Chapter 49: The beginning of love may have ulterior motives

“Child, we tried our best with your parents. Please accept our condolences.”

“Your younger brother couldn’t be saved despite efforts; he passed away on the spot. Please accept our condolences.”

He didn’t know how he left the hospital, only that the wind was strong as he stepped out. Though it was early autumn, the wind stung, and it was cold. His mind felt detached, as if his soul had left with Su Liyang from this world.

“Oh dear, little brother, don’t run around recklessly, it’s not safe!”

Before he could react, a child collided with him head-on. He staggered, his gaze fixed in the distance.

The little boy’s mother quickly apologized to Su Lixu, “I’m so sorry, he’s too playful. Are you alright?” Not receiving a response, she noticed his increasingly pale face and rushed to support him, “Are you feeling unwell?”

After a moment, the little boy’s mother received a response. She looked at the young man in front of her and suddenly smiled. Already handsome, his smile seemed bitter, fragile.

“I’m fine, thank you,” Su Lixu regained his composure. He glanced at the little boy by his leg, his eyes reddening. “Be careful, don’t get hurt. Luckily, it’s me you bumped into.”

He wasn’t afraid of a little pain anyway.

With that, he walked away from the hospital.

The little boy clung tightly to his mother’s leg, pointing to the departing young man, “Mom, that brother, he seems to be crying. Did I hurt him when I bumped into him?”

The little boy’s mother looked at the departing figure, his frail back seeming to be swallowed by the sunlight.

“Maybe.”

An adult’s breakdown might just be a fleeting moment.

The bus to the city center smoothly navigated through the bustling streets. The bright light fell on the window, enveloping the young man leaning against it with closed eyes, outlining his extremely pale face.

Buzz—

Su Lixu felt his phone vibrating in his pocket but paid it no mind. He leaned against the window, lost in thought, eager to reach the skyscraper. He didn’t want to waver from the decision he made.

He didn’t even need to think about what he needed to write in a will.

Because there was only him left in this world, why bother with a will?

He didn’t want anything anymore.

“Arriving at the Skyscraper Station, passengers getting off please…”

Su Lixu heard the announcement of his destination. He forced himself to open his eyes, took a deep breath, and stood up, but his body swayed as the bus braked.

“Be careful.”

Someone kind helped him up, but he didn’t bother to look. He murmured a thank you and got off the bus.

The skyscraper was one of the city’s landmarks, towering into the sky.

Su Lixu stood at the entrance, gazing up at the building. He felt dizzy for a moment but anticipated relief soon. He didn’t shield himself from the glaring sunlight; instead, he let it wash over his face.

“So tall.”

Jumping down would be a grand finale.

End it quickly, he couldn’t bear it anymore.He walked inside, eager to get it over with.

As the elevator ascended, it finally stopped at the twentieth floor. As for why he didn’t go to the top floor, the hundredth floor, it was because the top was too secure, with nowhere to jump from. But the twentieth floor housed an open-air restaurant, with plenty of space for him to jump amidst people’s exclamations.

Hurry up.

He quickened his pace.

At three o’clock in the afternoon, the restaurant was deserted. He deliberately asked the waiter if he could borrow a seat because he wasn’t feeling well. The service here was excellent, and they even offered him a glass of warm water to sit comfortably.

Su Lixu walked into the restaurant, carrying a glass filled with warm water. The journey seemed short, yet his mind was filled with thoughts. Why did he suddenly feel that everyone he passed by was so kind to him, as if urging him to linger in this world a bit longer?

But he couldn’t. He didn’t want to linger anymore.

These suffocating days had shattered his nerves. His perseverance had lost all meaning, and he couldn’t summon the courage to continue living.

Su Lixu casually placed the glass on a table and walked away.

But then, he saw a boy of about thirteen or fourteen sitting on the railing. His legs dangled over the unprotected edge, his hair tousled by the wind, as if he might be swept away at any moment.In the next instant, his actions were faster than his thoughts, even faster than the boy’s next move by several seconds.

Su Lixu rushed to the railing and grabbed the boy, who was about to leap. One hand was not enough to hold onto the boy, who weighed at least eighty or ninety kilograms. His hand and the pressure against the railing felt like ligaments tearing.

The pain surged through him, making him shout, “Hold onto me, don’t let go!”

But he felt the boy struggling, wedging his legs forcefully between the railing’s gaps, exerting all his strength to hold onto him.

The wind was strong, almost tousling their hair.

With red eyes, Su Lixu stared at the boy he had grabbed, who was still trying to break free. It felt like grasping at his last straw for life. He gritted his teeth and choked out, “Please, hold onto me, don’t let go.”

“Please.”

Soon, many people surrounded them, some even shouting something about “Fu Shao,” but he couldn’t hear anymore due to exhaustion. He only felt pain, a lot of pain. Yet, he also felt something new in his heart, a sense of solace.

Before losing consciousness, a thought flashed through his mind.

He…

came back to life.

Four years later—

At the Second Mental Hospital of City A.

