Chapter 18: Little Crybaby  

“Why won’t you kiss me?”  

Shen Zhansi, with her hands braced on the bed, looked down at Yan Qingye’s teary eyes, hazy and pleading as they gazed up at her—as if they could speak.  

They spoke of longing, of desire.  

Shen Zhansi’s throat felt dry.  

Nervous. So nervous.  

Her eyes traced the curve of Yan Qingye’s lips, red and moist, the faint scent of alcohol lingering on them.  

“Do you… really want me to kiss you?” Shen Zhansi heard her own voice, rough with restraint.  

“You don’t want to? Do you dislike me?” The arms looped around her neck loosened slightly, as if retreating in uncertainty.  

“Please don’t dislike me, okay? I’ve never kissed anyone else before.”  

Shen Zhansi’s throat tightened, her nose stinging as tears welled up. The urge to lower her head and claim those lips was overwhelming, but the moment the reckless thought surfaced, she forced it down with difficulty.  

No. She couldn’t. Not when Qingye was drunk and unaware.  

“I don’t dislike you. How could I ever dislike you?”  

Relaxing her arms, Shen Zhansi leaned down slightly and pulled her into an embrace, murmuring softly to soothe her.  

“I could never dislike you.”  

Even when she suspected she might just be a Substitute, she had never once despised Yan Qingye—only hated her own weakness for it.  

Enveloped in Shen Zhansi’s warmth, breathing in the comforting scent that eased her nerves, Yan Qingye sniffled quietly and nuzzled against her, clinging tightly as if afraid she might leave. But a drunk mind had little reason left, stubbornly fixated on one thought.  

“If you don’t dislike me… why won’t you kiss me?”  

Shen Zhansi fell silent, surprised by how deeply Qingye clung to this desire.  

Yet the Yan Qingye who had been cold and distant since she woke up now lay soft and pliant in her arms, on the verge of tears over a single kiss—it struck the most tender part of Shen Zhansi’s heart, devastatingly so.  

“I… I’ll go get some water to clean you up, okay? You’ll sleep better that way,” Shen Zhansi deflected, biting her lip even as her resolve wavered under Qingye’s teasing.  

“Mmm—”  

The arms around her tightened further, accompanied by a dissatisfied whimper.  

Shen Zhansi’s body grew rigid, yet her heart melted impossibly soft.  

This version of Yan Qingye… was impossible not to adore.  

Shutting her eyes in embarrassment, Shen Zhansi steeled herself, then quickly pressed a kiss to Yan Qingye’s cheek before pulling back, her face burning.  

“Qingqing, can you let go now? I’ll go get the water,” she whispered.  

The moment Shen Zhansi’s lips touched her cheek, Yan Qingye trembled slightly. After yearning for so many years, even this simple, chaste kiss was enough to set her heart racing.  

But it only deepened the hunger—to be closer, to dissolve into her, until no space remained between them.  

“Why won’t you kiss my lips?” The same pitiful tone, making Shen Zhansi regret clinging to her foolish principles.  

Yet what came out was: “Qingqing, give me a little more time, okay?”  

“I’m shy.”

Shen Zhansi buried her face in the crook of Yan Qingye’s neck, her cheeks burning fiercely.  

The night was already deep, and outside the window, the trees and buildings were bathed in a hazy glow under the moonlight, serene yet enchanting.  

Inside the room, the two embraced each other tightly, as intimate as lovers.  

Hearing Shen Zhansi admit her shyness, Yan Qingye seemed to belatedly feel a sense of embarrassment as well, holding onto Shen Zhansi without saying a word.  

They remained like this, quietly holding each other for a long time. Only when Shen Zhansi sensed that Yan Qingye’s emotions had stabilized somewhat did she finally speak softly, “Qingqing, let go of me for now, okay? I’ll let you hold me again in a little while.”  

“If I let go, will you disappear?” The tearful words struck Shen Zhansi’s heart like a sharp pain.  

