Qi Wang stepped onto the wooden stairs, which creaked due to their age.

Jiangyang County had been rainy lately, and the wallpaper was a bit damp, with edges slightly curled up, printed with green bamboo branches, and a few spots of mold.

With one hand holding his luggage and the other holding the key, the metal edges of the key dug into his palm, causing it to ache even though it was not sharp.

He stopped at the third floor, in front of room 307.

Outside, the wind and rain swirled, and the corridor was quiet, almost dead silent. The corridor lights were dim and low, with green glass lampshades, casting a dim light on a cheap imitation painting.

Qi Wang remembered all the furnishings in room 307, unchanged from eight years ago.

The rattan lamp still hung by the bed, two single beds placed together with snow-white soft quilts, each with a dark blue pillow.

On the five-drawer cabinet sat a natural-colored vase, with two artificial willow branches inserted askew.

The room was simple and clean, lacking in design aesthetics, but with large bright windows and an open layout, it was still pleasant.

Qi Wang walked in with his suitcase and threw it into the corner of the room before slowly pacing around.

Although the bedroom felt cold and uninhabited, there were traces of life.

He opened the wardrobe and saw several pieces of clothing hanging inside.

The outer two were very familiar, one was a black coat with bronze buttons at the cuffs, and the other was a thin blue down jacket with white fur around the hat, which could cover the face.

Qi Wang stood in front of the wardrobe and reached out to grab a sleeve, as if shaking hands with someone across space.

He recognized them. These were the clothes he had bought for Yu Nian.

That winter when Yu Nian was eighteen, he mistakenly thought Yu Nian was a poor boy working hard, afraid that he didn’t have new clothes, so he dragged him out to buy two winter outfits.

After so many years, he thought these two pieces of clothing might have been thrown away long ago.

But they hung neatly in the inn’s wardrobe, kept clean and new.

The bronze button brushed against Qi Wang’s fingers, its icy touch like a blade.

He looked through the other clothes next to it. There were many pieces, camel-colored cashmere coats, sturdy black windbreakers, embroidered baseball jackets, and even a long flannel robe. Underneath were several pairs of men’s sneakers and boots, cramming the wardrobe full, but none were Yu Nian’s size.

Qi Wang flipped through the label of one of the garments and found they were all XL in size, corresponding to men between 185-190cm tall.

This is his height.

The sleeve slipped from Qi Wang’s hand.

He looked at the wardrobe full of clothes, imagining Yu Nian standing in this room, hanging clothes in the wardrobe.

He didn’t know what Yu Nian was thinking.

For a betrayer.

For someone who betrayed him for fame and fortune, what was Yu Nian’s mood when he rented this bedroom for seven years? Not only that, Yu Nian also carefully prepared so many things, as if…

As if Yu Nian always felt that he would come back at any moment.

This fact hit Qi Wang’s heart hard.

He didn’t close the wardrobe door, just sat on the opposite single bed, staring into space.

He remembered what the landlady had just told him, “That Mr. Yu, he comes to stay for a few days every November and December. I’ve chatted with him a few times. He said he’s waiting for someone to come, but he only said that in the first few years. In the later years, he said he just came back to take a look.”

“But he’s a person who speaks with double meaning, I know that. He always reminded me that if someone named Qi Wang comes to this inn, or if I see this person in Jiangyang County, I must notify him.”

“My inn business is really bad. It should have closed long ago. Mr. Yu gave me some money to keep the inn going until now. He said he was afraid that when you, Mr. Qi, come back, the inn will be gone, and then you will miss it.”

“Year after year, I didn’t expect my inn to last this long. I also didn’t expect that, Mr. Qi, you would really come now.”

When the landlady said this, she quickly and lightly wiped her face with her fingers painted with red nail polish, subtly wiping away a bit of moisture from the corner of her eye.

She was speaking to Qi Wang with a smile, like a warm and considerate landlady chatting with a guest.

But Qi Wang could vaguely feel that she was probably blaming him a little.

After all, he came so late.

This inn stood here, only to welcome him alone, waiting alone for a full eight years.

But he never came.

Qi Wang hung his head by the bed. Before he went upstairs, the landlady called him back.

“Mr. Qi, it’s best to look around the room if you enter. We may have some snacks in the cabinet. Take a look, maybe there’s something you want.”

He suddenly felt something wrong, stood up, and walked to the five-drawer cabinet.

He opened the drawers layer by layer. Indeed, the top two layers were filled with snacks, all of Yu Nian’s favorites, and some painting supplies. But when he reached the bottom layer, it was suddenly empty, except for a red biscuit tin.

