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In the evening, Yu Nian had to make a sudden trip back to the company for something, then went out to dinner with Qi Wang.
After dinner, he needed to pick up his customized stamp, so they decided to walk along the edge of the square instead of driving.
As the New Year approached, there was a festive atmosphere in the streets, with many shops hanging small red lanterns outside, flaunting their decorations in the cold wind.
Yu Nian wrapped his scarf tightly around his neck, holding a cup of milk tea in his hand. He always indulged his taste buds, even from a young age, and nothing had changed now.
But Qi Wang looked at him from the side, noticing how sharp his jawline was, how slender his shoulders, and how slim his waist. He couldn’t help but wonder where all the food he ate went.
Lost in his thoughts, Qi Wang was suddenly caught off guard when Yu Nian asked, “Where are you going to spend the New Year this year?”
Qi Wang was taken aback. “Probably in France,” he replied, a rare uncertainty creeping into his voice. “My mentor happens to be living in France, so I might visit him.”
Yu Nian took a sip of his milk tea and asked again, “Did you always spend Chinese New Year with your mentor in previous years?”
Qi Wang shook his head.
“Not often,” he admitted truthfully. “My mentor isn’t someone who values traditional holidays. I only spent two Chinese New Year celebrations with him. The rest of the time, I either celebrated alone or traveled.”
He paused for a moment, a nostalgic look in his eyes. “One year, I was actually in London, in Chinatown. I went to a Cantonese restaurant and had a Chinese New Year set meal. I remember the restaurant was playing Teresa Teng’s songs, and the owner was a middle-aged woman with her daughter helping out in the shop. There were photos of their hometown hanging on the walls. From where I was sitting, I could see a lion dance troupe passing by, and across the street was a cake shop called ‘Nian Hua.'”
He didn’t know that Yu Nian was studying in London at the time, but he had heard Yu Nian mention his passion for fashion design, and the best Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design was in London.
So at that moment, did he harbor any unspoken expectations, hoping to see Yu Nian pass by the window? Even he couldn’t explain it clearly.
When Yu Nian heard Qi Wang mention the cake shop called “Nian Hua” across the street, he tightened his grip on the cup.
He suddenly looked up and asked, “When were you there? Which year?”
Qi Wang thought for a moment. “Four years ago, it should have been in 2019, on New Year’s Day.”
Yu Nian’s fingers almost deformed the milk tea cup.
Qi Wang noticed his expression. “What’s wrong?”
Yu Nian lowered his head. “That New Year’s Eve, I didn’t go home. Instead, I spent it in London with Zhang Yunyao and Ying Quanshen. When we passed through Chinatown on our way to the bar that night, there was a cake shop called Nian Hua giving out New Year’s cakes. Ying Quanshen took three of them. They were very sweet, like they were mixed with a ton of sugar.”
He tried to sound calm, but there was a subtle tremor in his voice.
The same year, the same Chinatown.
He was at the Nian Hua cake shop on this side of the street, while Qi Wang was at the Cantonese restaurant across the street. Only a day, a street, and a lion dance troupe separated them.
Looking at the Cantonese restaurant across the street, where unfamiliar white men and women sat by the window, he would never have imagined that Qi Wang would be sitting there the next day, quietly celebrating the New Year alone.
When he was young, he never understood why regrets caused so much heartache.
Thinking back to the past, it seemed that “regret” was the only word that could describe it, lingering and inescapable.
As he grew older, he finally understood.
So this was regret.
They were missing each other by a day, a moment, and everything went wrong.
Qi Wang was also frozen in place.
He stopped in his tracks, still holding Yu Nian’s shopping bag in one hand, standing straight in the cold wind like a stiff bamboo in winter.
He looked down at Yu Nian.
Yu Nian kept drinking his milk tea as if nothing had happened, his cheeks puffed up. But his lowered eyelashes lightly covered his moist eyes.
Qi Wang almost lost the ability to speak.
He looked at Yu Nian, his mind in turmoil, as if there were ten thousand machines running simultaneously, making a deafening noise that threatened to shatter his nerves.
But he couldn’t say a word.
What could he say?
Now, it had been five years since that New Year’s Eve in Chinatown.
They had missed each other time and time again, given gifts by fate but brushed past each other’s fingertips.
In the end, all they could do was sum it up in three words: “What a pity.”
Qi Wang’s chest heaved a few times. Some young men and women passed by, a little too excited from drinking, jumping around. One of them almost bumped into Yu Nian.
Qi Wang quickly pulled Yu Nian into his arms, holding him tightly to his chest.
He held on too tightly, and Yu Nian struggled to catch his breath.
But even after the young men and women passed by, Qi Wang didn’t let go.
Qi Wang didn’t say anything.
But as he buried his head in Yu Nian’s shoulder, holding him so tightly, it was as if he couldn’t grasp anything except the person in his arms.
In the bustling street, their posture was somewhat strange.
