Chapter 63: Unfading Memories

She didn’t want to rely on the pretense he offered her; she wanted to elevate her dignity on her own.

And yet…

“No matter what, I would never want to be a slave’s maid. Oh, but of course, you’re not a slave anymore, right? Or are you? What’s that? The Countess of Rendville? Still a slave, you say? My, how shocking.”

Lara still couldn’t forget the shock of that moment. It was etched so deeply in her memory that she was certain she would remember it even in the afterlife. Words that wounded her soul slumbered beneath a locked gate, emerging from time to time to cut her anew.

“Lunch? Who’d attend a luncheon—or any event at all—hosted by her? Imagine, a slave presiding over a garden party. It’s laughable! No matter how the world changes, this is simply too much.”

Regardless of status, they always attacked Lara’s origins. Whatever she tried to accomplish, no matter what she resolved to achieve, she was met with rejection from the start.

In the bustling, crowded capital of Travis, she had no allies. Not a single one.

No one accepted her—not when she lost her first child, nor when rumors spread in society that her second child, Loras, had been poisoned and rendered an imbecile.

People were more regretful that the child hadn’t died. They gossiped that Lara’s greed had brought punishment upon her children.

“The poor child. It’s paying the price for its mother’s avarice. Honestly, it would’ve been better if the child had died. To live as an imbecile? Life is hard enough when you’re born normal. Imagine how His Majesty must suffer because of that child.”

“Indeed. If the child had simply passed away, the First Empress might have abandoned her lingering regrets and returned to where she came from.”

“Where she came from?”

“The Second Empress’s family home, of course.”

“Oh, what a dreadful joke….”

“It’s not a joke, it’s the truth, isn’t it? Are you scolding me while laughing, madam?”

The mocking laughter, shrill and exaggerated, echoed in her ears. It gave her a headache. Lara stumbled, pale-faced, and glared at him.

Tears welled in her eyes, then trickled down her cheeks. Alec’s blood-stained hand trembled as it reached for her face, but Lara slapped it away harshly. She crossed her arms and took a step back.

“I want to leave you.”

“…What?”

Alec asked weakly, his voice trembling with disbelief. His expression was that of a man who hadn’t fully comprehended what he’d just heard. Lara met his gaze for a moment before lowering her eyes to the floor. She had already planned to leave him once he had secured his position in Dranberg.

She wasn’t afraid to turn her back on him anymore, not when her child was no longer a burden. It was a decision she never would have made in the past.

In her previous life, the fear of losing him had kept her clinging to his sleeve. No matter how fierce the storm or how unbearable the pain, she couldn’t imagine living alone, filling the void he left behind. She couldn’t bear to see him take another woman as his bride, to love and be loved by her.

The mere thought of hearing such news through newspapers or gossip-filled mouths day after day was unbearable.

“He needs me.”

Valerie had been right. Alec needed her.

His political foundation was still weak, and he required strong allies to support him. The Marquis of Oppreese was the perfect political card for the role. The marquis was highly ambitious, and Valerie had long desired Alec.

“I have admired His Majesty for a long time. Even his mother, Empress Eloise, intended for me to become his wife. The only reason our engagement wasn’t finalized was due to her untimely passing before it could be arranged.”

Valerie had said this, even while Lara was pregnant with Alec’s child. She had spoken these words in front of Lara, who had become his wife before her.

“So, Afrosa… His Majesty isn’t your man. I didn’t steal your man; you stole mine. You have no right to feel wronged. I’m merely taking back what was mine in the first place.”

Word by word. Word by word.

The words were so sharp and piercing, it felt as though her eardrums were being scraped raw until they bled. If there had been even one contextually flawed statement—a part entirely wrong or stemming from a misunderstanding—she might have managed a retort. But there wasn’t.

The assertions, free of any mockery, were simple and straightforward. There hadn’t even been any abusive language, yet Lara had wept, her eyes turning red as tears streamed down her face.

As Valerie said, Alec had originally been her man. The Marquis of Oppreese had meticulously prepared his daughter for years, aiming to pair her with the most legitimate imperial heir. Valerie had been raised as his future wife and as the woman destined to be this nation’s empress.

Even if Alec hadn’t been officially engaged to her, if Valerie had grown up constantly hearing her father say, “Alec will be your husband,” she would have considered him hers.

What had Alec been doing while young Lady Oppreese had her feet washed by servants? Around that time, Lara often wondered such things. She had become the First Empress simply because she had found him, saved his life, shared her heart with him, and fallen deeply in love.

Whether they had a grand wedding ceremony or merely declared their union, Lara was Alec’s wife. They were each other’s first and last, wholly belonging to one another.

That bond… that legitimacy was something neither Valerie nor Gladys could challenge.

Being the First Empress of the Empire—his first wife and the most official of all consorts—was her rightful place. Yet even that… Even that, she feared, might be taken away.

Lara genuinely hated Valerie. She didn’t just fear her; she despised the ferocity with which Valerie seemed determined to deny her any claim to anything. She loathed the way Valerie sought to cast her down so entirely that she couldn’t even set foot in the imperial palace.