It was the snack box for “Morning Ten.”

Qi Wang took out the box, half kneeling on the ground, the hard and uneven floor corner pressed against his knee, causing pain, but he didn’t feel it.

He exerted some force to open the box, his arm stiff in mid-air.

Inside were neatly arranged three letters.

Each letter was sealed with beautiful wax seals, Yu Nian’s handwriting was elegant and graceful, with “Qi Wang, Personal” written on them.

The letters also had dates written on them, respectively 2016, 2018, and 2021.

Qi Wang took out these letters. They had been kept for too long, and the paper seemed a bit fragile, so he handled them with great care.

The cold night wind seemed to seep in through the cracks in the window, but he didn’t turn on the air conditioning, and the room was as cold as an ice cellar.

He looked at the words “Qi Wang, Personal” on the envelopes, faintly feeling like opening a Pandora’s box.

All the years Yu Nian had waited were in these envelopes. Once opened, he could directly touch Yu Nian’s past.

He didn’t know what was inside.

But from the moment he entered this inn, he already vaguely understood that Yu Nian’s eight years of experience were far more tumultuous and painful than what he superficially understood.

Just a few seconds of hesitation, Qi Wang found the earliest letter and tore open the envelope.

The letter was written hesitantly, with many corrections and black marks on the beautiful stationery.

“Qi Wang, today is November 30th again. The day I confessed to you was also November 30th. I’m now staying at the Shanxing Inn in Jiangyang County. It’s very cold outside, and it’s another winter. I’ve seen many tourists here, they also went to the amusement park we visited back then, the mining park, rode the Ferris wheel and bumper cars.

Actually, I shouldn’t have come. Everything here reminds me of you, and I feel very pathetic. Clearly, I’ve been abandoned by you, but I still can’t forget you.”

At this point, Yu Nian’s pen should have paused on the letter, leaving a round drop of ink.

“But I’m just so pathetic.

In the first year after you left me, I was doing quite well. I was preparing my portfolio for school applications, traveling with my friends, watching fireworks on the islands, attending parties. Many people liked me, said nice things to me, made me laugh, and asked me out on dates.

I wanted to agree too, Qi Wang, I wanted to agree too, but I always thought of you.

I would think about where you were, were you studying? Did you get into the school you wanted? Have you met someone new, or do you still remember me?

Embarrassingly, I even went to the gate of C University. I squatted there, watching the students coming in and out one by one, but you weren’t there. I asked them to inquire for me, but they still told me, there’s no one named Qi Wang at C University.

Well, China is too big, there are too many schools, maybe you have other goals, maybe you can’t face me.

But Qi Wang, if you come back to Jiangyang County, can you come find me?

I don’t blame you anymore.”

At this point, there was another crossed-out line, with many corrections.

“I still blame you a little. Am I, as a person, only worth three million and a house to you? Just thinking about it makes me feel like I’m too low in value.

But now I understand. I know you were in a difficult position. My brother and sister must have pressured you, right? They made it difficult for you, and you had no choice but to accept that compensation.”

But now I’m studying abroad, and I’ve also saved up my own little savings.

Qi Wang, I can support you. Will you come find me?

We can still be like before, you can come study with me. I bought a small house in London, with an independent garden and swimming pool, and the neighbors around are also very nice. They even bring snacks to me on weekends.

I’m actually very easy to coax. Just say sorry to me.

I’ll forgive you.”

As he wrote the last few sentences, tears or droplets seemed to have fallen on the paper, and the paper wrinkled dryly, making these lines look somewhat blurry and pitiful.

At the end of the paper, a few more lines were added hastily, the handwriting was much more sloppy.

“You have no idea how miserable I am.

After you left, I waited for you at our house for a month. Maybe it was too cold, I caught a fever and ended up in the hospital. When I lay in bed, I really felt like I never wanted to see you again in my life.

But I couldn’t bear it.”

Yu Nian said, “But I couldn’t bear it.”

Dated 2016.

Qi Wang’s hand trembled slightly, still maintaining his half-kneeling position on the ground. His chest hurt so much that he could hardly breathe, forcing him to bend over, his once rigid spine now curved.

Yu Nian wrote this letter to him in this bedroom. But where was he that year?

He was in distant Switzerland. That year he met Zeng Nanyue, didn’t attend the high school in the county as originally planned, didn’t take the college entrance exam, but left with Zeng Nanyue.

He attended language classes and learned the art of painting with Zeng Nanyue.

