Chapter 39: Baby, is it okay to say this?

Su Lixu never expected that Fu Xingran would actually want to marry him.

Even though they had been together for less than two months, Su Lixu was slowly falling in love with Fu Xingran, but Fu Xingran had already made up his mind to marry him, even planning the design of their wedding house. Clearly, this was something Fu Xingran had been doing before they got together.

However, despite Fu Xingran being so determined and prepared to be with him, why did he always unintentionally reveal anxiety about their relationship? What was Fu Xingran still worried about?

“Scared?” Fu Xingran, seeing Su Lixu suddenly silent, laughed and said, “You forced me to say it, and now you’re silent again. What, after teasing me, you don’t want to take responsibility?” He playfully retracted his measuring fingers without leaving a trace.

“Are you really sure about this?” Su Lixu asked.

Fu Xingran didn’t hesitate at all, saying, “I’m sure.”

“So when did you start thinking like this?” Su Lixu couldn’t believe that Fu Xingran, who couldn’t be certain about many things, was so confident about this.

“Since four years ago when I bit you, I started thinking about taking responsibility for you,” Fu Xingran said. “Who knew you would run away? I thought I scared you off. You know, I was really sad.”

“You were sure you’d catch up to me?” Su Lixu found it unbelievable, and he himself couldn’t believe that his other half would be a guy, let alone someone with a completely opposite personality.

“I didn’t know,” Fu Xingran rested his head on Su Lixu’s shoulder, looking at his side profile. “But if I didn’t try, how would I know I couldn’t catch you? I acted pitiful, innocent, cute, shameless, shameless, shameless, and it worked.”

Su Lixu glanced at him. “You’re quite aware of yourself.” Saying that, he got off Fu Xingran and casually leaned against the table.

“I know I have issues, but after meeting you back then, I really wanted to become a better person for you. Although I still have many interpersonal relationships I can’t handle, I can only be normal like this when facing you. But as long as you’re by my side, I’m willing to work hard to be better.”

Fu Xingran, seeing Su Lixu leaning against the table, moved forward, and his fingers tentatively brushed against the back of Su Lixu’s hand.

Su Lixu saw this clingy guy coming closer and couldn’t help but smile. He had never met such an affectionate boy. He hooked his hand, responding to the touch.

“After seeing you again, I’ve thought about it, following you, watching you. If you don’t like me, I’d dare to lock you up. I really would,” Su Lixu chuckled, saying, “I know.”

“I even thought that as long as you rejected me once, I would definitely keep you in bed. I really would,” Su Lixu met Fu Xingran’s aggressive gaze without avoiding it, smiling, “I know.”

“The first time I dreamed of you, I knew I liked you. All my fantasies revolved around you. Now that you’re with me, a person with psychological issues, I understand that my fantasies will end with you.” Fu Xingran patted his left chest.

Su Lixu’s eyes flickered slightly, understanding that Fu Xingran was touching the tattoo.

“My beginning is you, and my end will also be you.” Fu Xingran grabbed Su Lixu’s clothes and pulled them, making him bend down towards him.

“What are you doing?” Su Lixu was puzzled but bent down naturally.

Then he saw Fu Xingran, through their clothes, kissing the tattoo on his left chest.

Su Lixu’s body shivered; the freshly done tattoo was still a bit painful to touch, but the feeling of Fu Xingran’s words was even more intense. He lowered his gaze, meeting Fu Xingran’s eyes.

“I wouldn’t linger in this world without you. That day, I wanted to leave without any concerns, but you held onto me, making me start to want to try to love this world.” Fu Xingran placed his hand on Su Lixu’s knee, looking up at him. “The day you left, I did something foolish, but I couldn’t accept it because I hadn’t told you I liked you. So, I chose to live.”

“I chose to live, to tell you I like you because you saved me, because you were willing to wait for me, willing to comfort me, willing to be with me. This thought kept me going, to become better, to work hard to change my temper, not to get angry easily, and to wait for you to come back in the best state.”

