Chapter 4: Saving Yourself

ᰔ -yr: Good night, have sweet dreams. ᰔ

Yu Ran let out a soft laugh.

Shen Suhui’s heart pounded as she felt that she wasn’t in the right state, her hand applying the wrong amount of pressure to Yu Ran’s shoulder.

Yu Ran patted her hand and said gently, “Okay, my shoulder really doesn’t hurt anymore, thank you.”

The fingertips brushed the back of her hand, creating a subtle, shared moment of heartbeats.

“When do you usually close?”

“It depends on the crowd,” Shen Suhui replied. “Sometimes at nine, sometimes at ten, sometimes at eleven…”

She answered honestly, looking obedient and soft, making one’s heart melt.

“Do you ever close at eight?” Yu Ran asked with a smile.

“Yes, in the winter when it’s cold, if there’s no one around, we close early at night. But this year is okay. This winter… isn’t too cold.”

“Shen Suhui,” Yu Ran called her name, “When you answer questions, you sound like a top student. Are you treating me like a teacher?”

Shen Suhui laughed. “You have such a serious expression, it’s kind of like you’re a teacher.”

“Maybe!” Yu Ran replied. “I do have some interns who call me teacher.”

“But I’m not a top student. I wasn’t good at my studies, and I was just average in high school,” Shen Suhui said slowly. “I didn’t do well on the college entrance exam either. I only got into a regular second-tier teacher’s college…”

She cautiously glanced at Yu Ran. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

“We’re friends, right?” Yu Ran asked.

“I guess so.”

“Then let me ask you, do you mind?”

“…” Shen Suhui didn’t speak, and Yu Ran more or less understood.

Shen Suhui had changed a lot, but the sense of insecurity from her youth had not faded at all.

“As long as you don’t cross moral boundaries, I don’t discriminate against anyone—no matter their education level or profession. Whether it’s friendship or romance, it’s about moving forward together. Take me for example, in relationships and friendships, I value the connection of souls. If you’re willing to tell me what school you graduated from, what you’ve done in the past, or if you had rebellious moments or fought as a teenager, I’ll treat it as part of your story and your past. Of course, I might think, ‘Oh, so you were like that before,’ but it’ll pass quickly. What matters to me is who you are now and who you will be in the future.”

Yu Ran spoke at a steady pace, her expression light, sometimes breaking into a smile. It was a comfortable attitude to be around.

“Shen Suhui, in this life, you’ll go through so much, and the journey is long. You gain some things, but you should also let go of others. If you hold on to everything and refuse to let go, you’ll end up with a heavy burden you can’t bear. Anything that binds you should be discarded. Don’t care about other people’s opinions, and try to relax yourself.”

“…”

Try to relax yourself.

Yu Ran pinpointed her current state with one sentence: what she really needed was to relax.

Shen Suhui felt a bit touched. Although she and Yu Ran had never interacted much before, every time they met, it seemed like Yu Ran was always saving her from difficult situations.

Shen Suhui felt that after meeting Yu Ran, her heart had gone through a gentle, delicate little rain, slowly becoming soft and emitting a scent that only flesh and blood could emit. She had finally come back to life.

The coffee shop was very quiet, and at this time, no one was expected to come in anymore.

Yu Ran stayed with Shen Suhui while she closed up. She initially wanted to accompany Shen Suhui home, but was refused.

She didn’t push further, just sent Shen Suhui to the subway. Perhaps it was time for her to maintain some distance from Shen Suhui, waiting for the day when she could be more formally qualified.

Shen Suhui currently rented her own apartment, a two-bedroom, one-living room, one-bathroom place. The conditions were good, and the rent was affordable.

She had lived here for three years, and had decorated her home in a cozy way.

After taking a shower, Shen Suhui sat at her desk, opened her laptop, and began writing in her diary.

This was a habit she had kept since high school.

• December 6, 2029, Thursday, Sunny.

“Today I wore butterfly eyebrow studs, Jiang Shiluo said they looked bad, but Yu Ran said they looked good.”

Crossed out.

“Yu Ran complimented my eyebrow studs, saying they looked good, but that’s not true. Yu Ran probably didn’t come near me.”

