my wrists!”

She twisted her wrists, shouting. A dark and menacing shadow clouded Alec’s steely eyes. He released her wrists only to grip her chest. His large, thick fingers kneaded her ample breasts.

Afrosa flinched in disgust, striking his hands with the back of her own.

“Don’t touch my body!”

She screamed like a woman being harassed by a stranger. Alec, who had been groping her and grinding against her lower half, froze. Afrosa abruptly sat up and pushed him away.

She retreated, sliding backward on the floor as she glared at him. Her eyes were already brimming with tears, her trembling hands clutching her chest. Her lips quivered as tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Rose.”

“What’s wrong with you? What are you doing?”

“What about you?”

“What did I do?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You told me not to touch you.”

“That’s because—”

“You’re mine.”

“……”

“You’re my wife. If anyone dares to treat you as if you’re a stolen woman, I’ll tear their insides out and chew on their bones.”

His once smooth and composed face began to distort. Afrosa stared into the flames flickering in his steel-gray eyes. The surface of his ash-like gaze was rough and ominous. It was a strange desire, an incomprehensible obsession.

She found herself wondering if this was necessary. If the baby weren’t in the picture, would he be less attached to her? The thought surfaced unbidden.

But first, she needed to calm her husband. This was an important time. She didn’t want to be a hindrance to him. She didn’t want to become something unnecessary that would shake his resolve. She wanted, as much as possible, to remain quiet.

She wanted to be like his faint shadow—something sought, yet unsought.

“You smell like alcohol.”

“……”

“I don’t like the smell of alcohol. Neither does the baby.”

She gently caressed her flat stomach as she whispered. The tormented, twisted expression on Alec’s handsome face slowly smoothed out.

Afrosa quietly looked down at him. Just as she had, Alec’s eyes began to glisten. He crawled toward her and took her small hand in his.

“You’re all I have.”

He kissed the back of her hand, murmuring with desperation. Her chest ached. Afrosa wiped her eyes as she gazed at him. He pressed his lips to the blue-veined surface of her hand repeatedly, rubbing his cheek against it as he whispered.

“I can’t live without you, Rose.”

“……”

“I can’t do it. I just can’t. Rose, I can’t survive a single moment without you. Life without you… I’d rather die. I’d kill everyone, and then I’d die too, Rose. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Rubbing his cheek against her hand like a wounded animal, he finally began to cry. This time, it wasn’t just a slightly wet voice—it was a genuine sob. Afrosa’s heart ached terribly.

For a fleeting moment, she hated herself for having even considered leaving him. How could she think of leaving a man like this? It was truly pitiful.

And there was the baby, too. How could she even imagine raising a child without its father? As he clung to her, sobbing, she reached out to stroke his hair.

“Hold me.”

Alec’s voice was hoarse. Afrosa opened her arms. The 194 cm-tall man curled into her chest like a child. Afrosa ran her fingers through his fine black hair, trying to console him.

“Don’t cry. You’re a father now; fathers shouldn’t cry.”

“Promise me you won’t leave. Swear you’ll stay by my side forever.”

Though she had never said she would leave, Alec was already bracing himself against the idea of separation. Afrosa looked down at him with a strange expression but eventually nodded.

Alec insisted she say it aloud. After a long silence, as she stroked him, Afrosa reluctantly whispered, “Okay.” Even then, it didn’t seem to settle him entirely. He kissed her and, with his emotions still raw, sought intimacy with her that night.

“I want to go see the baby.”

Afrosa’s cheeks turned red. Alec, while subtly touching her chest, whispered in a low voice. Afrosa shook her head. She didn’t want to get carried away in a place that wasn’t their home.

“It’s been too long since we last did it.”

“Does it have to be now? Can’t we wait until we arrive in Dranberg?”

“I want to hold you now, Rose. I feel like I need to hold you to be reminded that I’m your husband.”

“What does that even mean?”