Two handsome and refined men, embracing each other in such a lively and noisy square, attracted many glances from passersby.
Qi Wang rarely did such things.
He had been accustomed to restraint since he was young, even a bit expressionless, always wearing a cold and indifferent expression, as if he were not interested in anything in the world.
Even after they started dating, he still restrained himself. Despite being young, he carried a heavy burden, and even when Yu Nian tried to be playful, he only hugged him occasionally, occasionally revealing a smile.
He rarely, if ever, showed his emotions.
Even during a breakup.
Even when the pain had shattered into countless pieces, he could still maintain a calm surface and tell well-rehearsed lies.
But now, as he held Yu Nian, his arms were trembling slightly.
Whether it was Yu Nian’s imagination or not, he even felt a momentary warmth in his neck.
Qi Wang didn’t say anything, yet it seemed like he had said everything.
Years of regrets seemed to melt away in this one embrace, the pain in their hearts transmitting through their chests, causing even Yu Nian to feel a tightness in his chest.
But he remained calm.
He wasn’t as impulsive as he used to be when he was younger. Time had left deeper marks on him than on Qi Wang. From a boy who was always playful and spoiled, he had grown into someone composed and indifferent.
He even saw traces of Qi Wang in himself.
Perhaps loving someone deeply would give rise to a hint of resemblance in flesh and blood.
Until they returned to dust, traces of that person would still linger in their bodies.
With one hand still holding the milk tea, his posture was somewhat awkward, but he gently patted Qi Wang’s back with the other hand.
At that moment, something inside him loosened.
Unable to articulate his feelings, as Qi Wang held him in this embrace, Yu Nian was reminded of the streets of Chinatown in London many years ago.
He wondered what it would have been like if he and Qi Wang had appeared on opposite sides of the street that day.
The thought pained him, and with a soft sigh, he said, “Are you trying to embarrass me?”
He couldn’t offer any gentle comfort.
Years of waiting had worn away the sweet words he used to whisper effortlessly.
But at that moment, he no longer wished to see Qi Wang in pain.
After they reunited, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he wanted Qi Wang’s suffering to nourish his own flesh and blood.
But now that they were together, it seemed anticlimactic.
Even when Qi Wang was in pain, Yu Nian still found himself wanting to make him smile, just like eight years ago.
He patted Qi Wang again. “Let’s go back.”
Driving back to the apartment, Qi Wang followed Yu Nian upstairs. As soon as they entered, he pressed Yu Nian against the door and kissed him.
The city outside the window was still brightly lit.
In the silence of the sixteenth-floor apartment, their heavy breaths filled the air. The room was dimly lit as the lights hadn’t been turned on yet, and only Yu Nian’s eyes gleamed.
Both of them were breathing heavily.
It wasn’t clear who initiated it, but their eyes met, and they kissed again.
After making love twice, Qi Wang carried Yu Nian to the shower. But even after returning to bed, Yu Nian still couldn’t sleep.
He flipped through a geography magazine under the bedside lamp, trying to induce sleep. His sleep had improved a lot recently, and he was trying not to rely on sleeping pills anymore.
Qi Wang also showed no signs of sleepiness, staring at him intently.
“What are you looking at?” Yu Nian asked casually.
Qi Wang couldn’t articulate what he wanted to do either.
He held Yu Nian’s hand tightly.
Fragments of their time together flashed through his mind.
Then, he hoarsely said to Yu Nian, “Can I stop being your bed partner?”
Yu Nian’s hand, flipping through the pages, paused for a moment as he glanced at Qi Wang.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Qi Wang closed his eyes, his features sharply defined in the lamplight, like a favored creation of a deity.
“I’ve become greedy,” he said. “Before, I just wanted to be by your side, but now that we’re together, touching you has awakened more desires in me. I want to continue like this with you forever.”
He opened his eyes again, and his eyelashes cast a shadow on his face.
He asked Yu Nian, “Can I take back what I said, and… ” He bit his lip tightly, the anxiety reaching its peak in his heart. His face even turned a bit pale as he struggled to finish his sentence, “I want to pursue you for real.”
Yu Nian’s fingers froze completely.
He turned to look at Qi Wang, and in just a few seconds, a thousand thoughts flooded his mind.
But in the end, he just chuckled softly and asked, “Didn’t you want to step down and make way for me before? You said you’d step aside as soon as I found true love.”
“…I can’t do it.”
There was a hint of resignation in Qi Wang’s tone.
“I overestimated myself. I don’t have that kind of magnanimity. I’m still as selfish and narrow-minded as before. Once I have something, I don’t want to let go.”
When he first told Yu Nian about dating for a trial period of one month, he had hoped they could part peacefully after a month.
But in the end, he couldn’t do it.
He wished he could keep Yu Nian by his side forever.
Where no one else could see and no one else could compete.
Yu Nian turned another page of the book, looking down as if indifferent. “Let’s talk about it later. I’ll think about it.”
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