“Of course not. I’ll be by your side from now on,” Shen Zhansi replied, suppressing the ache in her nose.  

Hearing her words, Yan Qingye seemed hesitant, torn between doubt and the desire to believe her—because it was Shen Zhansi who had said it. Her entire demeanor was fraught with struggle.  

Shen Zhansi patted herself down, then remembered the Guanyin Jade Statue hanging around her neck. It had been placed there by Madam Luo when she was born, and she had worn it ever since.  

“Loosen your grip a little. I want to give you something,” Shen Zhansi murmured soothingly.  

Her gentle voice truly did calm Yan Qingye, who slightly relaxed her tight embrace.  

Seizing the opportunity, Shen Zhansi quickly removed the jade statue from her neck and placed it in Yan Qingye’s palm, coaxing her softly, “You know what this is, right? I’m leaving it with you as a pledge. Since the jade statue is with you, of course I’ll come back for it. You don’t need to worry.”  

As she spoke these words, Shen Zhansi’s heart ached terribly. She still didn’t fully understand why Yan Qingye was so afraid of her leaving, but for now, she was willing to coax her into relaxing bit by bit.  

Yan Qingye clutched the jade statue in her palm. Even though her mind was dulled by alcohol, willingly lost in this illusion, she still clearly understood how important this jade statue was to Shen Zhansi.  

It was as if she had been given an anchor. The panic and tension that had gripped her gradually eased, and she loosened her hold on Shen Zhansi little by little.  

“You can’t lie to me.”  

Her voice was soft, like that of a wronged little girl.  

“I won’t lie to you. I’ll be back in five minutes at most,” Shen Zhansi replied, her eyes crinkling with a smile. So this was what Yan Qingye was like when drunk?  

So prone to sulking, like a little crybaby.  

Adorable. She wanted to hold her tightly and patiently comfort her.  

But after her heart softened, Shen Zhansi’s brows furrowed slightly. She had no idea why Yan Qingye had drunk so much tonight—and why no one had escorted her home. Was she really that careless?  

Moreover, her drunken attitude toward Shen Zhansi was truly polarizing.  

Yan Qingye finally released her, but her gaze remained fixed on Shen Zhansi, watching her nervously.  

Seeing her like this pained Shen Zhansi, who could only force a bright, reassuring smile before quickly slipping into the bathroom to fetch warm water for wiping her down.  

If she didn’t hurry now, she feared she might never leave—only wanting to keep Yan Qingye tightly locked in her embrace forever.

Shen Zhansi hurried into the bathroom to fetch a basin of water. She soaked the towel, and when her eyes met Yan Qingye’s, her tone unconsciously softened.  

“Close your eyes, okay? I’ll wipe your face for you.”  

Yan Qingye blinked at her, hesitated for a moment, but ultimately complied, slowly closing her eyes. However, it was clear she was tense after shutting them, gripping the hem of Shen Zhansi’s clothes tightly, as if clinging to a lifeline.  

Witnessing this series of actions, Shen Zhansi felt a pang of sorrow. She carefully pressed the towel against Yan Qingye’s face, gently wiping it clean. As she watched the tension in Yan Qingye’s brows gradually ease, Shen Zhansi felt a little happier.  

After wiping her face, she also cleaned her neck and wrists. She didn’t dare undress her to wipe the rest, so she focused on the exposed areas first.  

After two rounds of wiping, Yan Qingye clearly felt much better, her drowsiness growing heavier. Yet she stubbornly kept her eyes half-open, watching Shen Zhansi.  

She watched as Shen Zhansi carried the basin back into the bathroom, then as she walked out and returned to her side.  

The moment Shen Zhansi was back, Yan Qingye immediately grabbed the hem of her clothes again, staring at her intently.  

“I want to sleep holding you.”  

Her clinginess would normally have delighted Shen Zhansi, but upon hearing those words, her expression stiffened, a trace of bitterness surfacing.  

Sleep while holding Yan Qingye?  

Would she even survive until tomorrow?  

