{Time Away from Satou-san}

From the second day of the school trip onwards, traveling by bus became a torment.

The reason was simple: Satou-san was sitting in the adjacent seat.

Since that night of the first day, Satou-san and I hadn’t spoken at all. I didn’t know how Satou-san felt about me, but it wouldn’t have been surprising if she disliked me. My comments were careless and had undoubtedly hurt her.

For a while, I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her face. The intense guilt overshadowed any inclination to apologize. I made a point to avoid looking in her direction. Every time I heard her talking with other girls, it was suffocating. Naturally, I had no room to enjoy the trip.

Why did I say such things?

I knew better.

I understood what Satou-san had hoped for at that time. What did she really need to hear from me?

Satou-san must have wanted my affirmation.

“Even if you might think it’s strange, I’d be happy if you listened.”

That statement was everything.

I think she didn’t need anything more. If I had just said something like, “You must be having a wonderful romance,” it would have smoothed things over. I should have comforted her with safe, neutral words and treated her kindly.

She surely didn’t want a third party’s comments to fuel her anxieties. It must have been unthinkable for her to be dismissed by someone who didn’t understand anything. Yet, why couldn’t I have simply said what I should have?

My doubts drove me.

Since I heard Satou-san’s story—no, since I heard her words in the infirmary—I had thought that it was terrible to keep her waiting and make her feel anxious.

But now, it seems there is no one more despicable than me. I hurt her and denied her feelings. Even though she trusted me enough to confide in me, I dismissed her feelings without understanding them. I was awful, a truly unpleasant person.

How could I say such things without knowing anything? It’s fine if someone falls in love with someone whose face they haven’t seen. I’ve heard that some people find happiness that way. Satou-san is kind and doesn’t care about appearances; she doesn’t judge people based on their looks. If she was attracted to a kind person who would treat her well, then as long as Satou-san is happy, that should be enough.

As classmates, just talking a little while sitting next to each other should have been enough.

Yet, even at this point, I still think twisted things.

I wish Satou-san would stop liking that person.

If she has to endure anxiety while thinking about someone, she should just stop.

It doesn’t suit Satou-san. It absolutely doesn’t suit her.

Not that sort of anxious, excuse-laden romance. She shouldn’t have to pile excuses on her feelings for someone. She said she wasn’t causing any trouble for anyone. That’s probably true. But that statement didn’t seem like the Satou-san I knew.

The Satou-san I had always seen was plain, slow, and not particularly perceptive, and not even beautiful, but she was straightforward, unadorned, and considerate of others. She had made many mistakes and faced various hardships due to her clumsiness, but she was always positive. Although she wasn’t always smiling and sometimes felt down, she wasn’t the type to make excuses for her actions.

If it’s a romance she can’t fully accept, she shouldn’t engage in it.

Satou-san deserves something brighter. Whether it comes true or not doesn’t matter; she should just think of someone and kindly, in her own clumsy way, do what she can for them. Even if she causes trouble by going in circles, she could laugh it off herself.

I knew it was a selfish wish.

I knew I had no right to think such things.

But during the three nights and four days of the school trip, I kept thinking of Sato in this way.

On the last day of the trip, we had our final free time at the airport.

Even though it was called free time, it was really brief, just enough to choose and buy souvenirs. Since I had forgotten to buy souvenirs for my family, I decided to use the time effectively.

Before the trip, Satou-san had said she knew a good place to buy souvenirs and would tell me about it.

But that didn’t come to pass.

Due to my own fault, I found myself frantically choosing souvenirs at the last minute.

I asked the others in my group what they had bought and tried to find those brands. However, the airport souvenir shops were crowded with other students and tourists, and it was challenging to walk around and look at the shelves.

“…Yamaguchi-kun”

I heard a voice amidst the chatter.

I froze, closing my mouth.

I didn’t have the courage to turn around. After all, it was the voice of someone I had been avoiding throughout the entire trip. I couldn’t even imagine what her face looked like or what words she might say.

In front of the shelves lined with souvenir sweets, Satou-san stood next to me. She didn’t look at me.

Perhaps sensing that I was glancing sideways at her, she spoke while still staring intently at the shelves, her voice carrying a faint smile.

“If you’d like, I can help you choose a souvenir.”

Her voice was awkward.

Thinking about what happened that night made me tense up.

“I appreciate it, but… it’s our free time.”

To my halting response, she was still smiling. It was a strained smile. All of this was my fault.

“No, it’s fine. I’m just bored. And…”

Satou-san reached out and picked up a box of cookies from the shelf. It was a famous Hokkaido treat, Shiroi Koibito Langue de Chat.

“And… I wanted to be of help to you,” she said.

“If it’s not too much trouble, of course. If you don’t mind, let me help you choose.”

Her gaze was directly on me. It wasn’t sharp or stern, but it was a strong gaze.

I fought the urge to run away and met her gaze.

“It’s not a trouble.”

I was still sorting through a mix of conflicting feelings. But I nodded. This time, I wanted to support Satou-san as much as I could.

“It’s not a trouble at all. So, would you help me?”

Satou-san, this time, smiled softly and naturally.

Her smile made me feel the weight of regret once again.