Chapter 5: Widow Ji’s Thoughts

The next day

Widow Ji woke up early. It was still dark outside. She felt hazy and as if her mind was covered in fog. She was somewhat distracted. After a long moment, she regained consciousness. Suddenly, she jumped up in fright. First her son died, then her daughter-in-law fainted with heavy bleeding from premature birth, finally, trying to save both mother and child…

“Eldest daughter-in-law… the child…”

Widow Ji groped in the dark to get out of bed, making some noise, waking Zhang Caihua who had not slept well. Zhang Caihua hurried to turn on the light. When the light came on, Zhang Caihua and Widow Ji looked at each other.

“Second daughter-in-law?” Seeing Zhang Caihua clearly, Widow Ji had not realized where she was. She hurriedly asked, “Second daughter-in-law, how is your eldest sister-in-law and the baby? How are they?”

Widow Ji rushed over, grabbing Zhang Caihua’s hand to ask.

Zhang Caihua did not know about saving both mother and child, but she knew about her eldest sister-in-law’s difficult labor. She quickly held Widow Ji’s hand and said, “Mom, please rest assured, maybe… sister-in-law and the baby are fine, both are asleep.” She pointed to the bed beside them.

Following her pointing, Widow Ji saw the mother and child sleeping very peacefully.

Instantly, the weight in her heart seemed to drop like a broken rope.

At the same time, Second Brother Ji, who had stayed awake all night at the door, heard the movement inside. Nervously he asked at the door, “What happened? Wife, is mom awake?”

Zhang Caihua: “Mom is awake.”

Widow Ji: “Second son is here too? Come in.” She spoke weakly.

Zhang Caihua: “He is guarding outside, worried about you mom, and also wants to help.”

Second Brother Ji heard his mother call him in, brought a stool inside, and saw his mother’s face looking suddenly older. His eyes turned red, “Mom…” he choked out, “Big Brother, he…”

Widow Ji’s eyes were also red and wet. Tears ran down her cheeks, but she did not want to wake sister-in-law and the grandson. She held back from crying aloud: “You all know… It is good that you know. Your big brother… From the day he joined the army, I was prepared for this…” Though prepared, when it actually happened, she wished she could die instead.

Zhang Caihua comforted, “Mom, try to think positively. Crying will harm your body. Big Brother up in heaven wouldn’t want you to be sad.”

Though said like that, at this time any comfort felt powerless and pale. That was her son, her own son, and the most outstanding son. Even if an unfilial or unsuccessful son died, a mother would be upset. How much more so for the most outstanding and filial son?

“Mom, rest assured. I will treat my nephew as my own son,” Second Brother Ji expressed his feelings. No, even more than his own son. That was the only seed of Big Brother.

Widow Ji believed in her second son. She knew her son’s character well: filial and honest, unlike the youngest son, who being the youngest, was spoiled by his siblings and thus had suffered the least hardship and had a somewhat self-centered personality. “I know you are a good son,” she nodded with relief.

Gurgle…

At this moment, Widow Ji’s stomach growled. She had been called over straight from the fields, and since noon yesterday, she had only drunk some wild vegetable soup. Now it was the next day, and she still hadn’t eaten anything. Her stomach hadn’t been full to begin with, so how could it take it any longer?

“Mom, there are noodles here, bought by that soldier. It’s cold now. Add some egg soup and you can eat a bit,” Zhang Caihua hurried to get the thermos from home. Inside was hot egg soup.

“No need, I’ll just eat this. Save the egg soup for when your sister-in-law wakes,” Widow Ji said. It was only September, the weather still warm, so eating cold noodles in this situation was quite good.

However, Widow Ji did not eat much. She only ate one-third to fill her stomach. She covered the rest and said to Zhang Caihua, “When you go back, take this with you. Cook it with wild vegetables and make soup for the children at home to have a few bites each.” Six children, two bites each and that was it.

Zhang Caihua said, “Mom, you don’t look well. You should take care of yourself first. The children at home don’t need these two bites. You are the backbone of the family. Your health is important.”

Widow Ji waved her hand: “I know my own body,” meaning no need to say more. “It’s almost dawn. It will take over an hour to get back. You should go first.”

Zhang Caihua looked outside. It was indeed almost dawn. “Then Mom, we will go first. Later we will bring breakfast for you and sister-in-law.”

Widow Ji nodded: “Have breakfast and lunch brought together to save the trouble of going back and forth.”

Zhang Caihua thought that was reasonable and agreed.

Second Brother Ji wanted to stay with his mom but was used to listening to her, so he left with her. After the couple left, the ward became even quieter.