“I waited, and I also did shameless things, prepared for the worst. I thought you would hate me, but I have no regrets. However, you didn’t hate me…”

“You still like me so much.”

Su Lixu was initially moved, his nose feeling a bit tingly, but then he heard this guy’s shameless self-love. Unable to hold back a smile, he looked at the hand on his knee, reached out, and held it tightly.

“And you even made yourself like me. We’re still together, planning to get married. It’s really great.” Fu Xingran rested his head on their tightly held hands, contentedly rubbing, “Living on was the right choice. Thank you, baby, for saving me.”

Listening to Fu Xingran becoming more and more presumptuous, Su Lixu helplessly pushed his head, “Who said that? Who’s planning to marry you?”

Fu Xingran suddenly lifted his head, looking at Su Lixu in astonishment. “If you don’t marry me, who will you marry? There’s no such thing; I won’t give you a free ride!” Suddenly feeling a bit wronged, he said, “I’ll cry for you.”

“Cry then.” Su Lixu lifted his chin, smiling.

Fu Xingran furrowed his brows, laid his head back on their intertwined hands, and grunted unhappily a couple of times.

Su Lixu lowered his gaze, looking at Fu Xingran resting on his hand. Gradually, the youthful contours faded away, revealing a handsome face. Yet, when he was upset, there was an indescribable childishness. He was thirty, while Fu Xingran was only twenty-one.

It was still an age filled with expectations and fantasies about love.

He had long surpassed that age of anticipation. Before meeting Fu Xingran, he never felt the need to deliberately arrange love; it either existed or didn’t, and life went on.

But fate led him to Fu Xingran

—intentionally drawing near, deliberately arranging obedience. This unique deliberate act made him understand that love doesn’t just happen; love at first sight is but a moment, and intentional efforts over time might spark the fireworks of love, creating expectations and fantasies.

Though there was a moment of fear in that room, he ultimately chose to accept it.

Now he realized it wasn’t solely due to his patience but had signs from the beginning. Fu Xingran always claimed to have saved him, but it wasn’t until he learned where they first met that he believed some things were destined.

If he had gone elsewhere that day, if Fu Xingran hadn’t encountered him, they wouldn’t have met even in paradise.

That day, they met, saved each other, and several years later, he became Fu Xingran’s psychologist, accompanying the boy who always sat by the window for a year and a half, witnessing his tears, breakdowns, and every side of him. Especially when Fu Xingran cried and pleaded:

—Dr. Su, you must save me, okay?

He never let go of that thought.

Until today, he became Fu Xingran’s other half. As his teacher said, ‘The best psychologist in the world is a patient lover.’ Since he was no longer Fu Xingran’s doctor, he became a patient lover.

“At least let me love you for more than four years.” Su Lixu ruffled Fu Xingran’s hair, smoothing it down: “Otherwise, you’ll owe me. You loved me for so long, wait for a bit, let me love you a bit more, okay, baby?”

Fu Xingran was stunned, sitting up as if surprised Su Lixu would say such a thing: “S-so, does that mean we’ll get married?”

“Yeah, let me love you a bit more.” Su Lixu lowered his head, gently holding his face: “As long as we’re together, it’s never too late to get married at eighty, right?”

Marriage is a romantic form; staying together is the most romantic ceremony.

He thought, since they started, he wouldn’t give up.

Because deep down, he was a stubborn person.

It was snowing; the gravestones in the cemetery were covered in snow.

Wearing all black, Su Lixu put away his umbrella, bent over to clean his parents’ and brother’s gravestones. He swept away the snow from the top, brushing off the snowflakes on the photos. The icy snow reddened his fingertips, but he didn’t mind.

Today was the anniversary of his parents’ death.

He meticulously wiped the photos on the three gravestones arranged side by side, placed a newly bought fresh bouquet in front of the monument, took a few steps back, and looked at the three loved ones separated by the realm of the divine with a smile.

“Dad, Mom, Liyang, it’s been a long time. I miss you. How have you been lately? I’ve been doing well recently, happy, and I’m in a relationship.”

