Episode 65: Overwhelming Misery

Lara very slowly accepted his courtship. Alec put consistent effort into showing her that nothing about him had changed, that the man she once loved remained steadfastly by her side, unchanged.

Alec did everything in his power to reach her. Even on the days she refused to see him, he waited for her at the First Empress’s palace. What finally drove Lara to meet him again was her fear that, if she didn’t, he might return to Valerie.

She was slowly, so painstakingly, pulling herself out of despair when….

“Who told you to come in?”

Lara had been spending time with Alec at a small villa in the imperial palace, enjoying a rare moment of nostalgia.

The head maid of the Second Empress’s palace intruded into the villa, which was meant for only Lara and Alec, bringing what she claimed was joyous news.

Lara turned pale as a sheet in an instant. She tried to feign composure, unwilling to tremble in front of the maid, but the heat that rushed to her face refused to fade. Unable to bear looking at Alec, she turned her gaze to the window. Her heart pounded violently, as though it might burst.

That was when Lara learned that it was possible to retch until it felt like dying. In desperation, she turned to Alec, clutching at the faint hope that he might offer an explanation.

Alec glared at the maid as if he were a messenger from hell itself. His face was as pale as hers, and he seemed frozen with half-concealed fear.

Even with news of his wife’s pregnancy, his expression was one of terror. Lara’s rapidly beating heart began to slow as she looked at his troubled face.

Despite his attempts to maintain an air of authority, the emotions in his steely eyes betrayed his fear of being abandoned.

In that moment, Lara suddenly felt there was no reason for her to remain here with him. She felt a profound sense of humiliation for having believed that nothing had happened between Alec and Valerie during that time. She had thought Alec might have handled things wisely, in some other way.

Even though she knew it was unlikely, she hadn’t asked him anything, too afraid of the answer. There wasn’t even a scratch on his body—no marks on his wrists or arms to suggest any turmoil.

“Enough. Let’s go, Your Majesty. You must make haste to the Second Empress’s palace.”

“Rose,” Alec called softly, his voice tinged with fear as he watched Lara rise.

Lara turned her gaze to Valerie’s head maid, who stood unfazed even by the emperor’s stern tone.

She was a loyal servant, the kind who wouldn’t flinch even before the emperor’s anger if it meant securing her mistress’s happiness and glory.

Lara envied her. She didn’t wish for someone who would brave hellfire for her as the maid would for Valerie. She only wanted someone who would hold her hand.

She thought of the time when she struggled because she couldn’t find a maid to manage the palace. It had been a time made difficult by Valerie’s schemes. Lara, unable to handle even such a minor problem on her own, had been forced to seek Alec’s help.

She held her breath, biting her lip hard, and then spoke.

“The Second Empress must be waiting for you, Your Majesty. During the early stages of pregnancy, a husband’s care and love are especially important. And since this is her first child, I’m sure she would like your congratulations most of all.”

Lara forced a smile. If she didn’t smile, she might cry. But she didn’t want to show such weakness in front of Valerie’s pawn.

She wanted to cry immediately, but she knew what would happen if she did. Lady Rosyen had once told her that survival in this world meant holding on and enduring everything. If she wanted to survive amidst those who would tear her apart like wild dogs, she had to grit her teeth and live as the empress.

No matter what, she had to retain her dignity as a noblewoman. Lara had come to understand the sting of being looked down upon during that time.

Even if she ran out sobbing, it would only make her tomorrow’s gossip. That was exactly what Valerie wanted—to expose her festering wounds and seize her by the neck, tearing her apart.

So she would not cry. She would remain composed, graceful, and dignified as an empress. Even if she was born a slave, she intended to die an empress.

“Hurry now.”

She urged Alec, who remained motionless.

“Rose.”

Alec hesitated before her as if he had something to say.

“Shall we go together to congratulate the Second Empress?”

Alec’s expression hardened immediately. The head maid of the Second Empress’s palace also stiffened slightly, as though caught off guard. Lara didn’t miss the moment and smiled at her before stepping out of the cabin.

With every step she took, it felt as if pus oozed out from the festering wounds within her. Slowly, step by step, she walked, stepping over the puddles formed by the imaginary pus as she left the cabin. That was when Alec grabbed her arm.

“It’s fine.”

“…”

“I’ll go alone.”

He muttered softly. Lara pulled her arm free from his grip. She said nothing. Without replying, she got into the carriage and turned her head away.

That day, the Second Empress’s palace announced to the entire imperial court that she had conceived an heir.

The following year, she gave birth to a baby boy with black hair and steel-gray eyes, just like Alec.

Lara…. Lara was cradling Loras, who babbled softly, as Valerie gave birth to her son. Loras was slow in everything, a child who lagged behind.

He inherited Lara’s sandy-colored hair and blue eyes—traits that belonged solely to her.

Suddenly, she thought about the child she had lost, the son who had died before his birth.

The midwife who had prepared the tiny body for burial hadn’t described what the baby looked like. Even when Lara had broached the topic, the midwife only stroked her forehead, urging her not to dwell on the child.

But Lara still wondered. What had the baby looked like? Even after she became pregnant with Loras, she couldn’t stop imagining.

Had the baby inherited her sandy-colored hair? Were the child’s eyes the same shade of blue as Loras’s? Or had the baby taken after its father, with striking features and black hair?

“The child is said to have been born healthy,” Lady Rosyen briefly informed Lara, who was gazing out the window while holding Loras.