Widow Ji walked to the bed and looked at the sleeping daughter-in-law and grandson. Her heart was very bitter. If the eldest son were still here, seeing them both would surely make him happy. But now…

Widow Ji silently cried.

Ning Xin sighed hearing Widow Ji’s choked sobs.

In the novel, Widow Ji first lost her son, then her daughter-in-law died from difficult labor on the way to the hospital, she was also shocked into paralysis, unable to care for the grandson, and worried no one would take care of the grandson after she was gone, so she entrusted the grandson to Qin Zhan. Now, because of her transmigration into the book, this body did not die on the way from difficult labor. Though she did not know her current situation, this body was still alive. Widow Ji did not suffer double blows and did not become paralyzed, so the heavy task of caring for the little male supporting character should fall on her and Widow Ji.

Ning Xin felt that if she came back to life in this body, she would be tied to it by karma, so it was only right for her to raise the little male supporting role.

But the problem was, she didn’t know how, in this era and with her current identity as a rural woman, she was supposed to raise the little male supporting role.

Oh, there should be consolation money, right? For a soldier’s sacrifice, the state would provide subsidies.

But since the novel was from the female lead’s perspective, this was not mentioned. Ning Xin did not know if there was such compensation, or how much it would be.

These consolation payments, if any, could be used to raise the little male supporting character and support Widow Ji in old age. Would it be enough?

Ning Xin was not greedy for that money. That was earned with the original owner’s husband with his life. She only worried that without it, after waking, what would she use to care for the old and young.

Thinking about it again, she felt a wave of bitterness.

But no matter what, living was better than dying.

In her previous life, she was only in her twenties, still young as a flower. She did not want to die.

With all these messy thoughts, Ning Xin felt her head dizzy and a bit sleepy.

Before falling asleep, Ning Xin had one last thought: do souls also get sleepy?

Ning Xin was awakened by the tactile sensation from her chest again, that moist, itchy feeling came again. She had experienced this twice and knew what it was — the little male supporting character was nursing again.

After two times, from initial depression, embarrassment, and awkwardness, she now seemed much calmer.

Isn’t it just nursing?

Ning Xin quietly felt the baby nursing. The baby was quite strong, but that kind of strength felt like being tickled to her.

She didn’t know what the little male supporting character looked like yet. The novel described him as a very handsome baby. The baby version should be even cuter.

Her heart seemed calm. Though her body still ached from the C-section, feeling the warmth of the baby beside her, it seemed to make the pain worthwhile.

A very complicated feeling.

I don’t know how much time had passed when a familiar voice came from the door.

“Knock knock knock… Is anyone there?” It was Qin Zhan.

Qin Zhan had originally planned to stop at the door and greet them to avoid the awkwardness from yesterday, but now it was fine — the door was closed, which avoided the awkwardness.

Hearing that it was Qin Zhan, Widow Ji, who was quietly watching her grandson nursing, hurriedly said, “Here.” She got up, took the small quilt that Zhang Caihua had brought yesterday, and covered Ning Xin. She also covered the little male supporting character, who was still nursing enthusiastically, head and body, then went to open the door.

“Comrade, you have come.” Widow Ji opened the door. “Comrade, come in and sit down.” Inside was the same bench from yesterday.

Qin Zhan handed Widow Ji two oil-paper wrapped parcels. “Auntie, I bought you some meat buns. I don’t know if postpartum women can eat meat buns, so if not, I will go buy something else.”

“That’s fine, that’s fine. Thank you very much.” Widow Ji accepted the buns without refusing. Normally, she would refuse—she had a strong personality but was not the type to take advantage of others. But now it was different. Food was scarce, and her daughter-in-law had just given birth and needed meat to nourish her body.

However, Widow Ji did not eat the buns herself. She thought that breakfast would be delivered from home, so she wanted to save the two buns for her daughter-in-law.

Qin Zhan came mainly to discuss the aftermath of Ji Aihua’s death. He was supposed to bring it up yesterday, but with the situation then, he had no chance. “Auntie, can I talk about some matters regarding Aihua’s funeral now?”

“Talk now.” WWidow Ji felt sad when she talked about her son, but at least her situation now was much better than in the novel. After all, her daughter-in-law did not have difficult labor, and her grandson still had his mother to take care of him.

Qin Zhan took out two bulging envelopes and one thinner envelope from inside his jacket pocket. “These two envelopes contain Aihua’s bonuses, subsidies, and condolence money, totaling two thousand yuan. Auntie, please count. This thinner envelope contains ration coupons from other comrades pooled together, mostly grain, meat, and sugar coupons, as well as some milk powder coupons.”

