Chapter 269: Yearning

The winter night was bitterly cold, and white snow fell beneath the pitch-black sky.

Gu Qingsong, dressed in a deep robe, stood by the window.

A layer of silver-white blanketed the ground, and the red decorations adorning the entire residence contrasted beautifully, creating a strikingly picturesque scene.

Gu Qingsong could not feel a shred of the joy that usually came with the approaching New Year—only the endless chill of the snowy night.

He couldn’t help but recall the last New Year he spent in Xinghua Village. At that time, Gu Huaizhi was still a scholar. The fields had yielded a good harvest, and the mountains had provided an ample bounty. On the day before New Year’s Eve, he had bought new clothes for Gu Huaizhi and Madam Liu (Mother Gu). When he stepped through the door, he saw Madam Liu finishing the last stitch, biting the thread to cut it off. She turned and smiled at him, saying, “Child’s father, you’re just in time. Go wash your hands quickly and try on these clothes to see if they fit.”

He froze, standing at the doorway, letting Madam Liu hold up the newly made undergarments against him for comparison. Finally, she stuffed them into his arms and urged him to go change.

After washing his hands, Gu Qingsong put on the clothes, only to realize that the outfit was made of fine cotton fabric.

It was the first time in many years, since his family’s decline, that he had worn fine cotton again.

He took off the clothes and handed them to Madam Liu. “I’m just a rough man. What’s the point of me wearing such fine clothes? Alter these and let Huaizhi wear them instead.”

Madam Liu gave him a glare. “Huaizhi is still growing. If he wears something this nice and has a growth spurt, the clothes will go to waste. You wear them first, and when they no longer fit you, we can alter them for Huaizhi.”

That night, Gu Qingsong lay awake for a long time. Although the family’s situation had improved somewhat, his wife and son still had to live frugally.

Around the second watch of the night, Madam Liu got up. He closed his eyes, sensing her light an oil lamp and retrieve a box of medicinal ointment. She scooped out a bit of it, warmed it in her palm, and gently applied it to his back.

Only then did Gu Qingsong understand why Madam Liu, who was always so frugal, had given him fine cotton clothes. It was all because of the wounds on his back.

Once she had fallen asleep, he turned over and wrapped his arms around her. Reaching under the pillow, he took out a newly purchased silver hairpin and placed it on her head.

At dawn the next day, he went into the mountains and dug up a sack full of winter bamboo shoots. By the time he returned, the sky was already completely dark.

Madam Liu had put on her new clothes and wore the silver hairpin in her hair. With a bright smile, she stood at the doorway, waiting for him to come home.

That day, too, was a snowy night like this. The whole family donned new clothes and sat together around the fire stove.

Gu Huaizhi shared interesting anecdotes and happenings from the academy, while Madam Liu pan-fried taro by the side. A small pot hung over the fire stove, warming a jug of wine.

The firelight cast a gentle glow on Madam Liu’s delicate features. When she heard Gu Huaizhi say that “a good snow promises a bountiful harvest,” she began to yearn for the coming year to bring another good harvest. She hoped they could save more money, perhaps start a small business, so he wouldn’t have to spend his days hunting in the mountains, fearing he might encounter danger. She also wished Gu Huaizhi could focus on his studies without worrying about the expenses for his upcoming examinations.

She was likely in high spirits that night, speaking of many things, even mentioning how, when Gu Huaizhi passed his future examinations and achieved success, it would be time for him to marry. The family would have a modest amount of savings by then, allowing them to provide a more generous dowry, giving the bride a sense of pride. This would also show the Jiang family that the Gu family was not ungrateful and would not look down on Jiang Mixue (now Su Mixue) just because Gu Huaizhi had a bright future ahead.

With their approval of the match, outsiders would have no grounds to gossip about the bride marrying above her station.

Gu Huaizhi quietly said, “What if I fail the exam?”

Madam Liu was momentarily stunned, glaring at him before quickly urging him to spit out such words and dismissing them as childish nonsense.

Naturally, Gu Huaizhi didn’t comply. Instead, he took a sip of wine with a somewhat exasperated expression.

Madam Liu’s dissatisfaction with him doubled. “You’re so young, and already you’re drinking wine. Since it’s New Year’s Eve, I won’t scold you, but your punishment is that you’re not allowed to eat the pan-fried taro.”