Even his name Qi Wang was blurred. In the class he attended, classmates and teachers called him Lidio.

Qi Wang slowly tore open the second letter, dated 2018.

At the beginning, Yu Nian’s handwriting was somewhat messy.

“Qi Wang.

I’m sorry, Qi Wang, I know you didn’t take the money from my brother and sister.

I’m really sorry, I misunderstood you.

I shouldn’t have blamed you like this.

I had a big fight with my brother and sister, and now I’ve run away from home again.

Since I met you, it seems like I’ve always been running away from home, but this time I don’t have you and Boss Song to take me in and take care of me.

A lot has happened in these two years. I’ve been looking for you all the time. My brother and sister finally confessed to me what happened back then, how they pressured you, and said you didn’t actually take the money. I had a lot of conflicts with them, so now I’ve moved out again.

I went to find Song Yunchun too. She told me from the beginning you didn’t even take her red envelope. Your care for me, your feelings for me, were all sincere.

I’m so happy.

But I’m also very sad.

Where did you go, Qi Wang?

I got your address. My brother and sister helped me find out where you went originally, and said you were attending Susong No. 1 Middle School. But when I got to that town, the people at the school said you only attended for two months and then left without notice. No one knows where you went.

I’m really scared now, Qi Wang.

Actually, I’d rather you really cheated me, took the money and ran away, because then you would still have a house and money.

But what do you have now? Where are you wandering, who have you met?

You didn’t continue your studies, didn’t take the college entrance exam, didn’t go to C University.

Even Song Yunchun doesn’t know where you went.

All the contact between you and me has been cut off. We’re truly worlds apart.

Lately, I’ve been having nightmares every night. I dreamed of very bad things. Yesterday, I called the monk of the temple I’m familiar with and made another donation for merit.

If you were here, you would definitely laugh at me. How superstitious I am.

But I have no other choice. I have no other way. I don’t know how to be at ease.

I spend whole days in the temple. I make wishes to Buddha. I wish for you to be well, and I want to reunite with you.

But if I can only choose one wish, I tell Buddha, I want you to be safe first.

As long as you’re safe, I don’t want anything else.

I’m writing this letter in June. I’m staying in this inn in Jiangyang County, and I’ll be here for two months. I really hope that one morning in the garden, while I’m having coffee, you suddenly appear outside the garden. You’ll look at me in surprise, and I’ll immediately fly into your arms.

Let’s never be apart again.

No one can stop us now. I’ve grown up, I can protect you now, Qi Wang.

I beg you, Qi Wang, give me a chance to make my dream come true, come find me sooner, okay?”

These consecutive two letters, like a series of bullets, pierced Qi Wang’s heart one by one.

He almost didn’t dare to open the last two.

He remembered the reunion at the cocktail party, Yu Nian standing under the hazy and swirling lights, looking at him with such coldness.

What turned Yu Nian into this?

He vaguely knew the answer in his heart. Since Yu Nian reunited with him, he had already half guessed the answer.

And now this truth was unfolding before him through a few thin sheets of paper, with only the last puzzle piece missing.

Qi Wang’s chest heaved, his breathing painful, his heart feeling like it had been cut open, as the cold wind continued to pour in.

This small bedroom felt like a vast and dense net, layer upon layer pressing down.

He tore open the last letter and two folded sheets of paper fell out.

“Qi Wang.

It’s 2021 now, and this year is a bit special. I came to Jiangyang County twice.

The first time was on New Year’s Day. I stayed here alone and the landlady didn’t go home either, so we decided to have a New Year’s Eve dinner together. Over the years of knowing her, we’ve become half friends. We set up a hot pot on the balcony, drank and chatted.

She asked me for the first time why I kept waiting for someone who wouldn’t come back. She advised me to be more open-minded and to forgive myself.

I know she meant well, but I didn’t know how to answer.

Actually, I’ve almost lost hope that you’ll come back.

Over the years, I’ve searched through half of China, and even my brother and sister have sent people to help me find you, but I still couldn’t find you.

I heard there’s someone in Yungang County who looks like you, named Qi Wang, at a bar. Even though I knew hope was slim, I still went.

But on the way to find you, there was an accident. When I arrived in that county, the car flipped over and fell into the river. I almost died in that river.

It was so cold.

Qi Wang, it was winter river water. It was the first time I realized how fragile life is. With just a little accident, I might not be here anymore.

I’ve never felt so hopeless before.

I didn’t dare to tell my brother and sister about this, but afterwards, I kept thinking, if I really died, would you know?

For so many years, have you ever thought of coming back to see me?

I’ve been here all along.

