Chapter 9: How about I hold you to sleep?

Outside the window, lightning accompanied by pouring rain created a symphony, tapping on the windows with a resonant sound. The atmosphere inside the room became subtly silent.

The proximity between the two was a bit too close. Su Lixu noticed Fu Xingran enclosing him in the chairs, dark eyes fixed on him, showing no intention to answer: “Let’s talk about skipping class next time. You rest; I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

After saying this, he stood up.

But Fu Xingran remained in the same posture, unwilling to let him go.

“Wanna answer?” Su Lixu asked.

“Not telling you,” Fu Xingran released his hand and stood up.

Su Lixu chuckled, realizing Fu Xingran was skilled at handling him, knowing that being affectionate would soften him. However, he needed to make it clear to Fu Xingran that this affection couldn’t be recklessly favored. Some boundaries had to be understood.

Fu Xingran stayed still, watching Su Lixu leave the room, his gaze following the man’s departure. The vulnerability on his face gradually disappeared, replaced by regret.

He shouldn’t have been too hasty, shouldn’t have snatched his brother’s phone out of jealousy. It was indeed a bit inappropriate; his brother disliked impolite people, and he had been impolite just now.

But fortunately, that person was just a colleague. Fortunately.

He walked to the floor-to-ceiling window.

The heavy rain continued outside, hitting the window. Raindrops slid down the glass, reflecting the current state of the young man – with lowered brows and eyes, silent, calm, obedient, and pitiable, making it hard to utter harsh words.

In the next moment, Fu Xingran’s brows and eyes relaxed, no trace of the previous calmness and meekness. His eyes sparkled with humor and stubbornness as he smiled and said:

“It must be that my expression wasn’t right just now. Brother wouldn’t scold me. I’ll do better next time, and Brother definitely won’t bear to scold me.”

Then, as if remembering something, a more radiant smile appeared on Fu Xingran’s face, resembling a mischievous devil.

In the deep autumn season, coupled with the rain, the weather had significantly cooled.

Su Lixu turned on the heater in the room but forgot to switch on the central air conditioning in the living room. Sleeping on the sofa in the living room until midnight, he vaguely felt a bit cold.

In a daze, he sensed a heat source squeezing in front of him. Instinctively, feeling a bit chilly, he unconsciously moved closer to the warmth. Unaware that there was an extra person on the sofa, he was embraced into a warm hug.

Unaware of the softness and warmth, danger lurked in proximity.

The living room remained dark; only faint light from outside entered, casting reflections of the balcony’s protective net onto the floor. The shadows on the floor intertwined with the embracing shadows on the sofa, creating an ambiguous play of murmurs and subtle movements.

“…Brother.”

“Brother, I’m scared.”

“Brother, there’s thunder. I don’t dare to sleep alone.”

“…Can I sleep holding onto you?”

Su Lixu slept in a daze, suddenly hearing a voice persistently making noise in his ear. His ear was tickled by warm breath, uncomfortable and itchy. He softly sighed and turned his face away.

“Brother, can you hear me talking?”

“…Xingran?”

Now Su Lixu gradually became aware amidst the drowsiness. He heard Fu Xingran’s calls, but his mind wasn’t fully awake, and he even forgot why he was on the sofa.

At that moment, he felt a touch near his left chest.

As if a nerve had been touched, his mind instantly cleared. Reflexively trying to sit up, he realized that his waist was tightly encircled by Fu Xingran behind him, and he was lying in Fu Xingran’s embrace.

The sofa wasn’t small, but with two adult men lying here, it felt particularly compact.

This guy actually ended up on the sofa?

“Fu Xingran.” Su Lixu raised his hand to press on Fu Xingran’s hand placed on his chest. “What are you doing?”

Listening to Su Lixu’s slightly sleepy and lazy voice on the sofa, at this intimate distance, the voice seemed like a catalyst, causing Fu Xingran’s desire to expand further.

Expanding almost to the point of overflowing.

He buried his face in Su Lixu’s neck, closed his eyes, did not respond, did not let go of the embrace. He softly called ‘Brother’ in his mouth, so deeply immersed that he even made himself sound like he was crying, as if extremely frightened.

Su Lixu sensed that Fu Xingran did not respond to him. Despite crying and fearfully calling out to him, Fu Xingran held him tightly. Su Lixu furrowed his brows; was this sleepwalking?

“Xingran?” he tentatively called.

Not getting a response from Fu Xingran, but getting Fu Xingran continuing to stimulate his nerves, Su Lixu’s lower back tightened. He immediately pressed Fu Xingran’s hand. In the overly quiet environment, he heard his own breath becoming irregular.

He sensed Fu Xingran’s intentions but was unclear if Fu Xingran was sleepwalking or intentionally behaving this way.But for safety, he didn’t move, just restraining Fu Xingran’s hand without breaking free.

“…So much blood, Mom bled a lot. I’m afraid to come out… There’s thunder, what should I do? It’s so terrifying…”

At that moment, a brilliant lightning flashed outside the window, followed by a thunderous roar. Behind him, Fu Xingran seemed as if scared and crying, trembling in fear, holding onto him even tighter.

Fu Xingran’s intermittent murmurs sounded like unconscious sleep talk, making Su Lixu feel that this guy was indeed sleepwalking. Now, he couldn’t do much; the only thing he could do was remain still.

But his stillness didn’t mean Fu Xingran’s stillness. The next moment, Fu Xingran embraced his waist and flipped him over.

On the sofa, face to face, the close proximity that had just been broken a moment ago.

Su Lixu saw Fu Xingran’s appearance clearly. This guy was indeed crying with closed eyes, looking extremely pitiful, but… this hand and the pitiful appearance were like two different people, quite malicious.