“Dr. Su, the professor wants to see you.”

Su Lixu, wearing a white coat and holding a ward round medical record book, emerged from a ward and coincidentally met his medical assistant. He nodded, “Alright, I’ll go now.”

“I heard they admitted a patient with borderline personality disorder. Seems like it’s assigned to you, Dr. Su.”

Su Lixu’s steps hesitated for a moment, but he discreetly concealed any unusual emotions in his eyes and smiled gently, “Follow the arrangement, go ahead and busy yourself.”

With that, he took the lead.

The medical assistant watched the man walking down the corridor, his tall and slender figure clad in a white coat, a sight to behold in the mental hospital. She couldn’t help but feel a tinge of admiration. “No wonder he’s hard to catch.”

Su Lixu knocked on the professor’s office door, “Professor, it’s me, Lixu.”

“Come in.”

Entering the room, he found not only the professor but also a boy of about sixteen or seventeen, dressed in all black. Despite his striking appearance, he exuded an aura of unapproachability.

The next moment, he saw the boy who had been sitting suddenly stand up and stare at him intently.

The ink-like depths of the boy’s eyes were filled with an almost overpowering intensity, as if he were a lamb targeted by a hungry wolf.

For a moment, Su Lixu was stunned by the intensity of the boy’s gaze, but also felt inexplicably unsettled. Why was he looking at him like that?

Did they know each other?

No, they didn’t.

“Xingran, is this the doctor you want?”

While Su Lixu was still puzzled, he heard the boy’s reply.

“Yes, I want him.”

Su Lixu paused, looking at the professor. “What does this mean?”

Then he saw the boy walk up to him. Perhaps still in the stage of growth, he was roughly at Su Lixu’s eyebrow level, but his dominance and the emotions in his eyes that Su Lixu couldn’t understand were overwhelming, enveloping him.

“Dr. Su, I want you.”

Su Lixu met the boy’s determined gaze and felt a tremor in his heart. “What?”

This boy… resembled Liyang.

“I want you to save me, only you.”

That day, he had his first patient who truly fit his specialty. It was a boy named Fu Xingran, seventeen years old, suffering from borderline personality disorder.

He learned about Fu Xingran’s family background, his past experiences, and his hobbies – drawing and a fondness for sweets.

As a clinical doctor in a mental hospital, dealing with various psychiatric patients, especially those with borderline personality disorder, seemed easier. After all, borderline personality disorder was different from severe mental illness, especially the high-functioning type.

They were intelligent and cunning.

They could be quite wild when in a frenzy, but they always seemed to rein in their aggression in front of him, perhaps finding him easy to talk to.

“Dr. Su, I want some candy,” was the first thing Fu Xingran said every time they met.

“No.” Su Lixu sat beside Fu Xingran, who was drawing, and met his pleading eyes. “I’ve told you, you can have candy if you behave well this week, but Nurse Zhou just told me you threw a tantrum again.”

This was a rule they established. To get what you wanted, you had to follow the treatment rules, one of which was controlling emotions. This was an essential part of dialectical behavior therapy.

But this guy was cunning. He freely vented his anger in front of others but always seemed docile in front of him. If Su Lixu hadn’t witnessed Fu Xingran’s tantrums, he might have been deceived by him.

With a snap, Su Lixu watched Fu Xingran throw the paintbrush aside, staining the pristine white sheets.

“I just want some,” Fu Xingran said, turning to face him, knees against his, hands on his legs, leaning closer, staring at him. “I want some, and if I don’t get any, I’ll break things.”

Su Lixu noticed that Fu Xingran liked to get close to him when speaking, as if trying to exert pressure subtly. He waved a hand, using the patient’s file as a barrier between them.

“If you want to break things, go ahead.”

Frowning, Fu Xingran reached out and moved the obstruction between them. “Dr. Su, why aren’t you indulging me today? I’m going to break things.”

“Listen, the person next door is just like you,” Su Lixu said, pointing to the wall next to them.

There came the sound of things being thrown and curses from the neighboring room.

Fu Xingran seemed to understand something, glaring at Su Lixu. “You’re scolding me.”

Su Lixu smiled, placing the file aside and pointing to the sunflower Fu Xingran was drawing. “I think this color could be brighter. What do you think?”

“I think…” Fu Xingran was instantly distracted, starting to observe his painting. “I think this color is pretty good.”

“Then I think it’s pretty good too.” Su Lixu bent down to pick up the paintbrush.

He didn’t notice how intense the gaze on his waist was.

When Su Lixu straightened up, the greedy look in those eyes disappeared.

“Dr. Su, can I ask you a question?” Fu Xingran took the paintbrush Su Lixu handed him and continued painting on the canvas, dipping it into the palette.

“Go ahead.”

“Dr. Su, are you wearing black underwear today?”

Su Lixu: “…,” He picked up the file beside him and tapped Fu Xingran’s head as a reprimand. “What are you saying?”