I dare not change my phone, I’ve been sending you WeChat messages, as long as you turn around, you can definitely find me.

But you never came back.

Zhang Yunyao said you might have forgotten about me, he looked at me and felt sorry for me.

Actually, I know what he said might be right.

Deep love when young doesn’t necessarily last a lifetime. Over these years, people change, maybe you don’t want to love me anymore, you have a new life, a new lover.

Otherwise, why wouldn’t you come back?

I’ve always been avoiding this question.

A few years ago, I called Song Yunchun once and said I gave up looking for you, but it was just out of anger.

I still really want to see you.

Even if you don’t want me anymore, can we meet once? Just let me see you.

After waiting for you for so many years, I’ve slowly come to understand.

When you left me back then, you had given up on me.

I just refused to admit it.

Actually, I understand you. You, you were someone I forced to stay.

When you left me, you must have made a decision.

You should have still loved me at that time, but you didn’t plan to spend the rest of your life with me.

So for so many years, you never came back to see me.

Actually, I don’t want to love you anymore.

It’s too painful, waiting for an elusive answer, always believing you’ll come back, always thinking we can reunite.

I’ve rehearsed it a million times, what expression I should have when I see you, but I never had the chance to use it.

Actually, I’m very conflicted now.

Yesterday, I dreamed that you encountered something very bad.

When I woke up, I thought, I’d rather you just don’t love me anymore, than you have an accident.

If you really don’t love me, I accept it, you gave up on me, I accept it, as long as you’re safe.

Now thinking about it, that temple where I prayed is really effective.

Because today, I finally saw you.

In a magazine.

It turns out you’re the painter Lidio, you have a new name, you went abroad, so I couldn’t find you.

You became Zeng Nanyue’s student, you’re doing well, you have a degree, achievements, fame.

Turns out it’s not that you couldn’t come back, you just didn’t want to come back.

So be it.

I accept it, when I prayed, I said, as long as you’re safe, I don’t ask for anything else.

Recently, I watched Titanic again.

I’ve never been as strong as Rose.

But Qi Wang, Rose can accept new love, accept a new life, because she knows Jack will never come back.

But I’m not.

I’ve never been able to let go of you, I don’t know life or death for you, I always hold onto the hope that you’ll come back.

Actually, before I knew you hadn’t accepted that money, I seemed to be calmer than I am now.

I thought you always had money.

Later, knowing you didn’t accept it, I always worried you’d encounter something bad.

I worried if you went to university smoothly, if you met kind people.

So I hated myself very much, I once thought I was despicable, I dragged you into this, started a relationship with you, and then failed to protect you.

This thought tormented me for many years, but it should have balanced things out a bit.

I let you have an unhappy first love, and you made me restless for six years.

But today, I finally let myself go.

It turns out you’re doing fine.

You never came back, just because from the beginning, you gave up on me.

Then I’ll respect your decision.

I’ll still keep this room.

I’ll keep it until one day, the landlady doesn’t want to run it anymore, and this inn is bulldozed.

Maybe it’s really that we’re destined but not fated.

I don’t know how long it’ll take me to forget you.

But I’ll try.

Just like the ending you arranged for me, I’ll try to forget you as much as possible.

Following the path you and my brother and sister chose for me, meeting new people, having my own career, and living happily ever after.”

As he wrote this last sentence, Yu Nian’s pen left a long mark on the paper, as if his wrist was trembling too much to continue.

But this time, there were no tears on the paper.

It was as if this long wait had drained him of all his blood, and he couldn’t cry anymore.

Qi Wang gently folded the paper, he couldn’t bear to look at another word.

The cold rain outside tapped against the eaves one by one. In the quiet night, the whole Jiangyang County was silent, with only a few distant barks.

This was the beginning of the Lunar New Year, a new year, but in this small bedroom, it seemed unable to bring any joy.

There was only endless coldness and despair.

Qi Wang raised his head, tears falling from the corners of his eyes, turning from warm to cold.

He had always thought that the most painful time in his life was eight years ago when he was forced to part with Yu Nian.

But now he knew that the malice of fate was far more than that.

His hand gently dropped, holding the blue letter paper at the end.

There was a line, very light and faint, a sentence crossed out by a black line.

“I won’t wish you all the best anymore, I’ve said too much over the years, let’s just leave it this time.”

He didn’t want to wish Qi Wang all the best.

But in the end, he crossed out that sentence too.

^[1]Author’s Note:

This section can be considered a very important chapter in the outline. After many revisions, it was finally decided to present it in the form of a letter.