Voyeurism: A Novel
Voyeurism chapter 28

Yu Guang woke up before dawn.

That day was Monday.

Sitting cross-legged on the bed for a while, Yu Guang stared at the perfume gift bag hanging on the hook, devoutly like praying to a Buddha.

He had a premonition that this kind of morning prayer would become a daily ritual in the future, until it became a habit engraved in his mind.

He had planned to go find Senior Ye Si on Sunday, but only realized at the last moment that he didn’t know where Ye Si rented an apartment off-campus.

It was then that he realized—

He didn’t really understand Ye Si at all. Even after secretly observing him for months.

His impression of Ye Si was that of an unattainable, indifferent, and gentlemanly figure.

But these were just stereotypes, only a partial, incomplete, and singular personality that he glimpsed at school—

Not a complete soul.

He had to go see Ye Si today.

The restlessness in his heart was almost uncontrollable.

Even if his schedule clashed with Ye Si’s, it couldn’t stop him.

The morning was always damp and gray, as if enveloped in moisture, with the skin soaked in spring dew.

Before leaving, Yu Guang checked the weather.

Overcast with rain, 10°C to 14°C.

This would be the last spring rain. Once this rain passed, the temperature would suddenly become hot, indicating the approach of summer.

Bracing against the cold, Yu Guang wrapped himself tightly in his coat, opened his umbrella, and stepped out into the drizzle.

For some reason, he took the long-handled black umbrella from the inn, the same one used by the man who pinned him down and bit his neck that night.

The man was perfectly matched with black: the black umbrella, the dark night, the shadow—appropriate adjectives.

Thinking of that man, Yu Guang couldn’t help but think of Senior Ye Si.

He skipped his major class today just to attend Ye Si’s class.

To see Ye Si’s earlobes…

He had never sneaked into Ye Si’s French class before. This was the first time.

Looking around the classroom entrance, Yu Guang didn’t see Ye Si among the students waiting for class.

Refusing to believe it, he glanced around again, but Ye Si’s favorite seat was still empty, and he was indeed absent.

Suppressing his disappointment, Yu Guang chose to sit in the last row diagonally behind the empty seat—this angle provided an excellent view for peeking.

As class approached, he saw Ye Si enter through the door.

Yu Guang seemed to meet Ye Si’s gaze for a moment, or maybe not. He paused, then quickly shifted his gaze to his earlobes.

Fair and clean, with no trace of ear piercings.

Yu Guang couldn’t describe his current mood. He just stared blankly at his earlobes, lost in thought.

Senior Ye Si was indeed not the same as the one who lurked in the dark corner tracking him.

The person he exchanged text messages with every day, the one who gave him the first ceremonial gift, the one who kissed his neck…

Certainly wasn’t Ye Si either.

Was he disappointed? Relieved?

It was hard to say.

Lost in thought, he failed to notice that Senior Ye Si didn’t go to his usual seat but went straight to the back row—

Next to him.

His long, narrow phoenix eyes slightly curved, seeming to overlap with the features under the mask a few days ago.

In a daze, it gave people a sense of temporal and spatial confusion. Yu Guang’s gaze was slightly dazed, and he heard Ye Si’s voice with a hint of a smile.

“Hello, Yu Guang, long time no see. Can I sit next to you?”

“Uh… sure…” His lips reacted before his brain.

Once spoken, the words were like spilled water, difficult to retrieve.

By the time Yu Guang regained his senses and tried to say something else, Ye Si had already sat down next to him, waving his hand to interrupt him.

“Aren’t you a sophomore majoring in Chinese? How come you’re attending this French class?”

At the words, Yu Guang’s hand, which was adjusting his bangs, paused slightly.

But in an instant, he reacted again, nonchalantly resumed his previous action, gently smoothing down the stray hairs to cover his forehead and even his eyebrows.

The shadow cast by his long lashes covered the fleeting contemplation in his eyes. He slightly turned his head—this angle would allow Ye Si to clearly notice the pale lips he had bitten to a pale color.

Yu Guang didn’t answer Ye Si’s question, just lowered his head and repeatedly pursed his lips.

Puckering and releasing, the blood flow made the lip color even more rosy and shiny.

The bell rang, breaking the silence between the two. The French teacher with a head of light golden waves stepped into the room with textbooks in hand.

Yu Guang avoided the man’s gaze and took out a stack of draft paper from his backpack, sitting up straight and upright, looking like a diligent student.

Seeing this, Ye Si didn’t ask any more questions, just smiled mysteriously.

In the corner of his eye, Yu Guang noticed Ye Si’s well-defined hand reaching over the invisible distance between them, tapping on the desk on his side.

Yu Guang’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he stole a glance at Ye Si’s expression, then cautiously ventured, “Senior… do you need blank paper?”

Seeing no objection from Ye Si, Yu Guang hesitantly handed over two sheets.

Yu Guang noticed that like his political theory class, Ye Si didn’t bring textbooks to his major class. Instead, he casually took out a Duke pen from his jacket pocket and doodled.

The French teacher with golden curls didn’t say much either, focusing on her lecture.

Perhaps it was because Ye Si’s grades were too outstanding, Yu Guang silently speculated that he had never missed the title of first place in his major for three years.

He propped up his chin and secretly peeked at the ink marks left by the other’s pen.

Ye Si seemed to be sketching, depicting a side profile of someone, and one could vaguely see that the eyes of the person in the drawing were very beautiful.

Yu Guang guessed it was the art student who often stayed by Ye Si’s side—Jiang Xiyue.

Suddenly, there was a dull ache in his left chest, and it started raining.

The river began to surge, destroying villages and causing flash floods, engulfing everything in his heart. But the dead weeds in the dried riverbed revived, dancing like demons, going mad.

Yu Guang didn’t understand why there was always another person’s shadow whenever he secretly observed Ye Si.

This time, there were only the two of them, but he saw the shattered shadow of Jiang Xiyue in the ink spilled from the pen.

Jealousy could drive people crazy, especially since he wasn’t normal to begin with.

He should do something crazier than going crazy.

But he just spoke in the calmest tone, suddenly blurting out, “It’s for you.”

—Yu Guang was answering the question Ye Si had asked him initially but hadn’t received an answer to.

Ye Si’s light and airy gaze descended, as if substantial.

But Yu Guang couldn’t understand whether the other understood his meaning.

From an angle Ye Si couldn’t see, Yu Guang clenched his hand holding the hem of his shirt so hard it turned pale, and the extremely slow exhale raised the carbon dioxide level in his blood to a dizzying degree.

He thought, jealousy could indeed make people blind, brave, and foolish.

When reason returned, fear replaced impulse, gnawing away at the living flesh in his heart.

He was afraid to open Pandora’s box, afraid of divine punishment, and even more afraid that the gods were no longer gods, causing the loss of faith in disciples…

Anyway, Yu Guang hastily found an excuse, “It’s for you, you specially corrected my poor handwriting in the last calligraphy class…”

His voice trembled nervously as he spoke, and the prickling sensation, as if being pricked by needles, came from his heart. It felt like someone in the depths of his soul was cursing him out: you damned coward!

Yu Guang nodded in a daze, feeling strangely that the person was cursing him out very well, and silently murmured in retort:

Compromising with fear itself is realistic moderation, avoiding the situation from developing into ultimate destruction.

Undoubtedly, it could also be considered a great achievement.

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