Fu Xingran’s speed of painting increased, as if pouring some emotion into the canvas. Soon, the smile on his lips deepened, and his eyes darkened. “I guessed. I just think, Dr. Su, you look good in black.”

“What?”

“Because you’re very fair.” Fu Xingran met Su Lixu’s gaze with a side glance. “It makes people want to… darken you.”

With a shake of the paintbrush in his hand, he laughed innocently.

So, for a while, Su Lixu was dazzled by this innocence, thinking that this boy wasn’t quite like the one diagnosed abroad with borderline personality disorder. But his professional judgment told him otherwise – that borderline personality disorder, especially the high-functioning type, could be highly deceptive.

Sure enough, Fu Xingran had “fooled” him during the third dialectical behavior therapy session to secure his discharge.

One day after his discharge, on a stormy night, he received a call from Fu Xingran. The boy was crying on the phone, saying he was alone at home and scared, begging for his help.

Out of a sense of duty, he drove through the rain to find Fu Xingran. Arriving at Fu Xingran’s house, the vast and chilly space echoed with the clear sound of thunder and rain. The boy, with red eyes from crying, stood pitifully at the entrance, barefoot, looking at him.

“Dr. Su, can you hug me? I’m so scared.”

He softened, walked up, and hugged the boy. “It’s just thunder, you’re very brave.”

“Dr. Su, can you sleep with me? I’m too scared to sleep alone.”

Meeting Fu Xingran’s fearful and pleading eyes, he didn’t think too much and nodded. “Okay, take me to your room, and I’ll leave after you fall asleep.”

He didn’t notice the subtle smile on the boy’s lips.

Like a devil.

Su Lixu knew Fu Xingran was afraid of thunder, but he didn’t know the extent of his sensitivity and fear towards it, to the point where he couldn’t control his emotions and desperately sought refuge in his embrace.

He also felt Fu Xingran’s strength increasing, making it difficult for him to resist. It was only when that burning hand forcibly tore open his shirt, and he felt the agonizing bite on his left chest, that he realized the danger was imminent.

“Let go.”

“Dr. Su, am I going crazy?”

The timid, trembling voice of the boy echoed in his ears, but beneath this seemingly harmless tone, his mouth was vicious, almost as if he wanted to bite off the tip. Yet he knew he would know to let go, to soothe the pain, but the next moment, he would bite down hard again, as if trying to swallow the tip whole.

“Xingran, you’re just sick, I’ll save you, but you can’t—” Su Lixu was once again cut off by pain before he could finish his sentence, trembling with agony.

Why?

Why did he bite him when he was scared? Did Su Lixu do something to provoke Fu Xingran?

No, he didn’t.

“Dr. Su, I’m so scared, I can’t control myself, what should I do? But I don’t want to be hospitalized again, I just got discharged.

“Su Lixu wanted to resist this force, but he didn’t even wait for Fu Xingran to let go. Anyone in this position would feel uncomfortable being bitten so fiercely, especially for a sensitive person like him. Besides the pain, there were other things at play.

And Fu Xingran saw all of this. He saw Su Lixu’s dazed expression, his trembling, the crimson at the corners of his eyes, so different from his usual gentle demeanor in the white coat. It pleased the boy immensely.”

Xingran, let go, I—” Su Lixu’s pupils suddenly contracted, once again overwhelmed by pain before he could finish his sentence.

It wasn’t just pain, but the reaction forced his rationality to collapse.”

Can you let me bite a little longer? Hold me, I’m so scared.”

The boy’s fearful and weak plea for help, his reluctant dependency, echoed in the dim room, like a nightmare that pierced the man’s mind.

Day after day.

Eight years later—

The boy who had once left a mark on Su Lixu’s soul with his bite had grown into a tall and handsome young man. The possessiveness of borderline personality disorder still lingered daily but had transformed into romance.In a different way, it still pierced Su Lixu.

Sky restaurant on the 20th floor of a skyscraper.

Su Lixu rested his chin and gazed at Fu Xingran, who was sitting across from him, helping him cut the steak. “Baby, isn’t it strange that we chose to come here for our anniversary?”

Fu Xingran handed the cut steak to Su Lixu’s mouth. “Not strange at all, it’s very romantic.”

Su Lixu bit into the steak Fu Xingran offered. “How so?”

“Surviving a calamity brings good fortune.” Fu Xingran put down his knife and fork, picked up his wine glass, and raised an eyebrow, gesturing for a toast.

Su Lixu chuckled, quite in agreement. He raised his glass and clinked it with Fu Xingran’s. “Mr. Fu, it’s really good to be alive.”

“Dr. Su, it’s really good to be alive.”

The autumn breeze gently blew, the sunshine radiant, the clinking of glasses crisp, and the two smiled at each other.

The beginning of love, perhaps with sinister intentions, perhaps with greedy desires, both greedy and hesitant, both vain and fearful, shouting during the day, growing mad at night.

But as long as there’s a response, that love is eternal.

They were Su Lixu and Fu Xingran,

They,

Would continue to love passionately.

~ END ~ 💖