Afrosa asked irritably. Alec didn’t elaborate further. She could feel his hand slipping under her chemise. Surprised, Afrosa recoiled slightly but, upon seeing the wetness in his eyes, she reluctantly nodded.

She still didn’t fully understand what he meant about needing to feel like her husband, but he had never clung to her and sought her in this way before. She decided she could concede, even if just to comfort him.

As Afrosa subtly parted her tightly pressed legs, Alec quickly began removing his shirt. In what seemed like no time, he threw off his pants and positioned himself between her thighs.

“Mm…”

A sticky moan escaped Afrosa’s lips at his touch.

The man before her seemed a bit—no, quite a lot—unhinged as he rushed toward her. Afrosa tilted her head back as she felt him abruptly enter her without warning.

It was the first time he had ever been so unceremonious. No matter how urgent, he had always been gentle in preparing her. But not today. Afrosa gasped for breath, her chest heaving, as she embraced his head. His lips pressed hungrily against her chest.

He inhaled the scent of her skin as he harshly pulled down her neckline, almost tearing it apart.

“Huh!”

A moan escaped her lips, even though there was no particular stimulation beyond her décolleté being pulled down.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured as if entranced.

Afrosa gazed at her husband, who was staring at her now-exposed chest. At some point, Alec had become even more desperate when it came to her.

She couldn’t put her finger on it, but every glance, every word from him carried an urgency and desperation that hadn’t been there before. Even now, he had said things like he couldn’t live without her or that he’d rather die. She didn’t understand why he was saying these things.

Alec seemed unstable to her, and yet, deep in her heart, a sense of emptiness began to sprout.

“You’re beautiful, Rose. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

He seemed a little amusing, spouting words of admiration without even blushing. He had always tended to flatter her, albeit subtly, but recently, it had become excessive. Moreover, whenever he said such things, he looked somewhat uneasy, as if afraid Afrosa might disappear. Still, Afrosa hoped that, if such a day ever came, Alec wouldn’t suffer too much because of it.

“…Why do you say things like that?”

She withdrew the faint laugh she had let slip and stared at him quietly. Alec looked down at the woman who wouldn’t succumb to him and pressed himself closer.

“Ah…!”

Caught off guard as she watched him, Afrosa let out a high-pitched sound. In the glow of the lantern, his body appeared taut and solid. The massive figure, with muscles that seemed tightly interwoven, loomed over her imposingly.

The tense Afrosa hunched her shoulders. Alec braced himself, his arms gripping the sheet to keep his weight off his slender frame. Afrosa gasped in pain, her hand clutching his chest. Alec, who had been moving languidly, buried his face in her chest.

Even though she hadn’t given birth, her skin seemed to emanate a sweet, milky scent. Alec held the pale, supple Afrosa close and moved his hips. Afrosa, nestled against him, buried her face in his broad shoulder and whimpered.

“Ugh, hic, sob!”

Every time he surged into her, a tingling sensation spread through her, warming her from head to toe. Afrosa, her thighs spread wide enough to tear, welcomed him, her nails raking his back.

She didn’t care that she’d be left with red marks in the morning, like a cat had clawed her. Afrosa, her face flushed with lust, whimpered and clung to his neck. Alec pulled her away, wanting to see how she responded to his movements.

Her white face, flushed like an apple, swayed in time with his movements. Her slender waist and flat belly, which didn’t betray any sign of pregnancy.

He was madly in love with her, every inch of her beautiful and lovable. The thought of losing her filled him with a chilling terror.

Alec, watching her body flush red in patches, picked up her limp finger and put it in his mouth. Her white finger was small and slender, like a toy.

“Ah, hic, ugh, ah!”

Afrosa trembled uncontrollably, biting her lip. Alec spat out her finger and held her slender frame. She was sweet and lovely. He felt an urge to bite even the nasal sounds that scattered around her ears.

He pressed on, stimulating her wildly, and Afrosa cried out like a cat. She was like a cute cat clinging to him. From then on, Alec moved his hips rapidly.