Lara had no one to rely on—not even her family. The justification for her presence in the palace was the title of the emperor’s first and longest-standing wife.

But even that role as the “First Wife” came with no real authority. All power over domestic matters and the management of the palace had long since been centralized under Valerie.

Even if Lara decided to learn the duties of an empress later on, there was no way Valerie would ever share those responsibilities with her. Accepting this, Lara had already resigned herself to a quiet life—prepared to live like a mouse, staying close to Alec without causing trouble, raising their child as unobtrusively as possible.

And yet….

“Lara.”

Alec rose and approached her. Slowly, Lara stepped back.

“I’ll return within a month,” she said.

“What do you mean by that?”

Alec grabbed her shoulders. Lara struggled to pull away, her lips trembling as she shook her head.

When she finally looked up, Alec was staring at her with a face that seemed like his entire world had shattered. His steel-gray eyes gleamed with a light that no longer seemed rational.

“We… we….”

“Where do you mean you’re returning to?”

“…Let me go.”

Here’s the English translation of the passage:

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“The child?”

Alec asked, addressing Lara as she twisted her shoulders to free herself from his grip. She no longer cared. None of it mattered anymore.

Rather than endure the sight of him becoming the husband of Valerie and Gladys, the father of their children, Lara would rather take her child and return to Lorang. Brother Dallace would make a wonderful grandfather. She wanted to live peacefully with him and raise her child in harmony.

She was tired of living in fear—constantly worried about when or who might harm her and her child. If she let go of him now, as Valerie had suggested, she would never live a life like the one she had before.

“I should have left you long ago… I should have turned back to the year I met you. But we were too late—”

“Don’t say such nonsense!”

His booming voice was like thunder. Startled, Lara looked up at him, her tear-streaked face pale. His expression, devoid of reason, was unrecognizable—almost inhuman.

She felt as though her neck was pinned under the claw of a beast. Swallowing her fear, she forced herself to speak again.

“I don’t understand why you’re acting like this.”

“Me? Lara, I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. What’s wrong? What’s the problem?”

“What’s the problem?”

Lara’s eyes widened at his question, fury rising within her. She felt as though she would go mad. The man who had regained his memories earlier than she had wore a bewildered expression. Glaring at him, she curled her lips in disdain and slapped his face.

“You really don’t know what the problem is? Truly, you… you…”

Alec turned his head slowly back toward her after the blow, a faint smile spreading across his face.

It was a smile of madness. Lara had seen that smile once before—when she told him she wanted to leave the imperial palace. When she said something that was essentially a request for a divorce. At that time, too, Alec had worn that same expression, those same eyes, as he tried to hold onto her.

“Divorce is not an option.”

His voice was low, almost growling. Lara remembered it well. She didn’t even have to think hard to predict his response. Alec had declared that divorce was absolutely out of the question. No matter what, he wouldn’t let her leave.

She couldn’t understand it. Lara wanted only one thing: to leave and live her life apart from him.

She didn’t need wealth or lifelong security. He didn’t have to provide her with anything. She just… she just wanted to live. She felt like she couldn’t survive as long as she remained by his side.

The people he had chosen despised her very existence, even her breathing. If it were something she could fix through effort or persuasion, she would have tried.

But how could she change the fact that she had been born a slave? That her deceased parents had been slaves of the Marquis of Oppreese? Even if she died and was reborn, she would have no choice in whose womb she was born or whose hands raised her.

“Divorce is not an option. It’s impossible. Say something else. Anything else, and I’ll do it.”

There was nothing else she wanted. It had always been the same, then and now.

Following Valerie’s advice, Lara wanted to leave while she still cherished her love for him. She didn’t want to remain entangled with Alec in this way, only to see their relationship fall apart even more.

“No, what I want is—”

“Lara, please. I was wrong. I made a mistake. I was wrong, Lara.”

He murmured, his voice trembling as though he might cry. Lara pushed against him, her own sobs restrained as his forehead pressed against hers. The more she tried to push him away, the more he tried to kiss her.

He lowered his head, attempting to claim her lips as she whispered words that cut like blades. Lara tilted her head back to avoid him, but Alec, unable to restrain himself, grabbed her and lifted her into his arms.

“Ah!”

Her slender frame collapsed onto the bed. Alec hastily tore open her neckline, pressing his lips to her heaving chest. His kisses on her pale, delicate skin felt more like weapons than affection.

Lara grabbed his hair, struggling to pull him away.

Alec, provoked by her resistance, pushed up the hem of her dress, rubbing his arousal against her thigh. Lara panted, her gaze fixed on him.

His eyes, glossy and wet, were filled with resentment. The suffocating intensity of the moment made her feel as though she was losing her mind.

“No! Get off me. Right now—”

“I can’t. I love your body so much it’s driving me insane.”

Alec muttered as he inhaled her scent, his hands wandering madly over her slender figure. He buried his face in her soft chest, licking her skin before opening his eyes half-lidded in ecstasy.

He was already preparing to force himself into her, his intentions clear.

Lara looked up at him in shock. Alec’s gaze briefly shifted to the slight swell of her belly, where the beginnings of a new life resided. Then, with unwavering resolve, he gripped her legs and positioned himself at her center.