After speaking, the smile on Su Lixu’s lips faded. He gazed for a long time at the photos on the three gravestones; his parents still looked so young in the pictures, and Liyang was just a teenager. His closest relatives were frozen in eternity on the photographs, becoming cold and lifeless.

Turning his face away, his eyes gradually reddened.The hands hanging at his sides slowly tightened.

After a long pause, as if easing the bitterness that surged in his heart, he raised a smile and looked at his relatives on the gravestones. “His name is Fu Xingran, a boy younger than me, the same age as Liyang. You probably wouldn’t mind that I have a boyfriend, right? I think you wouldn’t. He’s good, and I really like him.”

“I have a secret that I probably won’t tell him in this lifetime. If he knew, he might cry again. The day I saved him, Liyang passed away on the spot, and I couldn’t accept it. Both of you have left me, and Liyang was my last relative. Without him, life seems meaningless.”

“I don’t want to live either.”

Su Lixu recalled the day he injured his waist while saving Fu Xingran, leaving lasting consequences. He couldn’t help but laugh. “In the end, I still had the mood to save a boy, my boyfriend Fu Xingran. I injured my waist for this, and I gave up on the idea of leaving quietly.”

“But I think everything is destined. I’m destined to live missing you, and to meet Fu Xingran.”

“Dad, Mom, Liyang, so you can rest assured. I’m doing well now.” Su Lixu bowed deeply to his parents. “Next time, I’ll bring him to see you.”

As he prepared to leave, a shadow covered him. Confused, he looked up and found a large black umbrella, followed by Fu Xingran.

Under the gently falling snowflakes, Fu Xingran held the umbrella, his eyes red, gazing at him.

“…Why didn’t you tell me?”

Su Lixu thought he had gotten up early enough not to be discovered by Fu Xingran, but this guy still followed. He wasn’t angry, just a bit helpless seeing Fu Xingran about to cry. “I was planning to find an opportunity to tell you. We just started dating, and I didn’t want you to be sad knowing my situation.”

Before he could finish speaking, he was embraced.

Under the large umbrella, his boy held the umbrella with one hand, and with the other, he embraced him. The broad and warm chest was comforting, but the crying seemed a bit pitiful.

Fu Xingran hugged Su Lixu, looking at the three gravestones not far away, gradually blurring his vision. He never expected Su Lixu’s family to be gone, and this man had never told him. Moreover, he hadn’t mentioned that he also had such thoughts on the day he couldn’t bear it.

“Su Lixu, you made me cry. You’re in trouble.”

Su Lixu felt the tightening strength of Fu Xingran’s embrace, listened to the choked sobs in his ears, and with moist eyes, he smiled, “Why so fierce? Can you bear to?”

Fu Xingran wiped his tears on Su Lixu’s shoulder and then said, “I also want to go see my mom, dad, and little brother.”

Su Lixu frowned, looking at his shoulder. After a moment’s thought, he decided it didn’t matter; after all, Fu Xingran would wash it later. “You’re quite aware,” he said, gently pushing Fu Xingran’s waist. “Go on, greet them.”

Fu Xingran handed the umbrella to Su Lixu, turned, and walked into the snow towards the graves.

Su Lixu held the umbrella, gazing at his boy.

The icy snowflakes touched Fu Xingran’s hair and coat, but his sincere heart seemed to melt the snow.

Fu Xingran first bowed to his parents’ gravestones. “Hello, Mom and Dad. I’m Fu Xingran. Rest assured, I will take care of Su Lixu. From now on, he won’t be alone when he comes to see you. I’ll be with him, so he won’t be lonely.”

Then, he squatted in front of his little brother’s gravestone, greeted it with a fist, “Hello, little brother. I’m your brother-in-law. From now on, your brother will protect you. Rest assured.”

After finishing, he turned to Su Lixu and asked, “Baby, is this okay?”

Su Lixu smiled knowingly, nodding, “It’s fine. Let’s go home.”

On this path, there was now an additional companion, and home became a true home.

Because he had Fu Xingran.