Crossed out.

“I’m hallucinating. I’ve been meeting Yu Ran for almost a month, isn’t she in the U.S.?”

Crossed out.

“Would Yu Ran like a girl who wears eyebrow studs?”

A gust of wind blew in from the window, making the wind chimes hanging from the bay window ring. Shen Suhui looked up, and the chimes were made of small blue medicine bottles.

The stickers on the bottles had already faded, with the words “Antiviral Oral Liquid” written on them in large characters.

Shen Suhui’s gaze softened, then became fragile.

“No, it’s not true,” she muttered. “That wasn’t the real Yu Ran, it was just my illusion…”

As she struggled between illusion and reality, Wang Lanzhi’s call came through. Shen Suhui waited five seconds before slowly answering the phone.

“Why are you answering now? Not doing something bad in bed, are you?”

Shen Suhui had long since gotten used to Wang Lanzhi’s insults.

“Mom, is there something you need?”

“Your brother has rarely come home since he went to college. He doesn’t come back on weekends either. Did you say bad things about us behind his back?”

“No.”

“If not, then why has he become like this? He used to listen to you the most. Tell him to come home on weekends.”

“Mom, Dong Ting is in college now. He has his own space and life. He doesn’t come home because he needs to study. You can’t keep controlling him like before.”

“Control him?” Wang Lanzhi screamed hysterically. “I did that for your good! And you, come home in a few days. I need to discuss something with you.”

“What is it? The café isn’t closed yet.”

“How dare you bring up the café? How much can you make from that café? Xiao Zhang, who graduated from high school next door, married a rich businessman, and her husband gives her 200,000 a month for living expenses. She even gives her parents 100,000 every month. And you? You’re a public university graduate, and your family invested so much effort and money in your education, and now you’re serving people tea.”

“Oh, and Liu Ayi’s daughter passed the civil servant exam last year. Although she gets a fixed salary, the benefits are good. Why can’t you at least bring some pride to us? Every time someone asks me what you’re doing, I’m too embarrassed to answer.”

“The guy I mentioned last time, who works in finance and has a job in a state-owned enterprise, earns tens of thousands a month. His family is doing well after demolition, and his conditions are great. You must meet him.”

“What if I don’t meet him?”

“I’ll come to find you. You know the consequences of offending me.”

The call was abruptly hung up.

Shen Suhui had just opened her mouth when she heard the cold mechanical voice from the phone, feeling as if an invisible hand was choking her throat.

That suffocating feeling surged again, and she was back to the nights that had caused her countless breakdowns before.

This feeling was a bad omen. Shen Suhui fought desperately to overcome it. She didn’t want this negative emotion to affect her life. She had to save herself, just like she had done for the past twenty-eight years.

Save…

No one could save her, only medicine.

She opened the drawer, which contained many miscellaneous things—empty medicine boxes, an old MP3 player, a candy box, a campus card, and a full-score exam paper.

Shen Suhui carefully rummaged through it, pulling open the second drawer to find the medicine.

She hadn’t gone for a checkup in a long time, and there were only sleeping pills left in the drawer.

Shen Suhui took out two pills, chewed them, and the bitter taste quickly spread in her mouth.

The phone screen lit up, and after a difficult swipe, the note saying “Yu Ran” seemed to pull her into a deeper hell.

It was fake.

It was all just an illusion.

-yr: What are you doing?

-14th year: Just took a shower, what about you?

Fake is fake. Talking to Yu Ran temporarily made Shen Suhui forget the bitterness of the pills in her mouth.

-yr: Me too, are you going to sleep?

-14th year: I’m not tired yet.

Shen Suhui thought that the other person had to get up early for work tomorrow, so she retracted the statement.

-14th year: I’m going to sleep soon.

Yu Ran laughed on the other end.

-yr: Don’t take it back, I saw it.

—

-yr: Shen Suhui, I know what you’re thinking.

-14th year: What am I thinking?

-yr: You want me to rest well.

—

Shen Suhui’s finger hovered over the screen, and she suddenly didn’t know how to reply.

She felt like crying.

Yu Ran waited for a moment.

-yr: Good night, have sweet dreams.