14: Know I Was Wrong

Yu Yue didn’t tell Yu Jingnian about his car accident. He just said that he had some things to take care of on his end, so he couldn’t come over to take care of Jiang Qian for the time being.

Yu Jingnian advised him to handle his matters first.

After being discharged from the hospital, Yu Yue went to the hospital to take care of Jiang Qian. By that time, Jiang Qian had already regained consciousness.

When Yu Yue entered the hospital room, Jiang Qian was sitting up in bed, reading a book. Upon hearing his voice, she looked up and saw him. Her eyes unexpectedly welled up with tears.

Unlike Yu Jingnian, Jiang Qian didn’t get angry upon seeing Yu Yue. Her eyes were red, and she gently said to him, “Come here.”

Yu Yue walked slowly to the side of her bed.

Jiang Qian held onto Yu Yue’s hand and asked, “Why have you lost so much weight? Is life in B City that tough? Mom has been telling you…”

In the past, Yu Yue’s immediate response would have been to refute it. He would say, “I’m doing well, no need to worry about me.”

But now, Yu Yue couldn’t help but wonder if he was actually not doing well. Perhaps it was because he had been loved so deeply that he had been using that love to numb himself. And when that love disappeared, all his troubles and difficulties became apparent.

However, when trying to recall the little moments where he felt he wasn’t doing well, Yu Yue could only remember that just last month, he was sitting at the dinner table with Xu Yuanzhe, discussing that if he saved up a bit more money next month, he could buy an oven. It didn’t have to be a very fancy one, just a simple oven. Yu Yue was particularly good at baking cakes, and he thought he could frequently bake small cakes for Xu Yuanzhe.

As they discussed this, they were having dinner.

Yu Yue felt so excited about the idea of buying an oven soon that he was happily swinging his feet. Xu Yuanzhe, on the other hand, playfully teased him and quirked an amused smile, saying, “There’s no space left in our home to put an oven.”

Yu Yue blinked and his eyes sparkled. He replied, “We can put it by your bedside.”

Xu Yuanzhe glanced at Yu Yue.

After a moment, he said, “Okay.” He paused for a moment and added, “Then you’ll be sleeping with the oven, and I’ll sleep in the kitchen.”

Yu Yue burst into laughter, and it was so infectious that his stomach hurt from laughing.

Did he feel like they weren’t doing well?

In their narrow little house, a 40-square-meter home, every brick and tile had been personally decorated by Yu Yue and Xu Yuanzhe. The dim, warm light of the small pendant lamp above the dining table forever illuminated their little corner of the world. They shared countless meals there and Yu Yue had never felt that they were not doing well or that he was being mistreated. Looking back now, he still didn’t feel like he hadn’t lived well in the past.

However, when it came to Jiang Qian and Yu Jingnian, Yu Yue no longer had the energy to argue. He had opened with enthusiasm and closed with distress, just as Yu Jingnian had once told him.

“You’ll regret it.”

All along, Yu Yue had been desperately trying to prove that he and Xu Yuanzhe would be just fine. He put in a lot of effort to demonstrate that they would live a good life. After all, Yu Jingnian said that to prove someone else is wrong, you must first prove that you are right.

Yu Yue felt that Yu Jingnian’s logic seemed to make sense.

So he had always tried to prove that he and Xu Yuanzhe were right for each other, that they were suitable, destined to be together. Even though there were many differences between them, Xu Yuanzhe loved him, and he loved Xu Yuanzhe. That, to him, was the most fitting.

But just when Yu Yue felt he was about to succeed, the first person to prove him wrong wasn’t Yu Jingnian or Jiang Qian, but Xu Yuanzhe himself.

It was from an unknown day that Yu Yue began to see the silence and occasional concession in Xu Yuanzhe’s eyes.

Initially, Xu Yuanzhe, who would fight for Yu Yue to the bitter end, suddenly started to step back. He no longer promised Yu Yue a future because he felt that they no longer had one. He no longer loved Yu Yue as passionately as before because the fire in his heart seemed to slowly cool down and extinguish, eroded by life and the persistent inequality between them.

And everything reversed.

Now it was Yu Yue who constantly daydreamed about his and Xu Yuanzhe’s future, drawing blueprints in his mind, and the small flame in his heart only burned brighter.

But in the end, he was the only one who burned down to ashes.

…

Seeing Yu Yue’s prolonged silence, it seemed that Jiang Qian understood something.

She said, “Your mom already told you that you won’t live well over there…”

The room fell quiet for a long time.

Yu Yue finally lowered his gaze, gently curved his lips, nodded, and was about to agree, but for some reason, in that moment, he glanced down and saw a notification on his phone. The screen lit up, displaying a picture of the two of them together.

Yu Yue’s eyes suddenly welled with tears in that moment. Despite what Jiang Qian said, he still replied stubbornly, “I’m doing just fine.”

Jiang Qian hadn’t spoken yet, and Yu Yue quickly closed his phone.

He said to Jiang Qian, “But I want to go abroad. I want to study abroad for some time. I’ll handle the formalities to leave in a couple of days.”

Jiang Qian was taken aback.

Yu Yue told Jiang Qian, “So, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’ve already…”

After a slight pause, Yu Yue continued, “I already know I was wrong.”