She added that Alec had gone to the Second Empress’s palace after attending to his official duties in the office.

“His Majesty won’t stay long, you know that,” Lady Rosyen continued. “After all, for His Majesty….”

“He should stay longer. He should stroke her forehead and hold her hand,” Lara replied.

“My lady…”

“You know how difficult childbirth is,” Lara said with a faint smile. “Even if Valerie is strong and healthy, giving birth is no easy feat.”

Lady Rosyen looked at her with a pained expression. Lara simply smiled lightly.

“Pass along my congratulations,” she said.

She was glad the child had been born safely. Lara tried to erase the darkness from her heart.

As she gently patted Loras on the back, still unable to hold up his head, she told herself to be happy that Valerie’s child had been born healthy and could someday inherit Alec’s throne. If she couldn’t genuinely celebrate now, she resolved to keep trying until she could.

After all, this was a joyous occasion for Alec too. What father wouldn’t rejoice at the birth of his child?

But…. Could she truly smile? Could she truly watch as the child Valerie had borne toddled confidently on sturdy legs through the imperial palace?

Could she bear seeing that child celebrated as Alec’s true heir while she held Loras, still struggling to lift his head?

“My lady,” Rosyen said again.

“It’s fine,” Lara replied. “I just don’t know what gift to prepare for the Second Empress.”

“There’s no need for that. You don’t have to go that far…”

When Lara gave birth to Loras, Valerie brought no gift, offering only a bouquet. It wasn’t an exotic flower that grew only in distant lands or one of the famed, beautiful blossoms of Heidelbern. It was simply a lackluster bouquet, seemingly plucked from the imperial garden without care.

A gift so thoughtless it was better left ungiven. An obvious insult and mockery. Yet no one blamed Valerie for it.

Lady Rosyen pointed out that since the Second Empress had treated Lara with such disregard, there was no need to prepare anything special for her in return. Besides, Valerie was the woman who had taken Lara’s first child and even schemed against her healthy second. Knowing this, Lady Rosyen could understand Lara’s feelings well.

She insisted that it wasn’t necessary to prepare anything. After all, between women who shared the same husband, things were bound to be strained. No matter how much one tried to think positively, it was hard to smile when another woman bore your husband’s child.

Moreover, Valerie had tormented Lara endlessly. Lady Rosyen shuddered at Valerie’s cruelty, wielded as a weapon from the wedding night to the conception of a royal heir.

What crime had Lara committed to warrant bringing a gift to the woman who had never once spoken kindly to her?

“If I don’t, they’ll say I’m being petty and jealous again,” Lara said, shaking her head. “They’ll criticize me for not offering even a small gift for the birth of my husband’s child.”

Lady Rosyen bit her lip. It was true. The statuses of the First and Second Empresses were different. If Lara gave a thoughtless gift or none at all, the nobles would seize on it and gossip.

They would claim that her child was slow and bore no resemblance to the emperor, accusing her of envying Valerie. No one would care about the truth of how her child had come to be that way.

Though the culprit who poisoned the prince was revealed to be someone acting on behalf of Lady Gladys’s family in Belzenor, this wasn’t true. It had been the work of Marquis Oppresé, who fabricated the charges and manipulated events.

The emperor was quietly waiting for the right time to cut Oppreesé down, even as the Marquis flaunted his power and influence within the palace. It wasn’t over yet.

“Here’s the gift I’ve prepared for the baby.”

Lady Rosyen was momentarily speechless when Lara showed her the gift, which included a pair of shoes for the Second Prince.

“This….”

“They belonged to Klaus,” Lara replied softly.

The baby shoes had been Klaus’s, the name of Lara’s first child, lost at Valerie’s hands.

“Are you really going to give them? You should just let it go. There’s no need to hand over everything they ask for.”

“That woman and her maids already think I’m obsessed with my dead child. Just as she killed mine, she believes I’ll harm her second son. And the nobles might start to believe it too.”

“But—”

“If anything happens, even by chance, they’ll blame me. I think back to the last incident and feel I gave her the perfect excuse.”

“The last incident…?”

“You know the one.”

Lady Rosyen’s face darkened. Lara stroked the baby shoes thoughtfully. Since Valerie became pregnant, she had blamed every danger she faced on Lara, intentional or not.

She even believed that Alec’s coldness toward her was Lara’s fault. For someone so firmly convinced, there was no point in explanations. Valerie, who had killed Lara’s child, now lived in fear that Lara would harm hers.

With such a twisted belief, Lara didn’t know what to do. The previous tragedy had proven as much. A maid from the First Empress’s palace, under Valerie’s orders, spread vile rumors about Lara.

“If giving this can clear up even one misunderstanding…”

“My lady!”

“Then I must. It’s just a pair of shoes. They belong to a child who no longer exists in this world.”

Valerie saw Lara’s lingering attachment to the child as vengefulness born of grief. She believed Lara kept the child’s belongings as a means to exact retribution. Valerie even twisted Lara’s habit of keeping the shoes by her bedside into evidence of her obsession.

Perhaps Valerie was that warped, or perhaps her pregnancy had made her more sensitive. Lara chose to believe the latter.

“Why not have Prince Loras wear them instead?”

Lady Rosyen whispered through clenched teeth, holding back her frustration. Lara nodded quietly.

“I should have. But at the time, I didn’t want to. They belonged to Klaus. I had planned to just keep them.”