Gu Huaizhi’s eyes widened slightly as he stared at the sizzling, fragrant taro in the pan. After a long moment, he turned his head away and spat a few times, as instructed.

Madam Liu immediately broke into laughter and served him a generous piece of taro.

Gu Qingsong quietly watched, listening to the mother and son banter, his heart filling with warmth. He felt she was thinking too far ahead, but the atmosphere was so comforting that he couldn’t help but imagine the future she described. It made him feel an extraordinary sense of hope.

Unfortunately, the days that followed did not unfold as Madam Liu had envisioned.

He left behind his wife and son, becoming a general in another country, while other women enjoyed the blessings of his company.

Madam Liu never opened a shop. Her days became destitute and miserable, first enduring the grief of “losing her husband,” and later suffering the pain of her youngest son’s untimely death.

Gu Huaizhi did not achieve high honors in the imperial examinations, nor did he marry Jiang Mixue. Instead, he wed the eldest daughter of an official family.

Gu Qingsong couldn’t help but recall the two lines Su Wan had sent through a palace maid. It was as if he had drunk a bitter concoction of coptis water, the taste spreading from his mouth all the way to the depths of his heart.

Reflecting on the first half of his life in Xinghua Village, he noticed that dawn had broken faintly. Gu Qingsong went to bathe, changed into his court attire, and prepared to attend the morning court session, planning to have a serious conversation with Gu Huaizhi.

Just as he reached the palace gates, he overheard discussions: the envoys from the Great Zhou had already set out on their journey back.

Upon further inquiry, he learned that Gu Huaizhi and Su Wan were among those who had departed.

Without hesitation, he mounted his horse and rushed to the city gates. After questioning the guards stationed there, he discovered they had left long ago—over an hour, at least. He feared he would not be able to catch up.

The snowflakes falling from the sky seemed to settle deep in his heart, freezing into an impenetrable layer of ice.

Gu Huaizhi was unwilling to acknowledge him, unwilling even to stay in the same place with him for long. It was clear just how deeply rooted his resentment was.

Gu Qingsong felt a bitterness he could not put into words. He returned desolately to Prince Changxing’s residence. Staring at the vast estate, the hole in his heart seemed to grow even larger, leaving him with an unbearable emptiness.

His wife and children were all in the Great Zhou. Everything in Xiliang now held no meaning for him.

Gu Qingsong suddenly came to a realization, as if something had finally clicked in his mind. Striding purposefully to his study, he retrieved the military tally, mounted his horse, and rode straight to the palace. There, he requested the Empress to strip him of his title and grant him permission to resign and return to his hometown.

Wei Yang looked at the sincere expression on Gu Qingsong’s face in surprise, her gaze falling on the military tally in his hands. Having heard of his past deeds, she understood the reason behind such a drastic request.

“Think carefully. It was your lack of dedication and responsibility back then that caused the separation between you and your wife and son for so many years. When they needed you the most, you were not there for them.

Now, your role in their lives is inconsequential. If you abandon your title as Xiliang’s foreign prince and return to the Great Zhou, only to find that you fail to earn their forgiveness, will you not regret it?”

“Your Majesty, back then, this humble servant desired power and influence. At the time, Xiliang was in dire need of military generals, and I believed I could achieve my goals in the shortest time possible before returning to the Great Zhou to seek vengeance against those who had wronged me.

However, things did not turn out as I had imagined. In this position, one must fulfill their duties. While I gained what I wanted, I also lost my freedom.

Although I have achieved fame and success, returning home is no longer an easy choice. In pursuing this path, I had forgotten the original purpose of reaching such heights.”

It was all to return to the Great Zhou and seek vengeance for his family.

But in the end, he had lost sight of what truly mattered, confusing the means with the goal.

Now, faced with the bitter consequences, he had no choice but to swallow them whole.

Wei Yang approved his request.

Gu Qingsong knelt and expressed his gratitude for the imperial grace, feeling his blood surge with newfound determination. After returning to his residence, he entrusted the household affairs to the butler, instructing him to handle everything properly before meeting up with him in the Great Zhou. With minimal belongings packed, he set off for the Great Zhou without hesitation.