Suddenly, Fu Xingran lowered his head.

Su Lixu’s pupils contracted, as if in disbelief. He clenched the hand rest of the sofa so tightly that it trembled, and his joints gradually turned white.

This guy actually bit him.

“Fu Xingran!”

The scolding was not loud but carried a mix of shame and anger, evident in the tone. However, in someone’s ears, this reprimand could be twisted into a countless of meanings.

Fu Xingran loosened his grip slightly, but not completely, maintaining this posture without moving.

About a minute passed like this.

The culprit fell asleep after biting.

Su Lixu took a deep breath: “…”

This is driving him insane.

The city, washed by the rain, appeared renewed, but the temperature dropped a few degrees, making it cooler.

The heavy curtains in front of the French window were already pulled aside, leaving only a layer of pale yellow sheer curtains. Sunlight gently streamed into the room, enveloping the young man still sleeping on the sofa.

Fu Xingran slowly opened his eyes, and his mind went blank for a few seconds upon feeling a pillow stuffed in his arms.

“Brother?”

His voice echoed in the spacious living room, but there was no response.

Fu Xingran sat up suddenly, the drowsiness in his eyes instantly replaced by a lost and nervous expression. He anxiously scanned the living room, as if searching for something.

At that moment, a soft “ding” sound was heard, and the pale yellow curtain in front of the French window slowly opened to the sides. Sunlight poured into the room.

Soft and soothing instrumental music played through the living room’s sound system.

The smart thermal box in the kitchen automatically switched to heating mode, and soon the rich aroma of latte filled the air.

“Wake-up mode activated. You have one voice message. Now playing automatically for you.”

The display screen on the wall lit up, and the artificial AI mechanical voice of the home automation system spoke, “Xingran, good morning. I have some matters at school, so I’ve gone back first. There’s latte and toast in the kitchen’s thermal box, which will automatically heat up after you wake up. Left by Su Lixu.”

Although it was a cold and emotionless mechanical voice, Fu Xingran could still sense Su Lixu’s gentle care.

Fu Xingran stood in the living room, stunned for a few seconds, and then smiled contentedly, like a child who just tasted candy.

So, Su Lixu didn’t reject him; that was really great.He pursed his lips.

As if savoring something.

“Always worried about being abandoned? Are you still reviewing your brother’s case from back then?”

During lunch break, Su Lixu was flipping through past cases in the consultation room. When he heard the person sitting across from him say this, he couldn’t help but furrow his brow and look up at the man in a black shirt.

He Shi leaned back in his chair, the golden-rimmed glasses on his nose giving him a refined and scholarly air.

“No,” Su Lixu lowered his gaze, concealing the emotions in his eyes, closing the case file of Fu Xingran on the screen. “It’s from a patient I had when I was still at the psychiatric hospital.”

“Is it another case of borderline personality disorder with more pronounced symptoms?”

“Yes,” Su Lixu picked up his coffee and took a sip, looking at He Shi. “Four years ago, I resigned from the hospital and left. He misunderstood, thinking I rejected treating him because I couldn’t accept him as he was. Recently, I accidentally ran into him, and his behavior left me somewhat puzzled.”

“Such as?”

“The issue is that he perceives things this way, and whatever he intends to do will inevitably follow this perception.”

He Shi leaned forward, hands clasped on the table, looking at Su Lixu seriously. “I know you’re compassionate, but you can’t treat him as if he were Liyang. Su Lixu, you ended the doctor-patient relationship four years ago, and you’ve done what you needed to do. You don’t need to shoulder responsibilities that aren’t yours.”

As if struck at the core, Su Lixu turned the chair towards the window, sitting back in silence.

The consultation room fell quiet for a moment.

Outside the window, warm autumn light filled the room, falling on the man in a snowy white sweater. It gently outlined his handsome side profile, lips slightly pursed, as if determined or maybe in a self-conflict.

He Shi’s gaze landed on Su Lixu’s pursed lips, realizing what he had said earlier. He showed a hint of regret. “Are you angry?”

The name Su Liyang was like a thorn in Su Lixu’s heart, impossible to pull out. Every move made it dig a little deeper.

“No, you’re right,” Su Lixu stared at the towering tree outside the window. “I shouldn’t assume that I can heal every borderline personality disorder just because I lost Liyang. There’s no certainty in psychology, and I shouldn’t affirm it that way.”

He just regretted losing Liyang the most in his life and didn’t want to lead patients with borderline personality disorder into emotional confusion, losing themselves, and choosing to abandon the world.

“What do you plan to do?”

“I’m not his attending physician, so I don’t have the right to diagnose him. But if he’s willing to confide in me, I’ll listen as a friend. If he harbors resentment towards me, I hope he can speak up instead of holding it in.”

After saying this, Su Lixu felt He Shi staring at him continuously. “…What’s wrong?”

He Shi chuckled helplessly, looking at Su Lixu. “You, rational when you’re rational, but incredibly soft when your heart is soft.”

Su Lixu seemed to catch a hint of He Shi’s evaluation in his tone. “Is that a compliment or criticism?”

“Praising you,” He Shi laughed, raising an eyebrow. “I’m really happy to work with such a gentle teacher Su.”

Su Lixu wondered if he was gentle.

He certainly wasn’t.

“So, take good care of yourself.”

Su Lixu met He Shi’s deep and earnest gaze, as if contemplating the possibility that he needed to be cautious about Fu Xingran. It inevitably reminded him of last night, and his left chest tingled subconsciously.

“Understood.”

He Shi adjusted his glasses, and with his peripheral vision, he caught the unusual expression on Su Lixu’s face. “If there’s anything you want to do, remember to tell me, don’t go through it alone, got it?”

“Okay.”