She knew full well that Yan Qingye’s current behavior was likely due to drunkenness. Getting this much kindness was already rare. But if she actually slept while embracing her, and Yan Qingye woke up the next day to find herself being held—Shen Zhansi couldn’t even imagine the scene.  

“Qingqing, sleep by yourself, okay? I’ll stay right beside you,” Shen Zhansi said, her voice slightly hoarse.  

If Yan Qingye remembered anything from tonight after waking up, the worst that might happen was a scolding—or maybe a little neck-grabbing. But if she found out Shen Zhansi had held her all night…  

Shen Zhansi shuddered, not daring to think further.  

“But I need you to hold me,” Yan Qingye said pitifully. “I can’t sleep well without you.”  

“I haven’t slept well in years.”  

Shen Zhansi’s heart ached sharply. Seeing the stubborn yet vulnerable look in Yan Qingye’s eyes, she felt an overwhelming sorrow with nowhere to place it.  

How had the girl she loved lived all these years?  

Suppressing her grief, Shen Zhansi gritted her teeth and climbed onto the bed, pulling Yan Qingye into her arms. Closing her eyes, she gently patted her back and whispered, “Alright, I’ll hold you while you sleep. Be good and rest, okay? Let’s have a good night’s sleep.”  

Never mind. Tomorrow’s problems could wait for tomorrow. Right now, she just wanted to hold Yan Qingye tightly and do whatever she could to make her feel better.  

Once nestled in Shen Zhansi’s embrace, Yan Qingye’s lips curled into a faint smile. She snuggled closer, gripping Shen Zhansi’s clothes with both hands, obediently closing her eyes as if ready to sleep.  

Shen Zhansi chuckled softly. Like this, she really did resemble a little milk cat—soft and nuzzling against her.  

Holding Yan Qingye like this, Shen Zhansi was actually nervous too. It was her first time sharing a bed so intimately with someone, and she still wasn’t used to it. But because it was Yan Qingye, she was willing to adapt—to make herself get used to it.

Breathing in the faint cold fragrance from Yan Qingye, Shen Zhansi tightened her embrace even more.

Clearly, Yan Qingye liked this gesture of hers. Despite being utterly exhausted, she still lifted her head to place a soft kiss on Shen Zhansi’s jawline.

Shen Zhansi’s heart, which had been racing wildly, suddenly stopped for a moment. Her mind went blank briefly, followed by an even more frantic pounding.

She… she kissed me.

This is it. Tomorrow’s death toll is going to have one more entry.

With this mix of nervousness and joy, Shen Zhansi continued her soothing motions to help Yan Qingye fall asleep. Watching as Yan Qingye gradually drifted into slumber, Shen Zhansi stared blankly into space, lost in thought.

Eventually, Shen Zhansi closed her eyes too, resigning herself to whatever tomorrow might bring.

……

Somewhat noisy sounds seeped through the door cracks, rousing the sleeping figure.

Yan Qingye’s nose wrinkled instinctively as she snuggled closer to where she felt safest, trying to ignore the disturbance and continue sleeping.

Once nestled securely in the comforting embrace, Yan Qingye’s consciousness slowly returned, as if finally sensing something amiss.

Her entire body radiated the satisfaction of a good night’s sleep, yet an icy chill began creeping up from her feet at that moment.

Her whole body stiffened instantly, as if unable to process what was happening, frozen in place.

It might have been seconds or minutes—time lost meaning—until Shen Zhansi shifted slightly, startling her awake. Memories of last night flooded back instantly, draining the color from her face.

She scrambled out of bed so abruptly that it woke the still-sleeping Shen Zhansi. Seeing Yan Qingye’s expression, Shen Zhansi was immediately struck speechless.

She knew all too well—this look meant Yan Qingye remembered everything from last night.

Yan Qingye’s bewildered gaze fell on Shen Zhansi. The memories were crystal clear—every single thing she’d done to Shen Zhansi the previous night.

How could this happen?

How could she have let herself indulge so freely?

This was behavior completely unprecedented for her.

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