Widow Ji had been worrying about what would happen to her daughter-in-law and grandson after her son’s death. Now with this money and these coupons, the stone weighing on her heart seemed to lighten somewhat. Although her son gave his life, he was dead now, and she had to think about those still living.

So Widow Ji took the three envelopes with trembling hands. If before she had seen or heard about such an amount of money, she would have been stunned. But now, grief and oppression filled her heart, leaving no room to think about the abundance of money.

“No need to count, I trust you.” Widow Ji did trust Qin Zhan. This trust came first from ordinary people’s natural trust in soldiers, second from remembering Qin Zhan, who had noticed her son when the army came to recruit, and third because her hands were shaking badly and she could not count money.

Qin Zhan said no more. “There are also some belongings of Aihua, along with his death report and other documents, packed in the bag from yesterday. Auntie, you can take a look when you go back.” The bag he brought when sending the postpartum woman to the hospital was already placed at the Ji home; inside were Aihua’s belongings, clothes, and so forth.

Widow Ji remembered the bag. “I remember that bag. Thank you so much, comrade, for coming all the way here.”

Qin Zhan said, “It is my duty. If I had not taken the bullet for him, Aihua would not have died. Auntie, if you have any difficulties in the future, you can come find me. The army address and the phone number are in the envelope with the coupons. There is a note with my name, Qin Zhan. Just ask for Qin Zhan when you come.”

“Oh, I understand… Comrade Qin, don’t feel burdened about Aihua’s matter. Aihua was a soldier of the People’s Liberation Army. I believe that if it had been anyone else, they would have been willing to sacrifice too. He did not die for you; he died to protect our country. So… so his death is glorious…” Widow Ji’s eyes reddened, tears uncontrollable.

She was not just saying this politely; she truly believed that this matter had nothing to do with Qin Zhan. Her son died for the country. She was proud as a mother.

Qin Zhan’s gaze darkened slightly. He suppressed the redness in his own eyes. “Then auntie, I will leave now. I will stay here for a few days, at the nearby guesthouse. You can come find me anytime if there is anything. I won’t leave until your daughter-in-law is discharged.”

Widow Ji nodded. “Yes, when my daughter-in-law is discharged, I will let you know.”

After Qin Zhan left, Widow Ji immediately closed and locked the door. Then she emptied the money from the envelopes and counted it. The thick stack of bills was quite a sight.

It was 1960; there were no 100-yuan bills yet. The largest denomination was 10 yuan. Two thousand yuan meant 200 bills. Widow Ji, not educated, counted slowly and took quite a while.

After counting, she repacked the money into the envelopes. Then she looked at the third envelope containing the coupons. Having these things gave her confidence. She hid the three envelopes close to her body, in a pocket sewn inside her clothes.

At this time, rural people liked to sew pockets inside their clothing so they could feel secure.

After hiding the money, Widow Ji went back to the bedside and lifted the thin quilt. She saw her grandson no longer nursing, lying next to his mother, seemingly asleep again.

Widow Ji hurriedly adjusted her daughter-in-law’s clothes and couldn’t resist gently touching the baby’s fair cheek. But only lightly, knowing her rough hands might scratch him.

“Xiao Dong, don’t worry. Grandma will take good care of you. Your short-lived father left 2,000 yuan for you. Grandma will save it all for you.” Widow Ji didn’t care if the child understood or not; she comforted herself aloud.

Ning Xin felt a relief in her heart. With 2,000 yuan and the coupons Qin Zhan gave, even if she ran out of milk, at least the little male supporting character would not have to worry for the time being.

When Zhang Caihua came to deliver breakfasts, she asked, “Mom, is eldest sister-in-law still not awake?”

Widow Ji said, “Not yet. She had a difficult delivery and a C-section, so she needs more rest.” She quickly ate her breakfast, then said, “I need to go home for a while. My eldest son died; I have to get his household registration book and go to the police station to register. Watch over things here.” Actually, it was not urgent, but carrying 2,000 yuan made her uneasy.

Widow Ji did not plan to tell others about the condolence money yet. She would wait until the daughter-in-law woke, tell her about it, and then give her half.

Although Widow Ji trusted her eldest daughter-in-law, with her son dead, she could not gamble on what the daughter-in-law might think or plan. So she was not comfortable giving all the money at once.

Zhang Caihua said, “Mom, don’t worry. I will take care of eldest sister-in-law and nephew.”